Long High and dry Poems
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You took off for Christmas and New Years Eve, and you came back high and chirpy with a rosy face looking like daisy blended with charming lips and an attitude that could pull me off the cliff. I saw you sitting there, acting as if you don’t care, you are so obsessed with the show and I have no other place to go but to sit and watch you and try to get a sensible clue from you. But the hours slip by quickly and the show ended in a jiffy leaving me high and dry with a new ambition waving in the sky.
Suddenly everything around me become obsolete but hopes catapult me to my feet, there was nothing to hold to and a sudden emptiness that I have been fighting for weeks captivate my body. I took a walk up the street hoping to find someone to lay it on, but no one was there, but the cars driving along the street they were just few but they appears to be many.
I walked into the grocery store and stood behind the door so as not to distract the customers, the shopkeeper saw me and wave to me. She forced a smile and went around the back and left me standing there looking in despair as the harshness of life has taken its tolls in the environment and everyone was paying the price.
I felt the tears springing up in my eye and suddenly I started to cry. I tried desperately to hold back the tears so as not to embarrass myself on the spot and so I suppressed the emotion. My body took on a different figure and I could feel all my joints getting stiff and so I clenched my fist and stood silently behind the door and I could hear my own heart beat racing towards the shore and my body moving to an unfamiliar rhythm. The customers come and go staring at me with budging eyes, some had no purpose there they only wanted to look at me.
I kept squeezing the tears inside hoping someone could understand how I feel and touch the pain in me. But my spirit kept draining and my heart continue to ache. I bid the shopkeeper goodbye and venture out the door stumbling on the brumby side walk until I was able to hold my grounds. I walked slowly along the path and each step that I take I could hear your voice shaking and telling me to go. I like watching the show because that’s the only time I can be with you. My hands are stiff my heart is pounding and my soul is waiting for you. Just one more day and I will board the plane and go away from this wretched place.
The only thing she ever wanted to was to be the thing he needs,
To heal him when he bleeds,
To dig out all his weeds.
But the truth is he's remorseless and is full of rage and greed,
And though he sees her beg and plead,
She's just a book he'll never read.
He sees it as a game and it's the kind he loves to play,
Hope on the string he yangs away,
He's there with no promise to stay.
And even though he says he doesn't care, he's in his room,
Content to wallow in his doom,
High off the scent of her perfume.
She knows his kiss is venomous, but she's caught in his web of doubt.
She knows that he's the devil, but they're dancing nose to snout.
And hopefully she'll find out pretty soon, what he's about,
'Cause if she wants to survive his bite, she'll suck the poison out.
But she tries to love the one who tears down bridges and builds walls,
Ignoring all her cries and calls,
Treating girls like paper dolls.
Yet he chooses to deceive her with his silver forked tongue,
A piper with the songs he's sung,
Twisting her 'til she's come unstrung.
And god and everyone else knows he just wants someone to follow,
Feeds her booze for her to swallow,
Now from the inside out, she's hollow.
And as her vision starts to blur, she's dizzy and unwell,
With no known cure to break his spell,
She's burning in the pits of Hell.
She knows his kiss is venomous, but she's caught in his web of doubt.
She knows that he's the devil, but they're dancing nose to snout.
And hopefully she'll find out pretty soon, what he's about,
'Cause if she wants to survive his bite, she'll suck the poison out.
She may not be a hero or an angel, but she's brave,
'Cause he's the one she wants to save,
And he's the one she'll always crave.
But no one really knows him, he's a master of disguise,
All the words he spews are lies,
Will she ever realize?
When she learns to look beyond his mask her soul my die,
Because all she does is try,
While he leaves her high and dry.
If he pokes and prods her heart, and if his demons domineer it,
She'll scream loud enough to hear it,
No, He'll never break her spirit.
She knows his kiss is venomous, but she's caught in his web of doubt.
She knows that he's the devil, but they're dancing nose to snout.
And hopefully she'll find out pretty soon, what he's about,
'Cause if she wants to survive his bite, she'll suck the poison out.
You took me home, I drink to much because of you my livers turn to dust
You got me high my lungs have quit for the last time.
And because of you my obsession grows more and more with each passing day.
I do it more to feel the high but it just won’t come back to me.
I tried to walk but it’s so hard I just end up on my back staring into the sky.
You came to me to help me back onto to my feet.
And helped walk me back to the car even with my resistance you took me home.
I’m sick of the things you have said and done while leaving me high and dry.
I’m so messed up from what you've said and I’m on the brink of dieing out, of
this place you call my home.
I’ve tried to make since of all the things you have said to me, But it is impossible
to stay on track. Some people shouldn’t be alive. That’s how I feel.
Like I’m not needed in this life, even though it might hold something I should
uncover,
I’ve never searched these things in mind that should be found, but yet apparently
unattainable to keep track, it’s almost impossible to grab a hold of the thing that
are most vital to your life.
When you are in a life where all you do is getting smashed and seared. And you
try and try to help me up, but you took one move… You took the one wrong move...
You took me home. Because of you my life now sucks!
And it’s now whirling out of my control
I feel I’m fading from this place that you have brought me to
So take my away from here I need not to see your face in front of mine
So get away... away from me!
Why is it when you call my name, I’m put in a state of misery
I’m am so perplexed, can’t see straight
I’ve tried to go and find my-self it's just so frustrating
I can’t take the fact that you entered my life at an age that I do not know
And I try to ask my-self what can I do to help me out of this awful state
Of misery.
Than you made an effort to help me up, but then I see a whole new being and it’s
not you but somewhat else… I see… I see My-self!?!
I think I helped my soul from this death I think that I have come to my sixth
senses and have turned my life around.
But you still make that one last go to start this all another time
You took me home with this agony
And I ask you one last time why did you make my life this living hell!?!
So, down wooded path with her I walked,
Her, of love and pain, nightmare and dream,
As we went along neither talked,
And quite different now did she seem.
At last, she said with a sigh
That made mind and heart to freeze,
"I never wanted to say 'goodbye',
Your name I heard in every breeze.
Thought of you set this heart to fire
Through potent mix of remorse and love,
To hear you now is like angel choir,
Yet in my heart does dagger shove.
Many a day I spent from you,
Only brooding over what I'd lost,
These eyes wept sorrow's bitter dew,
This heart grew cold as morning frost.
All along what I knew
Was losing you I feared most,
If I cut off before the cue
Perhaps I'd save us heartache's ghost.
So, I let go of what I loved,
Such pain it brought to cut you loose,
You kept up as I struck and shoved,
Forcing use of heart-breaking noose.
Passing time with someone new,
Leaving you high and dry,
My joy all gone and smiles few,
As you I saw in cloudy sky.
There was not a day gone past,
Where for you I didn't long,
For you, feelings would always last,
I would ache at all done wrong.
Now I come to you so lowly,
For you, my heart did always need,
I ask now as if you're holy,
That you'd love me again at this plead."
There I stood,
Before me, the one that haunted
Me as any heartbreak should,
After I she'd freely taunted.
She now wanting my heart
After all she'd done,
Many feelings tore me apart
As from heart and soul words would run.
"You've not a clue
The torture I've had,
My life broken down and blue
And mind driven nearly mad.
At a time, my love was true
Before you tore my kingdom down,
Belief I hold in love for you
Despite ever-present cloudy crown.
Deeds since done I can't forgive,
Not with the pain you gave,
I gave you all I had to live,
But now, none of it can you save.
Be gone from me as before!
Take this new love for me gained of late!
Walk yourself to distant shore
And alone, as I, face your fate."
I could see her heart break,
As I spoke of my desire,
Her tears there shed, far from fake
As her plea was tossed in fire.
Turned, and away she would go,
At last, my mind was somewhat eased,
For now she would truly know
The pain from her I had seized.
she had put a band on her wrist
in case she got lost on the journey
‘missing me but don’t return to sender’
no name or address just a simple message
a foresworn identity label of lost track
her abandoned reality checked out
dumped but not stranded she vacated
the shell of a wreck that left her misplaced
had surrendered to storms high and dry
she would have to relinquish misgivings
abjure past convictions and trespass
into the wilderness of broken repair
disavow compass needle and star chart
drift from transgressions into unknowable
recovery of courage in a wide open sea
with no emergency flares she capitulated to
forces beyond her control and shredded
the life buoy of sunken dreams and despair
flood gates were open as she shed one last tear
a carcass bobbing in wild water and white rapids
drift wood cutting deep inside her final remains
she was scared as everyone had left her side
‘too much chaos and dysfunction’ they said
‘she’ll destroy you while spiraling down’
a fool’s ship in quarantine flying a yellow flag
of black death and purulent contamination
a hobgoblin’s delight but perilous and vile
she felt disowned and homeless cast aside
rejected and discarded with no one to blame
other than her own miserable deception
after years of rip tides and dangerous currents
she crashed on breakwater emotions and pain
overcame the sea wall and held on to the shore
a disused fisherman’ cottage offered her shelter
the fireplace warmed her bones and contempt
thawed her mind and rekindled a weary soul
a glance in the mirror of hope showed her mercy
and revealed what an epic path she had taken
blissful abandon and a band on scarred joint
14th June 2020
BUTTERFLY IN THE RAIN
If you read my poems I’m sure you can tell by the words I use
how often my child and adult are uniting…
but there are times, like today, when the adult in me takes a break
and I let my child do the writing.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate his input (yes this is his child speaking)
It’s just that sometimes I’m not after the same answers he is seeking.
Take today for instance…outside it started to sprinkle
and as I watched a butterfly visit flowers in this part of her domain….
I stopped to ask that butterfly, “Where do you go when it rains”.
I’m pretty sure the adult in me knew the answer
(There’s a book about butterflies he keeps upon the shelf)
but I preferred to get my information from the butterfly herself.
She said, “I usually looks for safe and dry places…the same places I like to sleep at night
In a hollow of a tree, under leaves…somewhere I can protect my leaves for flight.”
As the rain came down a little harder…she said, “Come and follow me!”
then she flew and found some refuge in a nearby blue spruce tree.
She said, “We butterflies are lucky…Mother Nature has provided us a brain…
that allows us to find natural umbrellas that shelter us from the rain”.
As we spoke I couldn’t help but notice…although the rain had filled the sky
the needles she chose to hide under protected this butterfly.
She looked at me and smiled…the from the lips of the smartest butterfly I’ve ever met…
She said, “I notice how I’m up here high and dry…while you’re down there getting wet.”
I admit I felt a little embarrassed…when with laughter she couldn’t contain…
that little butterfly stopped to ask me…”Where do I go in the rain?”
Then she said, “It doesn’t matter…you are soaking wet I see…
and since it’s still raining why don’t you come and share this tree with me.”
So there I sat under the blue spruce tree…conversing with a butterfly
while the rain fell all around me…and only one of us was dry.
The adult in me would not have wanted to get wet…
would not have followed that butterfly into that blue spruce tree…
but this soaking wet child couldn’t help but think
there is no place I’d rather be..
Sensing the atmosphere for omens.
Signs of impending, cusp and verge.
I ping and curl, scrape to drudge up-
internal program and hit send
and hope for good vibes return "not the end."
I have become a lightless diode.
A buzzing lamppost in the neighborhood
of victimhood and it's backstreet node.
A useless burnt out core in off mode.
A robot running over castles
premade in the sand.
I try to read between the lines,
decrypt the Oracles plans behind,
the fulfilling jinx it has in store foe me.
Stars aligned.
A telepathy mainlining, a pulse headlining freakshow.
Of kinetic belonging, or safety net I used to abide in
long ago.
When the world had justice and overseer
and endearment-
enthronement-thoughts of the faithful.
I long for the ether of a hint,
graft me in with your marrow, splint, in the know.
Don't leave me high and dry,
Alone and crooked, wicked bent.
Odious clouds and signature mounds.
Terra-blyte your foretelling,
Either a warning or a telling of blue skys color turning.
Ether, of any which way the wind blows in my mind.
A private message, rather stalking.,
as it stands a topography cone of cold stand.
Your best made plans, for me
for the tasting, cast of shadow.
forecast, menacing.
Bound to be set in stone, found rather mocking.
Injected in-guest-guessing an after the fact thing,
for me.
You read my fear as I fill
a prescription of
my self fulfilled prophecy,
rolling the bones
with fate's hands.
I hear there's power in the knuckles,
the joints, the suggestion of glands.
Just. Faint whispers,
whisking by
warning-arrows
with no flame-
no spark burning for me.
Just a whisker filament, fading to the darkest
sharade of gray, hit parades.
To shade my own guilty sense of judgment.
Of putting my trust in false things.
With their superficial gradient of monochrome;
night rainbows,
overlooking Styx river country home
aside a brick road leading all the way to Thunderdome.
My sonar/feeler brain finding it's way
in the dark like a worm in the dung.
In someone else's element.
With no taste for mental or spiritual atonement.
Or the taste of Hope's spark on my tongue.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Who give you the right
To behave
Like the rest of the cave men?
I thought you were enlightened
Learned
I thought….
Damn you!
Damn you for wasting my time
My love
My life
On someone like you!
I thought you were made
With heavenly fibers
With other world cells
That would appreciate the honesty
The devotion
The care
The babying
The being at your beck and call
The moving my schedule around to fit you
The moving my day around to suit you
The moving my life around to accommodate YOU
That you found in me!!!!
I thought....
DAMN!
But you are like the rest
Once you have it all
You take it for granted
Think you are the king of the world
THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE
You are just a man
A MAN
A typical MAN
Need the mystery???
The chase????
The need to hunt
To capture your prey
Still burns in your veins?
GO then
Get OUT
Go and hunt
Just don’t expect to come here...tired, weary
And have your meal ready
And your desert to be me
All creamed up
Ready....
To be licked clean...
Need to be treated like dirt???
To want?
To pursue?
Is that why
You came here to end it all?
I’m no longer a challenge for you?
Too much of a commitment involved?
Is your baggage getting in the way?
I could have unpacked it for you
And seen you through
Damn…damn damn damn
I’ll never learn
To hold back
And not give it all away
Now you want to leave???
Yea, it’s been nice
OF COURSE IT’S BEEN NICE, MORON
I gave you my heart and soul
THAT’S EQUIVALENT TO PARADISE
Yes, dear…
You would like to leave?
Can’t give me what I deserve
BLA BLA BLA BLA
Shut up!
LEAVE!
GOOD RIDDANCE!
I won’t grieve
Let me walk you to the door
I gave you all and more
Not because you were all that
But because I’m ALL THAT!
And MORE
That’s the way I love
That’s the way I adore
Go….good luck
When that temptress leaves you high and dry
And you taste the poison in her pie
When you finally come to see
She has the breasts
But NO HEART underneath
You'll remember me…..
Don’t come to this door
JUST LET ME BE!
Don't you DARE go knock on this door
Because, MR ALL THAT!
“LOVE DON’T LIVE ANYMORE.”
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Inspired by something someone dear to my heart is going through....
Beirut.
You’ve always been the life of the party.
I’ve seen the sun smile at you,
on Saturday mornings.
As your women
hung over and wrecked
with Jesus crosses on their necks
waltz through streets
trying to find a ride back home.
Your green wooden window panes,
always left open.
Always left waiting.
A sign of hope.
As if something holy
or someone with a red cape on
would come
and save you.
I see it
I feel it
The pain
The terror
I see the bullets
That have pierced through your walls
Left you with nothing
Your anarchists
Your extremists
Your people
Your children
Are all fighting
Over a hit
of the fix you gave them.
Oh Beirut,
what have they done?
I see the clouds of smoke rising
I see your people left bare
with secrets to strip off
and hang on the laundry ropes
that fill your skies
The writings on your walls say it all.
You’ve lost your soul
You’ve lost your spark
Corruption
Destruction
You made the rules
and then asked us to break them.
I’m not sure who to blame.
Them,
Or you.
You left me high and dry-
Lost in the alleys of your dark streets
I didn’t know who to blame.
So I asked around, Beirut.
I asked the men on motorcycles
who snatch purses from old women.
I asked your nine year old
gypsy beggars.
I asked your officers
and the teenagers in cellars,
who in another world could’ve been heroes or poets.
I asked your university students,
but they were too stoned to comprehend my questions.
High on a drug of complacency
High on a drug of nonchalance
High on a drug of compromise.
So
Numb
Numb
Numb
I asked your gods.
Your middle-men.
The pictures on the walls
of your many leaders.
I asked your fathers
Your rapists
Your artists
Your lawyers
Your educators
I even asked the old man pushing a cart of oranges in Hamra.
But nothing was to be found…
Not even a tad of sanity…
Not even a sense of security
You couldn’t give me that, could you?
Oh Beirut.
You’ve always been the life of the party.
But I’ve seen them frown at you,
when dawn breaks and you walk out on them
hung over and wrecked
with a cross around your neck
walking over shattered beer bottles…
trying to find a ride back home.
i am not the sun, nor will my light bring existence.
all i've ever known of love is how to get lost in it.
i always go the distance, even if i go too far.
your face made me think of eternity
but baby, you didn't want me.
i think i went too far.
when will it be clear
that this isn't a dream?
the love was real. no matter what you say.
no matter what i say.
you thought maybe we lived the same lives
over and over again.
no changes, no improvements.
i felt my heart breaking a hundred years back
over and over again.
you thought i was boring
because i wanted us forever.
if you want to leave,
then it's probably for the better
because i never know
when you're gone for good
and i'd wait an eternity for the answer.
i know you like to linger
and be the bad news bringer
informing me, it's happening again.
just don't come back when there's no one new.
please don't come back when you're lonely
because my mind doesn't change about you,
and I'd get my own heart broken.
it's not about the pretty words anymore.
it's not about much at all.
so, i never say a thing
as the songs we used to sing
still linger on my tongue.
it's been far too long,
and i can't keep from missing you,
the one thing i was hopeful for.
he wouldn't tell me
but by the sounds of it
you haven't been an angel.
and i would never ask you
but i'm dying to know.
do you think i'm strong enough to love you
with a cavity for a heart?
or do you think i'm hardened to the core
and too much to endure?
i said i was quite evil...
now do you believe me?
when will it be clear
that this isn't a dream?
love me when i least deserve it.
i least deserve it now.
give me anything but an end,
i don't care how.
just make a home for me,
mine is getting shallow.
it wasn't up to me in the end,
i never wanted to say goodbye.
don't get so close to me
to leave me high and dry.
leaving love, you've made your bed.
it's time to lay down alone.
leaving love marks in my head
but i won't throw you a bone.
now, you're gone and it's so clear
i've been sleeping away my love.