Long City slicker Poems
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He was a bitter aging man
He’d never married
Had lost the love of his life
And never recovered
She had died before his return from war
Her parents’ home still stood there like a castle
He often gazed at it from his window
After their final family funeral
He became incensed when he heard
Some city slicker was moving into her house
And when that day did come, he took to spying on him
Cursing him, venomous and vicious
Vindictive and spiteful, inflamed with jealousy
Maliciously sinning by mischief and omission
Finally the bitter aging man did win
And the village prepared for another funeral
All his conniving had paid off
It was shortly after
That the tragedy was discovered
The two lovers had been separated by a letter
Lost and never delivered
Florette announcing her condition
Did not receive a reply
Had moved away in shame
And died on her own giving birth
AP: 1st place 2025
Now gather round this here campfire
y'all kind good folk
Sit down get and make yourselves
real comfy and toast a marshmallow
Because this is a Freestyle Hoedown
ain't it all of us here have come to see
and i am about to get this party started
So here's a little ditty im about to spit
if you follow my flow and catch my drift
please feel free to join in and sing along
Hey- Diddle - Dee
Slap a my thigh
Fiddle - Dee- Dee
I'm a simple country boy at heart
not 1 of them city slicker
Who enjoys the simple things and
pleasures of the outdoors life such as
My shack and outhouse I constructed
myself with my own bare hands that
provides me shelter when I am not out
roaming the plains
A cowboy hat tin of beans cup of coffee
whiskey bottle and thick warm blanket
to sleep under the star's at night
I live off the land and anything else I
need it can't provide all I have to do
is take a ride into town I can purchase
from the supplies store
And my mode of transportation I use to
get there is my trusty Mustang of the
four legged type 1 B.H.P under the
hood that comes with a saddle
not 1 of the modern day muscle car variety
You see I'll take my chances all day long
Dancing with these Wild Wolves rather
than the one's on Wall street
Because at least there was some form
of law and a Sheriff in Dodge
Whereas
Wall street is totally and utterly lawless
run by cowboys who have the Sheriff's
and the Judge on their payroll
Who will railroad you straight to jail
choose to throw away the key or
hang you
Music Score provided by
( Deliverance Banjo )
&
( A Fistful of Dollars More )
&
( The Bad & the Downright Ugly )
You’ll find that I have core beliefs, that are not written in any one book.
I believe that Jesus loves me. He’s all around, so please, take a look.
He doesn’t give me what I may want, or an answer to every prayer.
But he gives me exactly what I need, and the assurance that he’ll always be there.
I’ll never worship fine paper, or the ink you’ll find printed on each page.
I trust what he puts in my heart, and I’m thankful for his generous wage.
He was there when my dear mother died, and he came for my father as well.
I’ve always felt his loving hands, every time that I climbed up and fell.
This man was not American, he was born far across the sea.
He never closed his borders, and he died for both you and me.
All of us have an obligation to stand up and do what is right.
Whenever evil threatens, that’s when we must go and fight.
I’ve heard we should mind our business and watch out for only our own.
Would you ever tell that to God, and wished that he left you alone?
I don’t care if you’re a city slicker, or a redneck in a chevy or ford.
My faith lies in each one of you, and in Jesus, my savior and Lord.
For those who love the Hallmark reels
with stories that give all the feels
You’ll notice that in every one
there is the same web to be spun
The small town girl who comes back home
her city slicker job to roam
Has led her back to find romance
to give someone a second chance
And then, that interrupted kiss
that makes us wait for wedded bliss
Precedes that stumble and near fall
fair maiden saved by one so tall
Of course, there shines our Christmas glee
to warm the hearts of all who see
The Holidays will save the day
when lovers seem to lose their way
The cookie sales and Santa’s wink
That magic that still tickles pink
And knowing that it all will mend
about five minutes till the end!
So safe, so sweet, that Hallmark thrill
When such a show is on the bill
So make ye fun, if that must be
But there’s no bigger fan than me
People laugh and make fun of me because I wear a coonskin cap.
But they'll stop laughing because I'm through taking their crap.
People say that my cap makes me look silly.
They say that it makes me look like a hillbilly.
This morning a city slicker called me a hick and he called my hound dog a mutt.
He was laughing very hard but he stopped when I put some buckshot in his butt.
He started running after I shot both of his cheeks.
He won't be able to sit down for about twelve weeks.
If you see me face to face, you may point, laugh and make fun.
But unless you want to visit a proctologist, you'd better remember that I own this shotgun.
(This is a fictional poem.)
We have a new dog and we call her UCAP
Interesting, I say, does she chase tail and nap?
She doesn’t do anything other dogs do.
Actually, and her bark sounds more like a moo.
I did not meet UCAP that night, it was late
but opened my eye the next day to a crazy fate.
The dog looked more like a cow, had an udder too
Now I knew why this dog did not bark, yet said moo
Pardon me, I said, but this dog is a cow.
Couldn’t be said the city slicker, not knowing how…
They could have paid the pet shop for a dog but instead
Brought home an enormous beast who liked being grain-fed.
What does UCAP Stand for? I asked them, interested now.
Up close and personal, and you are right, she might be a cow.
Up close and personal loved living in the house with these two.
When I left I heard another loud bellowing moo.
Gonifs and gossips revisited
since originally being crafted
approximately half dozen
dirty deeds done dirt cheap years ago...
Abound and lurk
within every nook and cranny
analogous to some annoying pest
harmless though one reside here,
when off his meds goes berserk
here at Highland Manor Apartments.
They snatch and snitch packages -
meant for other than themselves -
think Grinch who stole Christmas
plus snoop, i.e. eavesdrop
big Dumbo ears as listening devices
(batteries not required)
or serve as rumor mongers
to don self importance
and trumpet "FAKE NEWS."
We (yours truly and his misses)
dwelled at aforementioned residence
July first 2025 will be eight years,
and no sooner did both of us set foot
on premises than hearsay
immediately promulgated
(metaphorically swirled about our heads),
and passed like greased lightning
thru the robust grapevine
purportedly wife of mine
brought in live snakes.
Oddly and interestingly enough though,
I never actually never heard nor saw
a fellow resident
talk (or whisper in hushed tones)
about me outright.
Rather than badmouth other feisty folks,
which leaves unpleasant virtual
aftertaste described as phooey zook,
thus comeuppance to reprobate recipients
I activate viz cluck
king silly reasonable rhyme,
(so keeps head up
for urbane adverse city slicker
you better watch out
(...better not shout...) just duck
and run for cover cuz poet took
effluvia enroute spouted by word huck
stir, he avoids naming
(chatterboxes whose lives
so devoid of meaning,
they figuratively kickstart tittle-tattle),
who vocally ramp up
some juicy tidbit with any luck
taking page from former president playbook
letting their lips uncontrollably run a-muck
totally oblivious to credibility factor being a schmuck
buzzfeed initial kernel of truth and truck
outrageous zingers suitable for National Enquirer,
tragicomical, cuz mistruths
courtesy tenants exhibit chutzpah to pluck
farfetched outright lies and innuendos
rolling of tongues of then occupants such as:
"Bible Thumper/Holy Roller,"
"Bingo/ Phat Cathy,""Crooked Old Man,"
"Curvy Girl/Thunder Thighs," "Frumpty Dumpty
"Mush/Smash Mouth, "Snaggletooth,"
"The Bodyguard," "The Fossil," "The Schvartze,"
"Winkle," and last but not leased "Zha Zha”.
Give me fruit flies, mice
and/or roaches any day,
or give me death!
rondeau
Envision your route, it's quicker.
Like your crowds thinner or thicker?
Traffic can ruin a trip, no fun;
my choice - less-traveled paths, bar none.
country bumpkin / city slicker?
Long journeys can be a kicker;
on a bus, some snore, some snicker.
Think through your options one by one.
Envision your route.
Some folks will dally and dicker?
Others like to blame and bicker?
think ahead ere the trip's begun;
you'll be happier when it's done.
If you drive, don't drive on liquor,
envision your route.
written 07/27/12, revised 07/19/19
to meet requirement of 8 syllable lines.
Host: Charles Messina - Contest: Rondeau