Best Scallywag Poems
Dear Flo is back, hang out the flags
It's been way too long, a real drag
She's promised me this
She'll honour my wish
So we'll once more enjoy this sweet scallywag
© Jack Ellison 2015
visitin me aunty Cushla
For the first time in Ballybay
I found meself beside a signpost
An I stopped to find me way.
It was then I spied a little feller
Laid behind a bale of hay
He was prepared to help me
but wanted to know what I was prepared to pay.
Well I couldn't believe what I was hearin
He's a tight fisted scallywag
but he wouldn't listen to reason
and jangled the coins in his money bag.
Would ye do that to a feller Irishman ?
I hope yer marry a sour faced old hag
He said , Why do yer think I'm chargin yer
Shut yer gob an get out yer swag.
He rubbed his hands as I counted me money
Just like Ebenezer Scrooge
Gigglin like an hyena
With his cheeks the colour of rouge.
Twenty pieces of silver
I thought his price was huge
The guys a bloody comedian
an I am to be his stooge.
He stood up from behind the bale
An dressed in so many shades of green
With his funny hat and his little pipe
On his shillelagh he began to lean.
Now where was it yer said yer were goin
Ah Ballybay , Well to prove I'm not too mean
I'm gonna walk there with yer
Aren't I the most generous leprechaun yerv ever seen?
As we walked I told him about me aunty Cushla
an me bein on holiday fer two weeks
He handed me back me money
I'm so dumbfounded I can't speak
Ah to see a leprechaun yer must believe
He said,So yer must forgive me cheek
An its luvvly to see a young Irish lad
Who didn't treat me like a freak.
Well Shamus an me became buddies
Fer the duration of me stay
Downin pints an eatin colcannon
an dancin in the Irish way
He could really play a fiddle
An no more did I have to pay
I loved me visit to see aunty Cushla
On me first trip to Ballybay.
On the dance-floor they did a zigzag
But he was an ol’ scallywag:
- “If you feel something hard
- Pay no regard …
It’s just my colostomy-bag”
With a hearty laugh, and scallywag's glee
I've acquired their riches, and conquered the sea!
Like a timid lass... they will turn, and flee
showing their backsides, to the likes of me!
Lily livered, they're fearin' my brand!
Shiverin' they be, till they're walking on land!
Arrgg!! shouts first mate, calling out to the crew,
"Tally-ho!" fills me ears, as the chance now ensues
Setting sail in a race, up high on the waves
I spy with my glass, wily cowards to chase
'Tis we, mighty foes, that will ransom the sea!
Mighty bold is me, with me old pirate's creed!
Alas! there he is, what a fool is he!!
To rush into battle with the likes of me!!
Sailin' the waves on the blimey sea
Stung by a sword, the scallywag flees!
How swift he sails, along in the blue..
Yo ho ho! Thar' he be!
He'll be countin' his days, and soon on his knees
A sorry tale, will allot him, his sword just a broom
Me' cross=bone skull is flying wild
and waves a mighty doom!!
I am Blackbeard the Pirate....remember my name!
You will fill up your froth of my flowing fame
You will guzzle ye' grog, or a bit of ye' rum
Yea' ... call me the devil, with a bit of a scum!
Girdled with face of a hundred scars
Fear of me' wrath, either by sun or by stars
It gladdens the heart of a scoundrel like me
You'll best not forget ....tis' a Blackbeard ye' fear!!
A Pirate Drinking Song
Yo-Ho-Ho and a bottle of rum
Pirates sing to the pipe and drum
North wind blows with a Gale's horn
Snapping the canvas with a deafening mourn
Battles are fought, plunder is sought
To ports abound, it is Rum that is bought
We ride the waves seeking adventure and plunder
It is Neptune’s wrath we curse, by thunder
The sea, she bares a woman’s desire
To set each sailors heart a fire
Battles are fought, plunder is sought
To ports abound, it is Rum that is bought
Canon and cutlass, powder and gun
We cut down are foes, one by one
To Davy Jones locker our souls will sleep
A funeral of apathy in the briny deep
Battles are fought, plunder is sought
To ports abound, it is Rum that is bought
With a hardy crew and an open sea
It’s a pirating life I want for me
Till then we will sing of the scallywag scum
Yo-Ho-Ho, Another bottle of Rum
Yo-Ho-Ho And Shiver Me Timbers
Shiver me timbers and loosen me limbers
I sail me sloop until it lin’ers
And drop anchor in t’ nearest lagoon
Bury me treasure chest full o’ doubloons
Then set off durin t’ next full moon
~
“Aarrr!” I’m happy go-lucky sea piratin Cap’n
With a short wooden leg and a limp, earrin’s, and rin’s on every fin’er
Metal silver hook for me left hand
Me cutlass, dagger, and dirk o’ me belt
Not a landlubber at all
~
Not a thin’ scares me that stand in my way
Especially when I’ve had a few grogs in me belly
Aye, I carry around me Ahoy! bucko Polly me parrot on me shoulder
That keeps me on t’ straight and narrow
~
They call me a barbaric and thief I don’t know why
A great insult t’ me, I just laugh into my handkerchief in disbelief
~
Don’t insult me temper because it gets carried away
Sarcasm, rudeness, and insults I cannot help
When swashbucklin’ scallywag get in me way
~
Me hearty weigh anchor
Or I’ll give ye a taste o’ walkin t’ plank
T’ Davy Jones’ Locker you will go and feed t’ fishes for mutinous
Dead men tell no tales!
~
Aye, aye, mates, pull anchor and set sail
I be Silver Hook a feared pirate that sails t’ seas
9/5/2015
Contest Name :A Pirate's Life For Me
Sponsor Name: Kelly Deschler
Shakespeare would have failed Naplan,
That was not in his cunning plan,
Yes, his folks would have him tutored,
To make young Billy become more learned,
He would have lost all his homework,
Billy so did not want extra work,
Shakespeare, that teen scallywag,
It was total fun, such a lad.
Now Shakespeare is a wraith,
Why, Billy, Why? Teens sayeth,
As they serially fail literacy tests,
Why not abolish that Billy pest?
Tragic heroes and drama queens,
That's the teens writing essays on such scenes,
While Billy failed in literacy,
Teens do sense such hypocrisy.
I want to talk of days of old
and a story that was never told
and I will tell you this story is true
and here it is without further adue
many trips I moved green bales from the keys
on my coast guard cutter called "cherokee"
I smuggled marijuana right under their noses
In the bilge and around the hoses
many years I did it without a hitch
then in hurricane Hugo the ship started to pitch
next thing was the port engine blew
and how it happened nobody knew
a fire broke out and the sparks did fly
and with all the smoke my shipmates got high!
hard putting fire out down on our knees
couldn't see a damn thing we all looked chinese!
then when all the smoke did clear
from his cabin the captain did appear
he was very angry it was easy to see
his investigation pointed the finger at me
so this is how my career was bludgeoned
but in low places I became a legend
even though I saved lives in the perfect storm
I was just a scallywag in a coast guard uniform
By Captain Mike
ps I come from the seas of pirates and drug runners
but now I fish cause I thinks it's funner!
At noon, I heard what sounded like a pop
It continued all eve, and wouldn't stop
Now, it sounds like a peep
Aha! More like a beep
I am not a kook! In my eye there's a drop.
Mom thought it was someone playing a gag
I turned redder than a Japanese flag
"On the level," I cry!
I refer and imply
Who did the dirty deed... the scallywag?
I love my son he's always chipper
he's my scallywag and I'm the skipper
and the apple does'nt fall far from the tree
he's menatly challenged just like me!
and even though his dad's a zero
"hey dad your my hero!"
having fun is all he's wishing
"hey dad ya wanna go fishin?"
lost the house a home we have not
"hey dad looky what I caught!"
no business financal ruin we sank
"aww dad you can have my piggy bank"
rich kids need toys to have fun
"love you dad!" "love you son!"
think no toys would make him sad?
such a good boy "your the best dad!"
now I know I won't always live forever
"hey dad we always be together?"
"no worries son just stay chipper
you'll have your own scallywag and you'll be the skipper!"
by Captain Mike Harris and his son
up in the v-birth
our lovers turf
this is what I see
you lay under the covers
where we were lovers
sleeping I let you be
I left you laying there
I just had to stare
there was so much to see
your hips nice and cutt
the covers to your butt
I love them completely
I could see your boob
so silky smooth
a beautiful double D
on your boob was your hair
that none could compare
beautiful as could be
I just watched you
my love so true
the one just for me
she is my true love
from heaven above
sent just for me
and though I'm a wild card
she works realy hard
does everything for me
she get health insurance
so there is no deterant
a doctor I go see
she even washes clothes
acourse I don't oppose
clean she'll have me be
she is so smart
with a beautiful heart
don't know what she sees in me
I help her raze her son
treat him like the only one
my little scallywag he be
no matter what occurs
I know's I lover her
and she, loves, me
and she holds my soul
by my fishing pole
caught like a fish I be!
by Capt. Mike
They were were in
the best parlour
fine furnishing of
Victorian period
dotted all round the
elaborate room
yet a tension, an
unease hangs in the
air
Hat in hand he
stands before her
father
who hits the roof
when he asks for her
hand
I won't accept any
proposals from a
scallywag
how dare you, Sir
even suggest such a
thing
His wife stands in
front trying to calm
him
fearful he may fly
at the ardent young
man
gently soothing
things over as best
as she can
pointing out the
good breeding, an
Earl no less
Their daughter
mortified pretends
she's not there
so sad of heart as
she hears her father
ranting
will he relent? All
she wishes for, is
to be wed
despairing she shuts
herself off and
turns her back
How does it all end?
That is a moot
question indeed
will his wife talk
him round? Will
there be wedding
bells?
By the haughty
stance and the icy
cold glare from eyes
full of fire
it appears to me
that its a cause
lost before even
began
Yet where there is
love there is also
hope springing
eternal
a father never likes
to pass the care of
a daughter to
another man
pleas from her may
soften his heart,
while words of sense
and wisdom
from his wife who
will not give in
easily; so lets hope
love triumphs
written 08/23/2013
contest Charles
Haigh Wood
I have used the
british spelling of
parlour not parlor
as I feel it gives
better poetic sense
High on a hill, deep in a sea,
where it is I fall, just bury me.
Raise no stone to mark my spot
write me a ballad so I'll not be forgot.
Say I was a scallywag.
Say I was a brute.
Say I was good lookin'
in my birthday suit.
Say I loved the women,
say they loved me back.
Say my eyes were blue
and my hair was black.
Say I didn't live this long,
say I died a youth.
Write for me a ballad
it doesn't have to be the truth.
Make my ballad a joyful song
so they'll sing of me for ages long.
Remember me; name or face
write me a ballad in either case.
Say I drove the husbands
and the preachers mad.
Say I drank up all the beer,
before a drop went bad.
Say the law could not catch me,
say I ran too fast.
Say I kissed the ladies,
before I made my dash.
Say I was a rounder
and I was forever on the sly.
Write a ballad about me,
even if it is a lie.
Put my ballad to a tune
sing it from July to June.
Sing it to every drunk and bum
too drunk to sing they can only hum.
Don't say I was a gentleman.
Don't say I loved my wife..
Don't say I helped my neighbors,
almost all my life.
Don't let them know how hard I work,.
don't let them know I cry.
Don't let them know I love the Lord
until the day I die.
Don't say I went to church
or I had a heart of gold.
Don't write a ballad about me,
the truth is better told.
Cap’n Jordan was a scallywag from his nose to his toes.
He was determined to follow the gold through rumors galore.
Trusty companion tried to follow him, his name was Mose.
But Cap’n Jordan came just as Cap’n shoved off the shore.
For a decade or two Mose searched for his favorite pirate king.
‘He sang sea shanties in honor of him with an elegant ring.
Cap’n Jordan had apparently finally found the coins he sought.
His skeleton holding fast to the treasure chest, deteriorating a lot.
Mose was horrified when he received the horrible news.
He demanded the forensics which showed a couple of views.
The skeleton was wearing a wicked smile, a pirate’s glee.
At least he found treasure! Mose said. That’s better than me!
Old Steve was a marvelous kitty
But what happened to Steve was a pity
He was born in a barn
On a twelve-acre farm
His career was chasing the vermin
Long before he met Farmer Herman
But the farmer had plans
To abandon his lands
And take Steve on the road
For a debt never owed
The dismay, the humiliation, the shame
No one but the farmer to blame
A talking cat!
Who would imagine that?
Poor Steve was in shambles
Through their countryside rambles
Forced into the spotlight
Performing was his plight
That is, until one precious night
The night he met lovely Hayden
The beautiful Calico maiden
It was love at first sight
Paw-in-paw they took flight
The farmer left holding the bag
And Old Steve, that scallywag
Well, he being feline
With his honey made a beeline
Not back to the farm
Where they might come to some harm
No, they fled to the city
Where Old Steve could just be a kitty.