Best Proctologist Poems

COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES  - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM 

My dentist is called Doctor Payne,
Who really lives up to...

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As Joe was biking down the side of the road
He ran across a chap with a dearth of driving skills.  
Or more accurately, the driver almost ran over Joe; 
'Twas one of life’s unwanted thrills.

A spirited exchange ensued between them
About who was in the...

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~JSLambert does not (currently:) use, or encourage hallucinogenic drug use.

    Telepathic psilocybin prescription erasing elastic depression. Competition 
wanes, just when nocturnal emission drains. Lifted poetic wing clipping. This 
party only makes sense to those encrypted with unconsciousness. Scalpel in 
hand, methodical break...

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I was reminiscing the other day about people I've known o'er the years,
And found it strange that their names corresponded with their careers.
For instance, Joseph Carpenter was handy with hammer, nails and saw.
Clyde Barrister, famed ambulance chaser, successfully practiced law!

Art Paynter, dabbled in pornographic oils...

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Ophthalmologist
   Checked eyes
   Have styes

Proctologist
   Drop drawers
   Up yours

Plastic Surgeon
   Replace
   Plain face

Gastroenterologist
   Pass gas
   No class

Dermatologist
   All sorts
   Of warts

Audiologist
   Can't hear
...

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Got referred to a female Urologist
After which I needed a Psychologist
"I'm a licensed physician
Now resume your position!"
Next appointment? Her sister Proctologist...

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As retiring physician, allow me to give
Some suggestions on how to both doctor and live.

You have finally finished the studies required.
You're a doctor at last, but in debt deeply mired.
With degree on display, your career can begin.
After years of no income, it's time to cash...

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Jerry Packard was an entomologist
for which he was far from an apologist.
He's glad he faced down
his professor's frown
for refusing to become a proctologist...

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People laugh and make fun of me because I wear a coonskin cap.
But they'll stop laughing because I'm through taking their crap.
People say that my cap makes me look silly.
They say that it makes me look like a hillbilly.
This morning a city slicker called me...

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My peach tree only had one peach and my brother decided to pick it.
I grabbed it out of his hand and you know where I decided to stick it.
My brother was really pissed.
He had to go to a Proctologist.
He took me to court and the...

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I sincerely apologize if I seem curt.
I have a nail up my ass and it hurts.
My brat of a daughter pulled the trigger on my nailgun.
She'll be going to the wood shed for what she's done.
The nail that's up my ass is in there pretty...

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He's back
My nemesis,
Billy Mays,
Never does he fail
To amaze

Now pushing "Zorbees"
miracle rag,
And as I watch,
I start to gag

He's taken Vince's
Sham Wow,
And made it his
Holy Cow!

He copied his ad
Near word for word
This blazing scuz-bucket,
This worthless turd

I want to order an "Awesome Auger"
And pretend to be
Billy Mays' proctologist
And...

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Can You Please Wait A Second...?

In steed of ye
     mounting your stock
key high horse,
     perhaps named Rock
Key, and head off...lock

stock and barrel,
     who knows where,
     now lemme seat chew...

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I should've learned french before going to a restaurant.
What I ordered there was food that I sure didn't want.
I made the mistake of ordering cerveau and escargot.
When I learned that it was brains and snails, I said that it had to go.
When I refused to...

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I had it made until my stupid wife ruined me.
I was rich until she went on a spending spree.
She spent it all before I even had the chance to stop her.
I had ten million bucks but because of her, I'm a pauper.
I was the richest...

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