Snorted Poems

an utterly useless tale

An utterly Useless Tale

On a big round oak table in a living room, a vase, in its small crack, lived two house ants. They were sitting outside,  considering a box of matches on the tabletop. 
“if the box was empty, I’m sure I could push an inch or two the first and said. “Yeah,” the other snorted.
A man came into the room, took a matchstick out of the box, and put it back on the table, this time by its edge, and walked out.
The first ant giggled and said, “If we both push the box, it will fall on
the floor, no one will know how it ended there.”
They traversed the vast expanse of the table, pushed the box off the table, hurried back into their crack, and laughed heartily.
They had been frightened 
people usually kill house ants at first
sight. The man came back, saw the box on the floor, shook his head, picked it up, and placed it back on the table. Our ants were in stitches
They were tempted to push the box on the floor again
but gave it up, the risk someone could come in  with a duster
was too great
Back at their crack, they went to sleep

Constructor of My Own Chaos

My fire snorted and all is still,
Chaos does come; lull in the hills. 

My mother weeps & daddy cries,
Not peace nor love seen in the skies. 

Looking on stirred, with jaws agape, 
As blood does stain my flowing cape.

A laugh echoes around & around,
A serpent’s grin, with malice crowned. 

‘Come! There is place for us now, 
Where Chaos can rule and avow.’

Scanning left, right, left and down, 
There was none a soul around! 

I search within and find us there,
The architects of this despair.

Pangie’s Knight Before Christmas

               
                   ~Merry, Merry~

Twas the night before Christmas and all around my house….
I heard loud footsteps,far heavier than even an overweight,mouse.
Irene, my calico cat,so high on good weed, snuggled in her bed.
While images of muscular hunks in speedos, danced in my old, poetic head!

When out on my lawn, I heard such a clamarous noise….
I wished and wished Santa brought me a sleigh full of boy-toys.
I decided to look outside and see what was the matter.
And, behold, the handsome fireman, who saved my life last week,
was climbing up the ladder!

The moon on his legs, gave off such a amberescent glow…..
I swear, it seemed as though I had snorted a big wad of blow!
He was so young, no grandpa was he, and not one wrinkle.
And those big, blue eyes, did far more than just twinkle!!

The crest of the moon on the new fallen snow.
Higltlighted,his muscular, gluteus maximus….
Far more, than you will ever be blessed to know!
He climbed down the ladder and inquired if I was alright.
I thanked him for the visit, and for my best ever,glorious,
Christmas Eve Night!

                       12/23/2024

PUPPY SNOW ANGELS

Leaping with joy into a tall pile of soft, fluffy snow,
He snorted and panted, and flashed a broad smile,
Surprised and delighted with the bone chilling cold,
That couldn’t penetrate his thick, curly coat.

He lay for a moment, catching his breath,
As if trying to decide what to do next.
Rolling onto his back, long legs flailing the air,
He twisted happily, enjoying the chilly freedom there.

Then backwards he fell, rolling in gravity defying angles.
Leaving the white ground covered with glistening snow angels.

Finally exhausted from his frolicking antics,
He came to me happily with his body in wiggles.
Lifting his snow encrusted paws into my warm hands,
His beautiful brown eyes asked,
“What is this wonderful stuff?  What is its name?”

I said, “Darling, this is snow, the treat of the season.
Enjoy it now, as much as you can.
In just a few hours it will soon fade away,
Melting your snow angels and returning grass again.”

The sunsets are red; now Ottowa will shed!

Monday is coming..I can taste the dread.! a sacrifical
Summit i see ahead.' The condemed has long snorted
A magical power.? Dusty corners await now a'quiver to 
Devour' aquaintances are many, and friends will be few.'
Times and a half times, once upon a time! (you were new)
You've consulted the augeries, and laid out the bones
Burned up the ether; been all hours on the phone' yet all
Comes to nothing, as when you were in power.? Your drop
Is fast coming, on the hill (you will cower!) Will it be steely
Silence? slippery as ice? Will there be great tumult?
When you are squeezed in the vice.! Will you go out the
Statesman?? It won't be that nice..Yet you tore down and
Ravaged now you'll receive; your own slice' oh yes they are, awaiting in style, in Ottowa to renounce you. Old trudeau.
And your well tarnished wiles.'

Its in yer face

Oh trudeau 'in your troubled place' with idea-ology so out
Of place!
Sad to see the ( experiment?) Has destroyed Canada
With much dis-content!
Many people homeless, in a bountiful land? What were you
Doing?
Was this always the plan?
For it seems? That just like dominos falling there is a pattern
That some are installing'
You've done a lot' you've snorted deep! You've rode the wave of the peoples sleep'
You've met the demons.' You've danced the dance; took
The oath.'
You're in the trance' hell has bought you, your spirit is gone
Gods turning you over' you're pure wrong!

I Ended the World

I Ended the World

In this uncertain world
at this imprecise time
I drink shots of Tequila
with slices of lime.

I snorted the atmosphere
from my cocaine spoon
blew out the night stars
then swallowed the moon.

No longer need to pretend.
At noon I smothered the sun
I brought it all to an end.
We fear God, kill his son.

You have to Be Careful with Magic

You have to be careful with magic her mother told Mixy Mix.
How careful could she be? She was a child, two days past six.
Mixy was enthusiastic about her fabulific magic spells for sure.
They were notorious for doing something new, never completely pure.

Yesterday she conjured a dragon, today it was a three-headed moose.
When her wand comes out her mother shouts “Watch out Mixy is loose!”
Tomorrow I shall bring forth a unicorn with pink and purple hair she said.
Unicorn in her imagination realm snorted, and tossed his ribbon head.

Where is Daddy? Mommy asked her, two seconds after supper was over.
Mixy's little potion had transmogrified him. He now barks like Rover.
Told you to be careful, her mother reminded her, staring at her guilty face.
Mixy kept her thoughts to herself, praying she might have some grace.

Mixy’s brother has been gone for a fortnight and a half at least.
The great part about this is, he made a dandy terrifying beast.
Turn me into a dragon, grandma dared Mixy, when she came to babysit.
So Mixy did, but could not change her back, so her parents threw a fit.

The White Line

Ever snorted cocaine? 
I watched some partiers snort cocaine last night,
in a dark, Manhattan nightclub corner celebration.
But I’ve never crossed that line. The white line.

When offered some, with unctuous camaraderie, 
I shrugged and said, “No, sorry, I’m allergic.” 
What are you supposed to say, “Crack is whack,” 
or “I prefer my coke with rum and ice?”
The white line. I don’t cross the line.

It’s not the first time, of course, I saw more drugs
in high school than I have at Yale. I’ve mostly seen 
“study drugs,” there, like provigil, adderall and alza (concerta).
Do they give students an advantage? I don’t know, maybe.
Call me a boxcut or a squarepants, but my parents are doctors,
and I just don’t cross those lines - those little white lines.
.
.
Webster: Unctuous: “an obvious, fake friendliness”

Slang: ‘boxcut’ ot ‘squarepants’ = a square, a no fun party-pooper

*I use artistic license for colors: for instance, adderall can be a blue, orange or yellow pill.

Giving Four Trolls a Chance

They were gnarly and snarly and mean with sticking out tummies.
I think they are horrible, nasty, mean, and maybe they’re dummies.
That is not a nice way to be, my mother told me, give them a chance.
I crept up on them and watched while they did a tiny troll-like dance.

Their bare feet were joyful, they were uninhibited and wild.
We think she is pretty, that happy tiny girl child.
I realized then they were referring to me.
So, I decided there was more to the trolls that I usually see.

They laughed, and they snorted, they coughed milk out their nose.
They hooted and hollered, and they picked their teeth with their toes.
They are so outrageous, but incredibly kind, and totally sweet.
Now I hang out with them every chance I get except when I eat.

Her

Saw her when I was 15
And thought she's the one,
Spent a year thinking
Oh I'll definitely talk to her,
I still don't know her last name. 

I met Her at the college
Fell for Her when she just said hey,
This time I said too, Hi
But she soon bid me goodbye,
I still don't know the reason.

This went on for a year or two,
Before SHE approached me,
Asked me if I can help HER
In finding HER missing baby,
It was HER lost dog that brought HER to me.
We're still looking for it together.

I didn't fall for her instantly
Cos she annoyed the hell outta me,
She cried, snorted and laughed hysterically.
She's weird, she's crazy
Made me lose my sanity. 

But I still fell for her,
Knew she's mad
But I cared for her,
Knew she would laugh like mad
If I told her I'd been scared for her.

She told me all her stupidity
And I still waited for more from her,
I tried to play it down
But my feelings finally caught to her.
I think I've been in love with her.

Ode To Duno My Friend

You made me laugh so hard
maybe the hardest I have ever laughed
When I met you I wondered if we would get along
Seventy-two to my twenty-nine, a big age difference.

I remember the day you told me you were dying
I was crushed; I had just found you, and you would be gone soon
I couldn’t stand it; you were my bestie

You stopped coming to church, so I came to your house
I brought a few little things, but you did not care.
You wanted to see me
I hoped for a miracle

You would have snorted milk out of your nose at your funeral
Your ex-husband came and acted like he was a ringmaster of ceremonies
I hate him too my friend, I do.

Now Here's the Craic

Joe was waiting, a'biden his time he needed
A vegetable? well almost' He was checking out
Different kinds, a man name of 'guido calabrese'
Looked a good option? if you please '
A blue ribbon judgement, to be offered to him
To get Hunter in Yale, he would have to sin!
All evidence would be kept safe, so to say'
The right combination, then hold and sway !
When it was sorted, all said and done.
Though hunter raised hell' he was his son!
Yes he snorted and courted, disaster; angst'
Yet their master was not to be stood up against
On the horns of dilemmas, opportunitys grew'
joe had ridden so many, more than he knew.
Oh so useful to have emergencies near
You could control coerce, instilling fear!
Division was sweet.! Indeed it was key
Just hold all the cards, and he'd stay
Scott tree !



Needs just must when the devil does drive

Big Open Mouthed Rainbow Bass

Big open-mouthed rainbow bass with your mouth so distorted.
You swallow way more than your share as often reported.
Look at your midnight blue eyes, all buggy and contorted.
I wonder if your jagged teeth blew out when you snorted?

Joey In Wonderland

A Joey was spotted in wonderland
shaking hands with the invisible man
while "knees" just cackled and snorted
as the border was aborted
the Easter bunny took total command

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