Best Cheapskate Poems
*Bump and Grind*
Jerkin'
Twerkin'
*Swing*
Now Go
Down Low
*Moonwalk*
Jackson's
Actions
*Hip Hop Slam*
Word slap
Fast rap
*Pop Stars*
Scandal
Vandal
*One of the Seven Dorks*
Dopey
Grope-y
"Cooking"
You bake
My Cake
"Bedroom"
Lights out
You Shout
"Drunken Hunting"
You shoot
Your boot
"Driving mower"
Cut grass
On ass
*Too much*
High Ball
I fall
*Too Little*
One stroke
God's joke
*Too Late*
Forget
Regret
"Staying the Night"
Seduce
Let loose
"Goodnight Kiss"
moon light
just right
"Bad Date"
Cheapskate
Quick Date
"Pitbull Encounter"
Bald head
My Bed .... (give head) (dick shred)
Categories:
cheapskate, sexy,
Form:
Footle
The grandfather on my mother's side was a cheapskate.
A real cheapskate.
One Christmas, he gave me a used paperback book.
Something like “Jimmy Plays Baseball.”
It was written for a 7 year old child, and I was considerably older than that.
Still had “5 cents” written in pencil on the first page.
No foolin'.
Asked he, “You ever read that one?”
Replied I, “No granddad. Can’t say I have. Thank you.”
“Merry Christmas.”
I hated going to visit them.
In the row house in Baltimore city, where my mother grew up.
(‘Balmer.’ ‘Balmer, Merilan.' “How you doin’ hon?”)
Me and my sister sitting on the wood floor in the living room.
Positioned dead eyed to the manger on the mantle.
Given board games to occupy our time.
My father loved talking to him, Leo, Leo Groeninger.
Because he was brilliant.
And he knew everything about everything.
A sedentary encyclopedia on the spectrum.
His second wife sitting dutifully next to him on the couch.
My mother sitting in a chair, the only one left in the living room.
“Maybe you kids would like to play checkers, or Parcheesi.”
But he had one saving grace:
His German potato salad.
The real thing.
Made with ham fat.
Five pounds of ham fat.
Or bacon, if you didn't have any ham fat.
Damn that stuff was good!
Categories:
cheapskate, grandfather, memory,
Form:
Free verse
I think I'll write a country song
about the weasel that 'done me wrong'
We'd have been married thirty years today
if he hadn't had a penchant to stray.
I got the pickup truck, so we'll leave that part out
but there's lots of other things I can whine about.
I can hit a few notes on this guitar of mine,
now I need to come up with some catchy line.
Country songs need to have a refrain,
something so catchy it'll stick in your brain.
They're all about liars and cheaters and such
and cheapskate dates who want to go dutch.
I'll make a fortune when my song's a hit.
My inspiration was my ex the ....jerk?
Yes, I think I'll write me a country song
about the weasel that 'done me wrong'.
I'll put in a verse about socks on the floor,
then casually mention his red-headed .... friend?
Maybe I'll say that he broke my heart
I'm still not quite sure where to start.
Most of what I write may even be true.
I could mention his cologne smells like... aqua velva?
Yes, I'm sure I can write one if I try.
It'll hit the charts and from there just fly.
I know I can write a country song.
Anyone can when they've lived this long.
We all have something twangy and sad,
something good in our past that turned out bad.
* any resemblence to actual events is purely coincidental
** and thanks Nancy for the blog that inspired this
Categories:
cheapskate, funny, me, write, me,
Form:
Couplet
My date said, “I always order water on my dates.”
“Then I can save a couple of bucks, which is great.”
Alarm bells started to go off in my mind.
This match.com guy was either broke or cheap, and not a find.
If he cannot afford to order me a sweet iced tea,
Then to be honest, I was ready to flee.
Maybe he was too forthright for his own good,
But it let me know how he financially stood.
He confirmed my suspicion when at the end of the dinner,
He split the tab to the penny, proving he was no winner.
He seemed so nice when he asked me for the date.
This one I will throw back, he’s too much of a cheapskate.
Categories:
cheapskate, funny, humorous, romance,
Form:
Rhyme
Once upon a time a well-stacked, beautiful Playmate
One featured in Hefner’s magazine, which was first rate
bought herself a marvelous Hollywood estate
With future proceeds she hoped to create.
This was way back in the day, about seventy-eight.
This girl had big boobs, pretty eyes and was not overweight.
I need to clearly voice this to my readers to demonstrate
She had all the equipment to make a fine date.
She went out on sixty thousand adventures, all a first date.
She thought it was because each guy was a cheapskate.
She always ordered extra dinners to go for at least eight.
This selfishness on her part, kind of sealed her fate.
She had all the equipment, she was good-looking bait.
But on this fact the male’s mothers would usually fixate.
She is probably out for your money, they would demonstrate.
Her spending habits are totally clear, they would stipulate.
This Playmate of the Month remained single as life would dictate.
She never understood how her weirdness sealed her fate.
At age 70 she has not gained any beauty or lost any weight.
But she is still dating in hopes of finding a forever after mate.
Categories:
cheapskate, age, writing,
Form:
Monorhyme
I love thunder storms and Mexican food
I love dogs and being in a good mood
I like learning new things
I used to wear my hair in bangs
It looked really crappy
But now my hair is really happy
I don’t play sports or go outside
Or else my allergies will go on the rise
I could lay in bed all day long
Listening to my favorite songs
I love musicals and cheesecake
I would go to see some but I’m a cheapskate
There’s to many people in this school
If it was just me that would be cool
I love pink glitter
And hate when people litter
I am really sick and totally rad
I I’m done with this poem and super glad
Categories:
cheapskate, funny,
Form:
ABC
How can I repay this debt,
When all I owe is Life's regrets?
Such dividends I'll never spend-
The cost to just forget!
Categories:
cheapskate, life, money,
Form:
Light Verse
2/23/21
From May to April
Faithful
Remaining grateful
And thankful
Hiking around with a dog named Hazel
Sometimes watching a movie or something on cable
Got to make the best of it, or else it would be shameful
Far too often people being sour and hateful
Tripping over power in ways that are disgraceful
Occasionally it was painful
At times there was betrayal
Similar to Cain and Abel
Still I sought to bring a lot to the table
Using it effectively instead of being wasteful
Easy to follow or hard to track on any trail
The end result was successful or it failed
I sped around or moved like a snail
Saw it all on a minor or major scale
Laid low like a minnow or moved around like a Blue Whale
Drinking alcohol, water or ginger ale
The real thing not no Fairy-tale
Or old wives' tale
Got to live it up every day, before they put in the final coffin nail
I loss, reached a stalemate or prevailed
Setting sail
For as long as I can, until the outcome is fatal
Stars went out and others grew bright
Never lose sight
All through life
Underneath sunshine and moonlight
Always trying to do right
Regardless of if we are ever able to truly unite
At all times they watch
Folks continually being brain washed
Obsessed and distracted by the playoffs
Instead of individuals around us similar to Adolf
Far too often there is a face-off
Worked out great or it came at a great cost
Wasn't always a straight shot
In and out of areas with more or less than eight cops
Spread out or posted up in the same spot
For Pete's sake
It was easy or difficult taking more than three takes
Near and far from sea snakes
While in and out of the breezeway
As life continues on or begins to decay
Once in awhile I'd have a slice of cheesecake
Close to or nowhere near the seascape
Some never had it, others lost it, and the rest believe with faith
Few generous, most a cheapskate
Among garbage and keepsakes
Occasionally I daydream
Realize it isn't what it always may seem
Would it do us any better if we end up on the same team?
Categories:
cheapskate, dark, deep, life, poetry,
Form:
Rhyme
Cheapskate perfume soils sweat-strapped ambience,
Crippled, choked extractor fan despair,
Palms dripping moisture cling to greased pale hips,
Swaying on the shag-pile threading bare.
Urgent urge to strip her body down, take her there,
Mercy straining leash-growling agony;
The desecrate of love, sweet picture perfect face,
Rigours of ******, ransack and obscenity.
Frenzied trespass of liquid rosebud lips,
Seed shot trails upon her florid loveliness,
Eyes blind with seminal cataracts,
Rampage of a penile-bred excess.
Sick and stupid, strangled cupid,
Neck wrung until the lifeblood cools,
Discard of carcase and damn the morrow's judgement,
A king of fools whom Caligula rules.
Categories:
cheapskate, allegory, visionary,
Form:
Verse
husband’s cheap gift wife’s
expression priceless wife drags
tightwad mate to court
Created and posted : 23 November 2020
Contest : Make Me Laugh With Some Humour
Sponsor : Tania Kitchin
NB A little humour never goes amiss.
Some men and women are so mean they should be sued is the moral.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that this case is pointless!
Categories:
cheapskate, betrayal, divorce, family, fun,
Form:
Haiku
(This is a true story)
His daughter died because he was a cheapskate.
He was tight with his money and she met a horrible fate.
He had a lamp that needed to be rewired.
He did it himself instead of getting a professional that he should've hired.
His daughter was electrocuted when she turned the lamp on.
If he had hired a professional, she wouldn't be gone.
I feel so sorry for that man because he blew it.
If you need something rewired, please get a professional to do it.
Categories:
cheapskate, daughter, death, father, daughter,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
can you open the floodgates
one coffee date
nothing ornate
why can't you relate
why do you skate
the subject of debate
I'm not cheapskate
I'll let you dictate
and narrate
stories of fate
I just want your plate
of poem's ruminate
and mysteries of predate
and of course of late
nothing more to agitate
or allocate
nothing to repudiate
i'll be cool and straight
i won't be late
I'll throw my weight
skip the prate
and the clown gait
i'll be calm and sedate
do not freight
or deflate
can you open ...
... the flood gates
connie pachecho
2/11/17
Categories:
cheapskate, flower, for her, friendship,
Form:
Monorhyme
I'll tell you the reason why my neighbor's head has a big dent.
I mowed his yard and cleaned his gutters and he paid me 25 cents.
When he handed me that quarter, I began to yell.
Before I slugged the jerk, I told him to go to hell.
He threw a punch at me but I ducked.
This man is a cheapskate, he really sucks.
I tied one end of a rope to my car's rear bumper and the other end to his leg.
As I drove my car about seventy miles, he asked me to stop and he begged.
After dragging him with my vehicle, his butt had a big rash.
That's what he got because he's too cheap to pay any cash.
When I told him that he'd get even worse, he stopped threatening to sue.
If you decide to hire me and pay me 25 cents, I'll do the same things to you.
Categories:
cheapskate, funny, humor, money,
Form:
Rhyme
(This is a fictional poem)
I'm all alone and I feel remorse.
A cheap VCR caused me to get a divorce.
Many people say that was a silly reason for our marriage to end.
I lost the love of my life and I haven't seen her again.
Two years earlier I filmed the birth of our son.
Now I'm all alone because of what I've done.
I decided to save thirty bucks by buying a generic VCR.
She hit me so hard that I'm still seeing stars.
I never made any copies of that tape but now I wish I had.
My cheap VCR ate the tape and my wife sure was mad.
When she saw the ruined cassette, she went ape.
I tried to run but I couldn't escape.
She beat me so hard, I had never seen such abuse.
When she got a hold of me, she turned me every way but loose.
I'll give you some advice so you won't suffer my terrible fate.
When you buy a VCR, don't be a cheapskate.
Categories:
cheapskate, angst, funny, lost love,
Form:
What The Friggin
Happened here mate.
I thought we had a date
Now you're late
Where's the bait?
I've burnt the steak.
You're a flippin'
flagellate.
Get off your tailgate
and get over here
and gestate.
You friggin'
degenerate
cheapskate.
Categories:
cheapskate, anger, raven,
Form:
Rhyme