Best Stylist Poems
My image was dull drab and dreary
(It hadn’t be changed for a while)
I thought that my hair had potential
... It was time I updated my style
But the last time that I’d had a haircut
I hadn’t been pleased with my “do”
I’d lost half my hair – though I’m certain I'd said
“Not too much – just an inch, maybe two”
So I thought “Why not go for a colour?”
No need for a salon for that
Just pick up a packet whilst shopping
and hang my head over the bath”
It was time that I tried something different
“Mousy brown” was my natural shade
But I wanted dramatic I needed a change
(and to knock several years off my age)
So I checked all the products on offer
“Nice and Easy” one packet said
Be it platinum blonde, jet black, (even blue)
just mix it and pour on your head
I picked one that said “Cos I’m worth it”
... I was worthy of glamour and glitz
I read the instructions, I did what they said
(I didn’t miss out any bits)
And the guide on the back of the packet said
My natural colour would mean
That my hair would have rich reddish wood tones
(with a truly remarkable sheen)
But the result that I got was quite different...
It was (without being too harsh)
Not “red wooded tones” but more “cowpat green”
(The colour of wet bogging marsh)
A disaster of epic proportions
My attempts at coiffure D.I.Y
I needed an expert to save it
(A stylist who could “Do or Dye”)
I rang a salon that could help me...
Said they’d soon have my hair looking nice
Which they did (…..after five hours labour
and a frightening three-figure price)
So when you see them all smiles in the advert
With glorious tresses in shot
Don’t be fooled when they tell you
“You’re worth it”…
I've tried it...
Believe me...
I'm Not!
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d have a laptop installed in every tree
a GPS for lionesses
robots for cleaning messes
there'd be no need for marking territory with pee
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d stop this stuff of parading around in the buff
there'd be a law against snoring
silk blanketed flooring
and no loud roaring trying to prove that your tough
If I was the King of the Forest
I,d have a delivery boy deliver my meat
Hunting and gathering might be bold
but what about when I get old?
Besides I,ll eat the delivery boy for my treat
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d have a stylist to do my mane
I,d use the best shampoo
some conditioner too
Hey, if you're the King you're supposed to be vain
If I were the King of the Forest
I,d invite the Whole World for a unique meet and greet
from the bankers to the florists
you can all be the tourists
and have a chance to sit in the King's seat
If I were the King of the Forest
it would be a great and wonderful town
I,d build a fast modern train
with a sign that says, "Come Again"
Heck, I'd even let you try on the King's crown!
Ever have one of those days
where you just have to get away
from the daily work grind...
where you can just kick back,
relax a little,
and finally unwind,
tomorrow is that day for me
because I took a personal day,
where I'm going to sleep in till noon,
wake up and shower and dress
and watch a little television
if I'm in the mood,
then eat a leisurely lunch
with a lot of crunch,
and savor every bite,
afterwards have a nice dessert,
like some sherbet,
that'll really hit the spot,
then drive to my appt. in town
and get massaged by a masseuse,
go get a manicure and a pedicure,
shop for a new dress,
and go get my hair done by my hair stylist,
later at home check my e-mail
and see whats on the soup,
laugh at some of the funny poems
because they can be so humorous,
read some of the serious ones,
and feel the corners of my mouth suddenly droop,
then after that I'll maybe take a walk
and stroll around the park,
but by then it'll probably be getting late
and the dusk will be turning to dark,
so I'll go home to my family,
and I'll say good night
and go retire for the night,
where I'll go into my sanctuary,
change into my pajamas,
watch some t.v.
and turn off the light,
but I know most if this is just a fantasy,
but it really doesn't matter
since I'm not really into all that glamour
why I'm just your average Josephine,
like a lot of folks just trying to stay afloat
by making ends meet,
Because when I look around
there's 1001 chores to be done,
especially the housework,
where I'll be washing dishes,
feeding the cats, dogs and fishes,
cleaning windowsills,
dusting and vacuuming,
mopping floors,
wiping down doors,
doing the laundry,
and shredding some old bills,
But hey, I'd rather get these mundane
chores out of the way on a Friday,
so then on the weekend
I can do what I want
and go out and have a fun day!
Help wanted. See the details below.
I’m lookin’ for a part-time assistant, and a life skills mentor,
A Quick Books accountant, and an exercise partner,
And a neat housekeeper that can do windows.
It helps if you’re a sink un-plugger, and a flower arranger,
And a calendar planner, and a good back scratcher,
And an organic gardener that can make things grow.
Later I might need a daycare provider, and a taxi driver,
And a paramedic, and a pre-school teacher.
You’ll be the go-to person that everyone knows.
It helps if you’re a gourmet cook, and a chic hair stylist,
And a party hostess, and a homework tutor.
Your duties will expand as the company grows.
There’s a retirement package no one else can match.
But I gotta warn you that there’s just one catch.
So if you think you could handle all of the above,
This is a twenty-year contract for a full-time love.
So if you want the position, click the link above!
Might be a thirty-year contract for a full-time love.
Maybe a forty-year contract for a full-time love.
I really need a secretary, and a home decorator,
A shiatsu masseuse, and a fashion coordinator.
There are no limits to how much you can grow.
I can offer you some health insurance, maybe college tuition,
Free company housing, and used transportation.
So what do you say, why don't we make a go?
Help wanted. Click the link above. Help wanted. Find somebody to love.
GIFTEDNESS
What did you do
With what I gave you?
Pop music superstar
NASA space engineer
Brown’s Auto service manager
Stylist at Julie’s Hair and Nails
Mom and Pop’s Diner waitress
Church choir director
Talent, ability, giftedness
From a simple smile
To directing a nation
All mankind has been given
Good to share with others
Gifts freely bestowed on us
By our gracious Creator
The power to choose
How we will use
God’s gifts
For good or for evil
Is the responsibility
Each of us carries
One day we will
Face our Creator
To give an answer
But the motive of our heart
Is the key
mja
With much trepidation I visited the local "hair stylist" today.
It was a "hair raising" experience as compared to barbers of yesterday!
'Twas thirty years since I'd heard the snip of a barber's shears,
Since my long-suffering wife had trimmed my hair for many years!
My hair had become somewhat bushy on the sides and nape,
So I needed her to thin it out and my sparse coiffure reshape!
I was the only guy there, suffering the ladies' intimidating gaze.
"Will this agony ever end?" I thought, for lack of a better phrase!
Displayed in her tidy shop were various creams, dyes and oils,
Plus a variety of glosses and shampoos to beautify the goils!
It took about five minutes for her to snip and groom my hair.
I paid eight bucks plus a paltry tip and scurried out of there!
Now, in the barber shops of old idled the usual jovial blokes,
As the barber recited a litany of the latest risque jokes.
On the walls he displayed posters of women scantily clad.
There was none of that in the "hair stylist's" shop to be had!
The barber shaved and powdered your neck among his amenities,
(After abiding rowdy razzing and very colorful profanities!")
You left his shop reeking of Vitalis and/or pungent bay of rum.
All of this for just six-bits - a nickel tip was the rule of thumb!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Young and famous
Yeah! We’re young and we are famous!
We’ve got money and we can love and laugh.
Yeah! We’re young and famous!
Everyone knows us and they all want our autograph.
Yeah! We’re young and we are famous!
We are super stars who hang out in the famous bars.
Yeah! We’re young and we are famous!
We are on the T.V. and we drive fast cars.
They all want us and they all want to be us.
We have so many friends and an endless amount of love.
Happy every day and no day is ever the same;
You wish you could have my life but I would never throw this away.
I guess it beats working for a living.
All my life on screen and we are winning!
Fame and fortune; surrounded by angels and stars.
We used to see celebrities on the magazines, now that is what we are.
We’re touring the States and every other place;
We are globetrotters; we are young and we are famous!
They all know my name
And they all want my fame.
My face is everywhere; I have a stylist for my hair
And a fashion designer gives me clothes for free to wear.
We will live forever! Under the spotlight.
We party hard from morning, straight through to the end of the night.
Yeah, we have made it and we’re getting paid to say things;
We love our lives and this dream will never end…
We are able to buy everything.
Who needs a normal job?
I’ve got the best one.
I’m young and I am famous!
I’m a movie star, a T.V. star, a rock ‘n’ roll star
And I am having so much fun!
(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
The Estranged [A dedication]
Jay was sitting in his small cell
His head resting on the rails
Staring with an absent minded wonder
At the raiment on his shrunken shoulder.
Is he the same man! or a shadow of
Jay Sen the scholar, the stylist philanthropist
The graceful spendthrift, a sophisticated sophist.
When did his advent venture turned into adversity!
When did he turn an addict, refusing golden opportunity
He couldn't make up his mind
He couldn't cope up with the blind
Those who can't differ
A gold and a plated glitter!
Those who have used him and
Threw him like a burnt cigar.
The cynical pseudos who blamed him a psychic
Accordingly they deserved blows and kick.
To some 'normal humane' this was unusual
An act of violence, not so sane and frugal
From then Jay's address is 'the Asylum',
The 'kind' home for mentally disturbed hoodlums.
Just then he saw himself
In a half burnt cigar, the warden threw.
Smoke was still rising, it's still alive, he knew.
He wanted it so badly, he stretched his hand out of the rails
And a sudden pain gripped him
A hooked rod ripped him
Drawing back his bloody knuckles
Jay cries a song of pathos
A rhapsody of agony mixed with rage
Fills the air of the dim lit cage
The half dead creatures exhales sighs of sorrow
And thus the sighs and cries moves on
As great waves of echos.
One night an angel surely came for Jay
With a candle glowing with a serene light
Not for money,not for fame, but only to spread love
And took away all the painful humility like a feather touch of a dove.
She made the disturbed calm and quiet
Mr. Jay is a reformed man now, always happy and satisfied.
bald
I crack all up with my baldness
humor
say to stylist sheepishly
it grows everywhere but there
A visitor came into my life
Bringing pain and ecstasy
For every day of joy she brought
There were two of misery
She baked twelve dozen cookies
Then promptly gave them to her friends
Fixed my motorcycle
But wrecked my Mercedes’ Benz
She never told me what her name was
Though she stayed here for a year
Claimed to be a stylist
Then cut off half my ear
She said she wanted children
But none of them with me
Introduced me to her mother
Who was three years younger than she
She told me she could cook
But I very quickly learned
She could barely boil water
And even that was often burned
We enjoyed watching TV shows
Though she always held the remote
Whenever we had different views
She wouldn’t count my vote
It’s not that I was happy
To see her on her way
But now though twelve years later
I still celebrate that day
Forgive me for such a simple poem
which is neither accurate or true
But I do hope that you’re laughing
because I wrote it just for you
Mr. and Mrs. Medusa
Put their huge hats on their heads
To constrain their hair that always
Looks like they just got out of bed
They drove off to the hair salon
Even though they remembered
That when her mom asked long ago
For a trim, she got dismembered
Hey mister, said the stylist
If you are here to be groomed
With all that hair in the air
You’d be better off getting pruned
Me, a hideous haircut?
No madam, not on your life
I’ve been growing these locks out
Just as stunningly as my wife’s
These aren’t your ho-hum dreadlocks
Or some kind of mystic braiding
They’re hereditary snake heads
But they’re always cascading
So we need a special perm
Says the Mr. and the Mrs.
To try and cut down on the squirm
Plus tone down the galling hisses
Hopefully with custom hair care
We’ll have less troubles when shopping
So people don’t turn into rock
Followed by pitiful dropping
We are just people persons
Stuck with this rattlebrained hair
So barber please do your thing
But first you better take care
To put on a welder’s helmet
Or at least a sturdy blindfold
We know you can untangle it
Since you’re the best we are told
You ask me to revamp your hair
Which in fact are laughably snakes
Yeah right, said the doubting stylist
You sound like a couple of flakes
Then a kid pulls at their hat
To expose a wiggling lock
But he looks at the snake’s head
And turns solid as a rock
That’s when a nosey customer
Takes pictures with her phone
Though she couldn’t get a selfie
Having turned into a stone
Now let that be a warning
So that you don’t fossilize
Don’t ever try to gamble
By beholding our snake eyes!
The modern immortal -
man of open heart, singer of the stars.
Professor at the prestigious university.
Prose stylist as John Steinbeck.
In your poems,
your prosody has melody –
rhythmic scansion
as Paderewski’s music.
You described us in your poems:
The New Poland,
thoughts of Holland
and the American States.
Edward Burne-Jones
painted what you described
so did Leon Bonnat, Styka
and many others.
The sculpted words of your prose
are with us. We are lifting the covers
of facts and truth in your pages.
Myrrh to you for prophetic words.
She’s a keen lady, well she’s my poodle
One who ‘d roll only in the guestroom,
With quirky manners of caboodle
And whistles proudly , so out of tune:
Once we dashed to her classy stylist
For a new trim fashioned as a mop!
I was quite shocked ; a clownish t w i s t
Yet for dear doggie… that was hip-hop.
Then I saw the bill, how expensive
Made clean locks JUMP in wiry curls--
Feeling a little hypertensive
She clung to me in fondled twirls.
While walking Bubs 'round the parkland
My legs and thin purse hurt badly…
Aghast, she romped as if on demand
With unkempt canines, prancing MADLY!
Broken Wings' Any July 2018 Poem Contest
--------------
Quirky Things That Confound and Confuse Me
Caren Krutsinger 7/14/2018
Entered 8/9/2018
There’s Just One Catch
Help wanted. See the details below.
Help wanted. See the details below.
I’m lookin’ for a part-time assistant, and a life skills mentor,
A Quick Books accountant, and an exercise partner,
And a neat housekeeper that can do windows.
It helps if you’re a sink un-plugger, and a flower arranger,
And a calendar planner, and a good back scratcher,
And an organic gardener that can make things grow.
Help wanted. See the details below.
Help wanted. See the details below.
Later I might need a daycare provider, and a taxi driver,
And a paramedic, and a pre-school teacher.
You’ll be the go-to person that everyone knows.
It helps if you’re a gourmet cook, and a chic hair stylist,
And a party hostess, and a homework tutor.
Your duties will expand as the company grows.
(Chorus)
There’s a retirement package no one else can match.
But I gotta warn you that there’s just one catch.
So if you think you could handle all of the above,
This is a twenty-year contract for a full-time love.
So if you want the position, click the link above!
Might be a thirty-year contract for a full-time love.
Maybe a forty-year contract for a full-time love.
Help wanted. See the details below.
Help wanted. See the details below.
I really need a secretary, and a home decorator,
A shiatsu masseuse, and a fashion coordinator.
There are no limits to how much you can grow.
I can offer you some health insurance, maybe college tuition,
Free company housing, and used transportation.
So what do you say, why don't we make a go?
(repeat chorus)
Help wanted. Click the link above.
Help wanted. Click the link above.
Help wanted. Find somebody to love.
The corporation offers logo wear
Dazzling subsidized cafes
State of the art fitness centers
They bring the dentist, dry cleaners
And hair stylist to you
No need to leave our campus
Ever! Never! Never!
You won’t be able to resist
“Resistance is futile” sayeth the Borg
But do strive to maintain
A healthy work/life balance!
Productivity depends on it!
We are a big happy family!
With a bottom line
You won’t see it coming
You won’t know it’s happening
A slow chronic progression to blindness
Like whiskey, the collective seduces you
Along the way you will be anointed
With undeniable proof of your value:
Bonuses and stock options land in your lap
Awards and AmEx gift cards appear on your desk
Until you can no longer abjure
‘Tis best to surrender and demur
You have incorporated into the corporation
Your cultish obedience has turned
To Stockholm Syndrome
There, there now...Reeeeeeeeeeelllaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxx
Don’t struggle! Do abide!
There, there now...doesn’t that feel better?