Long Burdening Poems
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February 22 Relationship to God Bible Meditations
Based on Deuteronomy 20-24
Key Verse – Deuteronomy 20:1 When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be not afraid of them: for the LORD thy God is with thee, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
LORD GOD, YOU ARE MY BATTLE CONQUEROR
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
taking my soul to Your saving deliverance
Thank You for besieging me from worldly spoil’s alluring appearance
I then fix my sight to Your inheritance along heavenly entrance
In carrying-out Your commandment, subdued of my arrogance.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
training my will by Your sin-slaying might
Thank You for building me up against pride’s downfall and blight
I then find my strength in Your blood-redeeming power for victorious flight
In calming myself to prevail over guilt’s fright and frustration’s height.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
terrifying my enemies greatly
Thank You for bracing me up to march on righteously
I then follow Your leading perseveringly
In coming nigh to Your throne so I can share Your peace bravely.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
turning my heart from stubbornness
Thank You for barring me from disobedience and rebelliousness
I then fear You reverentially with total submissiveness
In committing my life to Your blessed joyfulness.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
teaching my spirit to trust Your wisdom
Thank You for boosting me against vain quest for earthly stardom
I then fall into Your forgiveness, humbled in seeking first Your kingdom
In calling upon You while discovering Your bliss-filled freedom.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
trying my conviction against materialistic prosperity
Thank You for burdening me with prayer quests to seeking You with sincerity
I then fence my mind around Your truth’s security
In combatting oppressive discontentment midst grievous futility.
Lord God, You are my battle Conqueror,
triumphing toward my divine cheerful excitement
Thank You for blessing me in my stewardship’s engagement
I then feast in Your presence with Your grace-endowment
In cleaving to You always by Your Word’s assuring bestowment.
February 22, 2023
My eyes grow weary with the days.
Ebbed of youthful looks, I dare not despair.
I live my life alone now, surrounded by the loneliness.
Time was all too quick to pass me by
I was sure so much more needed to be done.
My hands have long been discolored, mottled with spots.
Disfigured by the work and the cold, they feel so weak.
I still cook and do the wash, recall their lost softness.
Age has crept into all of me,
I no longer hold young ideas.
My feet bear their burdens awkwardly unsteady.
Crippled by arthritic pain, I walk with a store bought cane.
I very rarely leave the house, welcomed sleep lets me forget.
Days are much too long to endure my life
I see television as my only friend left.
My entourage of friends have preceded me in death.
Drained of lifes full growth, its promised dreams gone.
I depend upon myself, always been that way
now I fear burdening anyone.
Life treated me well in the past, so now, no real regrets.
My heart has become physically weak.
Loved well once by my lover and children, my own.
I watched each go their separate ways,
and suddenly here I am, alone.
Old yes, but not beyond my years, life had long been mine.
My soul became accustomed living one day at a time.
Promised by dreams come true, only bright tomorrows.
I was blind and full of fools hope
and forced to bow to the plans of fate.
Memory fades more easily now, so much is long forgotten.
My days seem numbered now.
Guided more by pain than fear
I accept and feel my age each day,
face the reality that I am no longer young
I look forward wishfully for His way.
My skies aren’t as blue as they used to be.
Clouded by industry and building growth
I doubt the progress they speak,
read and heard things that are, and I must let them be.
Generations seek their way, they will learn from mistakes.
My sun is just a little dimmer today.
Darkened by pain and age, let youth live their way.
I accept things as they are,
My life is fairly comfortable these days
no want or need remains, almost boring.
and at last I find,
I am old enough.
(Rewrite from 1971 for Mrs. B)
Feeling the cold winds on the feet is bearable
There's always a blanket to shield the hail
But what about the cold hearts that once emitted warmth?
Whose presence was like sunshine ripping through the grey clouds
Safe to say, the wild transformation was nothing less than a tragedy
Losing that sunshine was like experiencing the other side of a fantasy
It comes as a hard-learned lesson that everything's fugitive
'Nothing lasts forever' isn't just a movie dialogue
Neither is it just a mere narrative
It's a realization that blossoms from your battles
When a plain sailing life flips its direction
And distances you from your endeared one's affection
You need to use the loneliness to your advantage
Remind yourself that it's not the first brick life has thrown at you
Like previous times, you need to collect this brick as well
And place it in what you'll later find to be built as a fort of gratitude
Because when you'll realize that every brick had a message engraved
You will have everything to be grateful for
And the path towards your best life will be finely paved
You will acknowledge the fact that you were waiting for a jaywalker's message
It was you seeking temporary glee
But, indeed, it ended with your fragile side's passage
Today, things aren't devastating as you thought they would be
Just find a mirror and look at that glee
God sent you a profound message instead and it is a learning for life
The glow in your smile is all the sunshine you ever needed
And, that your one hand joining the other is a team that'll strive
You are your own savior - a superhero
Every time you faltered, your superpowers amplified
Your strength reached the pinnacle and the weaknesses multiplied with zero
Every time the tears in your eyes resisted meeting the beholders'
Every time you disguised your pain as the bravado of soldiers
Every time you woke up and trod outside your room; your safe haven
All to fulfill the burdening responsibilities on your shoulders
The whole time, you've fed your soul with that much-needed self-assurance
And, if not today, then tomorrow you will find yourself unconquered by your fears
Courtesy of your inner warrior's resilience..
I thought I stood on top of the world
But it was only when I fell
That I realized how small I am
Every success feels unearned
And every failure long overdue
Lifelong passions feel like anchors
But I have nothing to replace them with
So I cling to them with the might of Zeus
Hoping to recapture the magic of yesterday
But maybe my brain just isn't what it used to be
When I fill my stomach with junk
And I fill my mind with poison
I feel compressed and mashed
I can see the stairway to Heaven
But do not deserve to walk those stairs
So I march down a highway to Hell
Weighted by a thousand burdens
Collected over years and years
I'm significantly older than when I began
But I'm marginally wiser than I was
And when I look at the clock
The time is the number of the beast
I'm not Bohemian and this isn't a rhapsody
The reality is I'm just a simple man
And in my chest nothing beats
All that is there is a heart-shaped box
Ruined by years of desolation and heartbreak
But still I dream on and walk like an Egyptian
I'm just not sure how much longer I can go
My mouth is parched and my skin is torched
All I want is to find somewhere I belong
Where I don't have to ask, "what is love?"
And not wonder what it would be like without me
Burdening everyone simply by existing
I'm just a man in the box in a nutshell
It's sad but true so I decided to beat it
And maybe one day I'll be fine again
But deep down all I want to do is sleep
So please, please enter sandman
Let me dream and feel the kiss from a rose
So I can wake with no more tears
That's when nothing else matters
And I'll be over the hills and far away
Perhaps even larger than life
Because I want it that way
And no, maybe I'll never stand
On top of the world ever again
But for a wolf like me
I'll go somewhere only we know
Knowing that out of the two of us
I'm the only owner of a lonely heart
But I'll sit there and I'll smile
Because U can't touch this
And as I sit there and put pen to paper
Maybe my passion is truly
The only thing that never abandoned me
The loneliness is unbearable
The misunderstanding is crippling
All the years of active rejection
Slowly engulfing the being
How I thought them to be the worst
But it’s the passive rejection
That’s what’s really killing me
The quiet shunning of who I am
The subtle hints that I’m not invited
It’s quite evil really
Unaware of why,
My bitterness grows
Thus if I ask, they’ll point to a monster
The monster they themselves created
Once a wide-eyed optimist
Transformed by the continuous rejection
See, it initiates the group’s strength
Knowing they shared in the killing
Leaving the remains to the birds
Starved the soul is
Craving something
Anything, a heart can latch on to
But nothing is there
Everyone leaves
Deep thoughts, an empty stare
Drown myself in music and writing
And so it does heal
The slow, gentle numbing of the emotions
Of the deep pain I feel
Living through the art form
The only life I have
An outcast, the lone wolf
My loud howl from the top of the mountain
It’s impact felt only from within
Inclusion, I often question if that’s all I desire
Inclusion simply for the sake of inclusion
It’s not, but how pleasant it would be to finally feel it
Perhaps just until the right ones come along
My feelings are a dark empty abyss
I feel everything, and yet nothing
Impossible to express, as even I am unaware
I’m getting lost in my head again
Overthinking and zoning
Suppose it is explainable
As I haven’t gotten much sleep
Symptoms Of A Paralyzing Depression
Course through my veins
And I am aware of them
And I am scared of them
Yet what can I do, surely can’t tell anyone
How would I live with myself
So I’ll keep it to my own
Knowing my burdening of them, their cold pity
It would prove them right
All along, they knew I was a loser
This self-fulfilling prophecy always occurs
Labeled as a rebel, an outcast
A loser, a pariah
I want my feelings to be known, want them understood
Want them gently caressed
But it seems that will never happen
I am socially depressed
Form:
Despite challenging threats of World War III crises...
Let’s seek God* Who compassionately blesses
As we show good works’ practices
While clinging to His promises
Indeed relying upon what His “Fear not” expresses.
Despite discouraging gloom brought by a World War III environment...
Let’s yield to God so we can avoid evil engagement
As we persevere in our Christian covenant-fulfillment
While striving to do our commitment
Indeed fixed on His “Be of good cheer” words of contentment.
Despite tormenting picture of a World War III situation...
Let’s abide in God to conquer seemingly helpless condition
As we remain steadfast in our well-doing function
While showing strong determination
Indeed anchored on His “Trust in the Lord” declaration.
Despite burdening World War III imagined hardship...
Let’s submit to God in vanquishing deceitful partnership
As we stay responsible in our stewardship
While seeking His fellowship
Indeed lifting His name for His “Praise ye the Lord” in our worship.
Despite distracting World War III-rattle...
Let’s beseech God in Whose might we can settle
As we become victorious in our spiritual health and sanitation battle
While overcoming uncleanness’ mantle
Indeed cleaving to His “Be strong in the Lord” mettle.
Despite attacking World War III restlessness...
Let’s call unto God to win against the flesh and worldliness
As we strive to be consistent in our prayer-earnestness
While staying in His gracious faithfulness
Indeed fired up by His “Be ye holy” to fight sinfulness.
Despite despairing World War III impending reality...
Let’s depend on God in sharing the Gospel against adversity
As we increase in our faith’s intensity
While thanking Him humbly with joy’s purity
Indeed empowered by His “Lovest thou me...?" test of sincerity.
*Psalm 69:32 The humble shall see this, and be glad: and your heart shall live that seek God.
May 11, 2020
Edited on September 13, 2023
July 27 Relationship to God Bible Meditations Based on Jeremiah 27-30
Key Verse – Jeremiah 27:22 They shall be carried to Babylon, and there shall they be until the day that I visit them, saith the LORD; then will I bring them up, and restore them to this place.
LORD GOD, YOU ARE MY LIFE RESTORER
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your mighty hand
Thank You for Your authoritative command whereupon I stand
With Your stretched-out arm of mercy’s demand
Toward my victory in Your promised land.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your empowering drive
Thank You for Your powerful name for which I strive
With Your intercessory works that revive
Toward my enablement, helping me triumphantly survive.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your transforming reign
Thank You for Your attending presence where I should remain
With Your promises that subdue doubt-caused strain
Toward my service for eternal gain.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your building-up freedom
Thank You for Your wondrous peace in my pursuit for Your kingdom
With Your accomplishment so purposeful, never vainly at random
Toward my faith’s increase beyond fleshly stardom.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your compassionate subjugation
Thank You for Your deliverance against captivity’s persecution
With Your assurance I trust with full devotion
Toward my dwelling in Your gracious jubilation.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your comforting voice
Thank You for Your ready help midst travail-burdening noise
With Your quieting rest for my spiritual poise
Toward my fruitfulness along faithful stewardship choice.
Lord God, You are my life Restorer through Your binding-up healing
Thank You for Your gentleness-cure for my sinful ailing
With Your healthy replenishment against soul-failing
Toward my preservation against miserable falling.
July 27, 2023
My love and all that was mine, is obliviosly wound in labyrinth subservient conditions for a sane love story yield
My love and and all that was mine is tilled beneath the battle-heroic action remnants.
She says, I ought to carry the blood echoing artillery to the line of surging intonations of death beckoning lilts
Does she know, the burdening weight slowly gravitates my entire to the earth
Am no bearer of fright, but my anticipation of intrepid crush of sovereignty is n'er my lot
She lately composes self in anticipation, waits a litany of conquering tales and heroic accomplishments
But I fail her in the fair exchange, I present my merchandise perfumed with nimble laments of dullards
That she reluctantly bids with counterfeit coins of tears frothing with a vivid lustre of languid desperation.
Does she know, am innately compatible with fine eats recipes and love-making ballads.
I hold no harsh limbs to swirl her into cosmic bliss.
And lo! It's the ultimacy of her obscured fate in my forlorn cottage by the Thames
She craves to behold me standing by the watch of the horrific night, wrestle beasts like Achilles.
She wants a test of my hospitality with the blackness of the night
Does she know, a stealth rustle of the oak leafages send my adrenaline to bedlam and an ignorable reflex.
Does she know, a fine bark from a mad dog by the vicinity is brought under clandestine justice with me under a tender soothe of my old blanket
She craves for a ripped tummy, but I constantly pride in the gaiety addition of my sharp ribcages to her
One-two-three I intone pointing to my fortune in servility like a slave to his master
But her entirety flames with exasperation and closely inches as though to mix lips.
"You're a coward"
Once, so long ago, in love, we did believe
A union was forged, forever to conceive
But shattered dreams and promises untold
Betrayal's wrath, our story now unfolds
With heavy hearts and melancholic gaze
Standing amidst the wreckage of our former joyful days
A modern tale of divorce, so bitter and so cold
Where disappointment's taunting grip takes a firm hold
We danced on fragile grounds of counterfeit bliss
Yet underneath the surface, the truth we couldn’t resist
In adulthood's haze, we drowned in deceit
A flurry of mistakes, too impossible to defeat
Broken echoes of vows whispered in vain
Their remnants directly haunt us with sorrow and pain
We fought with fiery words that scarred the soul
Till love's fabric unraveled, beyond any of our control
Among the ashes of love now withered and decayed
We each walk separate paths, hearts jaded and frayed
Dishonesty's weight burdening our hollow chests
A tragedy fully scripted wherein neither attests
Anger festers within us, boiling in blatant rage
Depression's embrace keeps us locked in a wedded cage
Frustration envelops like a suffocating mist
As the fragile tendrils of heartbreak cruelly persist
We mourn for a marriage that could never be saved
An illusion of forever now lost among the rapid waves
In this modern world, where love can and will expire
Our souls are left drowning in a sea of unrequited desire
The bitter taste of farewell lingers on our cracked lips
As we navigate the aftermath, with trembling, unsteady grips
In the end, mistakes have led us both astray
Two souls forever haunted by what we never could say
*I wrote this poem on January 13, 2024, as part of a ’30 days of poetry’ January challenge. This was day 13 and the prompt was: “A ballad about a modern divorce.”
If she knew your address,
Her limbs wouldn't get weary to come.
Piece by piece her heart tearing apart,
Shame and her friend guilt crushed her heart.
Daily her face is gloomy,
Inside man stood short within.
She climbed mountains to seek radar,
Valleys to find impressions of you.
She made acquaintances along the way,
Like a fielder her heart became,
Gathering all that was thrown to her.
Despondency made her vulnerable,
In her pilgrimage it became unbearable.
Natives wished to help out,
Some in agreement to receive cash.
Others kept her on a pendulum of false hope,
Others with clubs of morality on her head.
Some burdening her with weights of law,
Daily living to maintain a certain flow.
Some pointed her to freedom,
Only to realize was a call to slavery.
Her eyes became heavy.
She is lost in her emotions, her compass lied,
The index mark led her to a mirage.
In a hole too deep, darkness and a starvation sea of fear.
Doubt and skeptic sing lullabies all through the night,
Sobbing, Loud cries, hate on self.
What she was looking for, was nowhere to be found,
Not within her or those she thought were sound.
A veil that covered her eyes, tell it all.
If only she knew, it's found outside of her,
Outside her peers, culture and society.
Comes from above, from Him who loves us,
Came and dwelt with us, our broken society,
Gave himself, died and acquired it for us.
Her assurance, comes from without,
Above her is an open sky, the heaven,
For this is the gift handed down to us from without.
Acquired by the one who loved us,
And when He came, He came for us.
There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
If she only knew your address isn't found a few blocks down the streets,
Or from within us,
Her limbs and heart would rejoice for a rest you promise us.