Irish Setter Poems | Examples

Saint Patrick's Day 2020

I order a Guinness and a shot of Pappy Van Winkle.
My green paper Leprechaun hat is crushed
and lopsided on my head.

That shot of bourbon cost me more
then I used to earn for a day's work.

“I'm worth it”
I say to the middle-aged female server
with my devastatingly crinkled wink -
she shrugs,
she’s seen daytime drunks before.

“My dog just died”
I tell the bulky reveler at my elbow,
he is shouting to some pal way across the bar.

“His name was Paddy,
and he wasn’t no ing Irish Setter *******,
he was a shaggy Kerry Blue”

The big guy doesn't even hear me.

I swig down from the dark mull and amber slug,
weave my way out of the joint,
looking for another pot of gold to piss on.

Luck of the Irish.

Those Red Suede Boots

Those red suede boots came splashing in
With the pride of elephants, dangling fringe
I got out of the way, my mouth to my chin
Others were terrified, some did a cringe.

Nancy Sinatra could not have done any better.
Those boots were prancing up like an Irish setter.
I backed up toward the wall, and let them pass by.
Too terrified to squeak out the teensiest “hi”.

The Irish Setter

He’s Irish not Scottish or British 
You forget, he’ll get ornery and skittish
He’ll point to his pelt 
Start swearing in Celt
With a splash of some Gaelic and Yiddish

2023 - a Rant N Rhyme

A new year to begin with a laugh and a grin, effort put in to resolutions and
absolution for sins. Your own and your kin (though sometimes you can't win)
I burst like electrocution on January first full of solutions but without execution
it's the worst, no thirst for follow-through just submersed in feeling blue. Yet when the second comes around I feel bound to what I beckoned on the eve when I reckoned I would change for the better, whatever range that would measure, a change of sweater? Adopt an Irish setter?  Be a go-getter, write more letters, arrange an exchange that's a little bit strange. On the third, be absurd, write a book and find the words, have a look at all the birds, clean the crannies and the nooks, see your granny and has she heard? That on the fourth you'll travel north to unravel mysteries of history and hope this year is truly the start of changing gears to face unruly fears of the heart, find the love that grew apart and yearn to learn if you're smart, not of the brain but the spirit that remains and take your turn to reap the gains. (tangible or imaginable)
I guess we'll just have see if 2023 will get the better of me.......

Reply To Aunt Mabel's Annual Spring Letter

My Dear Aunt Mabel, I am responding to your Annual Spring Letter
And hope you are recovering from the bloat, and feeling much better,
I wanted you to know that, with the cold, I am wearing the sweater
Since it came from England, I feel like I’m an international jet-setter!
I sliced my finger on the juicer, so now, to the doctor I am a debtor,
I am hoping that misfortune won’t cause my finger to develop a tetter
Be sure to tell me if Aunt Fay’s son, Sid, is still locked in the fetter.
Is Aunt Lula Fay’s gay nephew, well …, uh, I hear he’s a real go-getter.
Is it true, what I hear, that he works for the space program as a vettor?
Aunt Mabel, thinking it would be good if you adopted an Irish Setter….
This spring, it seems to me, is much colder and most definitely wetter.
Well, I must close. It’s late. Looking forward to your next letter.
P.S. I bought a new Bissell! A friend asks if you can teach him to whistle! 

written April 16, 2022

Blood Red Girl

(to a blues riff)

You're a blood red girl
You're a blood red girl
You're a blood red girl, you're a woodshed girl,
You're a good good girl.

You're a good good girl
You're a good good girl
You're a blood red girl, you're a woodshed girl
You're a good good girl.

You're a bloodshed girl
You're a bloodshed girl
You're a spit-curl girl, roller derby girl
You're a good good girl.

My Name Will Be Beauty Thunder

When I come back I will be a warhorse 
Twenty one hands high
I will ignore my mistress, taking no direction.

I will run toward the valley
Where I will be free with no bridle or saddle
Thundering through, amazing other creatures.

My coat of many colors will dazzle the mares.
I will be a stallion
Well hung, and proud

Unless I choose to be Irish-setter red.
Irish setter red might be the best.
Then I could blend in with autumn and the fire sky.

My name will be Beauty Thunder
I will be followed by magnificent faeries
And sneaky, mean elves will despise me,
Putting raisins in my oat bucket.

Yes, I will return to my mistress's stable in the evening
To have a formidable bucket of oats.
I am not a hillbilly after all.
And I love running water, 

I will win the Triple Crown twice,
Showing up all the other horses.
Yet with no training at all.

None can break me.
For I break myself,
Always in charge 
Even as a warhorse.

Full Moon Night

Her blind date had arrived right on cue,
her jeans as tight as a cocoon,
stepped into the night,
"ripped" noise what a fright,
exposing her hefty full moon.

Thank God she had brought a sweater,
tied round waist she felt a little better,
till dog came around,
pulled sweater on down,
full mooned ran after the irish setter.





4-26-17

Orangutan and Terrible

Orangutan and Terrible

Is an orangutan and Trump the Terrible;
Horrible hair and appearance are unbearable;
Some say it looks like an Irish Setter,
And could his behavior ever be better.

On Hillary we had placed entire bet
Now do have Trump with much regret
Not only is he an idiot in the making
Also by God he has been forsaken.

If Trump did become diplomatic
Am sure would be highly erratic
And when press became radical
Told them to go on a sabbatical. 

Now have you began to be prepared
For scoundrel thinking he is fair-haired
I heard an eagle who had screeched
Trump surely should be impeached.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Profound Poet

Cheese and Whine

Premenstrual syndrome my fault,
can’t bring her crying to a halt!
No cheese in the fridge,
she whines unabridged,
then nicely says “please pass the salt”.

Told me I’m no good for daddy,
I told her I’m not his caddie,
golf course vindictive,
please one sedative,
so I hit on his wife Patty!

I do leave the toilet seat down,
but sometimes the bowl is left brown,
not my fault I poop, 
please go find a scoop,
thinks she deserves to wear a crown!

Still can’t believe she is my wife,
with all the bickering and strife,
find a man better,
an Irish Setter,
no more “happy wife, happy life!”

Here's My Whine, Now Pass the Cheese - Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Phillip Garcia

Syllable Count: 8-8-5-5-8

Date Written: August 13, 2016

Mugsy the Flying Pug

Tall Tales In Short Form Contest
Sponsor: Casarah Nance


A flying chubby dog indeed, is my Mugsy the pug,
with stubby little legs always acting so smug.
He grew wings about a week after he was born,
by the breeder, how come we weren’t warned?
Last week he ran away chasing Rocky the Irish Setter,
my chubby little dog should've known better!
He spread his pug wings over Rocky and he pees,
"I swear, my Mugsy has small-man’s disease!"
Tough as a board, but scared as a tiny tot,
he barks and Rocky screams, “YOU’RE ANNOYING, STOP!”
Mugsy lands on Rocky’s grass and tears it to shreds,
for his owner just laid sod, “OH MUGSY YOU’RE DEAD!”
Mischievous and naughty he laughs in Rocky’s face,
I asked him where he was, “mom I was flying out in space!”
He’s a brave daredevil when crossing the street,
“oh my word Mugsy, you don't deserve a treat!"


~Date Written: May 5, 2016~

Will Take Aim Horn Haiku

Will Take Aim Horn Haiku

When we will take aim,
You always receive the blame;
Much more of the same.

Are one of the few,
Who I surely will love you,
And always so true.

Poems may be putrid,
But each one of them I did;
Wish someone had hid.

Next time be better;
Think she was an Irish Setter;
Go on floor let her.

Ho Ho Jim Horn

She Has No Religion Or Moral Code

A  B i t c h With Too Many Babies

By Elton Camp

To excess population she keeps adding
Yet with males she’s always gadding

Marriage is a concept to her unknown
It’s just a quickie and then she’s gone

To no moral code does she subscribe
That sexual freedom might proscribe

For her actions, she has no shame
And ignores any attempt to defame

She doesn’t even think it’s rude
To go out in public totally nude

Doctor bills she never has to pay
But keeps giving births anyway

Birth control she never will try
For she sees no good reason why

Her offspring never read or write
To her that is absolutely all right

She abandons them soon as grown
Their future life is to her unknown

“Tut, tut,” there is no need to say
For she will keep doing it anyway

To read this one close, you’d better
The b i t c h in question is an Irish Setter

Attorneys and Online Games

Was at a hearing with my attorney
She was more childish than Bert and Ernie
     Played I-Pod video games
     My anger sure was in flames
Years had passed since I began this journey

But my sexual harassment lawsuit
Totally ignored by this pompous coot
     Ordering shoes online
     Forgetting this case of mine
It was clear she just didn’t give a hoot

My suit’s outcome would have been much better
If I had hired an Irish Setter
     Her actions were criminal
     My settlement minimal
In my next novel I’ll surely get her

She had predicted I would get much more
My dignity she never did restore
     As she won her online game
     My harasser escaped blame
Lawyers and video games I abhor



*Based on a true experience!
Entry for Natalie’s “Cell Phones in the Sauna – What Annoys You” contest

I Don'T Think She's Ugly, She's Just Not Pretty

I don’t think she’s ugly, she’s just not pretty.
This girl is one of many I see in this city.
The women around here are so dull and plain.
It’s not hard to treat any of them with disdain.
I’m not prejudiced to those chicks that I find.
It’s just that I don’t like women of that kind.
I think I can wind up with something better.
I don’t want a redhead that looks like an Irish Setter.
If that blonde comes out in the middle of the night,
she can make a blind man run away with fright.
Who wants to get stuck with an ugly brunette?
I don’t smoke, but I will have a cigarette.
I think each one of them looks like a clown.
I don’t want to go.  I just want to get out of town.


For Kristen's Oxymoronica contest

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