Long Heartbroken Poems
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Before my flowing, poetic pen is hushed in Quietus,
And I have reached my journey's end with folded hands;
Departed into my dreamless sleep beneath violets,
Let me write one everlasting, eternal, immortal verse;
Of the ravaged garden of my life.
I want to hear a bird song when I quietly glide away,
With a sigh, I will lay my pale form down peacefully;
I have willed my Keepsakes and my musing poems,
The Angel of death, will take my hand into another realm;
And the drums of time will cease.
Oh, it has been a life full of happiness entwined with sad,
I have travelled many different roads to get to Tranquillity;
The chapters of my life are full of the dead and undead,
Memories of childhood, family, friends and pets I loved;
The scars of life stab my soul.
I do not fear death and I am ready to go through the gate,
But I will miss nature, the woods and the waters moving;
And as I walk the silent passage alone to my eternal night,
Think of me as being set free and soaring high up above;
I lived a life weather-stained with tears.
Leaving life is something we all must do; it is written,
I was held by a thread in this earthly realm until that last gasp;
Now, all I know is the peacefulness of a leafy tree above,
Drifting blue clouds and rain falling gently on my resting place;
I was a shadow on the wall of time.
Do not weep over my eternal grave heartbroken my dears,
I have followed the beautiful Angels footsteps to heaven;
My poetry is timeless, ageless, and will always remain,
I have shed this earth bound life and I am a butterfly set free;
I drank from the deep blue cup of life.
So come, dear hearts and plant some pretty flowers in Spring,
I am at last united with all my beloved who have gone before;
Touch my name and remember me for my beauty,
And although my life was but a whisper, I loved every moment;
Now, I exist in another realm.
____________________
August 26, 2015
Poetry/Epic/'Before My Pen is Hushed'
Copyright Protected, ID 15-1216-704-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
Submitted into FGI Blog Special - Epic
Brian Strand
Podium Place 1
Ask the fingers holding
an aloof pen.
Ask, where its passion has gone,
ambition has fled.
The fingers will be still.
How...
the empty eyes will look
at the pale pages
yoked with numbers in black...
Then,
just observe...
how a curve widens on the face
as they gaze out of the window...
The far...the farthest!
Fast, it dies out.
A swarm of feelings from the heart's cavern,
pick up their last daring flight,
to die at last
of thirst
of love...
These eyes will never dream.
Words will never be welcome.
One day they will be dumb as stars,
And grey as time.
They'll give up the race,
race to superiority.
Cold the heart as ever,
will sleep in a colder body.
Frozen as dreams they were,
will leave the turbid eyes.
Will leave,
for the worms to delight
in a body so baked in plight!
And Time?
Will it mourn or joy?
That it could not find
the fragrance of a budding mind
before it too was damned.
Lost forever
in its quicksand...
Heartbroken lass bereft of eminent beau
papa doth vicariously experience her
(mine daughter's) grievous woe.
Unfair a budding promising relationship nought
going to incorporate wedded bliss,
when for all the world
the strong humble lad
absconded to Puerto Rican his homeland.
Thus pained University
of Pennsylvania alumna
("star student") since grade one
at Belmont Hills Elementary
whose high school alma mater
i.e. Harriton High School,
now glum Oakland California transplant.
I (biological father),
who helped beget offspring
writhes with agony,
cuz he and the missus
sowed wild oats
during prime time,
when irresistible call of the wild
overtook wisdom to shuck contraceptive
yielding the miracle of life.
Parenthood never ended
just because declaration of independence
and autonomy witnessed natural propensity
for progeny to reliant become on self
forced shoulder living expense
no only for herself,
but deux darling
tortoiseshell dappled
five month old kittens
most certainly a constant reminder,
when she and he "two peas in a pod"
shared so many college campus memories,
whereby appearances hinted
and predicted a shared destiny
between two love birds.
An abrupt cleavage
rent asunder never witnessing
mutual graceful dotage
figuratively saddled once ebullient psyche
unnecessarily bogged our engineering minded lady
with cumbersome equipage
after they spent precious
young adulthood years together
emulating how married couple live, I gauge
such scenario, cuz talk of wedding bells
filled the (telephonic) airwaves,
whereby yours truly feeling blessed
potential prodigal son in law
his earning hand over fist big bucks
employed at Silicon Valley company
geared toward marketing fitness application.
Unsure how said high achiever
bolstered with you go girl refrain,
(who ofttimes communicated with Zayda,
i.e. his demise a crushing sorrow),
which inevitable prolonged decline
sundered special rapport
since more'n threescore
Earth orbits around the sun
papa acquired mechanical engineer degree
working within Aerospace Division
at General Electric.
Impossible mission not to care
despite mein kampf punctuated
with mine wanderlust flair
marital covenant garden variety
wordsmith did greatly impair
triggering hostility within mine humble lair
adulterer letter forcibly donned as outerwear.
Oh! Why didn’t I know earlier?
That I was being trodden into pain,
The pain that could leave my heart in unamendable pieces,
Pieces that are so difficult to forget the past,
The past that is now the painful present.
I believed and I believed and I believed,
Until my heart was in obsession of belief,
I believed and let my thoughts follow,
Follow as I digested each word that came from your mouth,
Whispering into my ears how ‘truly’ you loved me.
I believed when you shouted the word ‘affection,’
Into my ears, that were always there to listen to your lovely voice,
I believed when you whispered into my ears, “I love you,”
Yes I believed those words which made me crazy,
And slave to your false love.
I believed you when you promised to be with me “forever,”
I believed you the way Adam believed Eve,
And blindly he became, only to be driven out of Eden,
Because of the taste of the forbidden fruit,
I believed you too, and now I am out of that “paradise”
I believed you with all my soul,
Devoted myself to you as a slavery who seeks freedom from his master,
Only to be betrayed by the wrong perceptions of his master,
I believed you as a sinner, who partakes Holy Sacrament for redemption,
Only to find himself still entangled by the pains of his unforgiven sins.
I believed you with the whole of myself,
I believed you when you kissed me with your soft sweet lips,
Not knowing that it was Judas kiss that betrayed the Son of Man,
And that kiss also subjected me to unending pain,
That kiss… I wish I couldn’t feel your lips,
Yes, I believed you…
Followed you like a lost sheep that needed guidance and acceptance,
Decided to follow your path, because I saw love in you,
Love that blinded my heart,
And let me head to a destination of sorrow and long suffering.
I believed you my Love,
Nights never passed without a dream of your love evolving in my mind,
A day never passed without an image of your perfection streaming in my thoughts,
Every minute I loved you, cherished you, adored you,
But you have betrayed all my beliefs…
Left me to nurse the wounds of my dumb beliefs.
If only I would have known,
Known that my beliefs were bloody lies,
Lies that encrypted my heart to your slavery,
Slavery of “discipleship” in the name of love,
Love that only was infatuation,
I wouldn’t have said “YES.”
Just a belief?
I wish…
We were extremely delighted when we picked up the keys to our brand new house and starting at the front door, we made slow anticipative steps desirous of testing the key making sure it was correctly made. But to our utter surprise, it did not fit in the keyhole, and we were left outside our new house like house-citing strangers admiring all the landscape and beautifully designed exterior. Although my wife was calm and patient, I was steaming hot in the dead of winter sending out smoke signals both from heat and cold with unspeakable emotions which were overwhelmingly joyous just seconds before. What now and what was I suppose to do? How does one go from 'cloud nine' to free-fall far below the clouds in milliseconds? Not only did the key not fit, but I wondered if there might be some other surprises waiting for us on the inside. Although I pretended to be at ease, my wife was reading the 'waves of intolerance' forming inside of me. My curiosity got the best of me. So I took a quick peek through the key hole never imagining that I would observe such disappointing craftmanship.
That peek filled my emotional cup to overflowing and left me angrier, devastated, frustrated, most utterly confused, and my imagination grew more bewildered when I considered what it must really look like beyond the peek hole. This entire venture of home building was supposed to fulfill our quest and life-long dream of a brand new home, but it appeared that our dream was rapidly turning into the greatest nightmare by the aid of a peek hole. We wondered what revelations lie behind curtain number three or the fourth peel of the banana.
My wife suggested we get another peek from the back, and you guessed it, "The beat goes on". In our view from the front peek hole, we only looked toward the walls and ceilings, but instinctively my wife looked down toward the floors and the nightmare grew bigger. My already painful headache took on 'jet propulsion speed with the beat of the wildest rock band. Water was every where because the furnace had been left off causing the pipes to freeze and brake. Smiles and peace were nowhere to be found as my lovely wife began to cry. The beat goes on but .......
12312018PoSoupContest, Slap The Muse And Turn It Loose, John Lawless *Fictitious Narrative
My heart is broken for our dear Texan dears
Happy campers
Then flash flood washed way
in earth's tears
Words escape me as I write my heart
That grieves with you whose hearts are torn apart
The yellow rose of each precious soul
A childhood dream was summer camp's goal
And oh, the glorious Fourth of July
Turned from delight to "Oh, Dear God, why?"
What words could I lend to each of you
I pray that God will see you through
In tears I reach across the miles
That somehow God would gift you smiles
Of those who now in heaven's wake
Above the heartache's of sorrow's quake
Gaze in glorious wonder and awe
At Christ Himself and angels they saw
Far beyond earth's pain and deception
The safe Haven of Heaven's purest joy
and elation
Father God, comfort dear Texas tonight
Give them heavenly visions
God, hold each soul tight
In Heavenly Father's sweet loving arms
Above sorrow and pain and earths
Flash flooding harms
Please hold them dear Father,
All those mourning here
Give them comforting visions
Holy Spirit, draw near
Far above sorrow of valley and glen
Our prayers reach to heaven
Again, and again
I pray Thee, send comfort
In Your Name Lord
Amen
He watched his kite,her, snap
her tail rises
in the sky
in the deep blue sky
i keep imagining of her
my eyes don't rest and lie,
my mind's eye,
of her with a bird in hand,
the one she waved off …
that i dont imagine
i keep watching her tail
so majestic
and buoyant
... as if she were dancing,
dancing
with herself,
in the deep blue sky,
her carriage
model perfect
of blemishes
with the sun shining
off her inner beauty,
she would flutter
... flutter
to the right and left,
bounce, bounce
up and down
as i continue watching,
watching ...heartbroken
for the last time,
Of life passing by,
Her,
my eyes moisten
as she distances herself
away from me
the burdens of my life
Heartaches, heartaches that
always kept suppressed in me
i say, i wish i could have stopped her flight
and see her come alive
with me,
... me with
one fleeting chance
a chance
of a snowball of goodness for once
but hoping realistically
for just that one snowflake of a chance
one little snowflake that never dropped
... i keep watching
the once beautiful kite
so lifelike, vibrant
especially her tail and direction
up in the blue sky,
a small dot now
... sucking the air out of me
as it became smaller
• i reminiscence
of the past of how our love nosedived
into an avalanche
before it started
... nosediving into sorrow and regrets
the residual of a piece of string not tying
not tying a loop...
i keep looking up into the sky
my mind oscillating, correlating
i see, clearly
her inner beauty capturing me
even from a distance
and now how ... i'm resigned to watching
so sadden
life unravel,
how can this be
or is that the line ... unraveling
again, how can this be
... the kite kept
distancing itself
fluttering itself ...
further away ...
just like myself
... the wind howling
its sharp teeth of injustice, life
grabbing me
i guess
i guess i was bad, unworthy
For her
for i hear ...
voices in my head
the once little birds in her hand crying,
crying
for not finding warmth
i hear a snap
is that for real?
i look,
in the deep blue sky
turning over, turning shades of red
she's gone
and the voice of cruelty just laughing
just laughing at me
for there is an absence, now
of that little tail fluttering
with goodness,
with unattainable borders
that i missed and missed
connie pachecho
3/3/17
as a child to his mother, to you i run
but you reject me, as an illegal son
i hoped to open your arms....
and take me into your embrace
i hoped to hold your hand...
and see the smile on your face
i thought your were different...
i thought you wouldn't give me pain
i thought you loved me, i opened my heart for you....
but all was in vain, all was in vain!!
my hopes in you were so high....
and as high they were, as painful was the fall!
you made my feel that i can be loved
you made me trust you....
you made me believe in love again
but all in vain, all in vain!!
now i shall leave you, like how you left me...
i don't regret it, i don't feel guilty for it
you who started it, you lied to me
you deceived me...
and after you made me believe in love again
after you convinced me that i can be loved
after you lied to me and made me feel...
that you love me
you just left!!
like all the rest!!
you are just like them all!!
you are no different!!
i thought you'd make me forget my ugly past
i thought you'd make up for all those years....
i spent before seeing you
i thought I'd find the true love
i thought you'd never leave me
but you left me!!
just like all of them
so now i shall leave you the same way
now when you realized my value....
my worth, when you found nobody
to love you the way i did
to be kind to you, the way i was
to praise you the way i did
now you come back to me
when you realized that you can never
find somebody like me
when you realized how good and true
i was to you
now you come back
thinking I'm waiting for you!!
thinking that i would meet you...
with opened arms and take you into my embrace
to hold my hand and to see the smile on my face!
but i did just like what you did
i rejected you
just like how you rejected me
i wanted to hurt you
just like how you hurt me
i wanted to make you feel how
sad it feels, how bad it feels
so you can try the poisonous cup
you made me drink!
just leave now, i don't want you anymore
i don't love you anymore
i may be even hating you now!!
i don't want even to see, nor talk to you
i don't want even to run into you as a coincidence!
you just go away, and leave me alone again
in my dear solitude, with my dear empty life
with my dear hatred and anger and sadness
I'd rather live and die alone
than to be with somebody like you!!
All those times that I was nice,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
All those times I gave advice,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
When no one else sat by your side,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
I always took your flipping side
so what the hell happened to us
What was the point?
You don't care mate,
What was the point?
Wont give me your time,
What was the point?
You're not here mate
What was the point?
You take and decline
What was the point?
In a clear state
What was the point?
don't help me this time
Hearing stories through the grapevine
You trust them and avoid me
When you had no one I was there,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
when I alone showed you true care,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
when you were all alone and scared,
Do you remember? Do you remember?
you needed back up and we'd pair,
Do you remember? Do you remember?
You seem to have forgotten then
now you choose not to see me
When your head was left looking down,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
Lost of spirit I'd turn you around,
now you dark me, now you dark me,
Protect you from abusive mouths,
Do you remember? Do you remember?
All those compliments I'd sound
and now you choose to dark me
Thanks for messing my head right up,
refuse to help and left to rust,
Thanks for messing my head right up,
rip out my heart and leave it crushed,
Thanks for messing my head right up,
friends who take and don't give much,
You really went and hurt me mate,
so what the hell happened to us.
That's what I meant,
when you need me,
That's what I meant,
then you leave me,
Thanks for nothing,
and I mean it,
You mean nothing,
a waste of my time,
Hearing stories, changing your mind,
the worst in your thoughts, now that's just unkind,
Knew me in person, for a long time,
thrown out the window, your memory blind
Forgetting that you know me,
thanks to hear say, thanks to hear say,
When we talked on our only,
all was one way, all was one way,
I wish I'd never met you now,
loved you dearly, loved you dearly,
I guess you never cared for me,
and now I struggle to care for peeps,
I think you broke me, I think you broke me,
no one cared when I was weak,
must be joking, must be joking,
wonder why I hate your guts,
because you take and dont give much
The 28th of April; I'll always remember that day
It was very overcast and the sky was quite grey
That short journey to the vet I will never forget
And when I think back to that day, I have no regret.
He was such a welcome member of our family
A playful cocker spaniel and we named him Ozzie
He loved to go for long walks out in the country
When he saw us with his lead, he'd go off in a frenzy.
I thought he'd take off when he started wagging his tail
The weather didn't faze him, be it ice snow or hail
I would mumble about the weather under my breath
But he was loving every minute although soaking wet.
We'd get back from our walk and I'd rub him down
You could see the joy in his face and never a frown
Then after his dinner he'd lie down for a long snooze
Out of all the dogs in the world every time him I'd choose.
He was eleven years old when he started to fade
I lost count of the many visits to the vets we made
We must have given him every medicine and pill
But we knew in our hearts that Ozzie was quite ill.
0ur family got together to discuss what was for the best
Reluctantly we all agreed that we should put Ozzie to rest
That terrible morning arrived, it was just another day
All he could do was sleep, he was just too ill to play.
My wife came home from work and I carried him to the car
Then drove slowly down to the vets, it wasn't too far
We went inside and sat down and no words were said
And I tried not to think that soon Ozzie would be dead.
It seemed like a life time then a nurse called us in
I carried him to a side room; the vet was waiting
The vet reassured us that he wouldn't feel a thing
We were both biting our lips to stop us from crying.
We'd brought his favourite biscuits and fed him one by one
And just a few minutes later our playful Ozzie was gone
We stayed with him for a while and then left him there
I know now it was for the best because we did care.
We got home it felt empty no one to greet us at the door
And I missed seeing him where he'd often lie on the floor
Its been three long years now but I'll never forget
That Ozzie was one of the family and not just a pet.
(Ozzie left us on the 28th April 2017)
Written 8th August 2020
For All Pets Go To Heaven Poetry Contest
Sponsored By Constance La France