she notices the change
the sudden shift in how I move
she asks why
I tell her nothing and smile
we talked about this already
why bring it up again
a smile hiding the resentment
leaving her to wonder why
I suffer in the dark
while she only sees my availability
silently destroyed within
my emotional survivability
drained and effortless
unable to explain
with distance ever growing
as does the bitterness
only a continuation of energy collection
without a care for my mind
a deep void
too dark to exist
a pathetic fallacy
an embodiment desperately clinging to within
Your words they cut worse than a knife.
You push and you shove me around in life.
You yell, you scream but it's still not enough.
I tell myself, "I just need to get tough".
You never are happy unless I'm in tears.
Just how much longer, how many years.
You corner me watching me fall to my knees.
I beg, I plead... Oh God please...
Hush, little songbird,
The world’s an awful place,
And we have decided
You won’t find your own way.
Hush, little songbird,
Stay in our wings,
For we were the ones that made you,
We must be your everything.
Hush, little songbird,
It’s not your time to fly.
You’re not like the others,
The height would make you cry.
Hush, little songbird,
Don’t sever your past,
We have built you an army,
Which you’ll one day outlast.
Hush, little songbird,
And never make a fuss.
You sing with such beauty,
But you can’t be enough.
Hush, little songbird,
And please stay the same.
We don’t want to see, your life succeed,
You’re perfect when you’re tamed.
Hush, little songbird,
Our voice is in your head.
There’s no one more, to give you scorn,
But you won’t leave the dread.
Poor, little songbird,
Now fully grown.
You only loved, who lived above,
So now you’re stuck alone.
A songbird in hiding,
Your life is your own.
Loss.
The dark,sad thoughts appear.
A grieving,lost life.
Pain takes control of all my actions.
A memory, a whisper, a long forgotten time I listen. I hope still nothing, is there a point will there be an answer silents. How long to wait time unknown. In the end, forgotten lost.
A memory of lost time I hoped you would hear me. My voice goes unheard. I am that memory of that whisper floating in nothingness.
He asked me to kiss him today like he usually did….
Dabbing my back like an impatient kid needing the loo
I tiredly turned slowly to his usually soft forehead kiss….
… but today his lips tasted like mistrust.
The kind layered in smirks of betrayal
Mucus sounds and other disgusting visuals
for his twisted amusement...
4:09:05
A familiar time which plays on repeat in my mind
Get the opposite of high, but I don’t know why
Cutting pounds but not just my weight
I’m not trying to over-exaggerate
But I think it’s time to say goodbye.
Being alone isn’t the same as feeling it
I just wanna stop, I just wanna quit
They say all it takes is just a call
Down the rabbit hole you fall
Running down an empty hall
I cant seem to recall
If it’s really worth it all
Looking out the window, all
I hear is a loud rainfall
Beats me staring at a wall
Or downing pints of alcohol
Not afraid for if i fall
The flowers I’ll receive by haul
I’ll feel better overall
4:09:05 is my call
I'm stalking the ground.
Treading the lines between,
half human and distorted frequency.
Slowly, I recede. I'm choked off from everything.
A distant recollection, an obligated memory.
I barely made out. Shadows of insecurity obscure my mind.
Fruition in a haze of lies. I'll reanimate. I'll tell myself anything.
I'm losing my soul, and it's the cost of everything.
If anything goes, then everything goes with me.
It's all my fault; that's what you said to me.
I'm losing my mind. A decomposing family tree.
I try to remember, I can't remember anything.
If that's what you want
He glances ‘round the crowded room,
Where laughter sparks and joy resumes.
He plays along, a practiced mime—
Lifts his lips, but not in time.
For somewhere deep, his mind has flown,
His soul long gone, he stands alone.
What’s left behind, a hollow frame—
A shadowed man without a name.
And oh,
You cannot feign what isn’t true.
So smiles, like paint, began to skew—
A circus mask, a jester’s frown,
The silent tears of one worn down.
The clown remained, as days went by,
But joy, it wilted, left to die.
Behind the lens, a smile posed—
But all that gleamed was false, composed.
Where is the laughter? Where’s the cheer?
What once was light now disappears.
And all that’s left when curtains drown,
Are soft and salty tears of a clown.
He tried to hide the ache with grace,
But sorrow shimmered on his face.
And though he smiled, his eyes betrayed—
The hush where happiness once stayed.
Why, love—
It was the tears of a clown.
The world was gray, a lonely ,dark space,
Where joy had fled, leaving no joyful trace.
They called me kind, a heart of purest gold,
But kindness, it seemed, had grown strangely cold.
They'd praise my soul, then turn and walk away,
Ignoring me, day after endless day.
I yearned for solace, a hand to hold so tight,
But found only shadows in the fading light.
Now, in your embrace, I find release at last,
My one last hope, my love will forever last.
Perpetual
Intellectual
Mother
Just another
Smother, then cover
“Too weak to recover”
“Be our good maid”
“Just to be betrayed”
“Don’t give her a voice!”
It’s not love if there’s no choice.
To deal with perpetual self-assertion
The old sisterhood of overexertion!
Sarah Baartman
Wu Zetian
Cleopatra
Anne Boleyn
Joan of Arc
Sophie Scholl
Sylvia Plath
Marilyn Monroe
Micaela Bastidas
Yang Guifei
Fate bestowed a bitter gift
A curse more grave than death’s drift
A life where they were lured and torn
Left gasping, alone, forlorn
Once the universe had lost them
Cruel hands never let them astray
Their trials, none atoned
Their weary souls never left alone
Battles fought, voices shorn
Our bodies spent, our spirits worn
No rest, no vindication, no excursion
Just the classic sisterhood of overexertion!
Desolate...
The wind howls through hollow trees,
empty echoes in barren land,
where time forgets to leave its hand.
Desolate...
Footsteps fade on dust-strewn ground,
no voices call, no whispers sound,
only silence, vast and unbound.
Desolate...
The sky weeps with ashen tears,
stars extinguished, lost to night,
a world consumed, devoid of light.
Desolate...
Shadows stretch where none remain,
forgotten names on crumbled stone,
and you walk this path alone.
it is cold: i am old
cruel ruminations
paralyzing winds
sharp icicles
lifeless season
forgotten dreams
life…death / light…dark
*->*->*->*->*->*->*->
random cruelty
windy paralysis
icy roads
seasons without life
dreams forgotten
death…life \ dark…light
it is old: i am cold
It’s a harsh cold winter
You’re gone and I’m so bitter
I sat front-row seat
As I watched our love wither
Heart gouged by the splinters
You’ve silenced your ringer
And my feelings for you
Oh, they still linger…
It’s a harsh cold winter
Choked sobs and silent whimpers
Sparks of love burned out
Leaving ashes and cinder
Sleepless nights
Bottles of whiskey
Skipped meals
My love, do you miss me?
It’s a harsh cold winter
I’ve always been an overthinker
Should I move on? Or reach out?
letting my healing progress hinder
Week old sheets that smell of you
Tears as wide as the ocean
People come and go
But all I ever wanted was your devotion
The Fallen and Forgotten/
Used to be infamous/
Soldiers of the streets/
No matter how you going out with a bang/
You will be forgotten/
Your name to be added/
To the list of the fallen/
There's no going back/
Everyone gave you respect/
On the streets/
If not, a dose of reality will check you/
It's fine to be wanted/
And a big shot/
But, I will tell you/
You are just setting yourself up/
For a big empty space in prison/
Surrounded by concrete and razor wire/
The infamous will be fallen and forgotten/
Which will leave you lonely/
Locked away in a lonely state/
Wishing just for once/
Someone would remember you/
All the things you have done/
To make a name for yourself/
Hanging with so called friends/
That are not true friends/
In the end, none of that matters/
Because, you are just another/
One of the Fallen and Forgotten/
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