I bleed my pens ink
I stab my paper
until I wound it with my pens
I break my diary's back
I torture my art
my writing kills me with all emotions
I let my grief , despair and regrets all at once
while a giant rock moves inside my throat
my breath buried 6 feet under
my eyes stabbed with hopelessness and deject
I bleed tears
I torture myself
only for you to be deprived of the pain
If only we you loved me enough
You would see how I torture myself
I would sell myself
if only you knew how your hands are stained with our blood
the red of love and suffering
the blue of despair
the blue of my pens ink
the secret I have to carry the one you are free from
I created a world for you from blood sweat tears words and ink
only for you to never truly know of it let alone live in it
how is it fair you get to live freely
while I suffer in the world I created for you
Hope
Aim expectations
Longing, yearning, hankering
Wanting’s of somethings to happen
Being the case somethings hoped for
Being in such distress anguish pain
Complete loss or and absence
Hopelessness Melancholy
Deject Despondency
Disheartenment
Despair
11/22/2021
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2021©
If You Live By The Sword
Then You Die By The Sword
How do you explain that to a child?
Do on to others as they do on to you.
An audience in the trees
gleamed upon the sight
darkening the light
blotting out the sun.
Nesting birds departing
upward flight,
dancing images
of children's play
in a sandbox
in the shady shadow.
Toys round them
all colors and shapes.
A drop of sand in a dump truck
another in a red bucket;
it made contagious laughs
with occasional exceptions
lost tempers,
sand flies
toys fly.
Isolation
or
integration.
We're the pearls of wisdom.
Play nice
or
get hurt with your actions.
The sunshine through the roaring clouds.
Rain drops brought deject day,
Bathed the children in feted glee.
Friends helped each other gather toys.
From play-time and cheerful day
to gather back with promises sweet,
another day of feted glee.
12/9/2019
not for the contest "to long"
by Mark Miller © 12/21/2016
Void of heart's love,
Desolate doldrums above-
Mournful Melancholia,
Morose melody-
Severed goodbyes,
Time doleful cry's
Deject filled grief,
Subject denied relief
Internal aches,
Death's depot awaits-
Complicit plot,
Sculpted lies a flock-
Head out west,
For blissful rest-
Forever in wait,
Flames heat passion
?
Deject jejune muck
Underarm hollow tax cows
Nods lone land per hoof
Grasshopper a widower
Yelps fable ape logy bog
I will find
A center in you,
The portrait, by
My other side.
I will listen
To your words
Manipulate my eyes.
Aesthetically, it pleads
To the senses
Of
My
Mind.
Now, I leave, the informed lies
Of
Life.
Great
Screaming Christ!
Lazy Mary will deject all
The elated, of our pathetic time.
The mindless voice has spoken thrillfully,
While death makes angels of us
All. Unplanned, bound,
In a strange
Hour,
A search for wisdom, lost to a decrepit flower.
Did you know
Madmen run our
Prisons? Ignorance is
A cheap drug, but,
Who’s to say?
I’m drawn into
A concept of circles,
Hypnotized by a
Hugh of pale
Meaningless
Summer
Colors.
The strange voices we hear, coming
From the center
Of
A
Canvas…
So
Immaculate and sinless,
Like
A spell,
A flower…
Roads in hell.
Or,
The will to power.
Smooth as ravens claws…
It’ll draw you in.
Curve on the lips pointing towards the left,
purpose in concealing smile by theft,
fear concluding the tilt dutifully kept,
sheen so sacred for the humanly unkempt,
lie defeating truth and questions attempt,
to bury secrets and the joy when you wept,
need to monopolize the time which left,
madness and intensity thoughts forget,
dependency nurtured and eyes never slept,
fate divine and destiny inept,
an act occupied for the search to wait,
lie pities truth and puts on bait,
mysteries and lies famished minds ate,
faith and ego loneliness bates,
preference of truth gifted mind hates,
appetite for imagination creates,
remoteness from object who deject,
unrequited expression to the faces reject,
fables of a drunkard enthused by intellect,
memories alive must you forget,
innocent cries must they neglect,
euphoria weaved in mystery,
occurrence of mastery subliminally,
a beam frowning continually,
answers buried faithfully,
bluffs me entirely,
uncanny riley of a smiley.
The world can sputter around us,
deject and confound us
topple us up one side and right down the other
but I'll still be me and you'll still be you.
The people we love can abhor us,
can coddle too much or ignore us
verbalize truths which would be best if kept hidden
but I'll always know the deep value in you.
Our bodies can start to waylay us
twist cripple, and scold us
turn chestnut hair grey and blond locks to sand
but I will still see the youth in you.
Our minds can confuse us
turn limp and sidetrack us
replay our old memories like black and white films
but I'll never forget the real image of you.
Death may betray us,
may break up and dismay us
take one of us first to the deepest of sleeps
but I'll be waiting one way or another, and I'm guessing, that you will be too.
I've got to be disciplined
while ribbons of freedom
swish past my ears in a blur of bright brilliance
I know that I won't be late
missing you like this breath
packing up years in just one little suitcase
I rush like adrenaline
cry at commercials
and vent apprehension in high crested waves
You love me despite it all
shoulder my insolence
tell me you've waited for me all your life
I pause in my retrospect
to cure high blown self deject
cradle my arms in goodbye to what's safe
I'm not one to speculate
always do meditate
My nerves will dissolve in your eyes at twilight...
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