Best Irish Setter Poems
Tall Tales In Short Form Contest
Sponsor: Casarah Nance
A flying chubby dog indeed, is my Mugsy the pug,
with stubby little legs always acting so smug.
He grew wings about a week after he was born,
by the breeder, how come we weren’t warned?
Last week he ran away chasing Rocky the Irish Setter,
my chubby little dog should've known better!
He spread his pug wings over Rocky and he pees,
"I swear, my Mugsy has small-man’s disease!"
Tough as a board, but scared as a tiny tot,
he barks and Rocky screams, “YOU’RE ANNOYING, STOP!”
Mugsy lands on Rocky’s grass and tears it to shreds,
for his owner just laid sod, “OH MUGSY YOU’RE DEAD!”
Mischievous and naughty he laughs in Rocky’s face,
I asked him where he was, “mom I was flying out in space!”
He’s a brave daredevil when crossing the street,
“oh my word Mugsy, you don't deserve a treat!"
~Date Written: May 5, 2016~
Categories:
irish setter, children, dog, flying,
Form:
Couplet
Was at a hearing with my attorney
She was more childish than Bert and Ernie
Played I-Pod video games
My anger sure was in flames
Years had passed since I began this journey
But my sexual harassment lawsuit
Totally ignored by this pompous coot
Ordering shoes online
Forgetting this case of mine
It was clear she just didn’t give a hoot
My suit’s outcome would have been much better
If I had hired an Irish Setter
Her actions were criminal
My settlement minimal
In my next novel I’ll surely get her
She had predicted I would get much more
My dignity she never did restore
As she won her online game
My harasser escaped blame
Lawyers and video games I abhor
*Based on a true experience!
Entry for Natalie’s “Cell Phones in the Sauna – What Annoys You” contest
Categories:
irish setter, angst
Form:
Limerick
Premenstrual syndrome my fault,
can’t bring her crying to a halt!
No cheese in the fridge,
she whines unabridged,
then nicely says “please pass the salt”.
Told me I’m no good for daddy,
I told her I’m not his caddie,
golf course vindictive,
please one sedative,
so I hit on his wife Patty!
I do leave the toilet seat down,
but sometimes the bowl is left brown,
not my fault I poop,
please go find a scoop,
thinks she deserves to wear a crown!
Still can’t believe she is my wife,
with all the bickering and strife,
find a man better,
an Irish Setter,
no more “happy wife, happy life!”
Here's My Whine, Now Pass the Cheese - Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Phillip Garcia
Syllable Count: 8-8-5-5-8
Date Written: August 13, 2016
Categories:
irish setter, humor, husband, wife,
Form:
Limerick
At the water’s edge I stood.
Oh my heart was invigorated to see the soft ripples in the water.
There was a warm breeze that also moved my hair.
I felt the Lord’s presence all around me.
I took my tiny balsa wood sailboat and set it in the water.
The gentle wind and the current said a hushed goodbye.
Off across the pond my tiny sailboat went-
As though Christopher Columbus had nothing on him.
It worked so hard to reach what it felt was the open seas.
It was jostled around in the water and it spun about a few times too.
A giant Irish Setter approached it on the other side of the pond.
Licking his chops to pounce upon my precious sailboat.
He had plans of ruining my blessed voyage and sink my mighty vessel.
The Lord had plans of His own too.
A gentle breeze came around and briskly turned my boat around.
My heart raced with anticipation.
I wanted to jump in the pond and scoop up my precious sailboat.
The Lord said to my heart, “No child. This voyage is under my control.”
“I am the anchor. I am the mast. I am the owner of the wind. I will bring your
sailboat back home to you in my perfect timing.”
Then I felt the first drops of rain.
Rhythmically dancing across the surface of the water the rain came down around
my little sailboat.
It propelled my mighty vessel back into my hands.
Oh my heart jumped for joy as I had learned the most important lesson that day!
I learned that once I begin a journey with my Lord and I allow him to steer my
ship that he will always get my boat back to the harbor.
I also learned that what appears to be a storm on the horizon can by the catalyst
to bring my vessel home.
Amen.
Thank you Lord for seeing me through everything.
I am just a big kid on the most incredible journey!
Gwendolen Rix
12-28-14
( a short story for my best friend).
Categories:
irish setter, adventure, boat, faith,
Form:
Free verse
A B i t c h With Too Many Babies
By Elton Camp
To excess population she keeps adding
Yet with males she’s always gadding
Marriage is a concept to her unknown
It’s just a quickie and then she’s gone
To no moral code does she subscribe
That sexual freedom might proscribe
For her actions, she has no shame
And ignores any attempt to defame
She doesn’t even think it’s rude
To go out in public totally nude
Doctor bills she never has to pay
But keeps giving births anyway
Birth control she never will try
For she sees no good reason why
Her offspring never read or write
To her that is absolutely all right
She abandons them soon as grown
Their future life is to her unknown
“Tut, tut,” there is no need to say
For she will keep doing it anyway
To read this one close, you’d better
The b i t c h in question is an Irish Setter
Categories:
irish setter, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
I don’t think she’s ugly, she’s just not pretty.
This girl is one of many I see in this city.
The women around here are so dull and plain.
It’s not hard to treat any of them with disdain.
I’m not prejudiced to those chicks that I find.
It’s just that I don’t like women of that kind.
I think I can wind up with something better.
I don’t want a redhead that looks like an Irish Setter.
If that blonde comes out in the middle of the night,
she can make a blind man run away with fright.
Who wants to get stuck with an ugly brunette?
I don’t smoke, but I will have a cigarette.
I think each one of them looks like a clown.
I don’t want to go. I just want to get out of town.
For Kristen's Oxymoronica contest
Categories:
irish setter, lovewomen, women, prejudice,
Form:
Rhyme
Her blind date had arrived right on cue,
her jeans as tight as a cocoon,
stepped into the night,
"ripped" noise what a fright,
exposing her hefty full moon.
Thank God she had brought a sweater,
tied round waist she felt a little better,
till dog came around,
pulled sweater on down,
full mooned ran after the irish setter.
4-26-17
Categories:
irish setter, clothes, dog, humor, moon,
Form:
Limerick
Will Take Aim Horn Haiku
When we will take aim,
You always receive the blame;
Much more of the same.
Are one of the few,
Who I surely will love you,
And always so true.
Poems may be putrid,
But each one of them I did;
Wish someone had hid.
Next time be better;
Think she was an Irish Setter;
Go on floor let her.
Ho Ho Jim Horn
Categories:
irish setter, humorous,
Form:
Haiku
He’s Irish not Scottish or British
You forget, he’ll get ornery and skittish
He’ll point to his pelt
Start swearing in Celt
With a splash of some Gaelic and Yiddish
Categories:
irish setter, animal, dog, humor,
Form:
Limerick
(to a blues riff)
You're a blood red girl
You're a blood red girl
You're a blood red girl, you're a woodshed girl,
You're a good good girl.
You're a good good girl
You're a good good girl
You're a blood red girl, you're a woodshed girl
You're a good good girl.
You're a bloodshed girl
You're a bloodshed girl
You're a spit-curl girl, roller derby girl
You're a good good girl.
Categories:
irish setter, dog, music, riddle, sexy,
Form:
Lyric
A new year to begin with a laugh and a grin, effort put in to resolutions and
absolution for sins. Your own and your kin (though sometimes you can't win)
I burst like electrocution on January first full of solutions but without execution
it's the worst, no thirst for follow-through just submersed in feeling blue. Yet when the second comes around I feel bound to what I beckoned on the eve when I reckoned I would change for the better, whatever range that would measure, a change of sweater? Adopt an Irish setter? Be a go-getter, write more letters, arrange an exchange that's a little bit strange. On the third, be absurd, write a book and find the words, have a look at all the birds, clean the crannies and the nooks, see your granny and has she heard? That on the fourth you'll travel north to unravel mysteries of history and hope this year is truly the start of changing gears to face unruly fears of the heart, find the love that grew apart and yearn to learn if you're smart, not of the brain but the spirit that remains and take your turn to reap the gains. (tangible or imaginable)
I guess we'll just have see if 2023 will get the better of me.......
Categories:
irish setter, life, new year,
Form:
Rhyme
The Doberman Pinscher
A Doberman’s known to be picky
With friends so to greet one is tricky
To kiss is a bummer
Undoubtedly dumber
Is to sneak up and give one a hickey
The English Setter
The reason we call them a setter
Is they follow their genes to the letter
When spotting their prey
They will sit down and lay
Till it’s time to get up and go get ‘er
The German Shepherd
For a breed with a dubious rep
How ironic when choosing to prep
A dog steady and wise
To be some human’s eyes
At the top of the list is the Shep
The German Shorthaired Pointer
Pointing…it sounds like a breeze
Just stick out your tail and freeze
The hard work is done
Now wait for the gun
Taking care not to wiggle or sneeze
The Golden Retriever I
Consider the Golden Retriever
Part camel, part Wookie, part beaver
You can leave her alone
In your home with a bone
If you first take the time to relieve ‘er
The Golden Retriever II
Its coat is luxurious gold
Like the crown on a monarch of old
Thick but not kinky
Though occasionally stinky
What a glorious sight to behold!
The Greyhound
Though Greyhounds are known for their speed
There’s a dignified side to the breed
For when given a choice
Between rabbits and Joyce
They are likely to choose a good read
The Irish Setter
He’s Irish not Scottish or British
You forget, he’ll get ornery and skittish
He’ll point to his pelt
Start swearing in Celt
With a splash of some Gaelic and Yiddish
The Jack Russell Terrier
A packet of fizz the Jack Russell
Full of dashing and daring and bustle
With engine on race
And the world left to chase
Any wonder he makes such a fussle?
The Keeshond
I once knew a hound that was Dutch
Can’t say that I cared for him much
He lived on a barge
That was smelly and large
And grinned at the hint of a touch
The Kerry Blue Terrier
You ask, why include a new terrier
Not a hound or a pinscher or harrier?
Include them indeed
Not a different breed
‘cause they’re fun as a bun and lots hairier
Categories:
irish setter, animal, cute, dog, funny,
Form:
Limerick
I Wish
I wish I could start over again
There’s a lot of things that could have been
I wish I hadn’t caused so much harm
Things that set off my inner alarm
I wish the things I know now I knew before
Life would be so much better and more
I wish I didn’t hurt everyone so much
They called me a loser and such
I wish I could be a different person
Feels like being me there’s nothing worse than
I wish I didn’t lose the love of my life
I had asked her if she’d be my wife
I wish I had treated her better
But I treated her like the crap of a Irish setter
I wish I didn’t feel so all alone
It’s to late to prove to her I’ve grown
I wish she wasn’t already with another guy
Feels like when she said I love you was a lie
I wish I had more confidence in me
Maybe someday soon I will become we
Categories:
irish setter, depression, loss, lost lovelove,
Form:
Rhyme
Surviving in the city
The dog stood on the corner, looking for the cat.
The cat was at the Warf side, behind a fishing vat.
The dog was known as Rusty, an Irish setter bread.
The cat was known as Sylvester, he finds what people need.
The dog needed him a playmate, so he could plant some seeds.
For that the cat demanded meat so fresh, that it simply bleeds.
The dog had marked a hydrant, because the dog was late.
He also do-doed on a lawn that led to someone’s gate.
The cat found that disgusting but Rusty paid his price
So he watched for lady midnight, for she was built real nice.
Lady midnight came up prancing, her tail all in a swish.
He took her for some meatballs, Midnights favorite dish.
Sylvester ran it down, what Rusty had paid for
Her cut would come right off the top, and there was nothing more.
Lady M agreed that she was in that day.
She took a bite then licked her lips and they were on there way.
When Rusty meet with Midnight, she wouldn’t take no sass
If he would get to close, she swished her hips and knocked him on hiss ass.
When Rusty got his chance, he was off before he’s in.
She winked at sly and said to rusty, I hope we meet again.
Everyone was happy, even Rusty wasn’t sad.
The edge he had was ended and he didn’t feel so bad.
Now ain’t that oh so pretty, their life there in the city.
Where Sly and Lady Midnight, finger popped to do-wah-ditty.
Categories:
irish setter, animals, funny, imagination, life,
Form:
ABC
Orangutan and Terrible
Is an orangutan and Trump the Terrible;
Horrible hair and appearance are unbearable;
Some say it looks like an Irish Setter,
And could his behavior ever be better.
On Hillary we had placed entire bet
Now do have Trump with much regret
Not only is he an idiot in the making
Also by God he has been forsaken.
If Trump did become diplomatic
Am sure would be highly erratic
And when press became radical
Told them to go on a sabbatical.
Now have you began to be prepared
For scoundrel thinking he is fair-haired
I heard an eagle who had screeched
Trump surely should be impeached.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Profound Poet
Categories:
irish setter, allegory, analogy, anger,
Form:
Couplet