Dizzy and spinning, hands all around me
Are you in control?
Look at the scenery and face the trees in their winter picture
Laughter breathes it's breath on your face
Nothing will stay still and nothing can seem to conqueror this fear
This wrenching fear which has sent me into sunlight
Afraid to take a peek in the shadows alone
The night is calling but I've lost all courage
Would you like to join me or do you find comfort in your fears?
Securing you to one place and locking you down for years
So you see, death ends the life of the noisy
But fear feels like the death of soul entirely
Last night my son stirred
between half wake and sleep.
I stroked his soft hair,
And I kissed his small cheek.
He said, “Mummy, these cuddles
tonight were the best”
and wished for forever
with him in our nest.
When a baby arrives
through the heart of their mother,
they’re laid on your chest —
you belong to each other.
There’s no room for choices,
for burnout or fear.
Your instinct is roaring:
just keep them near.
But life slowly loosens
the threads as they grow.
Your heart doesn’t want to,
your mind must let go.
They trust other people,
They want to explore.
New voices will teach them —
And guard every door.
When the nights feel too quiet,
the silence too deep,
I’ll remember that whisper
between half wake and sleep —
how he held me so close
in his small dreaming world,
and for one perfect moment,
love quietly unfurled.
He cleaned his gun
Polishing the anger with disdain
Caring nothing for the life
Taken and the one that remains
...unforgiven
She cries for her loss
Always dragging her cross
All over town
The town joke
Among the country folk
Still in her wedding gown
...unloved
They shout profanity
At the right to choose
But even after victory
They lose
...hearing
We rail at authority
Engaging the majority
To join the fight
Seeing what we see
In the center of you and me
With no light
...and no sight
Blind, deaf, and rejected
More than ready to accept HEAVEN
Deserving our RIGHTeousness
Though it be riddled with leaven
...for the puff
Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-26-2023
Looking for the right track
and knowing not to look back.
Can't imagine letting go
and allowing feelings to show.
Life stopped on that day,
lost in the process along the way
Words will remain silent,
racing thoughts are precedent
Six months after the final beat of your heart
feelings are scattered, keeping us apart.
Searching for an answer to ease the mind.
Acceptance is something I will not find.
Tangled in this web of emotion.
Hoping I won't stay in slow motion.
Enduring through my grieving,
I fear I will never find healing.
COMPUTATIONAL SUMMONS ...
DAMNATION'S DEMONS DRIVE
INTELLIGENT MACHINES.
HELL BOUND IN CIRCUITRY
BOARDS WITH DIGITAL IMAGING
A GODFORSAKEN ENIGMA BUILT
IN INFERNO'S HOT SILICON MATRIX.
DESOLATIONS DIVINITIES
RULE A VIRTUAL LABYRINTH.
THE CELESTIALS CREATED MAN!
MAN DESTROYED THE DIVINE, INSANE!
THE PROFANE CREATED SACRED MACHINES
OF TWISTED LOGIC, SPARKS RAIN!
Does sacred Mother Eartha
too often want to stop the world
to process Her nuanced feelings?
Does our desecrating Dad
too seldom demand we stop
to consider grace
and win/win gratitude
for creative dance
as it has systematically developed
to this current post-millennial date
to partisan fancy prance?
Revisiting loyalty to Earth's global systems
of nutritional economics
and cooperative psychological
bicameral enlightenment
of healthy democracy
bipartisan empowerment
Solidarity with RightBrain integrity
restoring EarthJustice
nonviolent ecofeminist
co-invested communication
Deep listening
to identify EarthPatriotic feelings
of safety,
provision,
protection
And more matriotic co-passionate needs
and wants,
felt voices
and thought choices
for healing erections
from PatriarchalCapitalism
chronic LeftBrain overstressed disorder
Haunted by mounting night mares
vexed against feckless EarthMothers
stalled to win/lose process eternal competitions
in autonomous lack
of polycultural communon
Win health
to win safe colorful wealth
nondualistic
thoughts bidialectic
with warm interdependent
feelings
trustfully realistic.
It was in the water
Where receptors were numbed
As currents of pain and pleasure
Were systematically being gummed
Blinded eyes gazed at silence
Forked tongues hissed at words
The machine making adjustments
Were the loud sounds players heard
Not for me, can't have
Move along little doggie, just get through
Suffering is your lot in life
Precious Blue can't always find, and rescue you
Words, sentences, mantra, belief
My narrative was alive......without....ME
Must hide self in the crowd
Where evil is not allowed
...........but where to hide
.................................when I must ABIDE
.......................................................in NOT.....ME!!!
Written by Trudy Schrader on 08/29/2020
Note: I swear, the healing process never ends. LOVE is always revealing areas in the heart that are cold and need the warm touch of caring love to make it whole and new again. This process is very difficult for me, but I will do the work so that I can be healed and maybe others can benefit from my journey. Wow! See!?! Melodrama....Lord, help me!
Be converted… and become as little children
That’s truly the only way to be free.
Before being subjected to the harshness of the world
before your head was filled with voices
the algorithm of the world
our oppressors.
Before we got so confused
Rewind, go back and remember
Not all these customs are ours.
Not all these voices belong to us.
They belong to other people
Other races
from other places.
some are old customs passed down
some are old memories
some come from our methods of survival.
Most of it isn’t even truth
maybe you’re thinking too much
BREATHE. MEDITATE, PRAY
cause maybe you’re feeding into the wrong memories
but we were conditioned to be this way.
Nature versatile on evolution.
originates from inorganic state,
transcends into organic formation.
Flora and Fauna flourishing at best.
Entwined turbulence-tranquility.
Nurturing caring or being hostile.
Mysterious carrying beast and beauty.
Radical display of hues on own style.
Crimson creation- Charcoal extinction:
Nature smarter than Science to progress.
World runs, rushes in Nature’s discretion
Where to cling, where to mold, where to digress.
Blind process, yet precise on perfection.
Nature versatile on evolution.
A mother of eight
Left to raise them on her own
Damn that man...for dying
And leaving her lost, alone
A soldier of valor
Stood his ground in the face of fear
Now, he is court marshaled
For the lies they wanted to hear
A child hides in a closet
Hearing every thwack of the belt
Fighting the concern welling up
To be experienced, processed, felt
.......no grid
Pain beyond measure
Racks the prisoner of war
Trying to get through the moment
Til there will be no more
.......breath
Relief doesn't come
In fact, it builds and festers
Til the filters, ideals, beliefs
Are sequestered
.......to show themselves
and .........Give an account
to WHO?????
If one has no reason
And finds no need to question
Life is just a series of events
A journey without suggestion
Hmmm....what's that like?
Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-06-2019
Note: I have always had a grid. My encounter with TRUTH at 18 months set my path. Here I am now, faced with a truth I had never considered...it's a gift; therefore, compassion is necessary for understanding. I hope I have entered into the Grid deep enough to provide insight.
Conceal my face. The jagged lines
Cut away an inch- no more.
Uproot the grey and secrete a bed
Of black as night.
Contort my frame
And guard my gait
With bated breath
I sent for flowers
Signed in concealed hands
A name that will not exist
I was twenty feet tall
And the Statue of Liberty
Wilted at her knees as I breezed aside
In a moment
In a mirror
I study
My broken and splintered.
I watch the dance of rot and decay
I am piece by piece
Fighting to recreate
And salvage the shipyard of my
Cast iron will and declarations.
I will live forever.
I will never change. Never age.
I heard what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
What would you die for, what do you long for?
Are you willing to sacrifice everything you have for the chance to transcend?
Or will you stay in the comfortable confines of a stable life. What message does that send?
We have but one life to live as we choose
We have so many inherent gifts to use
Yet too often we succumb to the stifling path
We cling to the safe and secure, as if to avoid fates wrath
Not realizing all along the trap we’ve set for ourselves
Ignoring our inner calls; reluctant to see how far within we can delve
We are made with the capacity to achieve incredible deeds
How can we harness that power and let it take us where it leads?
We must always feel, observe and question our mind
The next great frontier lies within; we must unlock those secrets to truly understand human kind
Insisted
tight-fisted
hard fisted, too.
Resistin'
when necessary
or, hey, when not.
Assertions without backup facts
get votes.
Disappearance when overwhelmed
whole 'nother story.
Binary system,
Ones and zeros don't exist-
Broken Computer.
I have seen to much suffering and pain
Shattered feelings
As I look out my windowpane
It’s more in-depth than you can imagine
Terrorism to desecrate and intimidate
The tragedy more than you can fathom
I put on the TV tonight
Things just aren’t right
My heart fell, my face dropped
More killing and more hurt
You can desensitize
But I tend to analyze
And ask the questions why
In this existence
The life we know
Can there be no peace
No glow
Fighting for this
Fighting for that
Soldiers losing their lives in
Combat
All for what?
The money strut
It’s driving a wedge
Between man
All that is Green
Is pooling the blood
On his hands
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