There was once, a clever man called Tim
His abrasive, smelly wife was called Vim,
Her head too big for her boots,
Such a nasty person, who wished some no good,
Tim being so handsome, got all the looks,
Whilst she was looked upon with disdain
Again and again and again and again.
They bought a house in an upbeat snobby area,
Her idea, and next door lived a lady called Sahra.
A cultured person whose background, much like Tim’s
Tim and Sahra got on like a house on fire,
Whilst our know all rude wifey, Vim,
Found her own kind in Sahra’s slobby husband, Skim.
Conveniently they had no children, Tim and Vim,
So got divorced, and then Tim married Sahra,
And now they have a pigeon pair
A girl and a boy,
The boy so young, yet so debonair,
His name is Terra,
The little girl blonde and pretty like Sarah,
Terra’s looks Latino like, just like his dad Tim,
Granny s fav the little girl, whose name is Kim.
Well what happened with the slobs Vim and Skim,
Does anyone care, a true story I wished to share.
slob
unkempt
slovenly
my hair is weird
my face is dirty
my teeth are quite smelly
my underarms are screaming
I am a total wreck mama
I have worn this nightshirt for three days
there is a wood tick buried in my arm
Some call him lazy and his wife calls him a jerk.
His wife is very angry because he will not work.
He won't get a job even though he's an able-bodied man.
Her husband refuses to get a job even though he can.
His wife is getting sick and tired of having to support him and their four kids.
She'd like to auction him off on ebay and she doesn't care how low people would bid.
He says that he can't work even though he has no disability.
His wife would get a divorce but she'd have to pay alimony.
She struggles to support her family and doesn't know where to turn.
An extra paycheck would come in handy but the bum will never learn.
He likes to sit on his ass and watch TV all day long while drinking his beer.
If the slob could be paid for that, he would earn a million bucks every year.
When everything is said and done,
His wife is looking to buy a shotgun.
When he continues to refuse to get a job, his wife does not know what to do.
If you're a woman who will take him off her hands, she will be indebted to you.
There was once a lazy drunkard named Bob
He's so idle he's nicknamed the fat slob
By the pool he lays
In a drunken daze
He just drinks and shovells food down his gob.
In the summers heat Bob sweated and stunk
Didnt bother him cos he was so drunk
Tripped over a stool
Fell into the pool
And now smells more like wet dog than a skunk...
(GOB -slang for mouth)
Written 14th June 2020
For Summer Laziness Poetry Contest
Sponsored By Mohan Chutani
I am a sloth, a slob, a slug
During the summer when school is out.
I move in slow motion from chair to couch to bed.
I am in the throes of binge eating –
sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar and salt.
pie, cake, cinnamon rolls, pie, cake and chips.
I am sluggish.
I have gained eight pounds in the eight pounds I have been home
I can barely waddle from the living room couch to bed.
I am wearing an oversized purple and red mumu now.
You could fit a small calf in here with me but I may grow into it.
I am a sloth, a slob, as slug
During the summer when school is out.
Goodbye our very good best friend, we hate to see you go
We hope that you remember us and visit us below
And maybe you'll drop by to say how much you miss us so
That's when we'll call Security in case you want to know
We hear you have the most rad office on the fourth floor high
You're going to have a better view, you're learning how to fly
You know that we have faith in you though we can't tell you why
That's why we had to pay HR to give you one more try
We hope that you achieve your dreams of stardom, wealth, and power
You needn't be the least concerned, they pay us by the hour
The time we had with you dear friend was like a fragrant flower
A flower that died because this year you never took a shower
We wish you now farewell, good luck, there's just one thing we lack
Another person, hopefully, to pick up all your slack
And should you fail in your new job because you are a hack
Our greatest wish is this, you slob, WE HOPE THAT YOU COME BACK!
She savored her delicious red eye gravy
Slurping it up while she was in the navy.
Most of us were truly uniquely impressed.
At how her stomach was adequately dressed.
The fabulous bib that she wore at her neck,
Was beauty-wonderful in every respect.
We followed her around this little tiny town.
Slurping ample bits of gravy off of the ground.
With a wisp of warm buttered corn on the cob.
Because you see she was kind of a slob.
As a young boy named Bob
I was a bit of a slob
As I did my sweet chewing job
With typewriter teeth cleaning corncobs.
Many years have flown past.
I have grown old at last,
But dentures don’t force me to fast.
New typewriter teeth are having a blast.
Date:10/19/2019
Picture 3
The way to a man's heart is through his heart
Contrary to how the old saying goes
After all my years this is what I've discovered
It's an axiom most people don't know
The “through his belly” quote wasn't accurate
As far as this old guy's concerned
If you could know me now you'd know for sure
The name “sentimental slob” is earned
Hate to admit it, I slobber at sad movies
Are real men supposed to blubber
Or is that an old saying from way back when
Now it's okay for men to splutter
Showing emotion wasn't thought of as macho
The way it's been all these years
Always been expected to be real tough jocks
And never ever shed any tears
Well I'm telling you here and now, my friends
That's a great big load of crap
If you're ever moved to show some emotion
Ladies love a sentimental chap
Door Knob A Fat Slob
Of sense Trump only has a small dob,
Who was discovered to be a door nob;
A dumb cluck;
Foot got stuck;
Difficult entering and sure is fat slob.
Jim Horn
He never closes a door, or a drawer.
Dirty socks, candy wrappers,
abandoned on the floor.
Tools, left lying where he used them.
Muddy footprints,
leading into the kitchen.
Crumbs everywhere
on floors, tables, chairs-
leavings of a snackaholic.
But he has a heart as big as Texas.
When trouble comes,
he's in my corner.
He carries the groceries
and massages my aching back.
Even after fifty years, he
still pulls out my chair,
if only in public.
On valentine's day,
he penned a love poem.
Yesterday, he brought me
a rose from the garden.
The way to a man's heart is through his heart
Contrary to how the old saying goes
After all my years this is what I've discovered
It's an axiom most people don't know
The “through his belly” quote wasn't accurate
As far as this old guy's concerned
If you could know me now you'd know for sure
The name “sentimental slob” is earned
Hate to admit it, I slobber at sad movies
Are real men supposed to blubber
Or is that an old saying from way back when
Now it's okay for men to sputter
Showing emotion wasn't considered masculine
The way it's been all these years
Strangely we're expected to be real jocks
And never ever shed a tear
Well I'm telling you here and now, my friends
That's a great big load of crap
If you're ever moved to show some emotion
Ladies love a sentimental chap
© Jack Ellison 2013
I'm as un-**** retentive as one can be
My wife's at the other end of the dial
Makes for interesting discussions at times
They sometimes last quite a while
Opposites attract, they say it's true
In our case it surely illustrates that fact
Must show restraint every damn day
For the sake of the dog and the cat
Dishwashers get loaded a certain way
Or armageddon will surely approach
All these years I've been loading it wrong
Really thought it was beyond reproach
There's others, surely too many to mention
Computer would run out of bytes
Be sure you marry an opposite personality
And enjoy all those rousing fights
I'm as un-**** retentive as one can be
My wife's at the other end of the scale
Perhaps another reason for such marital bliss
She's a female and I'm a male
© Jack Ellison 2013
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