A half hour ago they were eight,
For the attention of Adult Males Fighting;
Now, it is worrisomely late,
And not a credible single sighting!
No compromises with the venereal disease-parading,
As every loose Eve is sensibly upgrading …
But the clearly-bent-by-age,
Are as clearly out of it:
If one should with The Wizened open a page
One is in Satan’s personally dug pit
It not being all about receipt of asked bills,
But also about a man not supported with staff,
For no real Eve barricades herself from thrills,
Many going for it, not by a half …
Not quite the hour to start freeing tears
But some moment to entertain normal fears;
Customer – Starved Prostitutes,
Bent on not being mixed up with Destitute!
Beaverish, feverish
hot Mrs. Cleaver wished
that her affair had not
given her clap.
Fast Eddie Haskell, her
boy-toy, that rascal, his
transmissibility
claims were all crap.
“Tickle me, pickle me,
say it’s not true, for if
you have the clap then I
must have it too!”
Doctors prescribed her some
anti-microbials,
Ward soon found out that she
had been untrue.
Beaver was curious,
Ward was so furious,
fake news of Eddie’s lewd
films made him snap.
“June, you’re so sensible,
incomprehensible,
that you could fall for that
con-artist’s crap!”
Friskiness, riskiness,
ratings were rising, but
not so surprising they
cancelled the show.
Frightened by content too
radiological,
sponsors said “Beaver” was
not apropos.
The alternative Saga
Eric the brave Viking
could pillage a village all by himself
rape every woman regardless of age.
In Franken land, he got a venereal disease
Which he spread wide and far?
But hi, he was a Viking and couldn`t care less.
He led several Viking ships and headed
for the Med, but he met Arabs fighter and lost
Later converted to Islam. After many years
He reached Jerusalem where he met others from his country
and joined them on the way home, but when they heard
he was a Muslim they threw him overboard
in the straight between Morocco and Spain,
and so ended the life of a brave Viking.
Neighborhood rapists look at you from a distance
Twisted degenerates filled with poison in the mind
Drooling from the mouth, big and fat and limping
A cast on the ugly leg, fornicators, scratching private parts
They want to take trees by the trunk and love them
Holding the branches back to offend
To seduce their roots too
If a knot is not available they will drill a hole
They don't wear prophylactics
As they are not subject to venereal disease
We can only pray for a tree infection
When neighborhood rapists are through with trees
They move on to shrubbery
Some bushes fight back with thistles and thorns
Be forewarned, perverts come in all shapes and forms
An abomination to nature
* Authors note: (My apologies to anyone who is offended or sensitive to this subject in any way shape or form. Rape is not a joke. It is a brutal crime and the worst of all crimes against humanity.) I hope you enjoy the poem for its silliness and entertainment intent.
Germs on Your Money
By Elton Camp
Who can know where your money has been
Was stuffed into shorts at a male stripper den
Or the prostitute stuffed it away safely hid
As the of Venereal Disease John she got rid
Oh, you say my money’s never been such places
But still, of germs and viruses it may have traces
Actually, of careful studies there have been few
And more are needed to know what is really true
In 1972, the AMA studied both coins and bills
Their findings could easily enough give chills
On 13 percent of coins, harmful germs were found
And 42 percent of bank notes also had them around
A University of California study is cause for care,
Finding Staphylococcus aureus and E. coli there
Making it even worse, pathogens such as these
Come from nasal mucus and from human feces
But to cause disease, even threats like those
Require that we scratch our eyes or our nose
Mother knew the best bet for us to stay well
“Always wash your hands,” is what she’d tell.
I give advice that helps people get out of relationships that are bad.
When my advice gets you dumped, you will be grateful and glad.
The best way to get dumped is to go three months without bathing.
Your companion will bust down the door to get away because you'll be scathing.
Another good way to get dumped is by picking your nose.
If that doesn't work, ask them to take off their clothes.
A sure way to get dumped is to say that you have herpes.
Nothing makes a person run faster than a venereal disease.
It's awful when we have bad relationships that we're stuck in.
But if you take my advice, you will be single again.
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