Long Aftershave Poems

There is a new mythology emerging, 
Howling from the hind end of the pack, 
Scorching the composted leavings 
Of established orthodoxy as a pillar of flame 
Showing the way for true rock & rollers. 
It’s...

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I

 
Take out the caked grimy faucet plug

Let those unseen crawlies dive and duck

                     ...

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Dragon polished his nails and admired himself in the mirror once again; a daily ritual getting so old.  The one lousy hair on his chin, protruding from a small wart which he called a,...

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wishing he had sung his prayers last night
from both ends to the middle
fell to the ground in adoration
tore a wake through the ink stains
but not from satisfaction
plastic Jesus hold my head
a round of applause for...

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In days of old when men were bold
And they didn’t use moisturiser....
They shaved with a sword, 
slapped whisky on their chin
And didn’t use aftershave in an atomiser

The scraped the dirt off with a shell, they...

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“THE POEM MY MOTHER LIKED”


smoking a cigarette in the bathroom 
at 4 p.m. I wonder what my son is doing; 
I wonder if court will run smooth. I sit in 
the midst of my greatest...

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CRIMBO IS COMING

Crimbo is coming; soon, it will be the mad dash
Out with the credit cards, or plain old hard cash

Looking for the smelly’s, for that nice pong bath
Those funny Crimbo cards, for a good...

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I could never really understand
Why some women
Won’t give me the time of day
And seem to look the other way
Or I feel like I’m being hunted
And I’m their prey

I just don't get it.
I get so confused
You...

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failing to see which road would be best,
not knowing how much i've really been blessed-
too much time on my hands with too much fear,
wishing you, my father, were still near

cramped in a box without room...

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To never see your face again 
To lose the map of your body
To misplace memory itself 

For example   
Today I lost your nose 
I couldn't remember which nostril
Was bigger 
 
Last month it...

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Barreling down the mountain of forgetfulness, 
I raced to Wal-Mart for that last minute gift.  
We’ve not seen his children since Christmas.
Despite their quicksand of un-thankfulness, 
I want him to have something for this...

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BEING LATE

Here we go, I’m late again, and I’m going to miss the bus
I won’t get to work on time, and there’ll be the usual fuss
The alarm forgot to ring, or else I pressed the...

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My tale about the barnacle I bared upon my bum
has now passed into legend and folk law
The  battle I thought was over and now long done
Just when I thought I could sit down and...

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For you were such a gentleman 
your smile sincere and true
For your hair was always in it's place
your funniness shone through

For the love you had of sport's
anything would do
football, tennis and many more
will always remind...

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I remember the moment I fell in love with you
I can still smell your aftershave, see the shine on your shoe
I feel your arms around me holding me tight
I can remember everything that happened that...

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When I am gone you can spread the word
And leave your cage like a big black bird 
You can tell your world of my dreadful deeds
And give your hungry lover all the food he needs
You...

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I stood there and gazed at the tidal wave of traffic surging down bellow.
I hovered frozen in time until by chance I glanced upon a troubled fellow.
He was sitting in his car surrounded by the...

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By a rotted down shack 
Near an old railroad track,
The trains rattled past and sometimes came back;
There’s a thin plume of smoke
From the old chimney stack,
An underfed scar on a night painted black.

Hangs a dead...

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My arm is a shooting gallery, 
a roadmap of Switzerland in 
needlepoint decked grey flesh; 
running out of targets fast - 
and I need something for my mind. 

Haunting rainy streets, opium deprived, 
with crusted...

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My husband acted like a complete jerk
had countless affairs with women at work

He wore spray on jeans which fit so tight
and aftershave called ‘Tonight’s the night’

I knew for sure that things weren’t right
as he’d hide...

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He took my hand gently
his skin soft velveteen
i think he smiled
or at least the corner of his mouth arched
in synchronicity with his perfectly lined eyebrow
as his fingers entwined them selves in mine
and he pulled me...

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#






 YOU NEVER KNOW

Did the Russian brewer know his vodka’d splash the face,
Of a thin, dying, sailor, about to leave this place?

Did the cargo captain know his ship would plunge and plow,
Through stormy, gray, swelling...

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A wintry night 

Beam of scorching sunlight 
Eventually stifling inside through the curtain's strands
Loafing over the escritoire and olden snaps 
(some years ago i spend the time snapping him)

Indulging in traditional afternoon tea
Some dainty sandwiches,...

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The witch awaits her chance to ride her broom
On Hallow’s Eve she does so love to zoom
Dressed in her black cape and stunning costume 
Her cat on the back they fly o’er the moon.

Witch prepares...

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Clutching at straws — to be willing to try anything to improve a difficult or unsatisfactory situation, even if it has little chance of success

“And Then He Will Carry Me Away To His Castle, Where...

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