Best Wal Poems
I was at the local Wal-mart
Where someone sneezed, along with a fart.
At first I was stunned.
Then, I started to run,
and stumbled over my cart.
I knew the germs were in the air,
and that I was getting my fair share.
So, I accepted my fate,
to sit grimly and wait,
armed with chicken soup and a prayer.
What I hate Most About Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Wal-Mart has a severely limited selection
Its cleanliness doesn’t meet my expectation
The shopping carts are almost always unclean
If you shop there, you will know what I mean
Its restroom are filthy a big part of the time
And the pharmacy hours are nearly a crime
The garden shop plants tend to be all dried out
Auto repair doesn’t know what tires are about
The stock of ordinary items is very often depleted
And they don’t carry many things that are needed
But what I so detest because there is simply no excuse
With many employees, only two checkouts are in use
What You Get Free From Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Once you had to pay to see the freak show
Now enjoy it free when to Wal-Mart you go
The fat lady is longer found only at a fair
Go to Wal-Mart and she will be there
Likewise for the Wild Man from Borneo
At Wal-Mart he is anytime that you go
To the cooch show you once paid admission
In Wal-Mart, the sluts are on free exhibition
Many customers will range from X to PG
Shop at Wal-Mart and see it all for free
just don't understand
how a place called yogo yoga
got so corporate
and what about all
of those healthy product line
companies selling
out to the big guys
and yet prices never dropped
to be in line with
their everyday crap
Wal-martians each and every
one of them making the
BIG deal with no care
for the folks that put them there
what happened to us?
Ol' Roy spoke right up without a care
So "Ceasar's" could plainly hear
"There is some ghastly stink over there
Where all those fish live my dear."
Well Goldie tried to hush him by saying
"It is not coming from our corner
But at the garden center on open displaying
Cow Manure with a scent that is an awakener"
Road Rage At Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
It was a task Meg did hate
A shopping cart to separate
After many jerks to pull one apart
Annoyed, shopping she did start
Moving up the produce aisle
Meg had to face her first trial
A cart she couldn’t get around
Angrily at its user she did frown
Picking her beans one-by-one
Was the woman’s idea of fun
Bread aisle was the next delay
Please excuse me, she did say
The customer did only glare
To let her pass she didn’t care
At the eggs, she had to delay
Another cart was in the way
Express Check the sign read
A full cart pushed ahead
Angrily, Meg began to curse
Hit the customer with her purse
It is where you shop
everything is up for grabs
time everlasting
low prices are the key there
Sam knew what we all wanted
Shopping at Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Worse economic woes could be in store
So I watch what I spend as never before
And that is now the principal reason why
That our Wal-Mart is where I usually buy
At that place, I find very little I can praise,
Except that it’s true, “Low Prices Always”
And I can even understand the reasons why
Their own store brands they urge me to buy
But if saving money wasn’t any object at all
At a much nicer store I would prefer to call
One that would help me get out to my car
And closer parking so I don’t walk so far
At an establishment where the clerk tries
To help me find what’s in my own size
Where checkout lines don’t reach the wall
And my money is taken without any stall
Where the employees don’t give a blank stare
And about giving good service, show they care
A place where they carry the quality brands
Rather than having mainly the unknown cans
And in a building where I don’t walk a mile
From the entrance to the milk and bread aisle
To a pharmacy where they don’t close for lunch
So they can eat together—the whole bunch
To a business that doesn’t look for a cheater
With a person in the guise of a store greeter
One that beggars at the entrance won’t allow
Who try to milk me like I am some cash cow
As soon as I approach the door, they begin
And when I am trying to leave, do it again
“Please give to the cause near to my heart.
So that doing our new project we can start.”
If I could afford extra money to give away
It sure wouldn’t be costs like that I’d defray
As I drive out of the enormous parking lot
I wish I could afford a better shopping spot
A man went in Wal-mart and committed suicide.
The poor people who saw this must be traumatized.
Suicide is wrong but it's even worse to do it in a public place.
He probably did it because he had problems that he couldn't face.
I wish that man hadn't committed suicide.
He wanted a lot of people to watch as he died.
The reason why that man shot himself is unknown.
But those people wouldn't be traumatized if he had done it when he was alone.
(This is a true story that happened in Morristown, Tennessee.)
1. As you search the aisles at Walmart for something to say to your boyfriend’s mother?
a. You look for kind words in the book section
b. You search through the sheets and comforters
c. You listen to the other customer’s conversations
d. You pray that she isn’t listening closely to your wisdoms
2. When there is a sale at Walmart, you –
a. Grab your car keys
b. Put your favorite music on
c. Head for the clearance aisle
d. Read all the directions on the sale items
3. After buying something that doesn’t fit, you –
a. Take it back and search the racks for the right size in that color
b. Decide to toss it to the back of the closet until you loose weight
c. Head for the diet pills
d. Make up rhymes in your head about fat girls
4. During the Christmas season, you shop at Walmart –
a. Everyday
b. After payday
c. Only when they advertise their special sales
d. After Christmas
5. If you know someone who works at Walmart, do they say –
a. Don’t shop there – ever
b. Shop there when the sales are on
c. Shop their every chance you get
d. List what aisles the sales are on this week
6. On holidays, like Valentine’s Day, do you buy cards that reveal –
a. Your kindness and love
b. Your funny bone
c. Your dark side
d. Your bath time
7. After shopping at Walmart, what do you do?
a. Drink coffee
b. Dress warmly
c. Take a cruise
d. Light up the candles
8. If you had one J word for Wally World, what would it be?
a. Joy
b. Joke
c. Justice
d. Jury
Only at Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
Where you must park a mile away
Beggars are at the doors every day
Vacant shelves all over the store
How can shoppers ask for more
Items out of stock for weeks
A bathroom that, of urine reeks
The brands you want not on display
They force “Great Value” their way
The rollbacks, goodness sakes alive
Was nineteen dollars, now $20.95
Longer to check out than to shop
Long lines make you want to drop
We now shop there less and less
Higher prices not so bad, I guess
Publix and Kroger get our dough
More and more it is becoming so
Get Your Dental Work at Wal-Mart
By Elton Camp
A dental office inside a Wal-Mart store
Why didn’t they think of this before!
Some of the customers I see going there
Only about the cheapest price will care
The dentist who graduated last in line
To them, will quite acceptably fine
It has likewise been reported
From China, dentists imported
They can get teeth checked like they are
Daisy Dukes, bare middle, hair bizarre
Once they have any hurting cavities filled,
To buy candy and soda they’ll be thrilled
In a few minutes, they will be through
Because, of teeth, they have but a few
Toward one line they are sure to press
Express for those with 12 teeth or less
Regular dentists Wal-Mart will drive out
Same as with merchants, I have no doubt
PARKING LOT MEDITATION
Leaning back on my car hood
the old blue skies have my eyes
squinting ion clues of a melody
wanting to be born of scars in me
innerspheres humming to a song
an accompaniment to this show
of seagulls’ white wings soundless
in a crowded messaging sky shared
with jets of travel and wars lost in
a gleam of black crows eyeing gold
corn tasseled rows in a farmer's field
beyond this blacktop mall as tissues
catch my blow of sun sneezes in this
Wal-Mart parking lot as micro America
flows through a non-returnable Sunday
we are all too much with stuff and ink
yet I ponder to inhale what is beautiful
Charles Eastland
I wanted to buy Walmart stock
My husband said it was a bad deal
It would never increase in value
I had a different idea, but he is the financial genius
So I backed down
And watched it rise up and up and up and up and up
I am still watching it rise up
But I keep my mouth shut about it
A Third Wal-Mart is Coming
By Elton Camp
Two Wal-Marts in this town ought to be enough
Having a third one to open is going to be tough
Especially since a Sam’s Club we’ve already got
That’s why the local merchants pants are in a knot
The new location is in the midst of existing stores
Most very well may be forced to shut their doors
With such a giant, how can they possibly compete
No way Wal Mart’s “always low” prices to meet
The roads in that area are barely adequate now
But they must handle Wal-Mart’s traffic somehow
The new store is next to a residential neighborhood
To introduce noise and even crime it easily could
Why, to open another big box, is Wal-Mart in a rush
Is the real motive any possible competition to crush
That an existing Wal-Mart is only four miles away
Causes many, words such as these to have to say
Those who are likely to be forced out of a living
Perhaps Wal-Mart, low-paying jobs will be giving