I left the curtains open for you
Just in case you decide to visit
If you ever decide you want to see how things are going,
I left the curtains open for you.
If you ever want to see how far I’ve come since we last spoke
I left the curtains open for you
The curtains are always open
But the window is locked.
And so is the door
I don’t want you to come back in
I didn’t want you to know you were welcome
The curtains are always open
Even though I doubt you’ll ever pass by the window.
Futile flippant,
rules and obscure,
mousetrap pitfalls,
scurrilous lure,
to faze green novice,
unsuspecting candidate,
contestant sworn to zeal,
might pause when enjoined,
to allow one’ s muse,
lithe elastic scope,
supple latitude,
without reckless reign,
or barren folly,
however cunning ploys,
lay-by lurk dithers,
yet without prior notice,
draws, dupes, deceives,
but these are caveats,
when stricture is,
shrouded in vague,
plumes of hazed,
thin veiled hair-split,
one stumbles
and fumbles over,
whilst glazed glance,
skips blindly over,
cues, clues, clause,
tip-offs to
shady motives,
motifs! ulterior.
An Oathbound lil child
Chasing dreams wild
Unflappable in stress
Still has to deal with mess
And that mess is me
Still yearns for you to fly not flee
Imperfections meet perfections
My heart knows, you take actions
Blindness takes me over
But can't see you hover
All your hurt to me and my fortune to you
You made my love come true
My beloved enchanted
Never took you for granted
Alas! My heart is fragile
And you're a little more agile
I took it as a curse
In quiet measures it got worse
I was stuck in that black hole
Darkened with every role
But why would I let my mishandling make you suffer?
Between you and your dreams, a buffer
Your life quietly aligns
Amid me and my whines
But but but, it all got unraveled
When I made my pieces together travelled
And then comes a wave of rapture
Dew kissed my heart capture
My heart aches for all the soreness I gave thee
But now these scars sets free.
All the misfortune and evil eyes flee
And again our soul sparks glee.
I'm laying here tonight
In the bed we used to share
Looking at your side hurts
Without you it's so bare
I pull your pillow close to me
But you scent is gone too
As tears roll down my face
My heart breaks again missing you
It hurts a little extra knowing
You leaving is because of me
This burden I'll carry forever
I deserve all this misery
I don't deserve happiness
That fact should be known
I deserve this life of regret
That I'll forever spend alone
Perhaps I'll Know Your Love
Perhaps the light of day comes with a golden ray,
to push the heavy shadows to the side...
Just let me come on home.
Let me finally unload this pain.
Perhaps you'll look past these scars...
and the tears I try so hard to hide,
emotions of a weary soul
hurting deep inside.
Perhaps a life will have love,
not pretending to be...
Every word rolls off the tongue
to carry me, or pull me to your side.
Perhaps someday these pieces will mend,
with reaching arms that can hold
this fragile love that we know.
Perhaps someday my smile no longer fades,
or falls exhausted by my side...
screaming I'm alright.
Perhaps I write these words of love,
praying that you will finally see
the love I've held for you...
Perhaps, someday, I won't pretend to be someone you knew.
Perhaps, someday, you'll love me too.
Debra
You came into my life
like a hunger I never knew I had,
and somehow
I began craving something
I could never have.
There was something beautiful
about the danger in you,
something I knew
I should stay away from,
yet still found myself
walking closer.
Maybe I saw myself in you.
The darkness,
the loneliness,
the parts we keep hidden
behind a smile.
You were never mine,
but somehow
you left pieces of yourself
inside me.
And now I wonder—
was I drawn to you
because you were different,
or because you carried
the same emptiness
I had been trying to hide?
Maybe some people
are not meant to stay.
Maybe they're only meant
to awaken something in us,
then leave us
to deal with the hunger
they created.
And if that's what you were—
I still don't regret
meeting you.
Senescence ongoing
Biological to the core
Cellular and systemic
Even genes mutate
Creeps in on you
Like a thief at night
Movement deliberate
Your thoughts too
The new kids run
Outpacing you
The final stretch
Never ending
Energy flagging
Redeemed by love
Unconditional and true
As you kick to the end
Over the years, looking across the tables at you
ambiance may change
meals range from simple
to aromas meandering tropical islands
roaming ports of call in far-off lands
the little Diner of long ago
caught in a torrential downpour
afterwards the petrichor aura
riding home with you
there remains that infrangible moment
when your tableware searches for another morsel
caught up in a moment intent
looking up, your eyes meet mine
a Duchenne smile adorned by doves perching
upon the Cupid's bow you wear
the moment i am reminded
reaching across the table
the oxytocin in touching your hand
rainbows are forever
Eugene 8/25/26
Do you feel it in your spirit?
Whether it’s a gift
an answer to a prayer
or something that only you would know
and God
He is the creator and the fulfiller
All in one
Whatever you need
He is right there
Make a request
Do supplication
Make your wishes known to God
Do you think He already knows it?
Why do You think He wants you to bring it to Him?
To test that you really want it
And it is not something that you just think it
Make your supplications known to Him
Okay?
Did the Bible say that?
Philippians 4:6 (KJV)
“… in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known unto God”
So you see it’s not only me who said that
But God too
thousand years ago
Has it been that long?
Seems like yesterday
Yeah you just read it
Anyhow
Do you believe God answers prayers?
That is for me to know
And for you to find out hehe
Or did you know already?
Thoughts and feelings written in words….how powerful you are
I vent, you listen, you stay silent….without opinion
No expectations, no judgement, no disappointment
Readily available….you are one in a million!
In the shadows of the night, I dare to dream,
to be your number one, Your love supreme.
However our reality is a different tale,
You hate me, and I’m left with a heart pierced with a nail
In your eyes, I’m just a name,
a person you want to burn in flames.
I’m the ghost that haunts ur space,
the one you wish you could erase.
In the shadows, I’ll forever stay,
loving you silently, day by day.
My heart beats for you, my soul feels the pain,
of loving someone who will never love me the same.
You’re the sun, I’m the moon,
two celestial bodies, forever out of tune.
But still I dream of you, of what could never be,
a love that’s doomed from the start, yet still it’s all I see.
I wish to be ur number one, ur guiding light
but you hate me and I’m left in endless night.
I’ll hold on to the hope, that one day you’ll see,
the love I have for u, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll love me.
Just so you're aware I'll tell you
It's you my heart will always choose
I still believe what we had was magical
And something too precious to lose
I cannot believe that we're done forever
Don't you desire what we were too
Ask yourself and your heart will answer
What we had is too angelic to be through
How is it you wonder I still love you
Even after all the hell we went through
There were bad times but remember the good
My heart longs for those moments with you
I miss you in ways I can't explain
A piece of me is missing without you here
My love is greater than I ever knew
What I couldn't see it before is now clear
I wish I had the chance to show you
And I truly hope someday that I will
If you decide you need our love again
I will be right here waiting loving you still
A DEDICATION TO MY GODSON CARLETON
What can I say, when I received news that you
had gone to be with our Lord.
I called you, but you didn’t respond.
I asked our Lord many times to make a change
in your life, but I didn’t expect this.
My only hope was that I was a good influence
in your life, and that you felt you could depend on me.
I hate to see you go this way, but it seems
to have been the only
choice, if you can call it a choice.
I will miss you terribly.
So long, my dear Carleton.
I will always love you.
No more pretending
try understanding
what you mean to me
Nobody else knocking
nothing needs unlocking
you are my need
Got nothing but time
you got me in a bind
love me
Listen to your heart
don't break us apart
look and see
We are meant for each other
we're to damage for another
trust me
Hold me please
and love me
I wanna
I wanna
love you (my baby)
I wanna, I wanna love you (my baby)
I wanna. I wanna love you (my baby)
What's on your mind
risking borrow time
don't leave
We are one another
it is us no others
believe
I wanna, I wanna love you (my baby)
I wanna, I wanna love you (my baby)
I wanna
I wanna
love you...
This was mine to hold
now it rests within your hands
take it where you choose
I release the reins to you
yet my fingerprints remain.
I leave you the key
hanging from an iron chain
let your will decide
which way and when to turn it
you know which way I would go.
I have said enough
old advice has stained the page
my will has faltered
I can't unring the bronze bell
nor choose which echoes to wake.
The secret has flown
once my tongue unlatched its cage
two shadows now fall
one behind the mouth that spoke
one before the ear that heard.
Freedom bruises hands
when offered in heavy chains
gift-wrapped as free will
demanding they themselves choose
what each cannot bare to lose.
I pass the ember
hand to hand in stark silence
none can keep the flame
alight abandoned in shame
when both wills are disowned.
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