Short Cletus Poems
Short Cletus Poems. Below are examples of the most popular short poems about Cletus by PoetrySoup poets. Search short poems about Cletus by length and keyword.
Cletus O'Toole fancied himself so cool
'Til at Clyde's Bar he got fresh with Jewel
Her he tried to embrace
She punched him in the face
In fact so hard it knocked him off his stool
Since toilet tissue is so hard to find
He bought a bidet to cleanse his behind
With the very first flush
Cletus scalded his tush
To use again he was not too inclined
Cletus O'Toole spent some time in Reno
Where he lost his shirt playin' at keno
This caused a great deal of strife
With his long-sufferin' wife
She raged on like a squally El Nino
Cletus joined the Navy on a fool whim
And was told he needed to learn to swim
He was launched off the dock
And he sank like a rock
The Navy straightaway got rid of him
Cletus O'Toole was a hopeless recruit
Cletus cared for the army not one hoot
He was the sergeants bane
And deemed their rules inane
He was asked to leave and given the boot
Cletus O'Toole slipped on a 'nana peel
He broke his femur and damaged his heel
He asked a judge to rule
"You lost yer suit, O'Toole;
A higher court might consider ap'peel'!"
Cletus O'Toole had always yearned to fly
He joined the Air Force to give it a try
He tried a daring chandelle
It didn't go all that well
Cletus crashed in the muck of a pigsty
He quaffed a six-pack of Corona Beers
Ending up with the worst headache in years
Perhaps to lessen his plight
He should've had a Bud Lite
Sure sign of 'corona' virus, he fears!
Cletus O'Toole asked the lady, perchance
If she would like to join him for a dance
He trampled her toes
And rumpled her clothes
When asked again she said, "Nope! Not a chance!"
Cletus O'Toole tested the slopes at Vail
He met some trees as he sped t'ward the vale
'Twas a short-lived journey
Sprawling on a gurney
His hapless schuss left him woozy and pale
Cletus O'Toole sulked 'neath the mistletoe
Pining for a kiss by chicks to bestow
They tittered as they passed by
Noting his jean's open fly
All 'cept Cletus were enjoying the show
There was once a sot named Cletus O'Toole
Renowned 'bout town as a well-rounded fool
Saturday nights without fail
He was remanded to jail
Once for fishing in the sewage plant pool
Cletus O'Toole in a moment of greed
'Borrowed' the judge's magnificent steed
To steal a horse not his'n
He spent six months in prison
His name e'er stained for that dastardly deed!
Though many times Cletus O'Toole was somewhat uncouth,
He could always be relied upon to tell the truth.
No better legacy to his progeny could he bequeath,
Than that of, "Truer words were never spoken thru falser teeth!"
Cletus O'Toole checked in all set to fly
Mistletoe o'er the bag scale caught his eye
He asked, "Can I have my kiss?"
"No!" replied the little miss
"That is there to kiss yer luggage goodbye!"
Cletus O'Toole was a whiz 'mongst streakers
And the darling of 'exposure'-seekers
He was a down-right nuisance
But due to cops' impuissance*
He raced 'round town in just socks and sneakers
*Inability to act
Cletus Schlunk went on a weekend bender.
He kept saying, "Jesh one more, bartender!"
He stumbled out of the bar,
Speeding away in his car,
Ending up in a major rear-ender!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
Cletus finds comfort in Southern Comfort
The day is lost if he don't have a snort
He doesn't like Four Roses
Old Turkey he opposes
He prefers Southern Comfort by the quart
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Once there was a plumber named Cletus Leaks,
Who when working 'neath sinks exposed his cheeks!
While adjusting his britches,
He left ladies in stitches,
As they all giggled between furtive peeks!
Entry for Joseph May's "Limerick" Contest
(4 Jan 2019)
Most folks attend church to worship and praise the Lord as a general rule,
But this is not necessarily the case for God-fearing Deacon Cletus O'Toole.
He religiously goes to church every Sunday to take a nap (such is his nerve!),
And partake of potluck suppers and to quaff the coffee and donuts they serve!
My good friend Cletus looked mighty spiffy in his new attire.
New suit, shoes, shirt and tie - he was ready to set the world afire
He asked me what I thought about his new duds but I hadn't the heart to say,
That I had donated his entire ensemble to Goodwill just the other day!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
Pilot Cletus O'Toole climbed in his plane and sailed for the blue!
'Twas their wedding anniversary for him and his wife Mary Sue.
He intended to write in the sky, "MARY SUE I LOVE YOU!"
Things went well 'til mischievous winds shifted and his plan fell askew!
Curiously, the winds wrote, "MARY SUE YOU OLD SHREW!"
When Cletus landed Mary Sue unleashed a scathing hullabaloo!
She grounded hubby Cletus O'Toole and he never again flew!