Short Schmuck Poems

DIALOGUE

“You’re dead,
 They said.”

“I’m not.”
“You ought

  To be.”
“Agree,

  I ought.”
“Why not?”

 “Dumb luck.”
   “You schmuck!”...

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The next time or any time any schmuck calls me or  thinks of me as a dirty or filthy jew. To them I say," Hey, only if I can help it!" so there! sorry, depends. (posted on yom kippor)....

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Poor Percy acted like a schmuck 
I guess he was down on his luck
He looked quite a sight
His pants were too tight
He waddled around like a duck

18th May 2016...

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Poor old Dan was a bit of a schmuck
Ran out of gas in his brand new truck
Now late for his date
Boy, was she irate
No hanky panky was his bad luck



hanky panky- loosely translated as sexual activity...

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Who knows what lurks in the hearts of man
All seems normal outside but imagine if you can
A hidden desire to run amok
Act like a total schmuck
Screaming in the streets chomping on canned spam...

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Who knows what sillies lurk in the hearts of man
All seem normal outside but inside, imagine if you can
A hidden desire to run amok
Act like a total schmuck
Screaming through the streets chomping on canned spam...

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Who knows what sillies lurk in the heart of this man
All seems normal outside but inside, imagine if you can
A hidden desire to run amok
Act like a total schmuck
Screaming through the streets chomping on canned spam...

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It's befitting to call Trump a 'Lame Duck'
Cares only about himself; what a schmuck!
He won't admit defeat
"I WON," he types in tweet
Shame on him. He ran our country amok!


November 21, 2020 ~ Out on a Lim Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May...

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My wife she says that at housework I suck,
she yelled “pick up a broom you idle schmuck!”.
  But babe, cleanin and dustin
  crimps my drinkin and lustin
but she warned “no dustin, no lustin!”…WTF!


               Written: March 2014...

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inklings wrinkles
tinkles in sinklings
conrete form
up yourn
i
am
form
i
am we to
no us without you
he sayd shut
we says up
together
we make muck
dirty words made schmuck
three letters off luck
old time still twinkles
tattooing
inklings wrinkles
?...

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People have always believed that black cats are bad luck
Whoever started that foolish rumor is an evil schmuck
If one crosses your path there's no need to have any fear
They are merely beautiful creatures to love and bring cheer

Image # 4

10/31/19

Contest: Good luck Halloween Contest

Sponsor: Eve Roper...

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Headline news lead bleeds
Accidental haiku death
Investigated

Killed by tainted verse
Unidentified victim
Radioactive

Exotic poem
Attracts curious reader
Dripping vitriol

Extreme allergic
Reaction resulted in
Death of some poor schmuck

Industry spokes folks
Encourage illiterates
Stay away from words...

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A shootout on Main Street at high noon, Buck
Bring your rusty six-shooter -- lots of luck!
You’ll need it, you see,
When up against me
Nobody survives calling me a schmuck! 

FIRST PLACE WINNER
Written May 4, 2022
for "High Noon" Poetry Contest
sponsored by Joseph May
10-10-5-5-10 syllables...

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My small way of showing anger for this year's circus of an election process:

I recall when George Bush had to duck

a thrown shoe, or he may have got struck.

What I'd love now to see

is some dog take a pee

on that dump of a Trump. What a schmuck!



for the the Political Ordeal Poetry Contest of CT...

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Mother tried looking for daughter

Deep on a crescent moon child ran hog wild

cries of sad tears piled at being defiled

She was a young buck when life ran amok,

where mama tried to pluck her back from schmuck.

Gun in hand mama, combed the pimps home land

for demand the return of daughter's hand. 

connie pachecho

1/6/17

non contest entry...

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Though few drive off-road in their truck
Pick-up owners have run amok
Having a tail gate
Their mood will elate 
While the cabin carries a schmuck


Author's note: A pass to those folks who use their truck for business on a regular basis. However, a status truck reveals a weak mind and hurts the environment more than a "normal" car. Those are already bad enough....

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Competition for the few vetted by the fewer
What's seen subjectively haughty choosing of a loser
Visceral assertion deemed a sycophantic t w a t
Prideful ego lifted veinly all but one have been forgot
Not important but you made it so just take it as it is
You're a whipping boy of some poor schmuck a name upon a list.....








Bite Size Poem no.4 Poetry Contest...

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Who voted for Adolf Hitler? Almost everybody. No matter which party or candidate chosen. It was done with the fascist attitude of the immoral majority. Sometimes in a disguise. Donald Duck is now Donald Schmuck.(in memory of those of my maternal ancestry who perished in Treblinka concentration camp in Nazi Germany occupied Poland during the WW2 era and in honor of Hannah Arendt. Amen.)...

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As I lay here
 Agony clawing
Flowing tears
 I am bawling.

Crying over fate
 Over my rotten luck
Cursing this last mate
 Knowing I'm a schmuck.

Wishing I was better
 Wishing I was smart
Yet this pain does fetter
 And stays in my heart.

Can I be the same?
 No nothing can be
As life is not a game
 But this is just me.

Always fighting
 Always trying
Always writing
 Slowly dying....

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one eight-hundred NOTHING

          that’s the number that you call

               that charge-free line to NO ONE

      when you’ve cracked a hip or fall


should you have dire emergencies

          and need some schmuck to care

               dial six-six-eight, four-four-six-four

     it’s for sure … I WON’T be there.









Copyright © Gregory Richard Barden, April 13, 2023...

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I met a slick hick
from the sticks
who gave me a hickey
beneath the hickory tree.

I faked hiccups
hoping he would flee
but he stood there
like a schmuck
trying to help
me stop the hiccups.

Oh, dear (hic) not again!
Hold your breath (hic)
and count to ten.
Standing on your head
(hic) works, I think.
Hold your nose (hic)
and take a drink.

I was ticked
because I couldn't trick him,
so I kicked him....

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The arc of teeth
the rising and falling of words 
Transcribing tangled knots 
sayings nonsensical
Incisors gnashing 
bone scrapes the blade.
Keep searching, keep searching, 
they are meant to be found,
to be bound by record.
Between both pens at 
the side of the skull
Is the archive of every schmuck 
sentenced
To receive the cold descent
Upon the neck’s nape 
that feels frigid
Is the greeting of 
a friend’s final conversation....

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46)Gangsta' Rap- When a wanted felon knocks on your door.

47)Nostalgia- A towel specifically for one's nose.

48)Breakfast Schnook- An idiot who will eat carpet tacks when asked.

49)Scorpion- A bullseye when urinating on a schmuck.

50)Eye-Shot- A dummy so drunk he tries to take a measure of whisky through his 
eyeball.

51)Postulate- When the damn mailman finally shows up.

52)Short-Ton- A 4 foot, 3 inch woman who weighs in at 2125 pounds....

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I checked my watch and checked my phone,
but everyone’s in a different zone,
Eastern, Central, Mountain, Pacific,
maybe I should be more specific,
some schmuck mentions god and trust,
tough luck thy neighbour hit the dust,
when I wasn't feeling too great,
after that late night altered state,
reaching for my mourning shoes,
it's all-American breakfast news,
a gunman shot the truth, the eagle and the dove,
why can't anyone tell me, what time is love?
...

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I work hard I don’t depend on luck
I am like a lighting I leave a mark
Wherever my spark struck
Always finding ways when I’m stuck
I don’t sit around and buck
That’s the behavior of a schmuck 
When a chance presents itself I immediately pluck
Because I can be whatever I want
Tired of people saying I can’t 
It’s a must in myself I have to trust
Why should I always be the outcast, considered last
You guys judge to fast
Without knowing the future is vast...

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