Best Shorts Poems
Why am I running round this table
Getting sweaty and looking a sight
Someone said it would enable
Me to lose some weight, I hope they’re right
A tiny bat an even smaller ball
Goes flying past my head
Didn’t even see it, ref makes a call
Think I lost is what he said
Table tennis sounds so simple a game
I am hot and sweaty, plus ashamed to lose
Not gentile at all, should change its name
Rapido tennis is the name I would choose
Penned 17/5/2017
Have you ever thought back and remembered a time,
when poor judgment nearly cost you… your prime.
There were fifty-22 cal bullets in the ammo box I found,
mishandling Remington’s bullets… could put you in the ground.
Putting the box in my pocket, thinking what should I do?
Squeeze off one in the barnyard vise… or maybe do two.
BANG! BANG! Loud reports and pungent gunpowder did abound.
How addictive that fragrance… 48 more lay waiting on the ground.
The next five/six bullets went into holes on the lip of the vise,
swinging that heavy sledgehammer… really felt nice.
Each bullet exploded leaving its’ brass case in the steel.
The heavy sledgehammer gave lead… no mortal body to feel.
BANG! BANG! BANG! The shells reported in rapid succession.
Used everyway possible firing all the bullets… in my possession.
50 times in a row I cheated death and great bodily harm.
God knows he was more than patient… that day on the farm.
* A true story. © 2010 John M. Trusty
O ther misconceptions of my
H ome of birth and where I spent some of my
Y outh is that
E veryone lives in mud huts and wears grass
S kirts as tourists are greeted at the airport.
B ermuda is a place of
E xceptions in that as of course the world economy is changing, that for a small island
it is still one of the
R ichest nations on the Earth!
M any of the people you might see on the street, if any, are not poor; but, because of the
U nbelievably high cost of living has to
D eal with finding a roof over their head hard.
A lso, while some things might have come to the
I sland a little later than the states, we are not a barefoot, backwoods people
T hat don't know anything and are in constant awe of the
S treams of people who visit us.
Y ou tourists are graced with an island and a people
O f beauty, Godly fear, and an
U nbelievable strength that has fought off one natural disaster
A fter another.
N o other island is graced with our beautiful pink-sanded beaches.
D iversity is reached with people from South America, Europe, the Azores, North America, as
well as
M any other islands and nations.
E ach and every house, as well as it people are "cemented in colour and everlasting pride"!
(The acrostic spells out a song that I used to sing constantly when I was little.)
Patrick Ewing
What you chewing?
Larry Bird
Hall-of-Fame assured
Scottie Pippen
Lid's still flippin'
Tim Duncan
Legacy hasn't sunk in
Bill Bradley
Didn't play badly
Walt Frazier
Sharp as a razor
Moses Malone
The backboard you owned
George (The Iceman Cometh) Gervin
a-wigglin' and swervin'
Reggie Miller
4th-quarter killer
Manute Bol
Bless his soul
Written By: D. Collins 1/5/2018
We are taking no shorts on this time around.
Respect will be given when we roll into town.
Empathy is what they say got us the first Super Bowl.
Katrina was in '05, yet 2010 is what we stole.
They're a lot of people underestimating my friends.
They'll soon be singing, "When The Saints Go Marching In."
We have a rendezvous in Philly to go against the best.
Then, watch Drew Brees madly pounding his chest.
We're taking no shorts on our way to the big dance.
No chicken-wing catches like we've seen in the past.
My Mob is hungry on both sides of the ball.
They won't get filled until they've eaten it all.
Ending up in the Minneapolis Metro Dome.
Playing on a field like we were at home.
My Niggaz, go get it, defy expert reports.
Show the Crescent City doesn't ever take shorts.
Five in the morning
storm rumbles in distance
balmy, sweaty, thirsty
in the half light of dawn
I grab some shorts
from the work clothes draw
slip them on and a singlet
down some water
birds sing, crickets harmonize
When I fill another glass of water
I think something is odd
with these shorts
some big, hairy spider legs
protrude out from there
big huntsman up the left leg
goes back up to hide
I am awake now
I am sweating now
Thinking what best to do
I shake the leg a bit
feel the spider move around
my leg........
eventually it dropped
to the ground and disappeared
under the wardrobe
and I really am awake now.
Madras Shorts
Nineteen-sixty-five
Red Blue green dyed colored plaid
Too bad they don't fit.
When I see pretty young chickies, an idiot I become
Wearing those short shorts and showing their wee bums
I drool and I sweat
All aroused I do get
Those cheeks need massaging, I volunteer to do some
© Jack Ellison 2015
Each day that I get up and greet the new dawn
Posing at the mirror,first..to see what changes have been going on
My eyes cannot look at what lies before me
55'waist on a 5ft 7 frame
These hands reach into the old treasure chest in the closet
I open it up and there before me is
A Superman comic(circa 1986-A CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTH crossover)
12 vhs tapes of STAR TREK,the original series(courtesy of Paramount Pictures)
An E.T.The ExtraTerrestial costume that mom made for me
and of course,the most treasured possession of all:
A FRUIT-OF-THE-LOOM jockey short that I wore throughout Freshman and
Sophomore year in High School
The DIRTY jokes that my Classmen used to tell
Old and disgusting chewing gum sticking to the toilet bowl with this note:
BERNIE&CHRISTINE,SITTING UP ON THAT TREE..K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
I hold up that smelly jockey garment from long ago to my expanding waist
Now I do know WHEN and WHERE the years did go
too much partying with the cubicle nerds
PAPA GINO'S and A&W root beer just lying around for some aging X'er to take
a bite and a gulp
Every night before I trot off to sleep,the hemorrhoids keep acting up
disturbing the many custard pie remnants that exhale from the behind
Mother told me that too much of that would be Dangerous,sickening,and unkind
I can't help it if I do not want to let go of my young appetite,as yet
Creatures from the old yearbook,Ravishingly young and wile
It brings forth a pleasant memory and before I am off to dreamland
This face offers up,one more juvenile smile,from yesteryear
GOOD NIGHT
Was it warm last week?
Or have I really not done
Laundry in THAT long?
Naughty, naughty, really naughty
Oh how I love being naughty
Gets everybody's shorts in a knot
When I write humour that's potty
Relax my friends, they're only words
Let's not get all high and mighty
We all partake in potty humour
With some of us it happens nightly
Helps the love play along quite nicely
Besides the searching and hunting
My palms are getting all sweaty now
Feel like bumping and thumping
This is becoming really quite naughty
The censors are gonna have a fit
They'll surely get a big kick out of it first
Then they'll ban it from the mix
But if perchance I get past the censors
Got a lot more to send your way
If the “word police” knock on my door
I'll say, “Engleez I no parlay”
© Jack Ellison 2013
the accidental brazilian ~ never nair dare go there again
;),
Who is this man in the small red shorts and very dark hair?
Strutting through a garbage heep garage without a care?
It was like looking at a store and most certainly not green,
The ecological damage of over purchasing could be seen.
He was grooving through this mess in short shorts of red,
No shirt on looking like he just got out of his own bed,
The face was blurred and they thought no one could "see".
But I know the truth of who it was, it was told to me!
**someone needs to cut back on purchases,
he was something else to look at..
The day is brrrry.
I stay inside, drive everywhere I go.
Longing for my birthday,
Groundhog's Day,
and all that comes after.
The melting, the warmer winds,
the lengthening days,
the things that bring
the depressed spirit back to life.
Window-staring,
watching the layered, coated people
walk shivering on the sidewalk.
It's almost time.
The season of shorts will soon arrive.
1/22/2013
My ode to shorts---
We look like fat dorks,
When it's not so cold,
Even if we're so old,
Can't hide varicose veins,
Old age doesn't go away,
We know we look dorby,
We're all well past forty,
Summer's so darn hot,
Heat's a bit of a shock,
We know we're fat dorks,
Has anyone really thought,
We'd look good in these shorts?