Gaffer Poems | Examples


List of Member Poems

Maybe the best is AB


Not a text book relic

Poetic look esoteric

Record book cleric

Off the hook balletic

Mesmeric cook aesthetic

Cranny & nook prophetic 

Canny crook stratospheric


Which is why may be

Sitting top of the tree

The Saffa Gaffer

With a higher ABV

In formats all three

Above possibly Kohli

Greatest I did see

For me is probably A.B

The 20th Anniversary of Russell Hunter's Death

It was two decades ago today when an actor took his final breath.
When he starred in Doctor Who, he starred in "The Robots of Death".
His name was Russell Hunter and he was born in February of 1925.
Next year would've been his 100th birthday if he had survived.
Hunter starred in nineteen episodes of "The Gaffer" and one episode of "Born and Bred".
People in England were sad twenty years ago today because they learned he was dead.
In 1976, he starred in one episode of "Play From A".
He also starred in "Daddy's Girl" and "Up Pompeii".
Hunter starred in "The Cockleshell Heroes" and one episode of "The Bill".
When it comes to forgetting him, the good people of England never will.

[Dedicated to Russell Hunter (1925-2004) who died twenty years ago today on February 26, 2004]

Bill Maynard

A British actor entertained people as Selwyn Froggitt and The Gaffer.
During his 89 years of life, Bill Maynard gave millions the gift of laughter.
He starred in a few episodes of both 'Worzel Gummidge' and 'Heartbeat'.
He starred once in both 'The Ugliest Girl In Town' and 'Coronation Street'.

When he died, it was hard for all of his fans to get a grip.
He died in a hospital not long after falling and breaking his hip.
It was twelve months ago when he passed away.
Sadly, we lost a talented actor one year ago today.

[Dedicated to Bill Maynard (1928-2018) who died on March 30, 2018.]


Scraping Shovels

Shovels Scraping

Standing quiet so as not,
to cause a riot.
Boots are heavy full of grit.
Hair is matted and full of sweat.
Muscles ache,
with move they make
Blister blood, 
mixed with mud to forms a horrid crud.
When I signed I must have been blind.
No amount of money could,
make this job funny. 
Then a shout from the gaffer,
come on you slackers.
I can‘ t hear those shovels scraping. 

With a glance I smoke my tab. 
I‘ m sure its not me that’s been had.
Working hard I am done,
a breather has to come.
But it wont be long before,
ill sing my song.
A jug of beer will be in hand,
that I will stand,
with money in my hand.
As for my toils ill get my spoils,
spend it with my friends.
Then a shout from the gaffer,
come on you lazy slackers.
I can‘ t hear those shovels scraping.

Premium Member He Just Adores the Sound of His Own Voice

an incessant bore
he droned on and on and on …
where’s my gaffer tape!

Based on experience at our meal out last night – he dominated the conversation at our end of the table and then didn’t stop twittering on even during the talk on the Chinese New Year. 

01/26/18

I Don'T Have a Soul a Happy Poem

I don't have a soul you know
not some idle boast!
you'll understand
If I say, I don't 
do ghosts
I don't believe I have a soul
don't do ephemeral
or need something mysterious 
for me it's just... terminal
I don't do soul
don't play that particular game
I don't have some special  thing
tied to my life's bicycle frame
nor anything gaffer-taped 
inside my pale and ageing breast
or something missing 
from my brain
in fact, I feel no
absence
you don't feel this way
you may disapprove
There goes the fool 
without salvation
that fool requiring 
proof
Yet I feel no
impediment 
or a dearth of something vital
I'm not at all bothered
nor am I suicidal.


I Don'T Have a Soul

I don't have a soul you know
This is not some idle boast!
I expect you'll understand
If I say, I don't do ghosts

I don't believe I have a soul
I don't do ephemeral
or have something mysterious 
for me life is terminal

I don't do soul
I don't play that particular game
I don't have some plastic bag 
tied to my life's bicycle's frame

Nor anything gaffer-taped 
to my pale and ageing breast
something missing from my brain
I don't feel any absence
 
But you don't feel this way
and you may even disapprove
There goes that fool without salvation
the one who required proof

I don't feel an impediment 
or a dearth of anything vital
I'm not at all bothered
I'm hardly... suicidal.

Sunlight

Walking in the Shire
     feeling the warmth 
of 
the 
sun 
    on my body 
I see the well tilled 
farms 
   and the Green Dragon 
where I long to have 
   a pint of beer 
In a time 
   of peace 
this land becomes 
   like a warm blanket to its 
      inhabitants 
Do you know why 
   you love this place?
It is because 
it is peaceful 
    with 
growing things - especially taters 
grown with love by 
Sam's gaffer 
an old gardener
  with 
knowledge of such things

How To Fix a Broken Heart

Superglue won’t do it, neither will flour paste glue,
PVA is useless, and Araldite is too.

A broken heart cannot be stitched together,
And Gaffer tape doesn’t last forever.

How do you mend a broken heart?
Broken by a friend or lover that had to part.

Time they say is what heals best,
But until then there's a hole inside your chest.

A broken heart cannot be mended, remember it’s not a toy.
Always try to look after it and not give it to ANY girl or boy.

Love and time is what is needed, to mend a broken heart
So hold on tightly to your loves, so they never need depart. 

How to Fix a Broken Heart by: Mandy Tams~GG~

Premium Member A Heavenly Hall-O-Ween!

“My God” said St. Peter “how neat
A donkey head for trick or treat!
Just two feet? I want more!”
So god gave him four
off he ran hee-haw bleat!

There Gabriel stood with his horn
He said God I really am bored!
With a poof he’s reborn
With a tail and a horn
For tonight Gab’s gone unicorn!

“Well, Heavens!” Said Beelzebub
“Now ain’t this a fine rub-a-dub!
“Can I play?”
“YES YOU MAY!”
and poof he’s an apple in tub!

Yes, God is a Hall-o-ween gaffer 
And the night rang out with HIS laughter
Ghosts genuflect as they fly
Vamp’s morph to good guys
And Hosts raised a toast to hereafters!

Tie Me Down

Tie Me Down by Rob Barratt

Tie me down, tether me to a pole
Rope together the wings on my soul

Fill my wellies up with rocks
Put big pebbles in my socks

Nail my boots to a railway sleeper
My heart grows light as my love gets deeper

Superglue me to the ground
Until an antidote is found

(Not that I want an antidote
I’m quite content to idly float)

Gaffer-tape me to the floor
Let’s hope that they don’t find a cure

Make me hold a lump of granite
I’m really on another planet

Pin me up against the wall
Load me with a cannon ball

Put something heavy in my pocket
To stop me soaring like a rocket

Staple gun me to the shed
Fill my trousers up with lead

I guess that you have got the gist
I don’t need a psychiatrist

So now that you know how I’m feeling
Will someone get me off the ceiling?

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