Unfunny Poems | Examples

You Got No Cards

You think you’re riding high, so high falutin’:
the fact is, you’re the dumbest ox in town.
There’s no-one as unfunny as a clown:
reforming is a thing, but you’re just looting.
Repudiating allies while you’re rooting
for enemies will never earn the crown
you crave: and, in advance of sitting down,
you showed your hand. You gave the game to Putin.
Stupidity does not deserve excusing.
It takes a man to take his share of blame,
a thing you’ll never do. You have no shame.
Your hand-picked team are taking drugs and boozing,
already reconciled inside to losing, 
because (like you) they ever knew the game.

my unfunny valentine

I bought her flowers
she suffered from hay fever ~
I went home alone

Illegal Migrants

Illegal Migrants
Miracle Man
4/19/2024

Their sleeping bags and tents line each street,
making an eyesore of what once was neat.
The thing most unfunny,
we’re giving them money,
while our healthcare resources they deplete.

Facile Poetrix

It's facile to be a windowpane -
        when you have the stone
           and laughing, unfunny.

School-Yard Symbolism

schools encourage students
to grow up have recess-fun
behave and become mature
responsible people who mind
their business and help others
however there be a problem

the ukraine leader was a stage comedian
before being elected head of his party
in the school yard where-in as class-clown
he seeks cheers and applause for unfunny
psychopathic gang fights with those with
whom they've lived for decades so that
peace ends and school yard fighting reigns

reputations of the biggest bullies who clamber
for a piece  of the weapons profit all while
people are dying for publicity and bank accounts
of the usa as the biggest weapon-profits sucker
on the planet that threatens those who want
peace talks (china) because the fighters then
might be removed (and put on an island somewhere)
to fight or work and talk out their problems apart from us

immature people must not be put in charge.....period


stan sand

Condescending- Asinine

Something truths, them there unfunny lies
Intrusive, non-sincere apologize;
Condescending rhythm broken unfunny feelings:
Asinine;
This clowns heart extremely stupid and foolish
Piper foolish prankster a cut-throat
Joker kidding around and not with goats
So pointless
Idiotic and senseless
Child like acting humanity 
Slow-witted weak minded preposterous nonsensical
Something truths
them there be half truths
What's the use
Intrusive;
Condescending:
Asinine;

Smoke

Peanut butter sarnies
Wacky baccy smoke
Hysterical laughter
At an unfunny joke
Colours so intense 
Brighter than I've ever seen
Sound reverbing through me
Clearer than it's ever been
Passing the material of her
Skirt through my fingers
A softly caressing sensation
That soothes and lingers
It seems I'll never tire
Just can't get too much
Of the texture of the cloth
Electric to my touch
Passing that  toke 
Between us to and fro
Each inhalation
Very deep and slow
Her head on my shoulder
Arm around my waist
Dreamy sort of time
Nothing done in haste.
It's seem I am floating
Drifting towards the sky
Immersing in the depths 
Of  this technicolor high
Senses enhanced until
Sliding slowly to the norm
Visions disappear as in time
The world reassures its form

Nothing Made Any Sense

Buttercups are dancing to singing daffodils
King Neptune, with his trident, is surfing down a hill
Rabbits playing hopscotch with rainbow coloured frogs
Snails with sparkly spinning shells slither along gold logs.

Wolves in sheep's clothing are bleating nonstop,
Four hyenas harmonise, in a barbers shop.
Centipedes were newly crowned; Kings Of Tug Of War
While spiders spin silk candy floss for their online store.

A pony with a sore throat, was sounding rather hoarse
Moles queued to play nine rounds on Trumps new golf course.
The parrot kept repeating the same unfunny joke
The magician did his magic tricks with a talking cloak.

I came across a chip tree, surrounded by a moat
Where fish were reading newspapers in a paper boat
The moat is filled with batter and when a fish goes in,
A sudden blast of dragon's breath, cooks and seals the fish within.

I thanked a praying mantis, who had taught me self-defence
Only then to realize, none of this made any sense.
I blamed it on the late night snack before I went to bed
Then said goodnight, to the squid, that's curled around my head.

19.05.22

Route Zero

And you arrive with your pockets dumping lies
Dead butterfly tattoos covering the arms
Finding it modern to spend the night 
playing minecraft and eating french fries

You arrive with your outdated verbs
Your childish behavior
The mouth spews unfunny jokes
because the head is full of herbs

You are not the best what could happen to me
And maybe i'm your worst mistake
Sure we are wrong destinations
Banging heads on a road to nowhere, can’t you see?

Puny Puns of Word Play

My puns are not too punny.
They are puny -
so itty-bitty that they have no bite-y.
Like tiny turtles with no turtle necks
or like selfish shellfish
offering no worthy catch,
what good are they when they’re so poor?
My puns – they haven’t got
a piss to pot in!

I hate luch slack of imagination – and
my spoonerisms that aren’t worth
the dime of tay.
Punny yet unfunny
my puny roony RATatouille
loony woony play of turds!
They should dink far sown
to the sodom of the deep gomorrah sea
where Moby’s dick perhaps is berried.
(or pickled maybe?)

I guydress.
Time to put this roam to pest.

Nine Ways I Love You

Longingly, desire to see your face

Achingly, missing your company

Jealously, checking on your emails

Languishing, in your caressing arms

Surreptitiously, following you

Suspecting, your infidelity

Persuading you, to do what I want

Laughing, when you say unfunny jokes

Nine times out of ten, your forgiveness


(Common traits of people who say they are in love)


Used howmanysyllables
Date 5/13/21

Henry Reluctant Designated Jester

Henry never wanted to work in the castle of the king.
And he certainly did not want to be a jester, to joke or to sing.
He wanted to be a squire, but it was not to be unfortunately.
Every single night he was summoned to be the best he could be.
Tonight the piper had already been taken out with an “off with his head”.
Henry knew one misstep or unfunny joke, and he might possibly be dead.

Money

Why do I want what I want  
Is it because I'd matter if I have it
Or I’d feel less miserable 
Like I contribute something valuable
And all of a sudden I'll be visible 
Maybe I might even have companions 
And be less lonely 
Maybe my phone would finally ring for meet ups
My opinion would matter in family gatherings 
The church would feel blessed if I visit them ,
Cousins would suddenly worry if I post that I’m not okay 
And I’ll be convinced that they really care,
People will knock at my door if I can’t show up
And vacations would be cancelled if I can’t make it 

The attention would be overwhelming ,
I'd say mean things and they'd make excuses for it  
And thus laugh at my offensive and unfunny jokes.
They'd take my compliments as the word of God.
Functions would be considered a success if I’m present
I'd cry “I’m so fat" and they'll just shower me with compliments 
And continue to whine about everything and they'd be running around perfecting things for me 

Seems to be true that money makes the world go around 
It  certainly makes the world revolve around the rich.

The Clown

The spotlight flashes funny flair on sagged dress,
miniature crimson sun stuck on the porcelain face.
An animated caricature in comical frail human figure
tramps round and round the circus pitch to amuse. 

Sprightly body gyrates in flexed moves of acrobatics,
sleight of hands performs the perfect act of jugglery,
but labored buffoonery of the unfunny fragile clown
falls flat as flakes of stale joke on silent spectators. 

Before the neon lights go out in the last show
the slapsticks peel the paint off his sweaty face.
Unmasking the trail of tears he has long cried
he sings a song on the lyric of his broken heart.

The uproar of laughter explodes in the gallery,
the applause hails the crumbled clown at the abyss.

March 6, 2020
Contest : Clown At The Abyss
Sponsor : Kai Michael Neumann

March 29, 2020
Contest : Strand No 710, Any Theme, Any Form
Sponsor : Brian Strand

Not of This Earth

I don’t even want to think,
My life is laid down black as ink,
All the good is in the past,
For those three hollow faces I did what I thought was the best.

I worked a couple poppy fields
where my fate on this passage was sealed,
Filmed by military drones
using, under their fire, someone’s clone for a human shield.

In a little rubber boat bobbing up, dropping down,
At the edge of the deep and by forces unknown,
In a little rubber boat at their mercy …

Each was loaned a ton of seed,
And to sow and to harvest the weed
implements and nanobots,
As the government decreed, with allotted lots.

I drift in and out of sleep,
Armed gink on my soul to keep,
Nineteen tied up to a cage,
Life support alternating at twenty-three k. K.P.H.

Faulty insulated coil
Tension leads try the transport’s foil,
The heat and Gs are thrashing me,
Someone's unfunny joke, we were bound to turn over the soil.

In a little rubber boat bobbing up, dropping down,
At the edge of the deep and by forces unknown,
In a little rubber boat as they will …

Burning like the brightest, golden, glowing amber ember, shining lightning light against the blue, Hallelu.

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