Best Unfunny Poems
There is a building down town in the MIDST Of POVERTYVILLE called the
POCKET. The pocket is used to store supplies and house programs for the poor.
Open the POCKET DOOR. No need for proof. Of IDENTIFICATION.
LET it be a source of Charitable DONATIONS FOR anyone
In need.
Let the money SURGE.
LET ALL PHILANTHROPISTS SPLURGE.
AND screams of DELIGHT the impoverished plight.
Open. The POCKET DOOR. LET THE POCKET MONEY BE
EARMARKED for the poor, PROVISIONS and PRIZES for
Prosperity.
Grants in tow. Watch. BILLIONS POUR .
DESTITUTE UNITE. PARTIES AT THE FIGHT. THE LAND OF
MILK AND HONEY.
Tear. Stained faces UNFUNNY. REVOLUTION AT HAND.
VIOLENCE IN THE STREETS, IN THE STRANDS.
PROSECUTORIAL PROCEEDINGS HAVE BEGAN.
DNA IN QUESTION
DNA INFECTION?
In actual WE NEED billions in capital for ANTI-POVERTY
PROGRAMS.
Hear the people roar WE NEED MORE, OPEN THE POCKET DOOR!
The POCKET is a PROGRAM for ANYONE in need.
Money KNOWS not where it FALLS. WITNESS all the poor
ENTHRALLED.
Let the POCKET have earmarks for poorly proforming SCHOOLS.
APPOINT TZARS to oversee COLLEGE PROGRAMS IN MASS.
The POCKET should be EXPANDED not discarded as trash.
OPEN THE POCKET DOOR WIDE AND STILL WIDER UNITIL EVERY
IMPOVERISHED MOUTH HAS HAD ITS FILL.
HOW PROFOUND.
Categories:
unfunny, change, education, freedom, leadership,
Form:
Free verse
Creepy Clown....
I despise Clowns their so NOT funny
WOULDNT waste my time or hard earned money!
Painted smiles on your fake
ugly clown face
Can't hide my aggrevation
Or my distaste
You smile behind YOUR silly painted mask
How does one "become" a clown
Or do I even want to ask?
CANT even believe your STILL on the scene
what's up with that? Its freaking 2016!
Is there some type of training or CLOWN Education?
Or they so DESPERATE threw ya into this situation?
CREEPY & WEIRD. UR THE PERFFECT combonation
Is there a background check or just useless information?
Regardless don want to be anywhere where you are
Could care less how many clowns fit in your stupid clown car
You appear to be jovial as I watch you here tonight
you don't fool me something about you ain't quite right
So You can juggle and make animal balloons
Well good for you
Get out of my face and go do whatever you clowns DO
Can't stand the site of you don't like knowing your around
You don't make me happy as a matter of fact u bring this girl down
Your evil smile so FAKE EWWWW gross!
Existence stage left FREAK u heard me ADIOS!
STUPID blank stare on ur face.. Hate that the MOST
Something off kilter with you
Perhaps not yet diagnosed
DONT speak dont care what U have to say
Go get your big floppy shoes and please be on your way!
YIU are the epitome of untalented and unfunny
Don't want anything don't want to be your little buddy
Please go now no I don't want to hear a joke
Your sugary false sweetness makes me wanna choke
Gotta get away from you and fast
CANT hide ur insanity FOREVER
behind that painted Clown Mask
Categories:
unfunny, feelings,
Form:
Rhyme
Buttercups are dancing to singing daffodils
King Neptune, with his trident, is surfing down a hill
Rabbits playing hopscotch with rainbow coloured frogs
Snails with sparkly spinning shells slither along gold logs.
Wolves in sheep's clothing are bleating nonstop,
Four hyenas harmonise, in a barbers shop.
Centipedes were newly crowned; Kings Of Tug Of War
While spiders spin silk candy floss for their online store.
A pony with a sore throat, was sounding rather hoarse
Moles queued to play nine rounds on Trumps new golf course.
The parrot kept repeating the same unfunny joke
The magician did his magic tricks with a talking cloak.
I came across a chip tree, surrounded by a moat
Where fish were reading newspapers in a paper boat
The moat is filled with batter and when a fish goes in,
A sudden blast of dragon's breath, cooks and seals the fish within.
I thanked a praying mantis, who had taught me self-defence
Only then to realize, none of this made any sense.
I blamed it on the late night snack before I went to bed
Then said goodnight, to the squid, that's curled around my head.
19.05.22
Categories:
unfunny, nonsense,
Form:
Rhyme
The class clown
Made society Frown
Should put his *** down
I know barely anything on politics
Probably nothing
And this fake satire
Isn't the proper attire
For whats up
Don't take a sip from my cup
And open your mind really
stop being silly
I make kids laugh
As If I'm a sexy giraffe
I'm really the plague
Hitting the young youth
Just grow up
and Drink your own cup
Categories:
unfunny, political, rights, teenage, today,
Form:
Free verse
My puns are not too punny.
They are puny -
so itty-bitty that they have no bite-y.
Like tiny turtles with no turtle necks
or like selfish shellfish
offering no worthy catch,
what good are they when they’re so poor?
My puns – they haven’t got
a piss to pot in!
I hate luch slack of imagination – and
my spoonerisms that aren’t worth
the dime of tay.
Punny yet unfunny
my puny roony RATatouille
loony woony play of turds!
They should dink far sown
to the sodom of the deep gomorrah sea
where Moby’s dick perhaps is berried.
(or pickled maybe?)
I guydress.
Time to put this roam to pest.
Categories:
unfunny, words, writing,
Form:
Free verse
OLD TESTAMENT
It was wisdom that I sought within those venerable old pages
Yet found tales of folly, arrogance and cruelty in profusion
Where were knowledge, truths, enlightenment, refined throughout the ages?
What direction to a righteous life, discernment, no illusion?
Say ‘tis mankind’s wilful sin that’s outlined in these tales of old
Given detailed laws prescribing how to conduct men’s affairs
By a wise all seeing God whom all the people then extolled
Yet it seems: He had demeanour scarce more ethical than theirs
He gave one selected tribe protection and a special favour
Bringing them a long way round to take a land of milk and honey
But neglecting one small fact that was to compromise the flavour
For the folks already there, it was decidedly unfunny
In the multitude of conflicts that ensued throughout the years
There were some with help from God emerged the winners well delighted
While they without the favour that was given to their peers
Despite all their own best efforts, they would end up being smited
But the one thing it was wise for you to shun before all other
Was to show some interest in another god not called Jehova
If you barbecued some beast for different deity e’en His brother
You could wind up in deep trouble, it could be for you - all over
Now some assert: mankind is product of God’s blest creation
The God defined, described and named by those who answers sought
Ah! But does this not suggest that here’s an inverse speculation
And The god defined an artefact by men’s invention wrought
So this anthropomorphic deity described in the Old Testament
Could be just one more sample of man’s desperate grasping straws
To negotiate a get-out from dire personal investment
And to find another source to blame and flee from being the cause
Categories:
unfunny, religion,
Form:
Rhyme
Jamie decides today will be the day
we take off to Kansas.
We've both dreamt of it,
driving off to flat lands
where we would be swept off,
cackling,
on our brooms to Oz.
I laugh,
an unfunny laugh.
Chipped and cracked,
it tumbles
across the phone line.
She laughs too,
an unfunny laugh,
and I stare at the phone
my eyes shaking,
clutching my life force
of Camel Jade cigarettes.
Dreaming suddenly of the Petroleum bridge
because it is so black today
and how I want to walk across
in my addled bare feet
like I did when we were seventeen
and find her
at end,
long hair sardonically twirled around her
pinky finger
in the tattered red
sun stained flannel,
and her purple converse
tennis shoes.
She remarks
that we wouldn't be able to reach off the
ground anyway,
as old and wide as we have gotten
and that
menthol cigarettes wouldn't
probably be popular with
midgets.
And I agree with her,
and laugh,
and cry,
and wonder
what silver cylindrical dreams use
when they move away
a slow sail down the Allegheny
a broken down old U-haul
or perhaps,
.........brooms and twisters
farther than Kansas, farther than Oz.
Categories:
unfunny, childhood, friendship, life, nostalgia,
Form:
Free verse
schools encourage students
to grow up have recess-fun
behave and become mature
responsible people who mind
their business and help others
however there be a problem
the ukraine leader was a stage comedian
before being elected head of his party
in the school yard where-in as class-clown
he seeks cheers and applause for unfunny
psychopathic gang fights with those with
whom they've lived for decades so that
peace ends and school yard fighting reigns
reputations of the biggest bullies who clamber
for a piece of the weapons profit all while
people are dying for publicity and bank accounts
of the usa as the biggest weapon-profits sucker
on the planet that threatens those who want
peace talks (china) because the fighters then
might be removed (and put on an island somewhere)
to fight or work and talk out their problems apart from us
immature people must not be put in charge.....period
stan sand
Categories:
unfunny, 8th grade, america, symbolism,
Form:
Free verse
I used to think
Until the penny dropped
Upon my tinny little head
And then I stopped
As then and forever after
From that very moment on I knew
I could never no longer pretend
that which I did not to know before
Otherwise everything that which i
proceed to utter and so thereafter
comes out my mouth
Is no longer worth a penny thought
But and yet a lie for which I am at
some point
Bound to get found out for and caught
Only to be branded with the unsavory
nickname moniker of
Billy Liar
Pants on Fire
Mouth constantly smell's like soap
Doesn't know or could tell the truth
The only thing that comes out his mouth
Is either a lie or a most unfunny joke and
both should be taken with a healthy pinch
of salt
So as in order to masquerade and mask
the sour bitter after taste
Sadly both he and his lie's leave behind
in his wake
And worst of all is in actual reality he
really isn't a bad guy inside
In fact the only reason why people don't
seem to actually or choose to like him or
are able to find fault with is
Because he lie's and they can't seem to
fathom out why
And now the lie's have gotten so old
he now instead is seen as nothing
more than an endless tiering bore
Categories:
unfunny, truth,
Form:
Free verse
some sunny saturday
i want us to meet halfway
drive to the coast and just cool out
want to see you smile in the moderate sunshine
want to put suntan lotion on your thighs
want to hear your unique guffaw when i tell an unfunny joke
want to be surprised when you steal a kiss
now i know you won't steal a kiss
however if you want to steal a kiss, you ain't gotta worry bout me now
I'LL TAKE IT!
okay, i am just kidding
okay, really, no i'm not
you do not have to look at me like that
you know i have been digging you since day one
every moment with you is like a house in a mode of solid quietude
i yearn for more of that....but you only see me as a friend
i respect you way too much disrespect you on any type of level
i just choose to accept your occasional 'yes' and take the fullness of it as it comes
sometimes in life, it is not always meant to be....but what it is meant to be....
God is Always In Control, so to Him i pray....for some sunny saturday....
Categories:
unfunny, dream, friend, friendship, god,
Form:
Free verse
It's funny,
when we are asked questions and we don't seem to get it. we end up only to find out that the
answer lies within the alphabet of A-Z.
It's funny,
how often we wonder how much is in our bank account or how much you dream of owing
only to descover the answer is within the figure range.
It's funny,
how easy it is to make choices when it comes to the things we want, be it material or non
material but we find it pretty difficult choosing an answer to an objective question.
It's funny,
how time flies when we bother ourselves asking ourselves when this year would end only to
look back and smile that it was just yesterday.
It's funny,
how our choices vary with age forgetting the fact that when it gets to an age, we become
choiceless and we take things the way it is either good or bad.
It's funny,
how people learn. shared self experience sounds crappy but learning the hard way is a
better option.
It's funny,
how this is funny that someone greatly concerned funnily wrote this unfunny talk in a
humurous way. YIKES!!!
P.S Don't forget the lesson with the humor... thats if you think its funny.lOl !!!
Categories:
unfunny, funny
Form:
Narrative
Something truths, them there unfunny lies
Intrusive, non-sincere apologize;
Condescending rhythm broken unfunny feelings:
Asinine;
This clowns heart extremely stupid and foolish
Piper foolish prankster a cut-throat
Joker kidding around and not with goats
So pointless
Idiotic and senseless
Child like acting humanity
Slow-witted weak minded preposterous nonsensical
Something truths
them there be half truths
What's the use
Intrusive;
Condescending:
Asinine;
Categories:
unfunny, allusion, analogy, character, funny,
Form:
Free verse
Get out of my way!
I’m in my car and I’ve got to be first all the way.
I’ve got to prove something about myself.
Number one me all the time, has to be me, no one else.
Get out of my way!
It’s says 37.5 hours on my contract but I’ll give them an extra ten all the way.
I’ve got to prove something to the man.
Laugh at unfunny jokes and talk football, no problem.
Get out of my way!
Be the man in the team! In the clique, must be neat to be me.
Miss my kids dance competition for bevvies with the office lads.
Flirt with young women while she’s at home cooking my tea.
I wear the trousers in my house, yeah, that’s right, that’s me!
Get out of my way!
Calm down old timer. New blood’s here and here to stay.
See how they all laugh at his jokes now.
Wow, I had hair like that, I did… wow.
All the office girls flirt with the young guy with his taught, unblemished skin. Square jaw, bright eyes, full smile, great hair, youth flair, damn that enigmatic thing!
I’m invisible to their smiles with my fading hair, hopeful glare and saggy skin!
Can I get past please?
I gave this place my everything.
I sacrificed time with my wife and my kids.
I was cool but now I’m defrosted it seems.
Remember when we did that guys, in that pub, thar was me?
Yeah but that’s not hip now old timer, just your sad history!
Get out of my way.
You promised to do the lawn today. I’ll fix that gate you did say!
The grandkids are coming tonight for the next three days.
But, I told the lads I’d meet them for a few bevvies after work later today.
You don’t work any more, just make sure you fix the gate, do the lawn and get your grandkids some pop and ice cream later today and for goodness sake please just get out of my way.
Categories:
unfunny, absence, appreciation, fate, fear,
Form:
Free verse
I don’t even want to think,
My life is laid down black as ink,
All the good is in the past,
For those three hollow faces I did what I thought was the best.
I worked a couple poppy fields
where my fate on this passage was sealed,
Filmed by military drones
using, under their fire, someone’s clone for a human shield.
In a little rubber boat bobbing up, dropping down,
At the edge of the deep and by forces unknown,
In a little rubber boat at their mercy …
Each was loaned a ton of seed,
And to sow and to harvest the weed
implements and nanobots,
As the government decreed, with allotted lots.
I drift in and out of sleep,
Armed gink on my soul to keep,
Nineteen tied up to a cage,
Life support alternating at twenty-three k. K.P.H.
Faulty insulated coil
Tension leads try the transport’s foil,
The heat and Gs are thrashing me,
Someone's unfunny joke, we were bound to turn over the soil.
In a little rubber boat bobbing up, dropping down,
At the edge of the deep and by forces unknown,
In a little rubber boat as they will …
Burning like the brightest, golden, glowing amber ember, shining lightning light against the blue, Hallelu.
Categories:
unfunny, boat, political, space, stars,
Form:
Rhyme
Eyes see moments of our birth
As little helpless babies with no neck to support our big heads
Which push society around as they grow in girth
When we fuss and kick mom’s in beds
Where once further physical development occurs
Eyes see us learning to crawl
In tandem with fate that seldom errs
As our fantasy indulges in a brawl
With siblings as eyes see us mumbling a syllable here, another syllable there
All the while driving our moms nuts
When we suckle colostrum and milk from breasts with an air
Of undiminished ubris as moms become butts
Of the unfunny jokes we crack
With unabashed joy, thinking the world a happy
Venue where blues in overdose we pack
To make family members unhappy
When from school moms cry
Despairing that we can’t construct a simple sentence in correct English
At the same time as in Arithmetic we try
Harder our sums and triangle perimeter calculations on time to finish
Prompting moms to wonder if their superior genes
Live in our mediocre intelligence quotient
Whose needles and pins
Portray a number of us either as intellectually deficient or inefficient.
Categories:
unfunny, poems,
Form:
Free verse