was that a whoopee cushion?
I tried to blame it on the dog, even though I lifted two inches.
No one believed me, because I am gassier than all of the others.
No one likes to eat beans as much as I do.
Kidney bean salad, chili bean soup, refried beans on chips
pork and beans, baked beans, lima beans, pinto beans.
I never met a bean I did not like
A jury duty summons
Yay! Whoopee!
Said no person every
I have received five in the last thirteen years.
Got my latest one yesterday.
Why me?
Why not? The jury duty goddess replies.
Timing is great.
First day I go back to work. Whoopee!
An horseshoe should bring you good luck
Although it is covered in muck
The horse may go lame
But you're not to blame
Your mother-in-law-needs a buck
When he was two
they said they were through
since he was all
that they could stand.
Cry and rant, soil his pants,
there was nothing they could do.
They prayed for the day
when he'd go away
and leave them to their peace.
But that day was far away
as if in some distant dream.
Now it's 2 AM
and once again,
he starts to wail and shriek.
Their patience's worn thin
but look lovingly at him
as he finally goes to sleep.
And they foolishly think
things will get better next week,
perhaps 3 is better than 2.
Okay you nice people, now listen to me
Been around quite a while, I'm a smart retiree
This guy should know
To small stuff say tallyho
It sure doesn't matter a sweet whoopee
© Jack Ellison 2015
What does it mean “making whoopee” my sweet
Is it some kind of fancy new dessert, a new treat
Really like to try some
Sounds like fun
Can we give it a shot, if I promise to be discreet
© Jack Ellison 2015
Holidays are all the same
Three days off
No one to blame
All day long you sit alone
Waiting by the friggin phone
Families no longer there
Others really just don't care
You wonder where your friends all go
They clearly don't want you in tow
Paraders all march down the street
Later on they'll meet to eat
For you there's really nothing finer
Then sitting at the local diner
Other folks just talk and eat
A counter seat is just your treat
Finished with some lousy sweet
Thankfully there comes the night
Another day just out of sight
Better check the next big date
Just another day to hate
Holidays are all the same
Three days off
No one to blame
All day long you sit alone
Waiting by the friggin phone
Families no longer there
Others really just don't care
You wonder where your friends all go
They clearly don't want you in tow
Paraders all march down the street
Later on they'll meet to eat
For you there's really nothing finer
Then sitting at the local diner
Other folks just talk and eat
A counter seat is just your treat
Finished with some lousy sweet
Thankfully there comes the night
Another day just out of sight
Better check the next big date
Just another day to hate
Pumpkin Pie at our table
Tasty treat divine
Stir sugar, eggs, cinnamon,
Cardamom, lemon
Yummy crust whoopee
Gobbled with
Glee!
For this Thankgiving, I give such thanks to Poetry Soup and all the talented feeling poets and all the warm generous wonderful new friends that have suddenly entered my life!
I bought my wife a whoopee cushion
It makes a funny noise
Like a night around the camp fire
With me and some of the boys
Now I can't say what sound it makes
But it kinda rhymes with heart
Eat some beans and you'll figure it out
'Cause I know you're just that smart
Now, she doesn't know I bought it
That's mean, but it's just too funny
If you could see the look on her face
You'd know why I spent the money
Everytime she tries to sit down
The dog will point and run
Again, I know that it's mean
I'm sorry, but it's too much fun
One of these days she's gonna catch me
As I squeeze to my delight
That's when I'll be sleeping outside
With the dog, on some cold night