Cheapskate Poems | Examples

That Date with Jennifer Lopez

Wait. To you, she's “La Lopez”. To me, “Jen”, always.
Doyenne of “Anaconda”. A date, indeed!
You’d have me narrate the gravamen,
say how it was? She was a ten. Great, she seemed.
Or perhaps an eight. But never again!
Well, she doesn’t like real men. Cheapskate, too.
I’ll tell you straight, it all went bandy when,
as our train pulled out of Penn, to celebrate ‘us’,
she called her lawyer. I hate zen precepts,
but marriage? With no debate? Comedienne!

Family Values

Sold on a cheapskate cheesing.
Cupcaked' by a cheesecake reasoning.
Kids, plenty for the 
Cakewalk.
Kids, plenty to play 
Hopscotch.
Kids, plenty of energy goes 
Non-stop.
Disparaging remarks marked up by the
Loudmouth loosened by fool-proof
Foul Alchohol percentages.
It's far too soon to start with those 
Remarks.
Gliding by.
Hiding behind our
Rollercoaters' ropes.
Ready to Ride,
Side by Side,
Since this high.
Goodbye.
Razor-sharp wit halved the delicate patience.
Good times vanish, in wood varnish.
Drive-by relief roaming without induction.

What the Friggin

What The Friggin
Happened here mate.
I thought we had a date
Now you're late
Where's the bait?
I've burnt the steak.
You're a flippin' 
flagellate.
Get off your tailgate
and get over here
and gestate.
You friggin'
degenerate
cheapskate.

Beauty Queen Is Still Looking

Once upon a time a well-stacked, beautiful Playmate
One featured in Hefner’s magazine, which was first rate
bought herself a marvelous Hollywood estate
With future proceeds she hoped to create.

This was way back in the day, about seventy-eight.
This girl had big boobs, pretty eyes and was not overweight.
I need to clearly voice this to my readers to demonstrate
She had all the equipment to make a fine date.

She went out on sixty thousand adventures, all a first date.
She thought it was because each guy was a cheapskate.
She always ordered extra dinners to go for at least eight.
This selfishness on her part, kind of sealed her fate.

She had all the equipment, she was good-looking bait.
But on this fact the male’s mothers would usually fixate.
She is probably out for your money, they would demonstrate.
Her spending habits are totally clear, they would stipulate.

This Playmate of the Month remained single as life would dictate.
She never understood how her weirdness sealed her fate.
At age 70 she has not gained any beauty or lost any weight.
But she is still dating in hopes of finding a forever after mate.

Cheapskate

husband’s cheap gift wife’s 
expression priceless wife drags 
tightwad mate to court 


Created and posted : 23 November 2020

Contest : Make Me Laugh With Some Humour

Sponsor : Tania Kitchin

NB A little humour never goes amiss.
Some men and women  are so mean they should be sued is the moral.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that this case is pointless!

25 Cents

I'll tell you the reason why my neighbor's head has a big dent.
I mowed his yard and cleaned his gutters and he paid me 25 cents.
When he handed me that quarter, I began to yell.
Before I slugged the jerk, I told him to go to hell.
He threw a punch at me but I ducked.
This man is a cheapskate, he really sucks.
I tied one end of a rope to my car's rear bumper and the other end to his leg.
As I drove my car about seventy miles, he asked me to stop and he begged.
After dragging him with my vehicle, his butt had a big rash.
That's what he got because he's too cheap to pay any cash.
When I told him that he'd get even worse, he stopped threatening to sue.
If you decide to hire me and pay me 25 cents, I'll do the same things to you.

All About Me

I love thunder storms and Mexican food
I love dogs and being in a good mood
I like learning new things
I used to wear my hair in bangs
It looked really crappy
But now my hair is really happy
I don’t play sports or go outside 
Or else my allergies will go on the rise
I could lay in bed all day long
Listening to my favorite songs
I love musicals and cheesecake
I would go to see some but I’m a cheapskate
There’s to many people in this school
If it was just me that would be cool
I love pink glitter
And hate when people litter
I am really sick and totally rad
I I’m done with this poem and super glad

The Cheap Date

My date said, “I always order water on my dates.”
“Then I can save a couple of bucks, which is great.”
Alarm bells started to go off in my mind.
This match.com guy was either broke or cheap, and not a find.

If he cannot afford to order me a sweet iced tea,
Then to be honest, I was ready to flee.
Maybe he was too forthright for his own good,
But it let me know how he financially stood.

He confirmed my suspicion when at the end of the dinner,
He split the tab to the penny, proving he was no winner.
He seemed so nice when he asked me for the date.
This one I will throw back, he’s too much of a cheapskate.

Can You Open the Floodgates

can you open the floodgates



one coffee date
nothing ornate
why can't you relate
why do you skate
the subject of debate
I'm not cheapskate
I'll let you dictate
and narrate
stories of fate
I just want your plate
of poem's ruminate
and mysteries of predate
and of course of late
nothing more to agitate
or allocate 
nothing to repudiate
i'll be cool and straight
i won't be late
I'll throw my weight
skip the prate
and the clown gait
i'll be calm and sedate
do not freight
or deflate
can you open ...
... the flood gates

connie pachecho

2/11/17

Distasteful Footles

*Bump and Grind* 
Jerkin' 
Twerkin' 

*Swing* 
Now Go 
Down Low 

*Moonwalk* 
Jackson's 
Actions 

*Hip Hop Slam* 
Word slap 
Fast rap 

*Pop Stars* 
Scandal 
Vandal 

*One of the Seven Dorks* 
Dopey 
Grope-y 

"Cooking" 
You bake 
My Cake 

"Bedroom" 
Lights out 
You Shout 

"Drunken Hunting" 
You shoot 
Your boot 

"Driving mower" 
Cut grass 
On ass 

*Too much* 
High Ball 
I fall 

*Too Little* 
One stroke 
God's joke 

*Too Late* 
Forget 
Regret 

"Staying the Night" 
Seduce 
Let loose 

"Goodnight Kiss" 
moon light 
just right 

"Bad Date" 
Cheapskate 
Quick Date 

"Pitbull Encounter" 
Bald head 
My Bed .... (give head) (dick shred)

Miserly Cheapskate

How can I repay this debt,
When all I owe is Life's regrets?
Such dividends I'll never spend-
The cost to just forget!

Socks

(This is a fictional poem)

My wife got mad and nearly caved my head in with a rock.
She got mad because all I bought her for Christmas was a pair of socks.
She used all of her money to buy me a big screen television.
Being a cheapskate turned out to be a really bad decision.
That was a gift that she really hated.
She grabbed a knife and now I'm castrated.
Now I get laughed at by lots of men.
I bought my wife socks but never again.

He Should'Ve Hired a Professional

(This is a true story)

His daughter died because he was a cheapskate.
He was tight with his money and she met a horrible fate.
He had a lamp that needed to be rewired.
He did it himself instead of getting a professional that he should've hired.

His daughter was electrocuted when she turned the lamp on.
If he had hired a professional, she wouldn't be gone.
I feel so sorry for that man because he blew it.
If you need something rewired, please get a professional to do it.

Cheap Vcr

(This is a fictional poem)

I'm all alone and I feel remorse.
A cheap VCR caused me to get a divorce.
Many people say that was a silly reason for our marriage to end.
I lost the love of my life and I haven't seen her again.
Two years earlier I filmed the birth of our son.
Now I'm all alone because of what I've done.
I decided to save thirty bucks by buying a generic VCR.
She hit me so hard that I'm still seeing stars.
I never made any copies of that tape but now I wish I had.
My cheap VCR ate the tape and my wife sure was mad.
When she saw the ruined cassette, she went ape.
I tried to run but I couldn't escape.
She beat me so hard, I had never seen such abuse.
When she got a hold of me, she turned me every way but loose.
I'll give you some advice so you won't suffer my terrible fate.
When you buy a VCR, don't be a cheapskate.

Caligula Rules

Cheapskate perfume soils sweat-strapped ambience,
Crippled, choked extractor fan despair,
Palms dripping moisture cling to greased pale hips,
Swaying on the shag-pile threading bare.
Urgent urge to strip her body down, take her there,
Mercy straining leash-growling agony;
The desecrate of love, sweet picture perfect face,
Rigours of ******, ransack and obscenity.
Frenzied trespass of liquid rosebud lips,
Seed shot trails upon her florid loveliness,
Eyes blind with seminal cataracts,
Rampage of a penile-bred excess.
Sick and stupid, strangled cupid,
Neck wrung until the lifeblood cools,
Discard of carcase and damn the morrow's judgement,
A king of fools whom Caligula rules.

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