Best Whomp Poems
A few moments after a hard summer shower we went to get the mail.
It was something in which my son, his dog and I certainly could prevail.
A trickle of rain ran down the drive, something not to be ignored.
With a splash, splash, whomp, whomp, he sent the water really far.
Heaven forbid that raging torrent should wash us away you know.
So he stood in front watching, making a formidable dam to stop the flow.
Then a leaf became a boat, sailing rather quickly down the drive.
He stayed in front, mesmerized, and then he finally watched it float on by.
With fascination on his face, he watched the trickles’ every move.
Then a burly frog came up, a monster king, that from the dog quickly flew.
The dog had saved my prince you know, from imprisonment in yonder pond.
For the frog was the villain, and within every good story, one must be found.
The hero became my prince, as he saved several lowly worms that day.
The worms of course declared undying loyalty, as on higher ground they lay.
In fact, the whole of the wormy world voweled to help him, that day henceforth.
And you never know when the wormy world, will be needed to sally forth.
At this time we found the mailbox, and my little prince quickly became engrossed.
My neighbor and her daughter were getting theirs, so my son hid behind the post.
When she smiled, he smiled back. A truce between kingdoms, now we could boast.
And they ran together that day, to every puddle that we did not find remiss.
At that point it became apparent, that the prince had found his little princess.
They lived happily ever after in the sun and in the rain they couldn’t resist.
And all because they’d found each other, that day in their Realm of Rainy Bliss.
CSEastman Contest:Litle Kids Again Child: Preschool (3?)
Whomp…another clump of ice cycles, lands on the patio.
It’s good to see brother sun; he is tired of the cold.
His fiery temper quickly melts away, old Jack Frosts icy rage.
Barking dogs and screaming kids
Can drive a person to drink
There's nothing quite so disconcerting
Worse than loud music methinks
Hard to control a barking dog
They'll bite you and rip off your leg
Beating kiddies is wee bit extreme
But it's fun watching them beg
Go ahead whomp your child
As long as you don't leave marks
Strangling is definitely illegal though
Welts are sometimes quite dark
Betcha I'm gonna hear 'bout this
'Bout abusing li'l kids and all
Really they're only minor injuries
It's a blast to hear 'em bawl!
Just kidding!!!
© Jack Ellison 2013
It’s warm and cozy in bed when I detect a cat quietly sauntering in the room.
Up on the bed corner he jumps, and then sits, just staring at me I imagine.
Just a few minutes more I think, to stay in this bed, so I pretend that I don’t notice.
My eyes are still shut and next come the light tapping of the dog’s toenails on the floor.
Doggy Morse code trying to say, wake up, its morning again, we have places to go.
I try harder not to move, and then a whomp, it’s the second dog that comes to lie at the foot of the bed, just to reinforce what the first said.
Am I imagining this, or am I getting furrier while still in bed?
I try to not move a foot or a hand, a sure sign that they would all notice.
Then the third dog comes in and nudges his nose in my ear, wet and tickly from all the whiskers.
This makes me move, knowing its not my woofi-poo, but then again, its hard to tell.
I still have my eyes shut, trying to pretend.
Throwing the covers off, everyone jumps up at attention, getting ready for the great run down the stairs, but first I have to get some real clothes on, so I stagger around the room.
Even the dust bunnies from under the bed follow me everywhere I go, it seems that they also want to join the fun.
So we all run downstairs making a great noise, then stop just short at the bottom step, there’s woofi-poo, still sleeping, so it’s tiptoeing past to get outdoors.
I stop the third dog from trying to kiss her in the ear as we pass, she might think it’s me, but then again it’s hard to tell.
I’m all furry now as we fling the back door open, everyone’s out and it’s the start of another great Animal Morning.
Written by Michael Eastman 9/11/2015
You know the story.
Some called it mis-
management, some
said it was original.
We know one thing
it was mirror to create
an effective strategy.
When management
changed they keep the
same format, keeping
the structure, but changing
What we knew into what we
know. Putting the status of
Current conditions on hold
to make room for recognition.
We thought they were creating
Championships to give recognition
to those who were losses in the
shuffle, stirring up the fans for a
big pop; that was included but
what we didn't know, it was the prerequisite
to our new division wrestling league.
They used two nights, two battle royals
Twenty men each, two different leagues.
These men would team, in reverse order.
The winner from one night would tag
with the first man out from a different night
Than when paired would. be set to
Go at it in a Tagteam Battle Royal.
The out come to be announced at
the battle royals conclusion.
They showed the two battle royals,
They set the date. But things never
go that easy. It takes a lot of planning
get that many people together. A couple
Managers looked out for there clients
interest, and demanded the battle royal
to be put on the first half of the show to
ensure the interest of many, won't favor
a few or one individual. They also demanded
that management would prerecord what
the surprise was, and release it elsewhere
Live during the show, during the live event.
They got what they wanted.
The match went on and, we got winners at
24:04. The Committee leaders came to the
Ring trophies and breifcases. Chairperson
Souse Slancer made the announcement.
The winners of the contest were crowned
New world tagteam champions; but we're
Named duel co-number one contenders to
the new World's Title. To be contested
Later that night! He wished them good luck
and had them separated and excited from
the ring.He announced the last team eliminated
to be number one contenders, and forfeited
the championship on behalf of the tag champs,
and named the number one contender as new
Tag champions.
Ring around the rosie
Ribbit Dribbit Drosie
They secret the mucus.
Hookus, Lookus, Doofus.
Three frogs at play
In my field today
Straight from the swamp
Eating flies with a whomp!
Ring around the rosie
Ribbit Dribbit Drosie
Good pets they might not be
Frog legs for my tea?
Barking dogs and screaming kids
Can drive a person to drink
There's nothing so disconcerting
Worse than loud music methinks
Hard to control a barking dog
They'll bite you and rip off your leg
Beating kiddies is wee bit extreme
But it's fun watching them beg
Go ahead whomp on your child
As long as you don't leave any marks
Strangling is definitely illegal though
Welts are sometimes quite dark
Betcha I'm gonna hear 'bout this
'Bout abusing wee kids and all
Really they're only minor injuries
It's a blast to hear 'em bawl!
Ethereal spirit guide at the helm,
traveling on my faithful dreams
showing me an astral realm
Where heaven is lurking beyond her seams.
Entities of helpful creature
giving me truths as my body snores
In deep REM sleep, my mind doth feature
soulful menu of truths beyond the moors
Eyelids flicker lightly as I slumber
my soul released, to watch the show
Astral plain flashes me without encumber,
where I travel no one truly doth know
Ethereal spirit guide tells me to go back slow
I hit the chest with a whomp for I never listen
Wake up suddenly, shaking, breaking the flow
of astral world, her faint memory but a pretty glisten.
like a giant stalk of rhubarb
I stand my ground, defying the north wind
do your damage, I say, confident I will remain standing.
Whomp! a dog tail slaps into my thigh.
I am down in one solid whoosh.
Back in the day I could have jumped right back up.
A delighted dog is licking my face as if it is ice cream
His neck is stronger than I am
I am laughing as I try to push him away
Not feeling so powerful now
Divine Intervention
I was supposed to die.
More than once.
In a car, driving too fast
or erratically.
It is my race car driver foot.
And my cavalier attitude.
My impatience and my devils-may-care-self.
I know this, and yet still I crash up cars.
Expecting to die.
Wishing to die?
Feeling disappointed I have not been able to die?
It is curious. But sometimes I walk away, terribly disappointed.
My cars get severely injured, and yet here I am.
In one piece, not a broken neck, a broken arm or a broken foot.
Once when I was flying through the air I expected to land on a glass T-top roof.
I knew I was a goner.
But then from the bowels of my soul
I heard my voice cry out “God, help me!”
And that car flipped one hundred and eighty degrees.
I landed with a WHOMP in a snowdrift, wheels down.
The guy who walked sixty feet in four-foot deep snow
Asked me “how I did it”.
He said he worked in a pit crew at the Indy 500 once upon a time.
He had never seen anything like it.
I have never seen anything like it either, and yet, it happened to me.
Written 12-27-2021
Contest: Divine Intervention
Sponsor: Chantelle Anne Cooke
Route 66ish No 17
John, a young guy from Miami
Had legs just a little bit gammy,
He would quite often fall
When he shopped in the mall
And land with a 'whomp' on his fanny!
YattaYattaYatta
I can do the this and that
i can wear my army hat
i can lift 600 lbs
just look at this arm you wimp
i can yatta yatta yatta
i can whomp yew little man
yes you can you great big man
but yatta yatta yatta too
i can do the this and that
i can wear my army hat
i cannot lift 600 lbs
my arm is not my god today
but yatta yatta yatta
i can step away
and live
Fog on the road, white out conditions.
Cannot see a thing; wind bats car back and forth
Sideways, as we try to advance forward.
Slap. Slap. Drive. Slap. Slap.Drive.
The windshield wipers appeared to have turned on.
Oh, I guess I did do that.
It does not help at all. Slap. Slap. Drive. Slap.Slap. Drive.
Christmas Eve. The car is sliding, we whirl in
A complete circle, BAM! When we hit another car,
The trunk pops open. The gaily wrapped presents begin
Throwing themselves onto the freeway. We are still spinning.
I get a glimpse of a small package, and watch a semi
Smack it away, in a furious head-butt. Spin. Spin. Spin.
Some fool honks. I know we’re in trouble, I think.
Whomp! We land in the side of a snowbank, three
Feet from the freeway. Fog on the road, white house
Conditions. Watch out everyone! And you can stop
Blowing your horns. We know!
My car was flying in the air upside down
Off the freeway, headed toward trees
I had never heard of black ice, had no idea about it
I was only twenty-eight-years old
But I knew I was going to die
I thought of my three young daughters
Yelled out “Jesus, please save me!”
the car flipped right side up
and landed with a whomp in deep snow.
A man waded fifty feet in snow to check on me.
He was amazed
Said he had worked in a pit crew of the Indianapolis 500
Said “I never saw a car do that before. How did you do it?”
I said it was like a giant hand reached out and flipped me.
I told him I had yelled out to God for help.
He took me to work, but that was the end of the conversation.
I think miracles are too much for some people to comprehend.
I had heard that the professor from Xanadu was a bit eccentric.
Try eclectic, pink kangaroo corrected me. I screamed for my muse.
Trixie did not arrive right away. She has a distorted sense of humor.
She teases me with weird creatures which do not belong in my head.
They pop up in a most wondrous way. Ha! I am kidding of course.
This Neanderthal kangaroo was poking around in her own pouch.
Why me? I asked. Are all muses this inventive and peculiar?
Whomp! Something large and awkward jumped on my back.
My muse Trixie sometimes hires assistant muses to help torment me.
One muse is not enough to torture me I guess? This was a gigantic yeti.
I yelled “Trixie!. The yeti mimicked me. My anger so deep it was tangible.
Just what I needed, an abominable snowman with a mean streak.
Let me guess, a snickering voice said from the corner of the bookshelf.
“Your poems are questionable tonight, and you are blaming me.”
I saw the yeti wink at her, so I did not take the bait.
Her participation in my next poem is solidly questionable now.