Funny Adult Poems | Examples
These Funny Adult poems are examples of Adult poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Adult Funny poems written by international poets.
Once seeing
Heart seeking
May 06/2023
By Alfonso Warally Ngengethe
Mussabwa Chris
Nawty There
How can I address you properly?
You can't take off my dress
You nawty child
You've gotten her pregnant!
Get out of this house now
He was pulling one off
And pulled a muscle
It was a power shaft
She always upsets him
Only coz she loves him
The concept of time
Meant nothing when fecking
They worked as pilots
For the Arkansass National Guard
On day one, Chloe, Bob’s darling new bride, had a little “Bob to-do-list”,
His spanking new in-laws, the Fortners had one also, as this was their little miss.
Sex was out, as Bob was too busy and hardly had time for a kiss.
He ran away from them in six days, unconsummated, with barely a hiss.
Chloe learned where he was, and followed her Bob to his Montana lair.
A pretty cabin set deep in the mountains, which sometimes lured a raccoon or bear.
They were happy a week, these frolicking lovers, sweet nights, in their cozy den.
Until one horrible, awful, day, when the Fortners pulled up; they had followed them!
Those crafty newlyweds sneaked away from her folks in the middle of the night,
A loud grizzly growl stopped them in their car, giving Chloe quite a fright.
The bear came out of the cabin, big and proud, he had eaten her mom and dad.
What started out as the best honeymoon week of his life, was the worst now Bob had ever had.
I tried to buy you lilies
but I couldn't see it through,
so I ran off to Ann Summers
for a naughty toy or two.
I tried to buy you orchids
but I felt a little shy,
so left to buy some Vaseline,
and products from KY.
I tried to buy you daisies
but I came out in a rash,
so ran off to the sex shop
for a little 'po*no' stash.
I tried to buy you roses
but I blushed and went bright red,
so I rushed off to the chemist
for some Durex packs instead.
I tried to buy you flowers
but I never had much luck.
At least I've got the other things,
if we want to have a ...
flipping good night in.
From my book 'A Floristry of Palpitations'
There is something about me that people find hard to construe.
I'm only eleven years old even though I was born in 1972.
Because I was born on February the 29th, I only have a birthday once every four years.
I am the only eleven year old in my town who is able to legally vote and drink beer.
When people hear that I'm eleven, they send their kids to play with me but it's something they soon regret.
When the parents see me, they think I'm a bad influence because their kids see me drinking and smoking cigarettes.
But smoking has caused me some health problems that almost made me croak.
I'm the only eleven year old in the world who has had a heart attack and a stroke.
(This is a fictional poem.)
Imagination is free
Take the Happy Choice Ride
Set all else aside
Without a should or ought
Pick your happiest thought.
Imagination is free
A no fee happiness spree
Attend The Smile Resort where fun is a sport
You can do strange things so merrily
It's only for you; no one else can see.
Imagination is free
A happiness only zone
Only unconditional love is known
Let pure silliness be shown
Funny clothing custom sewn.
Imagination is free
Act jerkily and do not care
No one will ever stare
Take a stroll to Euphoric Square
Have yourself a ball over there.
DOWNTOWN WHERE GIRLS DANCE ON POLES
FOR A PRICE THEY’LL BARE THEIR SOULS
THEY’LL SIT ON YOUR LAP
YOU’LL GO FAP FAP FAP
UNTIL YOU LOOSE YOUR CONTROL
I ONCE MET A MAN IN ****
WHO’S TOOL WAS BIGGER THAN CORN
NO TWITTER NOR BLOG
THEY CALLED HIM HEDGEHOG
HE HUFFED PUFFED AND BLEW HIS OWN HORN
It's my turn to burn the turkey this year.
We'll all drink too much and end up in tears.
Relatives we love and those we hate
Will all show up, there'll be a debate.
Cranberry sauce or Cranberry jelly?
Would serve them all right if I didn't serve any.
At least one item I love will be broken.
At least one thing said should not have been spoken.
We'll start with compliments, lies of course,
Sing off key, laugh till we're hoarse.
Try to keep the arguing down to a dull roar.
Watch out for Uncle Harold, the man is a boor.
The children are the best behaved of the lot.
Uncle Harold's now loaded, the man is a sot.
Would everyone please just sit down and eat
And why does everyone want the white meat?
Two more glasses of wine and I will get through it.
Next year it's Mexico. Family? ..Well screw it.
*
Purely fictional, meant in humor , please take it as it is, a joke
The judge had slammed his gavel
To quiet the noisy crowd
For when the man had risen
The room got way too loud
The sentence must be handed
To satisfy the crime
So now the man is fated
To give ten years of time
It seems the pig he’d stolen
Belonged ole Deke Brown
He is the biggest drunk
In this God forsaken town
Deke Brown in fact was married
For twenty years this day
But forgot to get a present
For his mind had slipped away
See, now his wife is ornery
And wants someone to pay
So the man who stole the pig
Will soon now rue the day
His punishment is ten years
Yet, not in jail, do tell
He must now do her bidding
Looks like ten years now in hell
For Ole Ms Brown’s a biggun
And has her own pig ways
She just ain’t that particular
Of the men with whom she lays
So now this suffering convict
Was doomed as verdict read
For truth be known, the pig he stole
Was the one who shared her bed
His ten years now of prison
Starts on the day the Browns wed
While Mr Brown gets drunk again
The convict’s there in bed
Men are strong of the body, you’ll find
Stressing an importance of their size
While women, gentler and fairer, too
Can still overpower us guys
They have this thing, a power, I’d say
To control, manipulate and win
Yet, they let us think it’s us that control
When it really happens to be them
Their batting eyelashes, even their smarts
As their brains far surpassed ours
Is enough to drive us all fetal posing
Experiencing the worst of their powers
They can have us do anything at anytime
They get us to do all their bidding
They have it all over us, they really do
Of this, I am not kidding
For we can work hard, achieve all our goals
But if the right woman were to cross your path
All of your riches, your home, your dreams
You’d have to share, for yours would not last
But this now I say, it’s perfect this way
Just learn to accept and expect
Because to love them, is truly the best
As they get us to stand then erect
no
i want to be in the dark
clearly my thoughts and words have no bearing
so why should i say a
word to you
huh?
my opinion...you
a word of wisdom from me you seek
really...
gasp!!!
an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy I just received
"I'D like to thank God for blessing me with a...brain!"
you actually believe i can think....
are you sure?
will it change the image...
do you hear an actual person...an adult
5'11"...and still a child....