I rack my brain
asking myself
why you left,
but now I'm on a better path
rediscovering myself
finding my true journey
The art substitute teacher kicked ten of the seventeen sixth graders out.
The principal was beside herself. She brought four of them to me.
Could you play a game with them or something?
These four were not kicked out.
They are usually such clowns, the teacher didn’t even “try them” with a sub.
I played three or four games with them. We had a lot of fun.
So much fun they brought me two more sixth graders.
During this game playing one of them informed me of this:
“We plan to get kicked out of music on Friday so we can come back.”
Friday might be a problem. We are using the library today.
Because the librarian only comes on Thursday and Friday.
Obviously, we cannot use it on these days.
My office only fits about two people, me and a pencil.
I rack my brain trying to figure out how I can fix this.
Time passes,
I look in retrospect
on a life petering out.
Memories rack my brain,
there under the pine tree
we stand embraced
in perfect harmony,
our names chiselled
on the tree's trunk,
our love in unison
our passion fulfilled.
Time passes
like the monotonous tick tock
of an old wall clock
rigorous and unrelenting
obdurate and harsh.
Our feelings are chiselled
in a book of love.
Life's a continuum,
like a smooth sand dune
until some heavy breeze
ruffles the surface,
then the calm and back
to the velvety smoothness
of our devotion and love.
Time passes,
steadily and pitiless,
sharing, dividing, consolidating
all that we had construed,
until my last entry is there:
rest in peace my sweet.
Soon we'll be together again
as I wane and wither;
soon our names will be chiselled
on a flat cold stone
soon I'll rest too
forever with my love.
As I sat on the couch in the living room,
I began to think about life and how it
goes by in a flash.
And what would I do if death came
knocking right then and there.
Had I made amends with the creator?
Am I a woman of integrity? Would I
plead for my life and beg for more time?
Did I have any regrets? Did I live my life
to the fullest? Did I rebuild the bridges
that I’ve burned?
I realized at that very moment that I
fell short. I haven’t lived my life to
the fullest; I haven’t lead a noble and
just live. Death is an appointment that
I can't cancel. I started to rack my brain,
wondering what to do; as the tears
began to flow, I thought, about how
unpredictable life is? It takes many turns.
Each day we live, we are close to death.
In an instance, my answer came through
my tears.
I had gotten a breakthrough.
As long as I have life in me, I must focus
on the things that matter most. Live each
day as though it was my last, aim to live
a life free of regrets.
4-29-2021
A simple choice
presents itself
Play it safe
or take a chance
I sit and stew
and analyze
As if my choice
is do-or-die
I sift and sort
and sort and sift
Hamstrung by
habitual thrift
Day and night
I rack my brain
Methinks I might
just go insane
Do I keep the only job
I've ever known
Or venture out
of my comfort zone
Then suddenly
it comes to me
I've played it safe
all my life
Why not take a risk
Go all in
And if I fail
Is that a sin...
One thing only
troubles me
I just turned
eighty-three
Sequestered Thoughts
Written: By Tom Wright
8-10-2019
I sequestered some thoughts today at dawning,
Other days I’ve allowed these thoughts free reign.
But today, I’ve a tendency, to sit here yawning,
Nothing worthy escapes though I rack my brain.
Perhaps its a temporary psychological block,
Because the hour of night, has now grown pale.
Or the interrupting chime of our grandfather clock,
But most likely, It’s just that my thoughts are stale.
No one knows what it’s like
To be trapped inside your mind
To question all of your thoughts
To wish that you were blind
This illness is a real thing
It wasn’t just made up
Every word is a sting
They always come for me
These voices rack my brain
My thoughts aren’t on the train
I want them to stop but they won’t
They are supposed to stop but they don’t
Schizophrenia is a curse
Nothing else could be worse
Words stumble out of my mouth, I grope for words
Trying to pull words out of thin air
I rack my brain for thoughts but it wouldn’t budge
I stare at things for long time
Just trying to figure what my thoughts are
Looking from another perspective I try to gather what my feelings are
Is it joy, is it happiness is it peace?
Maybe it is calm; it is the smile, maybe the laugh
It is the tear, Is it love?
Maybe it is pain, sorrow
No, it is the feeling when you drown in the cold arctic ocean
The paralyzing of body and the numbness of the brain
It is the helplessness, the hopelessness,
The fear that is what it is.
The unbearable pain threatening to hang over us
Is this what I think?
The word is simple; it is life that I think about
And it is all the above
The last piece finally broke,
The one i've held onto desperatly,
For it was the one piece,
I used to define me.
I stare at the shattered splinters of hope,
Lying lifeless in my tattered hands,
How did i let this happen,
I rack my brain to understand.
I remember the Crystal blue,
The one that robbed my sanity,
In just a seconds glance,
With haunting intensity.
Drawn like a moth to a flame,
I have only myself to blame,
For i couldn't help
But to flirt with danger.
I handed her the loaded gun,
And bade her to pull the trigger,
She smiled, something so sweet,
For she knew she made me weak.
As the blood drip from my still hands,
The last few drops staining the sand,
Inhaling this last breathe,
I watched the happiness contort her face,
And all i could think to myself,
Was wow I finally gave her smile that way again...
Alone I stand, it's midnight and from my mind with a steady hand
As I write through my pen onto this blank pad, inking many thoughts I have
Assembling into rhymes, unknown riddles of my life transcribed
Into endless lyrical lines, asking questions from within of all kinds
Why existence is mysterious, as is time therefore it seems
Reality indeed without ease to truly define yet still I try
Steady I ride, the glass rails in my stone mind and with few details
I find sanity eludes me without sign becoming increasingly
Difficult to attain each time, so rack my brain and shock my mind
Attempt to compose what's left of my lost and twisted, misplaced mind state then
I remenesse on my life, to recollect how to write my name
~Sincerely, Name.
I am sitting at my desk
Looking for a bright idea.
I look at the empty paper
Waiting for a poem for the galleria.
I waited for the right time
When I was in the mood to write.
But now I wait for inspiration
To let my imagination take a flight.
I mess my hair frustrated
As I rack my brain for inspiration.
I think back on the words of poets
Then I hit a realization.
Everyone has always said
Inspiration is all around.
What your surroundings offer
Will leave you astound.
I wish I knew the reason why
An X, L, V and I, I, I
Is how one can identify
Which Super Bowl this is.
Though Roman numerals I hate,
Without them, one could not equate
Those letters with game 48 -
It’s almost like a quiz.
I wonder who decided that
The Roman way is where it’s at;
It had to be a bureaucrat
Or mathematics whiz.
So every year I rack my brain
In hopes that yes, I did retain
Those skills to let me ascertain
Which Super Sunday ‘tis.
I haven't found the words to say
So I just turn and walk away
Sometimes I walk by as she bats her eyes
I try to hide the smile as I get butterflies
A leap of faith
A heart on the line
Is it hers, is it mine
I rack my brain
A total drain
I wanna scream
Is it real or just a dream
One day the dance will have to end
A new beginning or just friends
How does she get to me with such ease
Does she know I don't like a tease
Random thoughts I have at night
Sitting here by candlelight
How I'd like to hold her near
To be the one calling her dear
The leaves turn brown and the cold sets in
As darkness falls, my joy grows dim
I'm unsure of the problem and why it arose
Why have you just appeared-suppose only God knows
It was never a problem- and I managed okay
But all of a sudden that changed one day
I rack my brain in hope of a clue
But why when I walk past you, I feel the way I do
I'm embarrassed to say and I'm ashamed to admit
But the option is not there for me to dismiss it
Do I explore, or do I hope and pray it will go away
Do I have the confidence to speak the words I want to say
The confusion I have sends my head spinning round
The echoing voice in my head makes a sound
I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm at my wits end
I so desperately want this situation to end
If I keep hiding will anyone seek me
If I keep running will it set me free
If I keep seeking will I ever find
The life I crave which runs through my mind
Writer's Block
I have writers block right now, hate this feeling.....
I have an idea in my head, but, the words escape me....
I rack my brain, trying to think, and, think....
But, the harder I try, the worse it gets....
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....
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