Long Neuman Poems

Unidentified extraterrestrial(s) willingly abducted me

As a divergence 
from the apocalyptical, dialectical, 
geomorphological, judgmatical, 
metaphorical, philosophical...,
I share an out of this 
(webbed wide) world,
light hearted anecdote 
ye may find far fetched.

Believe me you,
an unspecified number of...

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Au revoir oh perilous freedom...

Since pledging my troth
to the missus July 25th, 1996
after the comma error
punctuated mein kampf with disequilibrium.

Ever since the notions
of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
coalesced within the mindscape
attributed to one
or more...

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Unidentified flying object abducted yours truly,... 

a willing experimental subject 
to escape untenable married life.

Upon falling into a deep slumber, 
the following subconscious 
somnambulant scenario arose 
allowing, enabling, and providing 
temporary alleviation from 
outa harried...

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Fretfully aching to feel fit as a fiddle

After experiencing a severe,
albeit violent near lethal bout
of irritable bowel syndrome
(yesterday night August 30th, 2023)
triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets plus 
healthy portion of lentils,
I (a beatle browed, foo fighting,...

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Figurative paralysis laid waste body electric of mine

This is Spinal tap 
bamboozling, binding, bleeding, bombing...
ripped from every dog eared 
and book marked page
recounting latest ill fated fiasco, 
now peppering my life and hard times
causing quite...

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Worry knot chokes out the living daylights

I know from personal experience
the foolhardiness of
courting, flirting, honeymooning...
worse case scenario,
particularly when just a wee lad,
yours truly internalized
unfamiliar bodily aches and pains
as a death sentence,
slept with one eye opened
against...

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which prime mate affectionately called buttock blaster
alimentary explosion ofttimes causes global disaster
upon such gaseous debacle run for your life ever faster!

Yours truly (humorously dry husband)
can definitively attest,
she (thee missus) nixed, ordained,
inured, espoused blessed
discrete frolicsome liaisons...

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I, (and the missus)
     pleased as punch residing
     at this Schwenksville, Pennsylvania locale,
     (since july first tooth house

     sand...

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Radical planet friendly measures
equals earning kudos as unsung hero
(think environmental/carbon footprint)
nearly absolute zero
while global population quarantine
suspension of civil rights
would never fly with trumpeting pharaoh.

Since United States economically crippled
(as well rest of world wide web)
courtesy coronavirus...

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nor any greed
from one suppurating marriage
 this guy wants to be freed
with no malice this cheap tricking
   super tramping wordsmith
 of inxs ac of dc charged cheap tricks
 sans done dirty deed.

This impersonator...

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Vane glorious and absolutistic,
     though I defiantly,
     cavalierly, and blithely attest
Yukon bet your (laugh-in) sweet bippy
     mine acidic breast

houses anarchic, anti-poetic ballistic,
 ...

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Morality and self-fulfillment
attainable without belief in God
similarly yours truly
would figuratively crane
his credulity to ascertain Ichabod
mentioned in first Book of Samuel
as purported son of Phinehas,

I reject entire Biblical text,
and prefer to remain sacrilegious
eschewing faith no more,
(cuz...

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Unsolicited feedback
across rock of ages woke
beguiling ghostly busty spectre
courtesy Marie-Antoinette,
(i.e. bride of France's arty choke
King Louis XVI) bespoke

let him eat cake, and (sic)
send back the bloody bloke,
aye suddenly begot idea rye
Jack Corner of zee desk
didst...

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Time and again finances stretched
to breaking point
crackle, pop, and snap
'curse Alfred E. Neuman
smiles at yours truly
(this luckless papa)

with with his toothy gap
haint even Abel nor Cain,
nor I pull myself up
courtesy frayed bootstrap
dirt poor penniless deathtrap
compliments...

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LAVENDER LADY
She was my lavender lady;
Standing by the lake,
Gazing across the sky-blue water
At who-knows what in the distance.
She was the very essence of elegance.
Spurning the mini-skirted fashion of the age,
Her flowing summer dress
Modestly reached mid-calf.
I...

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Alice Neuman, the last human who could drive died
Spread rapidly on networked news platforms that never lied
To the twelve billion populous that could not
Because of the AI developed when she was just a tot.

Each vehicle...

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I

What if this life is a play,
and we the actors each day,
an insane play for sick and sadistic amusement.

II

Oh, then life would be nothing,
existence would mean not a thing,
all our pain and suffering just a...

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Oh euthanasia, death's sweet song,
your word so smoothly flows along.
I can no longer bear his pain;
my love and prayers were all in vain.

His eyes are pleading for this wrong.
Oh euthanasia, death's sweet song,
you soothe my...

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Peace is a steadfast, stable, quiet noise,
Not one of media’s favorite toys.

Peace is an easy, loving intention,
So news gives it barely any mention.

There is only one sure way peace can win;
Everyone, everywhere, must breathe peace...

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My favorite president?
Can't tell you now
they've re-written history
and a mob with pitchforks
would be chasing me.

The terms of their herd immunity
let them rule with impunity
from within their inclusively
exclusive community.

My favorite president?
I'll let you guess
no better -...

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Hunger and hatred are daily, wrongly, sustained and fed.
Unjust and unfair ones create chaotic laws and discrimination.
Multitudes of people ignorantly choose to live from their egos.
Afghanistan armies war to harm others, even their brothers .
Nations...

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Von Neuman must have broken a lot of pencils
 writing his mathematische grundlagen der
 quantenmechanik.

 it is 500 pages i could have said it in three words
 ..things come undone...

 like in my rum and...

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