Funny Bible Poems | Examples
These Funny Bible poems are examples of Bible poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Bible Funny poems written by international poets.
When I reminded her that the Bible does tell
to love not only yourself, but your neighbor as well,
she said, "But Mister Tabor,
you're not my neighbor,
so, could you just kindly go to hell?"
Now that's funny
but I won
I bet real money
on 2 minutes
I won 200 bucks
a few bottles of fine wine
for sure
fermented in wood caskets
I only hang
with poets with fine rhymes
not rotten wood
nor stale old bitter minds
committing 19 petty crimes
Grandpa snored loud by the fire,
Dreaming of treats he’d admire.
He woke with a yawn,
Found the cookies all gone—
Seems the dog’s now our chief cookie buyer!
Demon possession is on the rise
Because so many people are believing the enemies lies
He loves to dress in disguise
Seducing his victims until their demise
He creeps into families when there is no order
Then cleverly steals your sons and daughters
He feeds on wounds that were left without care
Before you know it your true identity isn't there
He comes to those parties, dressed with a name
And slowly injects you with all of his shame
He eats away at anyone with purpose
One Day you wake up and your life is a circus
But there is nothing funny about the show
Every night of the performance the tears drastically flow
Spiritual cataracts and scales form on your eyes
Your spirit man becomes vexed and it quietly dies
The trauma and tragedies play on repeat
The only remedy is a love that made death obsolete
He destroyed every curse with the cross of redemption
He is the only one who can change your perception
There is no one too far gone that he can't reach
Even if you have felt that your life has been breached
If you open your heart to Jesus you will find
He is the only one who can give you true peace of mind!
By: Sabina Nicole
He was a forerunner of the Saviour,
They couldn't comprehend his behaviour,
He dwelt in the woods,
The prophecy stirred his moods.
He ate locusts and honey,
People thought it funny,
His vision wasn’t in their range,
They saw him strange.
He baptized the repentant by the River Jordan,
He saw the glory higher than,
He was arrested,
His faith was tested.
One day I fell ill and apparently died.
My sisters were grieved, one found Jesus and cried,
"If only lord you'd been here this day
Our brother, your friend would have not passed away!"
In empathy and love Jesus tears weren't spared
And all could discern just how deeply he cared.
After a prayer to his father all heard Jesus shout
With a voice of authority, "Lazarus, come out!"
I awakened quite startled for I came to find
I was bandaged up like a corpse, I hadn't gone blind!
A funny, yet obscure memory to have...
But it gives Mary, Martha and myself a good laugh!
"Labour not to be rich: cease from thine own wisdom. Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven." ~ Proverbs 23 : 4, 5
Don't run after money,
It acts very funny,
It is there, then it's not,
Though it is often sought,
Riches make themselves wings
And fly away. It stings,
They never stay with you,
Unfaithful, never true,
Like an eagle, they fly,
You are left then to sigh!
Don't run after money,
It's simply baloney!
Disappearing from sight,
Like an eagle, takes flight,
It will leave you behind,
Huffing, puffing and blind,
Sprouting wings of its own,
It is known to have flown,
Take heed to my advice,
Wealth chasers pay their price!
14th February 2023
For Margarita Lillico's "Proverbial" contest
I
its funny how words contain stories
call them by the synonym, mysteries
SLAVE also has an antidote: SALVE
where SALE of humans rendered some HALVES
of what Nature's God had given ("inalienable rights")
I wrote before: SAVIOUR, spelled so,
has within its letters: 'OUR VISA' to Heaven
Kids have often said DOG and GOD are close
Or "I" am in the middle of a PiG (I am not!)
Just the Letter "i" is in the midst of letters P, i, G
So, as you awake or prepare for work, lunch, snack, or sleep
I suggest a combo of games help redirect, change our focus
From the issues of the day (We had no piped water for 10 days, and)
In sunny South Africa, LOADSHEDDING means power is rationed
So we have six hours a day of cold food and overworked diesel generators
In a digital nation, where banks do not offer much cash: phone
Or internet banking, the order of the day - and no one told my Government!
Remember then, SHALOM SHALOM - as you think of home
Whether on earth or heaven, we need lessons on keeping sane and sad-free
I’m walking with Missy,
The sun in my face.
I may call it Bethel;
The Lord’s in this place.
When we go a-walking,
He’s here by my side,
And I can’t escape him;
I know, ‘cuz I’ve tried.
When I was a young man,
To Joppa, I went.
It wasn’t a whale that
The good Lord then sent;
He gave me a shovel
To dig my own pit
and built me a ladder
to climb out of it.
Appears that the stories
Of Scripture are true;
You don’t have to look hard
To find one ‘bout you.
It’s sort of amazing;
it’s funny, you know.
It seems when we read them,
Our faith’s sure to grow.
’Tis said nothing changes
Here under the sun.
Yes, God’s seen it all,
He’s never outdone.
So eat and be merry,
The sun in your face.
Find joy here in Bethel;
The Lord’s in this place.
My hair was thick for a moment
My heart was thick for a week
My love is thick when you want it
Though afterwards, I can't speak
If you won't come by the bedside,
You can still come to the back door
There's all kinds of fish in a red tide
And a hopeless few still down the shore
Everybody's dealing with sickness
Nobody knows any cure
The worst kind of debt is thickness
Against that, no one's insured
The red meat is thick in the middle
The dark meat is thick like the past
They're now thickening individuals
I guess so they're fit to be gassed
If you find that you're in the thick of it,
Maybe you'll be amazed
The plague don't care if you're sick of it
And God lets you know when He prays
Thick as thieves —
Thin out the herd —
Isn’t it funny
How the line between thick and thin
Is often blurred
You know I’ll be yours through thick and thin
I won’t fly out the door when the money rolls in
I’ll be the singer you always wanted
I’ll be the glamor you never flaunted
Thus Spoke Brother Moji
(not Zarathustra)
With all due respect,
irrespective of
with regards to
I have no respect
for irregardless.
July 5, 2021
Boulder, Colorado
The Easter Butt, the Easter Butt
Put Away Your Booze and Smut
Kiss your Spouse and Hug your Mutt
And Motorboat the Easter Butt.
The Image in My Heart
My specs are in my pocket,
folded for now and safe.
My best…
perfect glasses.
With four eyes,
I can see…
just like a kid, again!
Miracles are real.
I can view the rainbow in the distance,
God’s wonderful promise to All.
I can gaze near as well,
to view and truly see,
your face…
your kind face.
Yet,
every wrinkle, they are missing.
every flaw; they are not there.
I can only see the lines,
and soft touches,
brushes with destiny,
colored by faith.
Time has drawn…
and redrawn every part,
over all the years,
that connect us,
and keep us…
near to each other,
and even closer to Him.
You are truly beautiful to me!
You heard about the son of God
Here's a story about the Devil's lot
He spawned three males too
Dont judge before you hear the truth
These lads were innocent as a new born
So Lucifer was not happy with his spawn
He called them gargoyles and banished them from hell
I found them sat by the wishing well
They all looked cold and scared to death
So i took them home and nursed them to health
They were funny looking creatures with wings
Short, plump with horns, cute and scary looking
The first was named Friluce, he was blind
The second was a deaf little swine
Goes by the name of Reficul, a funny little one
The third poor little devil Ecrulif was speachless dumb
They dedicated their life to protecting my famiy
From evil forces we cannot see
Witch made old Lucifer more crazy
To see his spawn as innocent and free
So thats the story of the devil's three lads
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil conquers the bad
Funny watching biblical scholars predicting our end
scouring over holy words
sprinkling in some good old fashioned arithmetic..
Then out they poop it-their doomsday baby
they proudly announce it to the universe
the end date our final breath..
when karma eats karma.
The magic date passes..again
the sheep and peons turn away from the sky and shake their heads
(I wonder are they as disappointed as the scholars)
The scholars will not be defeated-
they dust off their egos and recalculate
they quickly come up with a brand new date
another count down begins
four -three-two -one...
but
somewhere in their ego's froth they've forgotten the passage
about the final hour being unknown to man.
Mathew 24:36