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Leave It To Beaver: the Last Episode

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Submitted January 7, 2021 for the “Double Dactyl (Win For Paid Membership) Poetry Contest” sponsored by William Kekaula. First Place.

Beaverish, feverish hot Mrs. Cleaver wished that her affair had not given her clap. Fast Eddie Haskell, her boy-toy, that rascal, his transmissibility claims were all crap. “Tickle me, pickle me, say it’s not true, for if you have the clap then I must have it too!” Doctors prescribed her some anti-microbials, Ward soon found out that she had been untrue. Beaver was curious, Ward was so furious, fake news of Eddie’s lewd films made him snap. “June, you’re so sensible, incomprehensible, that you could fall for that con-artist’s crap!” Friskiness, riskiness, ratings were rising, but not so surprising they cancelled the show. Frightened by content too radiological, sponsors said “Beaver” was not apropos.

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John Watt

Date: 1/25/2022 1:57:00 PM

Eric, belated kudos to you for your top win for this amazingly constructed, incredibly funny entry, made all the more humorous by knowing how clean-cut and straight-laced those 50's and 60's TV shows were. Eddie Haskell was perhaps the prototype of the 60's youth movement with his predisposition to raise hell buried beneath his "you look lovely today, Mrs Cleaver... is Wallace home?" veneer. Well done, going in my faves.

Eric Cohen
Date: 1/25/2022 8:26:00 PM

Thanks, John. This form is difficult, at least for me, but I had a lot of fun with it. Couldn't think of a way to get Wally and Lumpy into the picture, though.

Jan Allison

Date: 3/6/2021 4:59:00 PM

omg this is SO hilarious I have tears of laughter, many congrats on your win Eric, Im adding this to my faves:-) hugs Jan x

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/6/2021 8:55:00 PM

Thanks so much, Jan. Glad you stopped by and enjoyed this one. Fan of yours, by the way. ~Eric

Paghunda Zahid

Date: 3/6/2021 8:39:00 AM

Congratulations on your win

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/6/2021 3:03:00 PM

Thank you, Paghunda.

Suzette Richards

Date: 3/5/2021 11:44:00 PM

congratulations on your win with this hilarious entry, Eric.

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/6/2021 3:04:00 PM

Thanks for stopping by and the kind words, Sus.

Wendy Watson

Date: 3/5/2021 6:57:00 AM

I'm so pleased to see this at the top of the list, Eric and look forward to reading many more of your future gems. Your rhythmic flow is a delight to the inward ear.

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/5/2021 3:36:00 PM

Likewise, Wendy. Please see my comment on your masterful entry. ~Eric

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 3/5/2021 6:52:00 AM

I laughed and laughed. :)) Congratulations on the win Eric! Linda

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/5/2021 3:35:00 PM

Thanks, Linda. Glad you enjoyed.

Hilo Poet

Date: 3/5/2021 3:01:00 AM

My heartfelt appreciation for your participation and you have my compliments on your 1st Place win. I will post your Lifetime Membership on 2021 March 9th, lest during the interim, I receive your soupmail instructing me to do otherwise. Aloha my friend!

Eric Cohen
Date: 3/5/2021 3:32:00 PM

Wow, I am very grateful, William. Thanks for sponsoring this contest and your consideration. I had a lot of fun on this one, my first in this difficult form. Of course, I am very happy for the membership in PS, which I enjoy. All the best. ~Eric

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 2/16/2021 7:44:00 AM

WOW!!! I am still laughing. So funny. Have a blessed day writing away............

Eric Cohen
Date: 2/16/2021 10:14:00 AM

So glad you enjoyed, Paula. I think we all can use a smile. Thanks for the visit and comments.

Gershon Wolf

Date: 1/28/2021 7:17:00 PM

Oh, Ward! Have you seen my Beaver?! -- I think that was the very line which cancelled the show. ~ Fast Eddie H. (May he rest in peace)

Eric Cohen
Date: 2/2/2021 6:43:00 PM

I think that line was accompanied by an (anachronistical) MC Hammer song, "U Can't Touch This."

Wendy Watson

Date: 1/9/2021 11:46:00 AM

Eric, I can only imagine that despite so many readers, you have possibly not received a comment due to the rather unsavoury flavour of the subject matter! but as regards the flow and rhyming skill it is excellent from beginning to end.

Wendy Watson
Date: 1/9/2021 2:50:00 PM

It's an extremely impressive example, Eric. Even your first two lines are a winner in my books and the musicality throughout was wonderful. It's strange for me as an ex French Teacher to see apropos written as one word and minus the accent but it was a great word to end with and no, I don't think that the content will cause offence.

Eric Cohen
Date: 1/9/2021 1:35:00 PM

Wendy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I truly appreciate it. I hope no one takes any offense to the content, which was intended in the spirit of the example by the Weingartens at: https://www.poetrysoup.com/dictionary/double_dactyl. It would be ironic if this is deemed not "apropos." Again, thanks.