Long Redneck Poems
Long Redneck Poems. Below are the most popular long Redneck by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Redneck poems by poem length and keyword.
Striving for Political Correctness
By Elton Camp
It would just be the end
If by words we do offend.
There’s the devil to be paid
If we call a spade a spade.
“Vertically challenged” means short.
“Horizontally challenged,” a fat sort.
“Nondiscretionary fragrance” means we stink.
“Living impaired” means your’re dead I think.
“Cerebrally challenged” and you are plain dumb.
“Hispanic” and it is Mexico that you come from.
“Niceness deprived” tells that you are mean.
As “oppressor-to-be” a young boy can be seen.
“Follicularly challenged” guys really are bald.
“Gay” is what males who hump men are called.
The “residentially flexible” will live out on the street.
“Nontraditional success” and a poor man you meet.
“Economically maximized” describes one rich.
“Economically marginalized” do live in a ditch.
“Visually challenged” is the blind guy you see.
“Reality challenged” people are crazy as can be.
“Locationally challenged” folks are those lost.
“Unjust self-esteem reduction” criticism’s cost.
A “maintenance portal” is the name for a manhole.
While “sexually dysfunctional” is a perverted soul.
The garbage collector is a “sanitation engineer.”
“Petroleum transfer specialist” pumps gas I fear.
The “termination specialist” other people does kill.
“Body entrepreneur” describes a prostitute if you will.
“Factually unencumbered” are the ignorant folk.
“Alternative answer” means an error was spoke.
If lazy, then we aren’t “motivationally disposed.”
“Discretionary fragrance” and perfume is nosed.
The “chronologically gifted” are just old.
“Rustically inclined” is redneck I’m told.
“Vertically gifted” people describes those who are tall.
“Client of the correctional system” a prisoner we call.
“Cerebrally gifted” people are those who are smart.
Be “metabolically challenged,” and dead thou art.
“Nonwaged” and it is a job you do lack.
“Amorally gifted” and a crook you track.
“Knowledge conveyor” speaks of the teacher.
“Personality repressor” describes the preacher.
With a “conceptual conflict” you are not sure.
The “under-alert” just some sleep will cure.
Now we are expected to play the “correctness” game.
Which means we call almost nothing by its true name.
In keeping with that, you see,
This poem is correct as can be.
When Robert was a small child
he watched those brave cowboys
riding across the TV screen,
their exploits he enjoyed.
The horses, guns, and shinny stars,
the ever stylin’ hat…
It all spoke to Bob way deep down,
he wanted to try that.
He wanted to be a cowboy,
the thought just made him grin,
Bob figured that when he was big
he could ride the western winds.
But when informed his parents
they smiled so sadly,
the wild west was now long gone,
an impossible dream.
Bob’s sister would just laugh at him,
as she painted her nails,
posted about her ‘redneck bro,’
how he was made of fail.
Bob couldn’t help but feel something
slowly dying within,
it seemed that there would be no chance
to ride the western winds.
And when he grew he went and did
the things folks expected.
He went to school, got a degree,
a job to keep him fed.
But he still felt something missing,
and more than once he thought
of running out west to a ranch,
that kind of job he sought.
But before he could his girlfriend
conceived a kid with him,
they were married and settled down,
no time for western winds.
Bob made good money at his job,
kept the numbers in check
for big companies on the move,
made sure the books were set.
He wanted to vacation at
a dude ranch way out west,
but when he told his wife this thought
she balked at his request.
She wanted a tropical beach,
a place to show some skin,
she’d rather lay out in the sun
then ride the western winds.
It was the same tale every year,
she cared not for his likes,
and used him as an A.T.M,,
he grew to hate his life.
He suspected her of cheating,
and she did not deny,
divorced him after seven years,
and the judge took her side.
Bob grumbled, but saw the freedom
he’d get form her great sin,
at least now he would get the chance
to go ride western winds.
But then came the alimony,
and lord it was a lot,
add into that child support
and Bob was left to rot.
He barely got to see his kid,
she wouldn’t keep the terms,
and the court didn’t seem to care
how this loss made him yearn.
He had to pay for a child
she taught to hate his kin,
and had not money for such dreams
as riding western winds...
CONCLUDES IN PART II.
Dedicated to Donald Duck
You are greatly admired
By the following
The deplorables
Kellyanne Conway
She will con you all the way!
Adolph Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Mussolini
Sarah Palin
Pol Pot
Vladimir Putin
Saudi Royals
Palestinian boils
Tayyip Erdogan
Rudy Giuliani
Mike Pence
Chris Christie
Fran Drescher
Denis Rodman
Jesse Ventura
Astor Mark Burns the fraud and con artist
Ben Carson, the brain surgeon who lost his own brain
Now that’s totally insane
Bechir Assad
Kim Jong-un
Dennis Rodmam, Kim Dongs boyfriend
Gene Simmons, Kiss my ass
Zoltan Bathory, stop the drugs man
Loretta Lynn a hick with redneck whims
Bruce Willis is an actor and a racist with no car(e)
Jessica Simpson is blonde and maybe Trump hasnt grabbed her kitten
Sylvester Stallone will soon be all alone
Unless Donald is gay then a bromance is etched in stone
Illusions of self grandeur
Fantasies of men born to slander
Trump is a sleaze and con and a fraud
If you buy in, you’re a chump and a sod
Stop and think, stop the drink
You have choices and diverse options
Build bridges not walls
In the end, together we shall all stand tall
Maybe not, then too late, we shall atomically fall
A narcissist and psycho of that it’s for sure
He takes charitable deductions claiming he is pure
As he evicts the poor and mentally challenged
Who voted for him while being tossed out the door
Notes: With rights come responsibilities, although this is always a balance it seems we as a society are very concerned with out rights and much less with out responsibilities. I encourage anyone who truly cares to go and find a book called “Berlin Diary 1934-1941” and read it. First it’s a personal account of the times, and any book that covers humanity and day to day life for me carries a more humanistic weight to the story, however the main point is this. Hitler said and acted very much in the same way Donald Trump does today. That educated men stand behind Trump as well as many uneducated ones, is sad, they are more concerned with their own careers than doing the right thing. Of note, The Bushes seem to have long before it was popular, distance themselves from Trump.
Our family got the news today
Our bubba's gettin' hitched
Young Daisy Mae, she's near fourteen
Got our boy bewitched
He's sayin' that he loves her
He's making her his bride
She's the first to get him this close
Though not too many tried
We've got to get things ready
Send invitations and make candles
We've got to get the good jars out
The one's that still have handles
The minister is on alert
We've got to make some shine
Grandpa says he'll make some up
But, it will not all be mine
Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow
This time there'll be no shotgun
Like the last time for old Ben
This time the guns are empty
Not the way they were back then
The banjos will be tuned up
There'll be music in the air
The cops won't try to stop it
I think most will all be there
The ladies will be planning
Just how to serve up all the grub
While Bubba has to find a suit
And therein lies the rub
He's never worn a suit at all
Not even for a day
He's only dressed in coveralls
And that's how he's gonna stay
Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow
It'll be a wang dang doodle
A hell of a good time
It'll only be completed
When they run out of the shine
there'll be singing and some dancing
Underneath the harvest moon
We can't wait for it to happen
It cannot come too soon
There'll be readings from the bible
Which the minister will read
And as good holy Christians
Everyone will heed
There's sure to be some fighting
Before the couple say "I do"
I mean, they are both cousins
I'm gonna go...aren't you?
Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow
She first met the love of her life at the sweet tender age of twelve, he was a sixteen-year-old country redneck .of a young man. She had worked up the courage to tell him her name but on that one small ounce of courage, she didn't only tell him her name she told him a full dialogue of her life.
Embarrassed with herself she turned around and walked away from him, telling herself that she was an idiot figuring that he would never want to talk to her at all. For her it was love at first sight, to her surprise after a week he started talking to her, what's more, he was having her deliver his love letters to his girlfriend. Until one day he gave her a letter not for his girlfriend but for her, her heart skipped a beat when she went home.
The letter was short and straight to the point it said, 'Do you like me? Because I like you check yes or no.' It was a dream come true for her so of course, she checked yes, they started going out with each other until her mother found out about it and spilled them up.
The last time she saw him was on her front porch where they danced, kissed and he told her that he loved her. It was eleven years later when they met up again, she had already had a daughter by an ex-boyfriend who kicked them out for a neighbors wife.
They started dating again and now they have been together for four years, at first everything was going great and then he started to change. He now wants to have another woman join them in their bed because that is what he is used to, she doesn't want that but she'll do it for him to make him happy. Her happiness is just being with him and having her daughter also, but sometimes he makes her doubt his love for her. On more than one occasion he told her that he couldn't picture his life without her, he went one step further once by saying if she walked out of their house he would chase her and hunt her down because she means the world to him.
She believes him to a degree but at the same time, she has her doubts about what he says because he has already repeatedly broken her heart and almost her spirit with it. She might just put him to the test one day.
By: Vera Rice!
They arrested my anger:
my fingertips, they ink painted
These defiant ebony eyes
were given a sideway rearview
racial profile
A police photo shoot,
criminal style
I became a most colorful, unwanted poster child
for the rabid redneck white crowd,
who were firing their burning blue metal barrels
hatefully loud —
Colt-45 liquid anger
white lightning moonshine proud
Waving their patriotic hostility —
raging river flag moving the mob
At their Wild West campfire pow-wow,
they were bomb fuse sparking
a tar baby effigy of me
Putting a viral vex on their personal celly-ies
and cyber telly-ies
Got several death threats from the skin heads
Aryan Nation neo-Nazis
How is it that my anger got arrested,
while their’s got out of jail free?
The blue devils cuffed me
for non-violently speaking,
not bending a Wounded Knee
Or giving a whipped-dog look slave master bow
This earned me my prison stripes
room-and-board free
Got a felon record for simply
giving the fascist police a ghetto hardship scowl
Now labeled a rebel convict:
I can’t get no cotton-picking union job,
or no southern hospitality northen beans welfare
Living on the cliff ledge is hard, when you can’t blend in
Yellow tin badge hollow justice
gave me a white-hot iron brand hex on my charcoal skin
Then they bum wrapped me in a cement bubble
And an old enamel kangaroo in a long black lynx robe
said I was white rabbit lucky
I didn’t receive a volley of bullets for my trouble
But, I got a swollen-face good break, I was told
Tell my mama this cancer piss pack of hard spit sympathy lies
She died on the inside that awful sentencing day,
and my papa’s fears aged dog years in a bad way
They both knelt stone cold six-feet under,
while I was hell-roasting
in a 20-by-20 windowless solitary bunker
There were no encouraging letters sent from the grave
I’m sure my arrested anger
is gonna get released also, one calm and serene day
But a pardon ain’t forthcoming
any time soon
for these brooding hairs fading in penitentiary gray
.After Bill left the station, he made a pit stop down to the local diner, parked his car and
hurried in to get some much needed chow.
“ What’s up stranger? Haven’t seen your lanky frame in this fine dining establishment in
forever” she said saracastically as she poured him a cup of old left over breakfast
coffee. “Made this pot special just for you Bill, after I saw you crossing the street to come
in here.”
“Sure you did, Nette. I can tell by the grounds floating on top. I missed you too, he
grinned.
“I take it you had a good trip…welcome back cowboy .You want the usual steak and
eggs?” She didn’t wait for his answer as she wrote something on the order pad, spun around
and hollered out to the kitchen. “Dead cow..rare and chicken innards Charlie!”
“You always make that sound so appetizing, Nette.” She smiled her welcome at him and
headed off to grab another order. ” I’m comin’, I’m comin’, I ain’t your mother, ya know!
Bill chowed down, left a tip and drove to the police horse stables to see his patrol partner.
When he got there Gail, one of the stable grooms had Redneck on the cross ties lavishing
him with attention that could only be given by someone who was dedicated to these trusty
warm bloods. Redneck pricked his ears forward and whinnied a greeting to Bill before Gail
knew he was there.
“Hello Redneck ole buddy! What would you do without Gail spoiling the heck out of you
here?” Bill scrubbed his forelock and patted his chest while thanking Gail for taking care of
him while Bill was away.
“ No problem Bill. Glad to do it. You know that. He’s my buddy too you know. Glad to see
you’re back.” They exchanged pleasantries and Bill headed back to his apartment to get a
some much needed rest.
The next morning found Bill refreshed and chomping at the bit to get the scoop on
Brick’s mystery murder case. He decided to give Brick a call early before he headed out. (
To be cont. on Richard Pickett site "the team up")
Don’t try to reason with them
or you will be called ULTA MAGA!
Never try facts or logic to dissuade them
or you will be labeled ULTRA MAGA!!
Forget discussing social issues with them,
for you will be called a racist and an extreme
ULTRA MAGA!
Don’t you dare wear a red hat -you’re a sexist,
Irredeemable, deplorable white supremacist,
even if you’re black, that’s no excuse,
you are definitely, Irrefutably
an ULTRA MAGA!
Don’t fly the stars and stripes, own a gun,
own a truck, love the Lord,
deplore the murder of babies….
You dolt, you redneck, You Illiterate yahoo,
you’re just an ignorant ULTRA MAGA!
Never express an opposite opinion,
for that will enrage the censors,
and never tell the truth
or you will be cancelled,
deemed an ULTRA MAGA!
Know your place in this Liberal New World Order.
You’re not a globalist , you’re a rabid Nationalist.
Worse, you may even be a patriot.
You must just shut up.
Obey or be attacked by your betters.
Your beliefs are all backward.
You are an ULTRA MAGA!
Never disagree with our experts,
our corporate media,
our woke faith in more than two sexes.
Never admit that you know what a women is.
You’re a sexist, a toxic male explainer.
Shut up at once. You are ULTRA MAGA!
The economy is doing great, the earth is doomed,
don’t have children but if you do,
hand them over
to our socialist brain-washing teachers
for suitable indoctrination.
They are ours not yours,
and if you insist on home-schooling
we will dox you and ridicule your smart kids.
The southern border is Closed!
Don’t believe your lying eyes.
You will be forever known as an ULTRA MAGA!
The Constitution is old, and we should rewrite it,
so it better reflects our socialist forwards looking views.
The Supreme Court must be silenced.
Disagree and you are obviously an ULTRA MAGA!
You may only speak at the polls
(though we are working on that),
and never question if they are rigged, never.
We are watching you closely.
You, you, ULTRA MAGA!
Don’t try to reason with them
or you will be called ULTA MAGA!
Never try facts or logic to dissuade them
or you will be labeled ULTRA MAGA!!
Forget discussing social issues with them,
for you will be called a racist and an extreme
ULTRA MAGA!
Don’t you dare wear a red hat -you’re a sexist,
Irredeemable, deplorable white supremacist,
even if you’re black, that’s no excuse,
you are definitely, Irrefutably
an ULTRA MAGA!
Don’t fly the stars and stripes, own a gun,
own a truck, love the Lord,
deplore the murder of babies….
You dolt, you redneck, You Illiterate yahoo,
you’re just an ignorant ULTRA MAGA!
Never express an opposite opinion,
for that will enrage the censors,
and never tell the truth
or you will be cancelled,
deemed an ULTRA MAGA!
Know your place in this Liberal New World Order.
You’re not a globalist , you’re a rabid Nationalist.
Worse, you may even be a patriot.
You must just shut up.
Obey or be attacked by your betters.
Your beliefs are all backward.
You are an ULTRA MAGA!
Never disagree with our experts,
our corporate media,
our woke faith in more than two sexes.
Never admit that you know what a women is.
You’re a sexist, a toxic male explainer.
Shut up at once. You are ULTRA MAGA!
The economy is doing great, the earth is doomed,
don’t have children but if you do,
hand them over
to our socialist brain-washing teachers
for suitable indoctrination.
They are ours not yours,
and if you insist on home-schooling
we will dox you and ridicule your smart kids.
The southern border is Closed!
Don’t believe your lying eyes.
You will be forever known as an ULTRA MAGA!
The Constitution is old, and we should rewrite it,
so it better reflects our socialist forwards looking views.
The Supreme Court must be silenced.
Disagree and you are obviously an ULTRA MAGA!
You may only speak at the polls
(though we are working on that),
and never question if they are rigged, never.
We are watching you closely.
You, you, ULTRA MAGA!
Racial slurs fly in Michigan like footballs.
I'm not supposed to point the finger at white women,
but white women who enjoy NASCAR, and mass
quantities of alcohol. can be pretty racists and homophobic,
This white woman said, "What did God say when he made
the first black man? "Damn, I burnt one."
Some people can lighten the mood right before a race-riot
breaks out by telling racists jokes. On the roof
of a very tall building are four men; one is asian,
one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white.
The asian walks to the ledge and says,
"This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.
Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says,
"This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.
Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks
to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people"
and then throws the white guy off the roof.
See that's funny. We get really funny things
because of our differences. We do have to learn
to laugh, but more importantly appreciate ourselves..
Without color the world would be pretty grey.
This seems pretty obvious, but doesn't stop people
from killing each other. The world wouldn't
even be grey without color because grey is a color.
They say the blind can't lead the blind,
which brings me to my next joke.
How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
I shouldn't have to spell out the obvious, or fight
for tolerance. It's getting late and my eyes
are turning red from all the jokes. Racism is
really bad comedy. it's like listening to a really bad laugh
that slowly drives a man insane. Don't even get me
started on sexism, which is just a form of stupidity.
I just don't like stupid people. I don't like when stupid
looks me in the eyes because it's ugly.Racists and sexists
must have brain cancer or some devastating mental illness,
which causes them to get mad when Mexicans don't mow
the grass or confused when black people don't like fried chicken.