Best Quiz Poems
Q uietly, the teacher smiles. By placing face down
U nexpectedly, this single sheet to each
I ndividual in the class, she
Z apps the momentarily rowdy class to attention.
©Donna Jones
You can put it on a table five ways.
Well, it was a Hardy try my love.
Nervy quiz night fun,
I've farted so I'll finish,
Stop at nearby Gents.
It's a grand thing, yes, it is.
In arithmetic, he wasn't strong.
This math quiz was taking so long.
It was hard to divide.
Still, he tried till he cried,
but the answers kept coming out wrong.
He would solve and immediately doubt
if he'd taken the most proper route.
He'd retry, but alas,
by the end of the class,
his eraser was simply worn out.
The bell rang. The quiz was now due,
but his sheet was a sad sight to view.
There was nothing but air
in assorted spots where
the eraser wore all the way through.
The tests were collected and sent
to the teacher for grading. She went
through each page in the stack
and then handed them back.
He saw his grade: ninety percent!
He pondered his luck with a frown...
To the head of the class from class clown?
Was he smart? Well not quite,
every one he got right
had shown through from the next paper down!
It sounds like a laundry detergent.
I have a gut feeling this one might be tough.
What famous poet was originally born as an insect?
‘Cause, Priests and Prophets Must Pray for The Reign…
and for Pre and Post-Op-Apocalyptic–Novocain ! …
Yet… It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
On the Planet, however Polluted or Profane
It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
Wherever the Delusional -Dimensional Plane
It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
Or Danger-Plot, Prison-Door or Deepest Pain
Or Present-Defeat, or Darkest-Hours-View
even Thru Dying-Breath, Devout Prayers Proclaim
to Be Delivered- New, True, and Pulled-Thru
to Claim The Prize of Life-Perpetually-Sustained
… For Particularly, By God’s Unpronounceable Power
Thru His Son’s Unparallel- Principal-Purchase… Dower
God’s Dependents and Dreamers Will Prosper-Gain
The Prophecy, The Promise, The Paradise-Preordained
The Perfect-Future and The Victory-Parade
… The Distant, Destiny of Eden – Never Been Doused Nor Degrade
Then… It Won’t Matter…So, Please Dismiss The Paltry-Strain
The Days of The Deformity and Damage-Train
Will Be In The Past … Departed-Detained
Disaster and Disloyal Will Lay In A Destroyed-Plain
Damned For All Of Time –Proliferate-Blamed
A Suppository-Prophylactic-Puddle-Shame
Patience-Persevering…Demands Punishment - Prediction-Sang…
… Final-Draft …Stop-The-Presses!... Poll-Loudly-Refrains
When You Really Discern and Pragmatically-Attain
The Divine God and His Son’s King- Domain
Publicize Their Progenitor and Predominant Names
and Preach and Deify Like-Doting-Platoon-Swains,
with Pedestal-Passion and ‘Plum-Plumb’, Persistence-Ingrained
For On Position-Comparison, We ‘All’ Pale-to- A-Feigned …
…Puppets and Peons and Dim-Witted-Parasitic-Great Danes
and Dopamine Defective, Demerol Addicted – Darwin-Poisoned-Sprains
Disoriented-Drivel, Droll-Drooling-Inane
or Just-Plain ol’ Dire-Derelicts-Insane
(and now… I have a P D Q,… for Me and You… Migraine)
Oh… May They Accept This Poor-Placard-Crane
Amen… Again… Amen
Second Quiz with even broader hints for blind poets
The Princess Anna stood
arms half-akimbo
at the scrawny edge of the receding bank
her Polonaise pollarded down
to her exposed tarsus heels
A wilting comb of fern and shrivelled grass
still clinging to her rump
mud trailing in crusty clumps around the soles
half exposed at the base of the trunk
A soft curling gust about her waist
shook the panticles of her bells
light translucent purple corolla
peeling tinnitus at her lobes
out of the gathering Siberian clouds
sounded like her father calling:
“ Pavlovnia! Pavlovnia! My Darling!
Shake! Shake! Your ample locks!
And let your capsicles pop and drop
Your myriad minute pods
Wafting towards Tsarist towers
Tintinnabulating on troikas and travois! ”
“ Hélas! Hélas! My Royal Pa!
I’m wed for life to nether water-logged land
See how the wind furrows the leathery waters
Licking and tickling my bared soles!
Here with one sawn shoulder and one twisted arm
My hip sags with each dastardly axe-raised slap
Leaning onto the other talus’s side
They say it’s for my own own good
My head was severed at the start
My heart-shaped tresses thick in the heat
Now float on the faint muddy bank tide!
I dream of the day
My Phoenix tubers will climb
And seek the sunrise over the Eastern divide
In lands where the waters drain
Whole crowns of dark-green broccoli buds
Before the sun goes down in the Taiga! “
“ O! I’ll tell your whey-faced mother, My Dear!
Her eyes look long past the Western Gate!
Till your timbers all grow strong with sheen
And we’ll look for a handsome Prince, My Dear!
Sturdy as oak-bound sails on brine!
O! We’ll cut and soothe the grainy boards
Till the dressing-chest’s adorned
With trefoil liana round mirrors and knobs
On the day of your dowry’s prize
For you! For you alone! My Dear!
Down in the lowlands shut in fear! “
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
The harsh light
A grim sight
No help for our plight
On the PTFA Quiz Night
The scratch of a pen
In groups no larger than ten
five intelligent men
All from phnom penh
I wanted this to be a joke
but we are surrounded by serious folk
I try to sup my coke
The all stare, to ensure I never spoke
The sweat slowly drips
My Brain searching for tips
My stomach is doing flips
Wishing I could abandon this sinking ship
Finally as free as a kite
My mind is wracked with spite
people feeling the full force of my might
All on the PTFA Quiz Night
Weddings most often take place in June because...
a. It's the traditional month
b. More flowers are in bloom then
c. Mother's coerce their daughters to choose it
d. As a little girl, it was the bride-to-be's dream
A wedding planner is most often used to...
a. Prevent the bride from becoming Bridezilla
b. give the groom an excuse to not make a decision
c. deal with overbearing mothers
d. take charge so the couple doesn't decide to elope
Choosing a wedding gown presents a dilemma when...
a. no one likes the only dress the bride loves
b. the bride's mother will only pay for the one she chooses
c. the groom is present and only wants a sexy gown
d. the bride cries when she tries on every gown in the store
There's nothing worse than a bride's mother who...
a. thinks she's the bride, living vicariously through her daughter
b. dresses like she's 20 when she's actually 50 and 'fluffy'
c. gives the groom's mother the evil eye
d. flirts with the groom's handsome father
In dealing with choosing a wedding party, there will be...
a. bridesmaids who refuse to wear a certain color
b. jealousy among them to be the maid of honor
c. fighting over who should catch the bouquet
d. at least one who will flirt shamelessly with the groom
The wedding day becomes a disaster when...
a. It's storming and no back up plan was made
b. the bride can't fit into her size 4 dress after gaining 20 lbs.
c. the couple realizes now that they should've hired a planner
d. the flower girl has a temper tantrum halfway down the aisle
e. yes, of course, this is the place for an "all of the above"
When it's time to recite their vows...
a. the bride blubbers so much she can't speak hers
b. the groom forgot to write his and ad libs, "Roses are red..."
c. the bride's ex starts speaking the ones he said to her
d. chaos reigns when two groomsmen take him down
At the reception, drama takes place when...
a. the best man's toast reveals the groom slept with all the bridesmaids
b. guests are complaining about terrible food, and no live music
c. the groom smashes cake all over the bride's face (hate that)
d. the bride, still holding the knife, threatens to use it
January 28, 2023
The Multiple Choice Contest
Sponsored by Suzanne Delaney
In someplaces it comes in many colors.