Long Couch potato Poems
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WONDERS OF IX A (2019)
Millennium is a box of wonders which crave
To get knowledge, values, principle and love.
In my satchel I have eight wonders that drive
Me crazy, frenzied, rabid. But lo how I love
All of them. Composed, wise sane and active
Never fought like cat and dog, or out move.
The first gems Radhika and Ansh, my nerve
One very intelligent, diligent, other silent groove,
Charming, diligent, a helping hand, a sweet dove.
Second are Vidhi and Dhruv, who do their give
Best, oppose, are animadvert, but most all of
Love teachers. Third Pranjal and Mustafa brave
Charming, exasperating, lovely, do behave
Cooly, assist me in executing discipline, gave
Best of them, never rude or arrogant do they prove.
Fourth are Chahat and Vishnu, tacit, cute curve,
Taciturn, intermittently garrulous but catch nerve,
One a couch potato, other eats humble pie is brave.
Fifth wonders are Shikha and Shashank, positive
In my class, effusive, gabby, loquacious, talkative
But sweet natured children, take care of AC groove.
The next wonders are Milsi and Kanan, Gujju native,
Another prolix, chatty and gabby ones who grieve
With Dwij for class indiscipline; all sweethearts of
Sanket, caring, dormant, at times quarrelsome, at eve
Spend time contemplating on their studies. Above
All is Dweesha and Dwip, short tempered, proactive,
Loquacious, friend in enemy, reserved is ready give
Their 100 percent against me with conjurer's glove,
But close to my heart. The last but not least brave
Girl is Vidhi, a Jain, reputed, calm, cute, does have
Empathy for me and Krunal. A sweet girl, will leave
Never just, devoted, staunch behaviour, an octave
Of skills, trustworthy, allegiant, harmonious dove.
In a nutshell, all sixteen are big bucks, a brown clove.
All these eight wonders with Dev, Helik, Vasu move
Crumblesome elements out of my class - proactive.
Mithil, Harsh, Sarthak are above the salt persons. Five
More are wonders driving away my talent out of cave.
I thank again most reverent Kekul madam to pave
A voluble path of IX A with such obedient constructive
Students. Guidance of Sandeep and Sushil inductive;
I counted noses, am success with method inductive.
All dandies, make me a proud, ostentatious teacher alive.
I am going to write a funny poem
Why? Because I feel like it
Why do you go the extra mile?
Great waistline my friend
C'mon
I love watching "Impractical Jokers"
Why? They are so outrageous and daring
Something I wouldn't do
Not lol
How would you like it if everything you say
makes people laugh?
I don't think you would enjoy it
Because you don't know if they laugh with you
Or at you
I am a couch potato
Is anyone like me?
I don't want to do nothing
I just want to sit on my recliner and chill
Until I get my fill
I just can't get over how funny God is
He makes some of us like dark meat
and some of us like white meat
I am talking about chicken, mind you
Just think how wasteful it would be if all of us like dark meat
Or white meat
This way nothing goes wasted
Why do you think I am attracted to you?
God my friend
He puts something in you that causes something in me pulled lol
Yeah He has a sense of humor
I can sit here all day and talk about how funny God is
Why do you think some birds think of dancing for their mates?
Do you think it can just think of it?
Or do you think God is behind it?
Yeah you too
You would dance for your mate if you have a chance
And make a fool out of yourself
You don't care
Because it's called love
Ohhh
I could swear they put something in my Coke
Why do you think I have to have a Coke each day
Yeah it's no good
It's addicting
I think it's the sugar
Or the caffeine
Whatever it is, it is pulling me
to McDonald's
Got to stay away from that place
I am becoming a kid all over again
We had a celebration at work
to celebrate "Black History"
I am telling you
I admire the achievements they have done
and know they may have more to come
Just think how many obstacles they have overcome
Can you do it?
Talk about resilience
Endurance, strength, and so much more
Don't let the stereotype blinds you
See my friend
You look better that way
Anyway I will leave you for now
But hang on to my words, will ya
You'll need it
Haha
TIME THIEF...MUSINGS OF THE LAY..
I awoke an hour past mid-nite
oh what peace everyone is dreaming
made some warm milk cocoa
turned radio on.. tv on
am now multi-taskin..
stolen away by sweet sleep
right there on the couch...
couch potato now dreaming..
dreaming of strange lands
dream tourism is in vogue...
woken my house help preparing tea
she gives me a puzzled stare..
may be the boxer shorts am wearing..
have her vexed.. cud be.shes just sleepy
its already daylight.... already...
partake a luke-warm shower.
no time to get the water properly heated
rushing to the shuttle stage..
boarding a shuttle..engaging the driver.
alighting.... usual stage guru nanak hospital..
the guru ramgaria looks at me... or..
looks at the sky..we call him kalasinga
i ponder what the good guru was thinking..
staring to the sky..
idle thought.. short walk i arrive...
gad gados headquaters....
every one today is late..but...
but the hr ...shes already in..
i say hello she appears not to hear..
i sleek slowly toward my work station
TD B our receptionist arrives late..
we ponder over the why.. everyone's late
come up with the time thief theory
according to RU and TE..
May be the good guru knows...
the guru on the poster
daily trains... trains his creamy red eyes
to the heaven in artistic communion....
the believers in him.. call him-enlightened one
us.... we find all of them weird.. intolerance?..
the artistic guru was there when
the superhighway was built...
when the terrorist bombed a shuttle
when our countries CEO was acquitted
by the imperialist court..
the artistic guru must know
must know.. who stole our time
he keeps looking to the sky
they say hes enlightened..
i say ted.. the guru knows.knows time.
of time thief's and time snatchers
here at gadgados we watch-out
watch out against.. or for
a different kind of thief
who has a very long hand...
Lewis k Nyaga
eastern african maritime.. 0915hrs
Distressed by Rob Barratt
My furniture is all distressed
It's unusually unstable
The oak bookcase is quite depressed
As is the coffee table
The worktop has a thin veneer
It seethes beneath the surface
The taps know how low they can… sink
And think life has no purpose
The painted window frame's been stripped...
Of dignity. It's lacquered
The blue front door's morale has dipped
The cheese board is cream-crackered
The writing bureau doesn't give a jot
The cupboard suffers mockery
It hates the plates and has no mates
It misuses jugs...and crockery
The kitchen table's past is stained
The dishwasher has worries
Last week it broke down and explained
That it was missing Curry's
The settle never settles
And the new desk is neurotic
The chaise longue is invariably wrong
The sofa is psychotic
The fey pouffé is apt to weep
It's covered in wet tissues
The rocking chair, it never sleeps
The magazine rack has Big Issues
The bed’s always horizontal
The tallboy’s a cross dresser
The umbrella stand is second hand
And feels its worth is lesser
The mirror which reflects, neglects
The fine wine rack which whines
The shelves themselves lack shelf-respect
The dining table pines
The mantelpiece has no mental peace
It's fired up with wrath
The woodburner has lost its spark
The wardrobe is a goth
The exposed beams aren’t what they seem
The ceiling's always plastered
The landing has a manic stair
It's an evil little bastard
The piano's case isn't black and white
The floorboards feel downtrodden
The dressing table's dressed to kill
The mini-bar is sodden
The Ottoman is not a man
But it's no couch potato
The teak footstool's a crazy fool
Who quotes in Greek from Plato
Yes, my furniture is all distressed
But they've reason for concern
Oh... I must get it off my chest
...Tomorrow they will burn!!
(sing to The Beatles' "Norwegian Wood)
I once had the best
Furniture but
It got distressed
So I lit a fire isn't it good?
Norwegian Wood.
I AM A COUCH POTATO
By Roy Merritt
I am a couch potato, but not russet, red or white
I’m the kind of potato that sits up late at night
And I watch the TV shows the shows I really dig
And sit there in my chair and eat just like a pig
I eat hot dogs and burgers and sometimes even fries
And though we are related none of them ever cries
The only problem I see the problem with this place
Is how I might get more food to shove down in my face
And how I might get it to come right near to me
For its in my refrigerator some distance from me you see
And I know if it could hear me it would no doubt balk
If I dared to ask it to get up from there and walk
Bring me some bologna with mustard spread on bread
Bring me milk and cookies I need to be quickly fed
And get me lots of sodas the sweetest ones the best
The ones that keep you up you never need to rest
And please tell the potty I’ll need it really soon
I’ll no doubt need it morning, night, and noon
So don’t stay in the restroom come near to me as well
But stay far away enough so I can avoid the smell
A few feet should do it and I won’t much have to try
While I eat my pumpernickel and my chocolate apple pie
And no doubt my big belly will turn me into a grouch
As I sit here and eat content upon my couch
Yes I sit here eating sealing my certain doom
While I should be out and playing I’m in my living room
I should be out and running or playing with a bat
Instead of sitting here and getting really fat
So take a fool’s advice heed my greatest fear
For I know if I keep this up I won’t have many years
I’ll be like most potatoes then whenever they are found
I’ll be a couch potato buried beneath the ground
And should they dig me up I’ll be a terrible sight
And certainly something that would spoil your appetite
And certainly something that would spoil your appetite
Surely something to spoil your appetite
-You can have all the money in the world, but I can't say the same about time...-
It can't be put in the garbage so time can't be wasted
This is my time though, I can almost taste it
Days, weeks, months, years
Blood, sweat, sleep, tears
All the time I feel there isn't enough hours in a day
Losing an hour is like a soul being taken away
Every day death is a result of a car crash
Every week a house fire turns flesh to ash
Every year...
An ocean is created by a tear
Time, time, time, seconds, minutes
Time is like money to us, we don't know how to spend it
Like with money, we don't budget our time
We'd all be incarcerated if it were a crime
Think of all the people you know that after high school take a few years vacation
They don't really see college as a destination
Now at 25 they decide to go back to school
Because being a couch potato wasn't cool
That's 6 or 7 years wasted on nothing
When you could've went to school and made a $45,000 salary or something
Growing up I watched people my age or older waste time so badly
I decided to learn from that mistake gladly
And to think people take shortcuts financially by drug dealing
Stealing
The time you spend in jail, does it sound appealing
You can't make money serving time in jail
That's all people care about but can you take it to hell?
If you manage to get it down there, it'll be the victim of the blaze
Time is the ally of our age
Speaking of time they say we're running out of it
That's why I'm anxious to find the woman to spend the rest of my life with
With a real rare gift
Why race the time
Surely it's more fast
Why waste the time
Surely it's not trash
Time to pay for our crimes? Ironic?
Time is running like Sonic
The opposite of Karma, because it doesn't come back around
Way past due getting my feet off the ground
You hear that alarm, it's so loud
I'm proud, but we pretend not to hear a sound
Oh, hail the champions of the couch potato throne,
Whose true inspiration is laziness alone!
From the depths of sloth, great inventions arise,
A tribute to those who prefer their dreams to the skies.
The remote control, a marvel of our time,
No more adjusting; we’ve reached our prime!
With just a flick of the wrist, oh what a delight,
To change the channel without leaving our site.
Cleaning is tedious or so one did claim,
So they invented the vacuum, and we’re forever in their fame!
No more scrubbing and toiling on hands and knees,
Just let that machine do the work, if you please!
Ah, walking, who wants to do that, I say?
It’s tiresome and boring, let’s drive instead, hooray!
With vehicles zooming, we speed past the grind,
Why take a stroll when you can leave all that behind?
And farming, oh farming, what a back-breaking chore,
One bright soul thought, “Let’s mechanize more!”
With tractors and harvesters, the fields are now neat,
All hail the lazy who made our meals sweet!
So here’s to our sweet lazy folk, we salute you,
Your capacity for finding ways to do nothing is true!
With fantastic bliss, you redefine hard work,
Living is hard enough; let’s not go berserk!
Work smart, not harder, is the motto we cheer,
Why sweat and toil when the solution is clear?
With AI to assist, the future is bright,
Let’s embrace our laziness; it’s our shining light!
Laziness, dear friends, is no longer a jest,
It’s a celebration of comfort, and we’re truly blessed.
The bulk of our science, our knowledge, our creed,
Born of the need to make life easy indeed.
So let’s raise a toast to all those who conspire,
To find the easiest way, lifting our hearts ever higher.
Impressive achievements from the effort of none,
In the heroics of laziness, we’ve already won!
Working as a NY cop on three alternating shifts,
his wife at home with five little kids,
ranging in ages from 1 to 12,
his police boat up and down on the swells,
One week he'd have normal 8-4pm hours,
that's when he'd be happier and less dour,
following week his hours would be 4-12 midnight,
missed his kids but especially his wife,
But the midnight to 8am shift was the worst,
the graveyard shift being hard on his nerves,
being out in the winter time on the police boat,
thank God he had on him a nice thick police coat,
He worked hard on the marine bureau for 34 years,
carpooling with the same partner who was always near,
together they helped boaters who got stuck or sunk in the waves,
both of them strong swimmers who looked out and saved,
Finally retiring at the age of 55,
he and his wife thought they'd finally arrived,
moving down to Florida and taking it easy in Spring Hill,
for 15 years they were both relaxed and thrilled,
Then tragedy struck up in New York,
he lost to suicide one grandson who was distraught,
his wife desperately wanting to move back,
before he knew it they sold their home and were packed,
Not really wanting to move back he pleased his wife,
he just went along because she was the love of his life,
having diabetes he became more of a couch potato,
while in Florida he seemed to be more of on the go,
But he loved his family no matter what,
he settled in despite the feelings in his gut,
not caring for New York, the high prices or the weather,
he just went along to be a good husband, Dad and fellow,
Where he lived out his remaining 16 retired years,
his health steadily declining with melanoma he had little fear,
taking in stride what his doctors and hospice said,
preferring to die at home in his portable hospital bed.
11-6-16
nature's way of saying
I love what you do with your tongue
mom used to lick her hanky
to clean my face I want to kill her
aided by my only allies
the hobo armies of doom
resulted in a sweet tooth with no answers
for the impenetrable slits of her eyes
the crowd was aghast
so I knew we hit the glass jaw
now back to the scheduled program
our man Swigheart Backhoe
reports from Flat, Nebraska
on the next Heads of Kings exhibit
down at the Crusader camp
I'm trying to figure out why sperm motility
hasn't created a master race yet
The best of millions fighting upstream like
Steelers' running back Don Quixote
over a million years and we still end up with
politicians with red putty noses that go honk
and readers of the Weekly World News
who renew their state of alarm by the minute
we're not one step closer to kingdom come for it
sperm motility then is as effective an indicator
of Darwinian uber selection
as a chicken on a rotisserie spit
is an indicator of barnyard vitality
you are alive right give yourself a pinch
let's use sperm science to give the 2nd raters
and mediocrities a chance at the brass ova
the modern science of magnification
can certainly arrange for a
shiftless layabout sperm
to take a poke at the moon
enough with this Mother Nature swill
put the couch potato, the hysteric
the derelict pants pissing wino sperm
up the beanpole and see who salutes
Mother Nature eats her young
and writes checks for the
Eugenics Foundation of Savannah, Africa
does God have someone
telling him what to think
so go for it you little tadpoles
get in there you little champions
From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon
Artist Portfolio: http://walteralter.site11.com/
"It is so easy to make resolutions, but to keep them is an uphill task"~ By Poet
We take new resolutions on each New Year’s Day,
But never seriously stick to them and success ebbs away.
I am no exception and like many, I must sincerely admit
That I may break my resolutions, but will never feel guilty a bit
First of all, I won’t make resolves that would hamper my day.
In most things, I wish to have my own personal way.
But to good propositions I am open and never shall be deaf.
As all wish, when the year ends, I want to turn over a new leaf.
With novel schemes, I don’t want to be an exponent,
But I will not sit back like a couch potato and be my own opponent.
When someone provokes me with words and actions rude,
I wish to stay calm, but excuse me if I blurt out a little crude.
I will try to do as much as I can, for time ticks away,
Won't wait for the last minute, which I feel is the right way.
Try to adapt to surroundings and move as quick as a wren.
Ramble through my garden and enjoy flowers now and then.
Spend more time with nature watching little objects and scenes.
Wander into meadows to get lost in the charm of sprawling greens.
Carry a walking stick, that at my age, even a small fall
Can break my brittle bones and into serious damage it can haul.
Though I don’t hope to be a body builder at my age
Will exercise daily, not with hopes of retracing my steps to teenage.
Once I was in good shape and had an hour glass figure
Though can't retain it, careful, from the mirror not to have a scare
Now with so much said, don’t ask me If I could keep my resolutions live
At the end of the year, if I am fortunate to stay sane and alive!