I went to the docs for a blood test; routine
That morning I’d been on the weighing machine
So I knew my weight and my height… give or take
(And, okay, I don’t look a lot like a rake)
He asked me my height and he asked me my weight
Which I may not have known on an earlier date
I said, “Five-eleven and fifteen stone-ish,”
Then thought I’d impress him… “I eat lots of fish.”
But he shook his head with a quiet, “Tutt tutt”
As I sat and stared at the size of his gut
He told me that I ought to lose excess weight
I just had to say, “Are you serious, Mate?”
I think that upset him, for that’s when he said,
“Male, sixty-five? Hop up on the bed…”
Through dry lips I muttered, “O, heavens above.”
He said, “This won’t hurt,” and he slipped on a glove…
Toby liked to bully Abigail
He would often try to make her wail
Whenever she passed
Although she ran fast
He would always grab her pony tail
One day Toby planned what he would do
Then snuck up behind her with some glue
He smeared it in her hair
But Abbie wasn’t there
The teacher’s got a pony tail too
29 November 2022
Contest : Children’s Limericks
Sponsor: Eve Roper
Comeuppance is a useful word
when confronted by a beggar nerd
Give him no more than tuppence
a fitting and proper comeuppance
The old word was comeuppance
When the obnoxious got their due
For animal-like behavior
Better suited for the zoo.
Now we simply chuckle with glee
And say they had it coming
Letting it go like that
And walk away humming.
Written June 3, 2022
A Rottweiler Shepard mix
longsuffering had proven to be
With the Doberman pup, a red one,
won on a gambling spree
Rocky the mix and BoBo
coexisted for a time
As any two male dogs can manage
till BoBo reached his prime
Suddenly all manners
right out the door
Or respect for the one
The younger Used to adore
Who would allow him as pup
his tail to bite
Sleeping all day
Keep him up half the night
On a road trip in
the trucks bed they lay
Appearing that all fine
No emotions on display
As Rocky got out first
As is the Alphas right
BoBo shot with no warning
his testes to savagely bite
Poor Rocky was loaded
to go to the vet
my mom left in charge
Of the deranged pet
A heavily sedated dog returned
It's angry owner as well
As soon as the tailgate dropped
Rocky unleashed some karma Hell
Young BoBo was hit
So hard and so fast
He rolled for three or four feet,then Old Rocky
indelicately performed his amigos vasectomy neat
The challenge given and answered
Settled the rest of their days
respect that's earned we should not forget
Should machismo get in the way
You pick a fight to live today,
You tell the time you saw the dreamed-of shore
of an island, Gilligan,
Gentle wind at your cheek,
A kiss parting lips caress,
A day wide-eyed as a lamb,
But then the harrow got you.
So swing your partner, men sashay,
Sad to say I see you lost a leg,
You can call the do-si grow
One of them megaphones
You could goose it up: Wrong way!
If you don’t know where to sit,
Why not by your other shoe?
But pick your spot and stay away,
One fine day the world will open wide,
Till then keep your company
With the goat-kid-gloved-of-
the-less-said-the-better-backed-
down-mouse-frightened elephants,
schooling the lesson you knew.
And take your tea with tooth decay,
Spoon-to-cup-by-spoon-to-cup you go,
Rhythm stretches on like dough,
Apple-pie-order slow,
And you kneed deep all alone,
Haystack-deep, Gabriel's song!
Blast it! Blast is 'las to brew!
Standing fifty cubits high-
the gallows meant for Mordecai,
but Haman's scheming went awry;
and on the gibbet carved from pride
not Mordecai, but Haman died.
08.10.19
( reference - Old Testament - book of Esther )
FF1 series 22 - vignette : Brian Strand's blog
A robber is robbed
of undeserved freedom.
Opportunistic
corporate climber
who's stepped on
one neck too many
gets to the top rung
of the glory ladder
only to slip
and crash to Earth?
The pride
of an arrogant prick
is starved of food
that nourishes
his enormous ego.
A high school bully
is reported
and expelled.
A troublemaker
finally picks on
the wrong bull
and gets the horns.
Karma, baby! Ain't it
a marvelous thing?
Justice -- Word of the Year, Old or New
Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire (Winner: 3rd Place)
Date written and posted: 12/19/2018
You drew me in with charm, smiles and promises
To a world of conditional love
‘Do as I say, woman. I am man! UGG!'
A caveman, no backbone, hunched ignorance
Abuse your middle name
Told me I would never amount to much
Without you I’d be nothing
‘No one want you. You spawned. Secondhand. Used up. Whore’
I dreamed of escape
With nowhere to go
My home a cage
In his cave
Me his slave
One reason to live, my kids
I barely cared
Months turned into years
My zestful soul ebbed to complete numbness
Not a hope left
For happiness
Life lost all attraction
I looked up
Devoid of fear
And begged
‘If this is it, as good as it gets
Please take me now’
My prayer fell on death ears
You thought everything was okay
Mr. Complacency
Each day strung together in exactly the same way
How could you see the draconian change in me?
Taking my life for granted
You were sure I would be around for good
'WRONG *******!'
I plotted and schemed
Stock piled on essential
And when you least expected it
THE END
Saw you walking down the street one day
and I could see you're very happy.
But your time is about to end now
‘cause I've got you, babe,
got you under my feet.
You used to tell all your friends how you
always got me chained around you.
But this time ain't the right time
‘cause I've got you, babe,
got you with me to bed.
Ever wondered how
you treated me mean and cruel?
But the past is past, babe, and now is my time.
How does it feel to be crying, babe,
with all those tears in your eyes?
You look so miserable,
you're acting like a fool,
I don't love you anymore.
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