Long Fanny Poems

Geese, Goslings and the Bridge

Sometimes, when you least expect it, Mother Nature makes a u-turn and draws you into the ridiculous.  Such was the time recently as I was returning from a friend’s home...

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"By definition, a ghost is unable to bonk anybody --
save the believer in ghosts."
-- a Rational exorcist of all no things "supernatural" 
  
*   *   *
   
Now, once...

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The barrister had always been a liberal thinker

An uprising star with roaming genes of a tinker

In the court-room she never took of her guard

But in real life she had become a nude poet and bard


When...

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The long and short of it is . . . forever

                        ...

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LOST IN BRITAIN

Poling, Patching, Nether Wallop, 
Matching Tye and Droop

Plumpton, Lickfold, Puddletown, 
Westward Ho! and Throop.

Hole of Horcum, New Invention,
Boghead, Frome, Cat's Ash

North Piddle, Staines and Pen*stone,
Wash Dyke, East Breast and Flash.

Six Mile Bottom, Mudford...

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In Search of 50 Names(couplets alphabetized for ease of footnoting the names)

A) A tom cat sits in heather nearby a willow tree.
Rose and jasmine fill the air. A billy goat I see.

B) 50 words that...

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(Updated in such form that Cole Porter would sue)
 
[Intro]

Times have changed
And we've often rewound the clock
Since Nixon got the shock 
When he crashed on Daley’s bloc
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
'Stead of...

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Scratching Fanny in Cock Lane, a true tale
The year1762 a tale of murder or mystery they boast
 A teenage girl, a drunken parish clerk, and maybe even a ghost
About hordes of aristocrats and wealthy men...

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Father time legendarily and Omni potently 
 existentially linkedin, binding cradle to grave 
since advent of homo sapiens, the whiffed bald credo 
 an employee most adhere ta have 
and keep source of income, subtly...

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The year1762 a tale of murder or mystery they boast
 A teenage girl, drunken parish clerk, and maybe even a ghost
About hordes of aristocrats and wealthy men assembling
 Crowds rivalling Covent Garden, Theatres were now...

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Inspection Time 2018!

Understandable dear reader, 
     how this scribe bull lime
me bloke omitted mention of 
     one bedroom flat as
reason nigh rote this rhyme

Ma faux pas faw...

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While attempting going to sleep after midnight...

December 27th, 2023,
the missus pounded mine posterior
(she played paddywhack 
on me blimey buttucks)
not only causing contusion, 
but flaying percussive rumpus, 
where the wild things are
found yours truly feeling
like a...

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It all started five decades ago, when her gift of imagination began to grow. 
She was the youngest of five and could not wait for her to arrive.
Velvety soft skin so fair, along with lots...

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An enormous pole 
made of chrome 
A table set 
Steve, knew he was home 

With a tiny leather thong, 
he swung around, 
in a world he did belong, 
with the rythm of the sound 

Around...

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A game of musical chairs has just begun in earnest. A pot and kettle band arrives 
through the dining rooms’ French doors following the Valentine Queen. A putrid pink 
flamingo with a croquet ball stuck...

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For several years when our kids were little, every Thanksgiving Day, we all loaded up and headed for Aunt Fanny’s house.   New faces and lots of food were big attractions.  There was...

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The day my life went ape ‘chit’ in no more than three-hundred words

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch counts

And pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis works wonders

When I am asked to write a poem that is either precise or reductionist


Thus I report from my personal...

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Pick up the plaid skirt curly,
ride to the rave party on the down low
Sneak out the lame pimple place early,
take the cutie to the Hush Hush ‘Mo ‘Mo
Trying to act playa Romeo ... like he...

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Christmas Day has arrived; the thought fills me with such dread
For over twenty years they’ve come to me; it's doing in my head!

I get up at the crack of dawn to get the turkey in...

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Little Fanny McFluff was of eight years and so very bright
She’d take a book and flashlight and read through the night
She would awaken when the sun kissed her high on the brow
And smile for her...

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We embarked on an adventure
That was quite quixotic
A scientific dream quencher
Searching for exotics

We started where we thought made sense
Out on the sunning docks
Where perhaps there’d be an immense
Native Great White Butt Ox

We packed all of...

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I deeply loved, my granny New,
The first to show me, she loved me too,
I remember in, my childhood days,
Together we had, very special ways,
To pass the hot, hot summer days.

We would go swimming,
In big Piney...

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My world is disappearing beneath this blanket of snow and cold,
As I sit here remembering times, before I began to grow old.
Times when every day meant a walk on the warm beach,
Never did I suspect...

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I'm sleeping banana leaves
Who sprout at your summon
For every liquid led onto my sleeves

I'm a wandering savannah breeze 
long gone, at your beck..
shelters 'r abode from heat, lays you with warmth

I am a Manky lanky...

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My mind draws a blank when referring to Thanksgiving Day
as I was growing up as a child.  I only remember the season            ...

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