Best Unlucky Poems
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written 17th June 2021
Then someone shouted can you hear banging
It was quite faint because folks were singing
The sheriff prised off the lid
And he was so glad he did
Because he thought we'll have us a hanging...
Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Resigned himself to the fact that he'd die
Saw sheriff holding a rope
Realised there was no hope
And for unlucky Jim the end was nigh...
He was taken to the gallows in town
Handcuffed and wearing nothing but a frown
Jim was then starting to choke
But with the drop the rope broke
The crowd screamed as poor Jim came tumbling down..
Unlucky Jim jumped up quick as a flash
As he passed the bank ran in and grabbed cash
He stole the first horse he saw
Then let out a loud yee haw
And for sweet freedom he made a quick dash...
Written 19th June 2021
A bounty hunter called Nevada Slim
Went after bank robber Unlucky Jim
With tracker Spirit Bear
They discovered Jims lair
And Jim's future was now looking quite grim...
Slim called out "put your hands in the air"
Jim grabbed his gun, Slim said "don't you dare"
But Jim was too fast
And let off a blast
Slim fell dead then Jim shot Spirit Bear...
Jim quickly packed his things and rode away
Thankful that he'd survived another day
He decided to lie low
But what old Jim didn't know
Was that Pinkertons were heading his way...
Jim was sleeping in the afternoon sun
And didnt hear the cocking of a gun
He woke up with dread
Saw guns at his head
And a lawman said "Jim looks like your done"...
Jim was handcuffed and they rode back to town
There to meet them was Sheriff and Judge Brown
The charges were read
Jim nodded his head
Sheriff said " this time Jim you're going down" ...
For Jims last request he asked for a smoke
And noticed the hangman had a new rope
He put a hood on Jims head
Jim dangled then he was dead
An escape this time!, there wasn't a hope...
Written 1st July 2021
RIP UNLUCKY JIM
knew a young man when i was a
young man whose life had been
screwed from the get-go/HEWA
SADRIFTINTHATWAYTHAT
SOMEAREWHENYOUCAN
LOOKINTOTHEIREYES&SEE
THESTARS/HADALLHE
NEEDEDHADENOUGHTOGET
SOMEGOODSTUFF&YETTHE
WEALTHOFSADNESSINHIS
EYESGREWTHEMOREYOU
CAMETOKNOWHIM/seems
his father was a test pilot for the
us of a & a company who spends
money to buy congressmen &
presidents in order to get more
wars started in order to make
more bombs in order to sell them
so that taxpayers can buy them
so people they never meet in
person can be obliterated in
their name/HEWASUNLUCKY
THEDAYTHATTHEYTOLD
HIMTOGOUPINABRAND
SPANKIN’NEWRIDESAYIN’
THATITWASSAFEKNOWING
HE’DDONEITAMILLIONTIMES
BEFOREBUTYASEETHEY
WERELYING/YESITISTRUE
YOU’REGOVERNMENTLIES
TOYOUEVENIFYOUHAVE
TESTFLOWNPLANESBEFORE
SOTHATTHEYCANGOTO
OTHERCOUNTRIES&BOMB
THEMINTOASH/what happened
next anyone could see coming a
mile away for the plane stayed
in the air for less than a few min.
& down it came killing the dad
of the guy i knew & leaving a
mother & son now without the
man they loved so much/AND
WHATFOLLOWEDWASALONG
LAWSUITINWHICHTHEYOUNG
MAN’SMOTHERWHOHADJUST
RECENTLYPASSEDTHEBAR
FILEDAGAINSTTHEUSGOVIN
ORDERTOGETSOMEKINDOF
“JUSTICE”ASIFITEVEREXISTED
INTHISLIFE/SOTHEMONEYCAME
&THETWOOFTHEMDIDN’THAVE
TOWORRYABOUTMUCH
FINANCIALLYAFTERTHATBUT
ONTHEDAYHETOLDMETHESTORY
HESAIDWITHATEARINHIS
BLOODSHOTEYES/”i would give
every penny of it back, just to have
my father still alive.”
Beneath lie the remains of unlucky Jim
A great white shark made a meal of him
Fell off his surf board and hit by a wave
Half inside ‘Jaws’ and half in this grave.
Written on 13 September 2018
For a funny epitaph poetry contest
Sponsored by Jesse Rowe.
Invisible predators steal my soul
taking me to a bowl of stale potato chips
dunking me down beneath the cigarette butts
That were not ever well-hidden in the bottom
Plunking me down firmly with their beady
little hands and their alien eyes. Laughing maniacally
while I thrash around, trying to get free
Then they grab me up having a better idea
And plunk me face down, bound but not gagged,
Which would have been invariably better,
into a smallish bowl of cold, half-eaten oatmeal.
I die ungracefully, and irritated.
Unforgiven but still in love
Out of control I caused you harm
I slipped fell down bruised and aching
but God pushed me back only to help me up
When the fog cleared I looked back to see the damage done
All the doors began to shut
I knocked and no one answered
No one believed that I had changed
But the past was too soon it followed me
unforgiven but still in love
You tell me it’s alright forgotten but nothing changes
A friendly handshake a tense hug carefully chosen pauses
But I am still waiting to change in a heartbeat
when you call my name like you did before
You were a shelter from my storm
Frank (Black) Blacharczyk
I am a 2 gig desktop computer in the 21st century,
A phone model that’s just been phased out,
How can I convince the youngsters that I also had my days?
I am a Tata Nano right in the midst of a formula one race
Dwarfed and outshined
I am that athlete who finishes fourth in a photo finish
Yes just outside the podium positions
A toilet tissue,
Doing the worst job there is out there
I can’t win can i?
I am that politician sitting in opposition for fifty years
I may never attain pole position
Feel for that frail and ageing prince,
For his mother, The Queen keeps going strong
He may never reach promisedland
I am that sad student,
Repeating a paper because of that elusive single mark
You know I’m that hurdler
The one who led a final only to stumble at the last obstacle
I tried basketball
But every shot I tookwas an air ball
I am that mother who can’t identify the father of my child
I am that teenage boy who’s just lost a fight to a little girl
I’m that fellow who forgets an umbrella on a rainy day
Think of that performer acting in an empty arena
The comedian whose jokes are dry
I’m a broken guitar
I’m a cracked mirror
I’m three legged chair
I’m but a leaking roof
Life is not at all fair
Everything seems aloof
I was small league star
But I barely leave a mark in top flight
I was a big fish in a small pond
I’ve become small fish in a big sea
Out of my depth but I will not stop trying
Yes I missed many penalties in my life
Hit the post when my team was down
Had my fair share of own goals
I cut myself when I shave
But that doesn’t stop me
I will hit the reset button
Reboot the system if necessary
I have a master plan
A wonder drug and it will work
Or will it?
There once was a Merman named Harry
Who was in love with a Mermaid named Mary
So he wrote her a poem
And invited her home
Unfortunatly, she turned out to be Larry
Unlucky snake
A slippery fellow named mandrake
From the zoo made a swift prison break
But a redback named Crunch
Had him for lunch
Down here our spiders eat snake.
AND,if you don’t believe me check out the photographs on my blog
Limerick contest May 8th 2010
Why am I
unlucky in love?
I try my best
to be myself.
No one to join me
for some fun.
I'm easy going.
come on hon'.
All joking aside,
I'm all alone.
All take for granted
what I don't own.
Someone to hold me
close at night.
Someone to know
when things aren't right.
Someone to help me
with the bills.
Someone to look up to.
Someone to thrill.
Someone who gets
my weird jokes.
Someone to protect.
Someone to provoke
all my feelings
from deep inside.
All my desires.
All I hide.
I've missed out.
Are you there?
One who gets me.
One who cares.
Before I give up
please,
step forward...
If you dare!
Unlucky Penny
There once was a man from Virginny
Who found what he thought was a penny
But what he reached down
To pick from the ground
Jumped up and took hold of his ninny!*
~deborah burch
3/31/2012
*note: ninny---American (predominantly Southern) slang for nipple; breast;
The first two limericks I posted the other day but Sara Kendrick requested that I write a sequel so added four more, I've included the two from the other day should you wish to read it in its entirety.
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written on 17th June 2021
Then someone shouted can you hear banging
It was quite faint because folks were singing
The sheriff prised off the lid
And he was so glad he did
Because he thought we'll have us a hanging...
Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Resigned himself to the fact that he'd die
Saw sheriff holding a rope
Realised there was no hope
And for unlucky Jim the end was nigh...
He was taken to the gallows in town
Handcuffed and wearing nothing but a frown
Jim was then starting to choke
But with the drop the rope broke
The crowd screamed as poor Jim came tumbling down..
Unlucky Jim jumped up quick as a flash
As he passed the bank ran in and grabbed cash
He stole the first horse he saw
Then let out a loud yee haw
And for sweet freedom he made a quick dash...
Written 19th June 2021
While gazing at the sky
A gnat flew in my eye
Causing me to wince in pain
Using the faucet spout
I tried to flush it out
So I could see clear again
When the gnat was dislodged
It came out very smudged
Like a soggy wet wheat grain
When next I watched the sky
A bird pooped in my eye
So I had to flush again
I must be unlucky
For what happened to me
Because it had me in pain
So when birds are on high
And there are gnats nearby
Caution I have to maintain
My bunny got stuck, he ran out of luck
When a pigeon swooped low on the roof
To make things worse, help was scarce
But my bunny remained aloof
He spent every day in a hutch full of hay
Above the trees and houses
He loved most of all to jump on the wall
And munch on my neighbors trousers
Now trapped in a pipe, he smelled a bit ripe
He had to get out of here soon
Then he had an idea and flipped up his ear
The cat would be over the moon
Before too long he felt a wet tongue
Licking the tip of his ear
The timing was right, it was just before night
He was going to escape from here
He persuaded the cat who was lazy and fat
To bring him a rope from the shed
He bit on the end and beckoned his friend
To tie it around her head
'Please' said my bunny, who was feeling all funny
'Help me, I'm in deep strife'
'What's it to me?' Said the cat full of glee
'You have to save my life'
The cat said 'Okay' and without delay
She pulled on the rope with her paws
My bunny flew out of the drainage spout
And landed safe on all fours
If my bunny was hurt while I was not alert
Myself I'd never have forgiven
So I moved his bed to the garden shed
Now the high life is truly forbidden!
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written 17th June 2021
Unlucky Girl
Love means never having
To say you are sorry
But I am really one
I love you though
I couldn’t be like you
A thud of cigarette
Annexed between petite fingers
Of a kid-adult girl
Might have worked wonder for you
You must be surprised
To see me coming out
Of a defamed alley
You could hardly stand the sight of
And also that
I am not just catching hold of it
But taking a puff
Strong enough to send a tempest
Along my nerves
Seeing me tossing on a boat
Trampled in this ecstasy
At such a tender age
You must have been crushed
Out of compassion
You could also feel a pinch of envy
To see me at the
High zenith of joy
A long before ripeness