Softly, falling snowflakes dance around us, a whimsical trance subtle scents of winter's breath mingling with the promise of new life's depth — with our eyes locked, chests beating as one, the world around us a hazy vision spun, fingers interlace, a tender silent tongue, nervous mamihlapinatapai — die cast roll as we both lean in, anticipations herald jejune as we brush, ineffable warmth from within — core of the sun, bodies numb.
Memento Mori-bund relived phantasmagoric,
somnambulantly — dice read sweven.
*teardrops goodbye*
A bigger bite of life
for a hunger meant to last
Insatiable inherence
starvation my repast
Partaking of tomorrow
in dreams of future feasts
Anticipations banquet
—where ravenous I eat
(Dreamsleep: September, 2023)
ANTICIPATIONS
with
apprehensive
contrasts
in
sombre
glimpses
totally
themselves
&
so
necessary
to survive
disquiet
made
manifest
in
venerable
tradition
an
intensity
emulated
with
hypnotic
fixity
a
considered
significance
evident
&
perceptible
with
an
indicative
corrective
descending
an
embarked
inclination
It seems to make a difference
when my personal
sadly mortal lifespan
unfolds a lively competition
against time
for lonely win/lose
0-sum expectations
Shared by individual EarthTribe species
unfolding a cooperative
win/win NonZero soulistic
eternal co-arising inside/outside,
contextually valued time
for cooperative
co-empathic lovely anticipations
reconnecting peak experience
transubstantiation
Which feels like rather too much to ask
and yet not enough
for deep sacred learning
sufficiently
efficiently
win/lose 0-sum
LeftBrain dominating
solidarity's resolve
with a solid Yes or No,
a simple Fast or Slow
individualistic anthroprivileged answer
to competing questions
When I am gone,
in winter's timeless hibernation,
what will you be doing
with this sanctifying place
in time's healing space
refueling mortal rememory?
When you peer here
in summer's eternal play
what could I begin feeling
in such sadly glad sanctifying
pre-winterizing grace
In spacious golden
compassioned imaginations,
thoughtfully rebuilt
green cooperative restorations
Softening fear of sacred matriarchal loss
and not enough attention
Anger's trauma scars
replaced with AnthroHope
we might, one day,
receive EarthMother's
health and safe wealth dope
honorable midsummer mention
Fair-weathered
and rich-soiled
divinely humane
transtheistic rooted
polyvagal neuro-systemic structure
rebooted
Bilaterally reset
to sacred indigenous Win/Win
summer/winter
anticipating souls.
Initially,
He gave me the feeling of equality.
Finally, the inequality was obvious.
In my eyes,
He portrayed authority and strength.
In my heart,
He was a sad symbol of weakness.
After giving one's best,
Expectations are high,
And excitement is the feeling.
After giving one's all,
Anticipations are expected,
And you are ready to deal.
Ready to deal with opportunity;
Ready to demonstrate your potential;
Ready to navigate toward your own destiny.
But when one's best is not enough;
And one's all does not mean qualified;
And the demographics are out of line;
And it's not worth the fight or the pout.
It means it's time to move on and out.
Because the future associated with
The entity is not well-suited for you.
Within a few weeks, I felt rejected again.
But because my life is not based on a feeling,
Again, I rose up to rebuild because my life is
Built on the much firmer foundation of faith.
020723PSCtest, I Felt Like. Charles Messina.2P
I try not to speak
ahead of feeling certain
I have something of health value
to wealth contribute
in this our neuro-sensory Commons.
Yet, more curiously significant
for our cooperative longterm resilience
as an EarthTribe communing species
I hope to deeply
and widely listen
for ambiguous
paradoxical
uncomfortably nuanced
and complex emergent feelings
becoming anxious anticipations
and creatively stressed
polycultural examinations
polytheistic aspirations
Inspirations
we each
and all together
have complex relationships
for healthy win/win values,
against unhealthy lose/lose disvalues,
and unresolved win/lose misvalues
To co-invest in integral
synergetic
healthy energetic wealth
of positive co-empathic
whole holonic
holy systemic
root soul transbinary relationships
Within EarthTribe's full
holistic
graceful win/win
verbal and nonverbal
speaking and listening
secular and sacred
win/lose and win/win
community
Communications
of bilaterally co-empathic
deep learning
trauma-freeing
eco-cooperative communicators.
Introversion explores an isolated ego voice
While extra-relational versions
speak a more complex eco-political choice
of historic context
embedded in sensory feelings
positively healthy memories
and those more negatively traumatic,
wealth stealing
And those stuck in in-between
and/or not negatively aptic
unresolved non-synaptic
not clearly either elastic
or emotively spastic
Win grace
or lose life's race,
true or false,
attractive
or repugnant face
Awaiting evolution's revolutionary cycle
slowly turning toward resolution
full and/or empty,
enlightening dark ego inside fears
and traumatic angers,
empowering memories of past dismembering
anticipations deeper even than anxious despair
for lack of active healthy wealth
rather than emotional constipation.
Monotheistic egos
evolving toward panentheistic
win/win living organic ecosystems
of EarthTribe immortal
inside nature as also HolySpirit out
not not polynomial
balanced wu-wei polypathic
polymathic Tao.
We may live far apart from each other;
We may be physically not there;
But things did never overshadow;
Our love keeps the glow.
Hold on to our dreams, baby;
Hold on to the nights;
This feeling deep inside is so strong;
I know, we both belong.
Oh, it's a burning desire;
Come, lit the fire;
Let us forget all the fears;
We'll live to the anticipations after all of these years.
Hold on to our love, Dear;
Hold on baby;
Affectionately, we've gotten a reason to go on;
I know our love can make it through.
Sooner or later, we'll be in each other's arms;
Feeling, indulging love charms;
And one sweet day, I'll whisper in your ear;
I really miss you and I love you so much Dear!
We do not listen
or learn,
sing
or dance easily
when we do not feel safe
When we are not sure we can trust
the voices not speaking and listening
with us,
but speaking over us,
around us,
against us,
beyond us,
without apparently caring about us
Our Lose/Lose
through Win/Lose
neurosystemic imaginations
are triggered by toxic anxieties
Trauma anticipations
infilling vast lands
and oceans
of omnipresent win/win uncertainty,
win/lose insanity
Reinforced by capital investment
and patriarchal LeftBrain dominance
in our would-be deeply green
sacred GaiaFeminist
compassionate listening
learning dialogue
in-between cooperative thought
and compassionate feelings
Longing for healthier
safer
more resonant
and resilient
educational support systems
Engendering the robust trust
that builds
and maintains healthy democratic
nonviolent communication
for restoring EarthJustice
inside/outside classrooms.
crazy sanity
excited placidness
terrible wonderfulness
enthusiastically down
mountainous nothingness
unexpected anticipations
insanely normal
conscientiously uncaring
empathetic bullying
horrible kindnesses
guilty innocence
joyful depression
bipolar normalcy
conflicted understandings
crawling highs
maniacal lows
Poetry…
an endeavor of disturbing
contradictions
A recording of restless
anticipations
—and lasting treasure
(The New Room: November, 2021)
earnest romantic
renewal
in perspective
a
search
for paradise
an idealisic paradise
solitude&
community
a dream
of a new start
a visual sublime
interpretation
a loss of meaning
in crystallised visions
anticipations
of
irony
nature night& dreams
elemental forces
in solitude
craving for
identity
longing for
liberty
in
synthesis of symbolic
fantasies
a utopia
in an
irony of abstraction
(Digging My Own Grave Series)
To rest.
To rest me.
To rest you.
To rest my I.
To rest my eyes.
To rest my beliefs.
To rest my opinions.
To rest my judgments.
To rest my expectations.
To rest my idea of prayer.
To rest my weak innocence.
To rest my needs and my wants.
To rest my obligations to all others.
To rest my speech of all words spoken.
To rest my case in the light of my living.
To rest my worries and all my anticipations.
To rest the heat of my affections and my anger.
To rest my-song of my compliments and complaints.
To rest my hearing of all words read, seen, and heard.
To rest my mobility to do anything at all towards everything.
To rest my-breath of my existence unto the fold of non-existence.
To rest my importance because only all other things in life are vital.
To rest my anxiety to control others in my life, permitting them to be free of me.
To rest each day as if the seventh day is to yield my soul and to my heart be true
I drive me crazy
- there's no hiding or help
for dark self distrust.
Frightening whispers
are like a levied tax of
doubt about my choices.
Anticipations
dulled on anxieties rough shore
- best to keep them deep.
Related Poems