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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required My first grade field trip begin Joseph Medill school of journalism Chicago my first grade class sang African American spiritual hymns performing at the Schubert theater the museum of science and industry the museum of natural arts Du Sable museum finally the freedom riders arrived several trailway buses to take my first grade class to Abraham Lincoln’s tomb through chaotic times the assassination of Martin Luther king I remember feeling so frightened believing I would be murdered as well six years old singing Marian Anderson hymns sometimes I feel like a motherless child along way from home civil rights mostly human rights hearing I am somebody Bobby Rush operation push I might be brown but I am somebody I was dazed after the Fred Hampton breakfast club black sedans would arrive calling me by name the names of kkk list to be assassinated Rosa parks Jackie Robinson Martin Luther King I sat quietly with my hands in my lap so timid shy afraid this historic field trip only my class march 1969 in honor of human rights activists Marian Anderson who sang this very son for president Roosevelt on the steps at the Lincoln memorial of Washington DC Freedom of human civil rights I wrote about this in my diary I also wrote about my wearing wires pregnant for the Fbi Arlington heights Illinois to protect my children they road with special agent Leroy Heimbach while my husband and I went deep under cover for years I was in total shambles the emotional effects upon me night terrors hearing my fetus heartbeat every single day resulting in a nervous breakdown my spirit cried as I remembered singing sometimes I feel like a motherless child along way from home six years old now here in America the Fbi installed wires on my unborn children I couldn’t show fear I was wearing wires pregnant buying weapons and drugs for corrupt cops my death was plotted in that moment as I grieve for the child in my womb the high frequency of sound made the baby twist turn I was hurting my child I asked special agent Alan King and special agent Paula Brand was the sound hurting the baby did they hear the fetus heartbeat was the fetus heartbeat louder could they tell the difference between the baby’s heart beat and mine a storm with through my body I couldn’t show emotions not even for my unborn child I didn’t want to draw the killers and dealers to my belly wrapped in wires red white blue green orange I focused on these wires they made my belly itch after they removed them my unborn child would lay very still to the point I didn’t even know if she was still alive in there after the operation was complete the Fbi relocated my family 8 months pregnant so afraid what have I done to this child what has the fbi done to my baby do they stay awake like me wondering if my baby is dead inside my womb as i prepared thanksgiving dinner it was so cold pipes bursts in the building special agent Paula Brand told me never to return to the dreadful place where dirty cops sold drugs to pregnant women I was afraid of still birth the baby just wouldn’t move finally I was rushed to deliver her I was in complete shock my legs trembling there she was most beautiful baby a tiny bloody fist print in my hand it was then the doctors rushed in taking her for test what was wrong I ran to the chapel to pray for my child the doctor returned he asked me did I serve in a war zone because she had fluid on her brain and spine she was in slot of pain in her head he said he worked in a war zone this was frequent in babies delivered on the battlefield sound waves burst the spine straight through the brain through the top of the skull I felt like I had been aborting my unborn child every time the Fbi installed the wires the baby was trapped in a very loud war zone I prayed for my soul I prayed for the Fbi here in America I remembered that day 1969 singing sometimes I feel like a motherless child along way from home civil human rights activist Marian Anderson hymn I realised that satan crossed over my womb trying to rip my unborn child from my body Thanksgiving day she was born flighted out by helicopter I cried praying with hospital chaplain rocking back and forth it’s a horrible feeling to know that the Fbi nearly aborted my unborn child I held her briefly before her surgery the guilt ate me alive I truly felt like I aborted her what if she dies she was in an incubator ICU I could touch her only with mechanical gloves I pumped breast milk for the nurses to feed her until she recovered from surgery my heart was broken I became depressed very depressed weeping heartbroken hearing my fetus heartbeat over sirens holding my ears anxiety panic attacks I couldn’t breathe this resulted in full blown ptsd that I hid from the world suffered in silence how could I explain my emotional distress caused by my wearing wires pregnant for the Fbi buying weapons and drugs from junk sick cops working security for gang leaders I just balled myself up in a fetal position sucking my thumb finally opening up in therapy psychiatrist many troops understood my illness after a nervous breakdown 1999 I was diagnosed with PTSD so I began reaching out received support through the years the heart beat is still with me nearly 40 years now since that dreadful experience 25 years ongoing constant mental health treatment keeping me from ending my own life staying focused on coping healing human rights civil rights my first grade field trip to Abraham Lincoln tomb singing spiritual hymns on the steps in Springfield I know now the Fbi didn’t want my voice to be heard special agent Alan King with Knights of kkk Peter Gargano ignited a car bomb to end my life and impersonate me with my stalkers dealers bitter about my wearing wires pregnant buying weapons and drugs I contacted the Fbi because of break ins writing ripped who would want to harm me it was clear the list of civil human rights activists chosen by kkk to murder me since age six Abraham Lincoln tomb since wearing wires pregnant for the FBI
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