I’ve never really seen a toad
sitting on a toadstool.
A cheating mushroom farmer
has bad morel character.
I wonder what your life is like
if that’s what you call fun, gus?
Edible, yes, but some will kill
and others make you mellow.
Not your favorite?
Be a good spore, don’t make a fuss.
I’m kind of guessing portobello
was a portly fellow.
I don’t know who could live in those;
there doesn’t seem to be mush room.
Shiitake is the trash-mouthed one
who has bad takes and fumes.
Out upon the Spanish Main it roared
The storm reached out its cold hands to catch
Crashing waves they beat against the board
Quickly now they battened every hatch
Spray and wind groaned, lashing at the sails
The creaking and bending of the mast
Will God hear our muffled shouts and wails?
Hear us Lord; let not this be our last
Time had given them another flight
Henry yelled and hailed his storm soaked crew
Through the pitch black darkness of the night
Churning, boiling, blackened tempest grew
Should they expect gallantry and good?
Henry’s ships strained against the gale
This time they did what good men should
Through trials and storm they would not fail
Portobello plucked from evil hands
On the ships of former pirates sailed
Who joined hands to win from other lands
In great shouts of victory they hailed
In his new life he employed good men
Henry’s lasting monument they cast
By good works of men we live again
Not stopped or ruined by what had past
His legacy lives on true today
Remembered for good he did to tame
Rather than mistakes he made one day
Though he had to brave the Spanish Main
Tonight my wife proclaimed, "My dear, we are dining out!"
I said, "Fine! How about steak and taters or rainbow trout?"
"No" she insisted, "I want an exotic Italian dish!"
Alas, I lost another tete-a-tete spousal skirmish!
We arrived at Luigi's or some such place,
And were seated cozily by the glowing fireplace!
We proceeded to order our favorite wine,
And to that point everything was going fine!
The server presented the menu to me.
I needed an interpreter I could readily see.
The longer the bill of fare that I perused,
The more I became addled and confused!
Fettuccine Alfredo, Portobello Gratine, Tortelloni;
Spezzato Cacciatore, Rigatoni Alla Carpinelli;
Linguine Bagutta, Cattaloni Penne Alla Taratina;
Tortelloni All Primavera, Scaloppini and Picata!
My head was spinning but hardly from the wine.
As I tried to figure out upon what I'd like to dine!
I summoned the waiter and said, "If you please,
I'll have a buffaloburger with onions, pickles and cheese!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Born of manure
Elysium in a bowl
Portobello bisque
By Robb A. Kopp
Some real pork sausages
wild boar pancetta
flat portobello mushrooms
Bury's black pudding
organic fried egg
toast and tea
Please!
portobello mushroom soup
tracle cured salmon
asparagas and poached egg
runner bean chutney
gooseberry cobbler
ginger beer
Cheer !
He nods towards a table between the hibiscus
and other flowering plants,
a bit more removed from the racket of passing cars,
the tiny music of forks tapping porcelain dinner plates.
Her eyes spy artwork for sale
hung across mustard-colored walls.
He wants Amore: flatbread
covered with baby spinach,
sliced tomatoes,
melted feta and provolone.
She searches for something more exotic:
can almost taste the tumbling of arugula
and gorgonzola dripped in a vinaigrette
of pear and thyme. Or perhaps
the portobello lasagna,
its cream sauce surrounding
layers of spinach and mozzarella
to go with a glass of good white wine.
But he insists on the flatbread
and places her menu aside,
doesn't catch the shrug
or her wandering eyes.
Tab plus tip: $31.95. Or a bargain
for pride—unaware the real cost
of ordering the pizza was her
disinterested sigh.
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