Best Wal Poems

I was at the local Wal-mart

Where someone sneezed, along with a fart.

At first I was stunned.

Then, I started to run,

and stumbled over my cart.


I knew the germs were in the air,

and that I was getting my fair share.

So, I accepted my fate,

to sit grimly and...

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What I hate Most About Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Wal-Mart has a severely limited selection
Its cleanliness doesn’t meet my expectation

The shopping carts are almost always unclean
If you shop there, you will know what I mean

Its restroom are filthy a big part of the time
And the pharmacy hours...

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What You Get Free From Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Once you had to pay to see the freak show
Now enjoy it free when to Wal-Mart you go

The fat lady is longer found only at a fair
Go to Wal-Mart and she will be there

Likewise for the Wild Man...

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just don't understand
how a place called yogo yoga
got so corporate

and what about all 
of those healthy product line
companies selling

out to the big guys
and yet prices never dropped
to be in line with

their everyday crap
Wal-martians each and every
one of them making the 

BIG deal with no care
for...

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Ol' Roy spoke right up without a care
So "Ceasar's" could plainly hear
"There is some ghastly stink over there
Where all those fish live my dear."

Well Goldie tried to  hush him by saying
"It is not coming from our corner
But at the garden center on open displaying
Cow...

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Road Rage At Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

It was a task Meg did hate
A shopping cart to separate

After many jerks to pull one apart
Annoyed, shopping she did start

Moving up the produce aisle
Meg had to face her first trial

A cart she couldn’t get around
Angrily at its user she...

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Shopping at Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Worse economic woes could be in store
So I watch what I spend as never before
And that is now the principal reason why
That our Wal-Mart is where I usually buy

At that place, I find very little I can praise,
Except that it’s true,...

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It is where you shop

everything is up for grabs

time everlasting

low prices are the key there

Sam knew what we all wanted...

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A man went in Wal-mart and committed suicide.
The poor people who saw this must be traumatized.
Suicide is wrong but it's even worse to do it in a public place.
He probably did it because he had problems that he couldn't face.

I wish that man hadn't committed...

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Only at Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

Where you must park a mile away
Beggars are at the doors every day

Vacant shelves all over the store
How can shoppers ask for more

Items out of stock for weeks
A bathroom that, of urine reeks

The brands you want not on display
They force “Great...

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Get Your Dental Work at Wal-Mart

By Elton Camp

A dental office inside a Wal-Mart store
Why didn’t they think of this before!

Some of the customers I see going there
Only about the cheapest price will care

The dentist who graduated last in line
To them, will quite acceptably fine 

It...

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A Third Wal-Mart is Coming 

By Elton Camp

Two Wal-Marts in this town ought to be enough
Having a third one to open is going to be tough

Especially since a Sam’s Club we’ve already got
That’s why the local merchants pants are in a knot

The new location is...

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I wanted to buy Walmart stock
My husband said it was a bad deal
It would never increase in value
I had a different idea, but he is the financial genius
So I backed down
And watched it rise up and up and up and up and up
I am still...

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1.	As you search the aisles at Walmart for something to say to your boyfriend’s mother?

a.	You look for kind words in the book section
b.	You search through the sheets and comforters
c.	You listen to the other customer’s conversations
d.	You pray that she isn’t listening closely to your wisdoms

2.	When there...

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PARKING LOT MEDITATION 

Leaning back on my car hood
the old blue skies have my eyes   
squinting  ion clues of a melody 
wanting to be born of scars in me 
innerspheres humming to a song 
an accompaniment to this show 
of seagulls’ white...

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