Short Warranty Poems

If priests sold used cars and
Used car salesmen sold heaven’s land 
Would you get a better warranty of faith -
In hand...

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On Friday, the boss said, "You're fired!"
And I suddenly felt inspired
God said in one breath:
Thou art close to death
For thy warranty just expired!"...

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in 
twenty 
twenty
they implanted 
the first GPS
into a human brain
to point out the way

on the way
it
got confused
and burnt out
before 
the warranty
was up...

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Surveillance cameras do not bug me

Facebook controls but I get it for free

Google knows my best hits

But what gets on my tits

The chip in my brain out of warranty

30th July 2019...

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No mystery life's road for me
  Unafraid, drove fast, carefree

Yet now it's hard to turn the key
  and where, O Where's my warranty



          March 06, 2021
   All Yours (March 08) Contest
       Sponsor: Brian Strand...

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Do you have your eternal warranty?
Did you remember to purchase extended maintenance?
Did you see the hidden costs?
Did you know where to search?
Will you expire before your warranty is secured?
Spirited life has no expiration date....

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Dear fire of my heart you exhaust me;
If it were possible to flee 
replace parts under warranty 
this fever would drop a degree;

Burning  I take it on the chin;
Mile high flames on my fragile skin
waiting for relief to step in
satiate me from deep within....

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You don't want to taste my crazy,
I will smile straight into your threats;
Just let me be;
What I need? Is to be left alone;
I am not one of the bourgeoise,
stay unaware of what I'm capable of;
My behavior no longer under warranty,
control is one of my strongest assets;
I warn you do not tempt me....

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It is odd that I have made it this many years without the knowledge that I needed a bison belt. Hank’s sells one with a one hundred year warranty. My parents should have given me one fifty years ago. But I’m going to live forever, so I figured, sure, why not. They need to up their game, go for the two hundred year guarantee. They can call it the bison-tennial edition…...

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He stands there, stripped bare, shameless, nameless, voiceless 
Standing there, choice-less

No dignity, no vanity, no pity
No integrity 

No eyeballs so no stare, no flesh and no hair
And no underwear

No contract, no guarantee, no warranty
No appearance fee

He stands there, stripped bare, shameless, nameless, voiceless 
Sudden schoolboys-less
Museum... noiseless...

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I can do reverse back flips
  Touch my elbow to my lips
Raise one eyebrow, wiggle my ears
  Sit down without moving my rear

When I was young
   I'd roll my tongue
Make my armpits chuckle 
  Crack my knuckles

Throw my voice off canyon walls
  Jump clear 'cross Niagara Falls
Flaunt the latest dance techniques
  Flex the muscles on my physique

So, don't you want to marry me
  Battery included, under warranty...

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Hugs are always needed and they're absolutely free.
They can be given to a group or one at a time.
Don't worry about what others think or what they see.
Tell them they can have one, too and it won't cost them a dime.

Hugs are born in an instant and given out of love.
They have no expiration and a lifetime warranty.
So give them out freely to anyone you can think of
And you will get them back ten-fold, almost certainly....

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anxiety, 
big brown bag
cash, cash, cash
daybreak
earlybirds, eager, enter
forward, follow 
gorgeous 
hats
igloo icechests
junk, junk
kettles
lamps, lanterns, luminous lights
moving men making money
nice 
old ottoman
purchase, purses, please
questions, quick
reasonable red robe
still sealed salad shooter, spend, spend, spend
trimmers, trees, thousands treasures
unopened umbrellas
video viewers
with warranty 
x-mas, 
yellow yarn, YAWN!
ZERO........

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Hell hath no Fury!!
A scorned woman I am.
I don't come with a warranty..
So take me as I am!

I'm not bitter or twisted..
Just wise beyond my years.
I'm not perfect, I make mistakes..
But I will always face my fears.

I can agree to disagree..
Just to keep my inner peace.
But if you keep telling me lies..
Our friendship will have to cease.

I'm not saying I'm above you..
I will always admit if I'm wrong.
So who are you to judge me??!!
This is my tune! Get your own song!!...

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Our bodies work just like machines
Without a warranty.
To know how long each part may last
We have to wait and see.

Certain joints may need replacing
And, through surgery or meds,
Organs may require assistance
So we’re not stuck in our beds.

As we age we may not be prepared
To face the well-known fact
That in older bodies, all the parts
Do not remain intact.

Thus we jerry-rig the wires
And replace the triple A’s,
Hoping that will be enough to help
Extend our waning days....

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