Short Hemorrhoid Poems

Large hemorrhoid piles
obstruct waste evacuation
Evoke toilet time howls
In flat rectal production...

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The mafia is like a hemorrhoid:
   -Both absolutely no use
   -Both put the squeeze on their victim
   - and both are a pain in the anus!!...

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Tonsils With An Adenoid

Took out my tonsils and adenoid,
Then did remove my hemorrhoid;
Received an itch,
From each stitch;
My life more comfortably enjoyed.

Jim Horn...

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Avoid Having a Hemorrhoid

We always avoid having a hemorrhoid,
Even if bothered or became annoyed;
Inside dwelling,
Much swelling;
Never enjoyed so do have destroyed.

Jim Horn...

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holding
on to the
shirt sleeve
of my supervisor 

i repeatedly
asked him
what am i
what am i

he being
annoyed
aggravatedly
stated he

didn't know
so i told
him i'm a
hemorrhoid...

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My hemorrhoid 

    cushion

looks a lot like

our black cat 

    curled up 

on my recliner

So, I am 

    always 

worried about 

   sitting 

   on her

Although 

she would

   be soft....

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Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
     Such an odd taste in my mouth
     Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!


(Sadly, a true story)...

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Trump Sitting On A Bar Stool

There was Trump sitting on a bar stool
With each hemorrhoid fighting a duel
And when he looked at their logistics
His body and mind both went ballistics
On one coming out first we took s pool.

Jim  Horn

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poets/top_100_poets_most_poems_all_time.aspx...

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poems should start writing
after each one are sighting
will be inviting

when breeze blows through trees
will always cause me to sneeze
later also wheeze

increased light incandescent
would be incessant
perfect and pleasant

we were not sure which
after we had found a glitched
did decide to switch

had hemorrhoid
we were really annoyed
we will avoid

...

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You messed around 
and married a real 
"pain-in-the butt" man 

known throughout the land 
for ripping
burning 
completely deserting 
then leaving 
women hurting

his only claim to fame 
is over reacting 
and lacking class
a self-proclaimed pain in the ass
a crook with line 
and hook to cast 

things will never be the same
trade away your maiden name 
to Mrs. Hemorrhoid 
and wear his name with class....

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I took my grandson to the barbershop today . Tonight is prom night so very special i must say.
As I sat and looked around expressionless faces was all that could be found. All about gazing into their iPhones and androids it was engough to pop a hemorrhoid.
O tempora o mores as Cicero would say is this what our world has become today.
The ability to converse has become almost remedial. One day i fear our tongues will become vestigial....

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A doctor can cure people’s ills
By prescribing lotions and pills
Cannot get an appointment -
Dad needs hemorrhoid ointment
Eyes water, poor dad needs no thrills!

Find medics to help him real quick
Great bulging piles get on his wick
He needs his treatment today
I will assist him to pay
Joins BUPA; they’ll treat when you’re sick!

Limerick Ii poetry Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May

syllables 8,8,7,7,8
* real counted as 1 syllable

1/9/19...

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Just last night I awoke from a dream
Sat up in bed and started to scream
Like a funeral pyre
It set my hole on fire
I sure could use some hemorrhoid cream

But I went to the doctor instead 
He told me to bend over the bed
Before anyone knew
It dropped down to my shoe
And sat there looking swollen and red

The doctor said I'll give it a shot
But it's going to hurt you a lot
That's when he scratched his head 
Tossed it up on the bed
And then tied the damn thing in a knot

...

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