Long Culpability Poems
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we went from
I'm OK, you're OK
you were my pillar
when I was carrying the earth above my shoulders and
my hand was something you could count on
when the lights turn green
then the path turned overly uneven
for those high heels
suddenly
I'm not Ok, you're OK
and you just left me there
to look at that constructed life
from the checkpoint
while my flight became delayed
time always offsets unevenness and
timely those foundations lie overruned
so without any remorse
you dragged me in your mourning-sand and
I'm not ok, you're not OK
washed dishes won't make a person
out of you
just end that culpability sedimentation
on my already deconsecrate shoulders
nothing I said was properly
so words stopped coming out
avoidance became our reality
didn't know how to break that silence
at very end
I was left broken
missing me
uncamouflaged
unprotected
me
raising up glassed tears
I'm building a sculpture
rare animals are most haunted ones, and
every animal bites when felt threatened
I'm Ok, you're not
total fiction
I heard the words repeated on the news
so sick of them that my mind rebelled...
"Doge's plan and Trump commands
the Constitution should be banned.
Hell to that Chief! There's no relief
Breaking news only heightened the blues.
I don't want to hear anymore.
By seven P.M. I lost count of the trips
I'd made, walking fast, past my kitchen,
refusing to turn on the light to see
a day's worth of dirty dishes
that wish I'd make them sparkling clean.
They're staring with a look of contempt at me.
I knew what I'd find...
coffee grinds stuck to the filter
Raisin bran flakes
caked along the edge of a bowl
a saucer with a bunch of crusts
cut off of a sandwich from lunch.
I'll get to them later....
The excuse I used on myself
when the sink is a refuse of clutter.
I've become a recluse
and no one will see them anyway
and the old cliché of...
Tomorrow's another day.
By eight thirty I was bored
a time when food comes to mind
Hunger would not be ignored
A frozen dinner of mac and cheese
"Geeze" said my stomach
when it saw it coming...
"Oh PLEASE, don't do this to me"
Ok, ok...
chocolate ice cream
sounds better anyway
By ten, guilt pointed accusing fingers
lingering and wagging before my face.
Stop it!" I actually said aloud
"I'll get to them later,
first thing in the morning. You'll see."
My new mantra was repeated.
I decided to go to bed. My usual stunt,
but culpability was on the hunt
haunting and taunting inside my head
Two steps over the kitchen threshold
and my conscience took control
when I smelled the leftover fish.
The thought of facing each greasy dish
would not be on my to-do list come morning.
I knew my mouth was puckered in a pout
No doubt my yawns were angry at me
and my sudden notion of conviction...
a vow of benediction, it seems I'd taken
awakened me to the need for sanitation.
Liquid was pouring from two spouts
Hot water in the sink
and a 'clink' of glass on glass
Pinot Noir flowed from a decanter
I raised my stem and toasted the dishes
"Here's to wishes that don't come true."
Some people think these recent disasters
Are caused by abuse of the planet
I tend to think they're natural occurrences
The world is just running the gamut
The ebb and flow of changing conditions
Are normal like any time previous
The world has existed for billions of years
Foolish to think we'd be impervious
It's how it's been since the dawn of existence
Today, we're in a technological time frame
To imagine it's the reason for all this mayhem
Is wrong, we shouldn't assume all the blame
There are certainly mistakes man has made
That surely hasn't helped the environment
But to suggest that these are the only reasons
The blame has an unjustified placement
No doubt, we've had some manmade disasters
Without question, can't dispute their effect
Humans certainly are not without culpability
But we've never been thought of as perfect
We are only visiting for a relatively short time
And our challenge is to try our very utmost
To leave it a much better place than we found it
What a great reason for us humans to boast!
Tongue in Bloody Cheek
Cheek on tongue he slithers on abundant wilful slime
Checks in with teeth of timeless throaty choking curse
A serpent snail an earth worm fiery dragon in disguise
He cuts the chase incises to the point of razor’s gash
Knows his lingo carves positions through his acid battles
Penetrates fissures of inherent gripping gashing strokes
Battle critique and arguments for combat shed bloody ooze
Serrated edges dribble from articulated uttered discourse
Words can kill as they prepare the ground for deeds and action
Follow seamlessly draped in gusts of gut and gory shrapnel
Prepare the field of poppies sprouting over groans of bones
Make a meal oblige culpability on cumber lands’ sickly sauce
He takes the rough with the smothered smooth and from
the camel’s needled mouth delivers one final twisted slaughter
An eye for an eye tooth for tooth tete-a-tete and tit for tatty tat
He lies in mourning finely tattered slipped from blade’s double ridge
When doctrine implants demise of reason inculcates self-righteous venom
Toxic spittle engulfs gloopy scum as he dies by his very own skewed skewer
20th June 2018
One fine day, maybe,
light will shine again.
For life is dying,
All life nourishment
is cut off, all air
toxic sodomized,
plants suffocated,
Harmony halted,
an overloaded
of emotional
culpability.
We pave our way to
hell, our evil with
insincere designs.
Gracious mysticism
is a dirty word,
peace a bygone dream.
Trees are felled, or burned,
rills chemically
polluted. Deprived
are fish of their seas.
The polar regions
are slowly melting.
Yet one day, maybe,
the light will shine once
more and maybe I'll
find a deep baggage
full of bright rose quartz.
11 April 2021
Anacreontic Verse Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Silent One
30 lines
5 syllables per line
Checked on www.howmanysyllables.com
Suffocation experienced analogous
to absent echocardiogram
or electroencephalogram blip
(Derek Chauvin - he of
George Floyd infamy) iron maiden grip
linkedin with psyche subjected
to laceration courtesy cruel horse whip
mine inexcusable
(albeit clueless faux pas)
family members living social in Bend, Oregon
and Oakland, California did yip
private information across cyberspace did zip.
Apology (ex post facto)
extended regarding about
mine guilt ridden conscience
programming mental state
think sufferable infinite
jesting Möbius strip
casting dark shadow of doubt
looping along outer limits
of twilight zone
futilely shucking off
emotional tailspin (kamikaze) fallout
impossible mission
unable to muzzle or thwart lout
who poetically blurts out
simian old routine programmed
erroneously heavily incorrectly
peppers entire Hollerith
or IBM punched cards
yielding botched defenseless redoubt,
when Yankee doodles dandy
teapot short and stout
convection currents trigger
whistle Dixie when liquid piping hot
a microcosm concerning plate tectonics
across webbed wide world
yielding necessary oomph
to migrating trout.
Absent awareness
flourished amidst ignorance
sixty plus shades of gray matter
hotly doth smolder and burn
unbeknownst rancor did furiously churn
when yours truly divulged
he made aborted attempt
to couch his genuine
paternal care and concern
lack of discrimination
and judgment I did not
(honest to dog) recognize nor discern.
Understandable blameworthy
grievance against me,
not granted app parent permission
thus culpability I obediently yield
words that sparked hurt
now utilized to wield
heft to communicate authentic love
(cryptically coded)
and hermetically sealed
hopefully in due time
mine discretion well healed.
Deep in fathomless shadows I weep with woeful sighs.
My heart, once so innocent, I have come to despise,
and with each tear I cry for wrongs I have committed,
I find myself unworthy of mercy; unfit to be acquitted.
A broken promise is a grievous offense of a serious kind.
I charge myself with the crime that can only be defined
as one that now gives me the burden of carrying the pain
of wounds on my odious soul that I abhor and disdain.
I spun a wicked web of deceit when a friendship I defiled.
Broke a trust as if the devil tickled my ear; I was beguiled.
I wove a tapestry sewn with lies, words I shouldn't have said.
I'm wrought with torment, forgiveness dangling by a thread.
In penumbras of solitude, I hang my head in wretched despair.
No cry for mercy will I beg. The suffering is mine alone to bear.
I will remain veiled in the vestiges of transcendent invisibility,
without expectation of empathy. I live in a state of culpability.
It was a twisted path I walked, and I must carry all the blame
for in the act of betraying my friend, I am drowning in shame.
The boundary line between revenge and mercy is very narrow.
I fear I'll not be forgiven if my field of benevolence lies farrow.
Each night I wake in nightmare's bed, my body feeling chill.
In haunting silence around me I hear my heart beating until
I curse myself for turning away from a friendship I spurned,
for in the fanned flames of what we shared, I was also burned.
(this pastiche promulgated many moons ago from those screaming bloody thirsty headlines from the Italian court for justice sans the brutal homicide attributed to this then American college student and her ex-boyfriend). My gut reaction that zero apr guilt linkedin with lovely looking lass, who may very well bear the burden of culpable guilt for the rest of (what this totally tubular unknown guy no war) a fulfilling life.
with the assiduous vigor of a cadre of volunteers
brought sought after fruition of freedom
per the release of imprisoned young (twenty something) American lass
whose former life sentenced commuted to egress from an Italian jail
to her home within Seattle, Washington
whereby family, friends and strangers who fought for her liberation
breathed one palpable surprising sigh of euphoric relief
when the plane who boarded landed safely on the tarmac of SEATAC
aswarm with frenzied television camera crews
scrambled to get the initial scoop and what promises
to land this once anonymous cell bait
an undisclosed amount of lucre
which many on the other side of the pond
find mind boggling if not downright objectionable
moreso livid with rage
against the Machiavellian machine
on account of supposed culpability in tandem with her then boy friend
accused (under the guise of guilty fiat)
sans homicide of college roommate
now sought after garnering this fawning female
(salaciously tagged by Perugian court with the sobriquet “she wolf”
now faces a future replete with riches aplenty
allowing gravity of ugly epithet plus stigma from accusation of murder
to serve as basis for what will no doubt be a best seller
not to mention made for the silver screen blockbuster
with subsequent royal carpet treatment
to compensate for guilty judgment decreed
without tangible evidence nor fair trial to boot!
Many a year so far
a sweet sensation would within surge
as back to school season
has just begun..
The feelings of a child
eager and joyful
to pile notebooks, pencils and pens
excited to have them all in a schoolbag..
Even as a teacher
that sweet habit, that unique joy
got wild much more!
a deep conception
that a smile, a word
could change a world
a strong conviction
that teaching is a vocation
a mind trained to train
a heart able to see and comprehend
confused faces
gazing at you
seeking the secret of success!
day dreamers, untamed teens
aspiring to reach and own
the treasure within..
Many a year by this time
soul and whole
I would wonder
what would I utter
of words
willing to sow the seeds of passion
in virgin lands
to instill a love of learning
a deep sensitivity
to guide to goals
to cultivate creativity..
What would I teach of lessons
use of methods
to inspire young souls
and their imagination kindle!
Now I’m back to school
with a load on the heart
a sense of culpability
torn about what I should
and must do..
The world of teaching
a hallmark of my identity
leaving that part of me
a possibility
even a necessity..
My heart aches for the realm of poetry
the power of words
that translate my innermost emotions and reflections
their magic
that transcends what is ordinary..
I have a longing for
a sense of belonging to
the world of words
I am an avid reader and learner
with a passion for creative writing
and leaving a world
would not mean
ceasing to be..
Avast emotional gulf manifested; courtesy
series of unfortunate events; sundered
biologically accorded, cherished, enshrined
paternal bond; resultant dereliction defies,
justifies, ratifies...dissonance; unbearable
hindsight excoriates impropriety reviewing
dirty deeds done dirt cheap; impossible mission
to excise indelibly etched psychological
impacted repercussions upon mine fountainhead;
weighing excruciating deserved self loathing;
permanently deplorable depravity yoked;
unyielding choke hold, no longer asking
forgiveness, but airing errant culpability;
dada's guilt indefensible impropriety; begetting
permanent fallout; exacting just desserts; bitter
regret beast of burden (oxe see moron) housed
within self made villain; unjust to impinge your
providential opportunities, whose blessed smarts
plus unfettered, unencumbered, undaunted...
daring do promise productive existence par
excellence, versus anxiety riddled torturous
legacy writ large across countenance this papa;
analogously das scribe bing mortal epitaph, while
dark shadows haunt this edgy rusty knight, who
once pawn time shrugged off mischievous
lascivious actions as payback; recognizably erred;
misperceptions (mine); deduced ex post facto,
when the missus doled out unpleasantries;
exploding anger; vented regarding significant
roiling perturbations harkening to her own
unrepentant poisonous stinging toxicity;
delivered courtesy birth parents; hands lack
king awareness to rock cradle with tender
loving care, hence burdened with childhood
tsoris prior to accepting yours truly as life
contra dance partner these preceding xxii+
years avoiding unseemly behavior; aware
that the mother of our two darling daughters
doth love and forgive me, though recouping
similar results with first offspring may remain
tense, and many years past not a happy camper.