Short Golfers Poems

golfers yearn to get a hole in one
to get it is thrilling, full of fun
wear two pairs of socks
don't keep in toe locks
throw one after hole in one is done...

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Golfers ahead were really slow
because their dead balls just wouldn't go
     we offered them beer,
     later we found cheer--
 they stepped aside to let it outflow....

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If a golfer who’s clumsy and falls
Loses grip on the clubs that he hauls
	He'd trip on a trap
	With wood in his lap
And have problems in finding his balls!


for Craig Cornish's limerick contest...

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The green was bespeckled with putters
Till 'long came a singer, Miss Sutters
She started to sing
The golfers did swing
And now, poor Miss Sutters, she stutters




Entered in contest "Old or New in Five or Less." Placing: first. 
Catagory: Humorous, Old Poem...

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If a golfer who’s clumsy and falls
Loses grip on the clubs that he hauls
	He might trip on a trap
	With some wood in his lap
And have problems in finding his balls!


* this is my original poem, which doesn't conform
to the contest syllable count. i like it better, though!...

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I can see on your lips
you have clumps of earth
from rubbish golfers
and the fact you celebrate dawn
as a thing that happens by design
only adds to your concoction 

just go over and tell them
what you think of their ineptness 
so we can leave and find other
reasons for your lips...

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NATURE’S JOKE

what’s going on here
mid march and eighty degrees?
laughter in the breeze

sun in Michigan
houses with windows open?’
laugh now    cry later

golfers out early
courses are brown    but busy
look north    funnel cloud

beer sales up    gas too
you’d never know it’s hard times
dig a deeper hole...

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O Thou, O God, who art unseen,
my tee shots guide on this fair green,
and, if you would, please just for fun,
make every ball I whack a hole-in-one.

The Lord’s Reply

I’m sorry to inform you but
you’ll get no help from me, much less a putt.
In fact, I’m handicapping you today
with club-feet which should tee you off, I’d say.

...

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Colour me green natures favourite colour
Colour me green a golfers dream
Colour me green robin hoods men
Colour me green  a snooker players table
Colour me green american money 
Colour me green to save my planet 
Colour me green and go at the lights
Colour me green to make your garden grow 
Colour me green  British racing team
Colour you green with envy as you didn't write me :-)...

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Sookie said (as she stood at the tee),

"Though this golfing is boring to me,

Its odds can't be beat.

Of golfers I meet,

for each woman, the males number three!!"


For the Limerick Contest of Carolyn Devonshire

*Note: Female golfers number fewer than 23% in this sport.
With the many doctors and lawyers that seem to enjoy this
activity, I can't help but think it would be a great place for a
single lady to meet rich men!...

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(This is a fictional poem)

I wanted to watch the king of Queens but I'm watching golf instead.
I'm too lazy to walk over to the set now that the batteries in the remote are dead.
I'm so bored as I watch these damn golfers putt.
I ordered my wife to change the channel and she kicked me in the nuts.
I can't stand this boredom, I want to be put out of my misery.
I'll be watching a lot of golf because I'm too cheap to buy new batteries....

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In golf's serene domain they lay,
The ball drainers by fairway's bay.
Lakes and ponds with silent grace,
Reflecting challenges golfers face.

Beneath the sky of azure hue,
Glistening mirrors, waters true.
Whispers ripple through the reeds,
As golfers ponder their golfing deeds.

Yet in these depths where golf balls sink,
A challenge faced, a challenge to think.
For every stroke lost in watery depths,
Nature's hazards, where the golfer tests....

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Can Love Golfing Game Haiku

Golfing we will go
On great course that we all know
Will be fast not slow.

Game is never grim
Sand traps are a minimum
And other obstacles.

Broke a rule or two
To liven up my haiku
Bring it some justice.

According to all
Of my great calculations
Handicap is low.

Great golfers will be
And then maybe you and me
Can love our own game.

James Thomas Horn
But I am not a golfer.
Oh, dear.

Retired Veteran and Poet...

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