Cletus Poems

Cletus O'Toole's Visit To Reno

Cletus O'Toole spent some time in Reno

  Where he lost his shirt playin' at keno

    This caused a great deal of strife

      With his long-sufferin' wife

        She raged on like a squally El Nino

Why Cletus O'Toole Religiously Attends Church

Most folks attend church to worship and praise the Lord as a general rule,

But this is not necessarily the case for God-fearing Deacon Cletus O'Toole.

He religiously goes to church every Sunday to take a nap (such is his nerve!),

And partake of potluck suppers and to quaff the coffee and donuts they serve!

Cletus O'Toole's Encounter With a Bidet

Since toilet tissue is so hard to find

   He bought a bidet to cleanse his behind

      With the very first flush

         Cletus scalded his tush

            To use again he

Cletus O'Toole's Fatal Thirst For Beer

He quaffed a six-pack of Corona Beers

   Ending up with the worst headache in years

      Perhaps to lessen his plight

         He should've had a Bud Lite

            Sure sign of

Cletus O'Toole - Horse Thief

Cletus O'Toole in a moment of greed

   'Borrowed' the judge's magnificent steed

      To steal a horse not his'n

         He spent six months in prison

            His name e'er stained for

Cletus O'Toole Yearns To Fly

Cletus O'Toole had always yearned to fly

   He joined the Air Force to give it a try

      He tried a daring chandelle

         It didn't go all that well

            Cletus

Cletus O'Toole's Navy Career Sank Sans a Trace

Cletus joined the Navy on a fool whim

   And was told he needed to learn to swim

      He was launched off the dock

         And he sank like a rock

           

Cletus O'Toole's False Teeth

Though many times Cletus O'Toole was somewhat uncouth,
He could always be relied upon to tell the truth.

No better legacy to his progeny could he bequeath,
Than that of, "Truer words were never spoken thru falser teeth!"

Cletus O'Toole's Frustration

Cletus O'Toole checked in all set to fly

   Mistletoe o'er the bag scale caught his eye

      He asked, "Can I have my kiss?"

         "No!" replied the little miss

            

Cletus O'Toole At the Ball

Cletus O'Toole asked the lady, perchance

   If she would like to join him for a dance

      He trampled her toes

         And rumpled her clothes

            When asked again she said,

Cletus O'Toole Slips On a Banana Peel

Cletus O'Toole slipped on a 'nana peel

   He broke his femur and damaged his heel

      He asked a judge to rule

         "You lost yer suit, O'Toole;

            A higher court

Hapless Cletus O'Toole

Cletus O'Toole sulked 'neath the mistletoe

   Pining for a kiss by chicks to bestow

      They tittered as they passed by

         Noting his jean's open fly

            All 'cept Cletus were

Cletus O'Toole Tries Skiing

Cletus O'Toole tested the slopes at Vail

   He met some trees as he sped t'ward the vale

      'Twas a short-lived journey

         Sprawling on a gurney

            His hapless schuss left

Cletus O'Toole's Dismal Army Career

Cletus O'Toole was a hopeless recruit

   Cletus cared for the army not one hoot

      He was the sergeants bane

         And deemed their rules inane

            He was asked to leave

Cool Cletus O'Toole

Cletus O'Toole fancied himself so cool

   'Til at Clyde's Bar he got fresh with Jewel

Her he tried to embrace

   She punched him in the face

In fact so hard it knocked him off his stool

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