Best Physical Education Poems
I’ll never forget what’s her name
A PE teacher and ogre she became
For I was such a sickly child
it really made this ogre wild
Held in my hand a medical certificate
exempted from all things physical
with Rheumatic Fever and St Vitus’ Dance
for me to take part ~ there was no chance
Instead I assisted the Deputy Head
with clerical duties I helped him instead
But clearly this really annoyed her
As she gave me her evil stare
She appeared to be looking right through me
No words were spoken ~ was I even there
Each and every year she wrote
inside my school report
A snide remark that ended with
“as usual she did not take part”
For I was told such illnesses
Could leave me with a weakened heart
And so upon Doctor’s orders
in PE I was not to take part
I can still see her face
As she filled me with fear
No compassionate words
from her lips I could hear
Whilst illnesses kept me off school for a year
It’s time I let go of this nasty so and so
For she left planet Earth a long time ago
And my heart ~ it still beats
I’m so glad to be here
With a smile on my face
I have no one to fear
*This was sadly a true story which whilst writing this poem, brought back some of the feelings, which by her actions she made me feel – she made me feel weak and insignificant because I could not partake in any physical education classes, but I did become a very competent secretary in adulthood, so all that clerical work for the Deputy Head was clearly beneficial…some teachers have a lot to answer for...
21st September 2019
9th place ~ Premier Contest
Contest Name: I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT'S HIS NAME (OR HER NAME)
Sponsor: John Lawless
Contest Name STRAND CHOICE 7,
Sponsor Brian Strand
3rd Place
Working in physical education
Blond teacher had a realisation
Spotting a young boy alone
Standing all on his own
Her curiosity, frustration
Young man, why are you all on your own
To the others, why are you disowned
Well, I'm not the teams sweeper
I'm their bloody goalkeeper
Please Miss Coach, it's time you went home
Oh, Please, Not Again
By Elton Camp
As a teenager, I admit I was a nerd.
Books to sports I very much preferred.
To become agile, I didn’t have the means.
Athletic ability just wasn’t in my genes.
But back then, throughout all the nation,
Everyone had to take physical education.
Football, softball, basketball we had.
And at each them, I was so very bad.
The coach knew one way, it seems
To divide the boys up into teams.
Every day it was all done anew.
All of the team rosters to renew.
His best players he allowed to choose
Which ones on their teams they’d use.
Into a big group we were hauled.
And the pickers the names called.
There’s Josh whom I helped on his test.
Maybe a little of mercy he will express.
But it remains just as it has before.
Others he picks and me does ignore.
“Oh, God, don’t let me be last again.”
I would, because they wanted to win.
I acted like I really didn’t care,
But it was just so hard to bear.
If only the teams could stay the same for a while,
I wouldn’t have to undergo that awful daily trial.
It was terrible with the knowledge to be taunted,
That on nobody’s team was I actually wanted.
Since then, over fifty years have gone by.
But I still recall the humiliation with a sigh.
At class reunions, fewer and fewer appear
As more due to age and sickness disappear.
Their loss I certainly do hate to see.
Even those who weren’t kind to me.
Perhaps it is justice that I still survive
Yet those faster and better are not alive.
It's a real story that happened in one school
when a teacher appeared to be a complete fool.
Once when a teacher of math was sick
a teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is
so he said: Solve my problem please!
- The car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane we need.
How old am I if the plane now is high in the sky?
- If to take all these tasks and mix
we’ll get the result: You are twenty six.
- Right you are Johnny!
Your arms are scrawny but brain is brawny.
How did you solve this problem so quick?
For me it’s easier to break a brick.
- Well, our neighbor being so sleazy is thirteen,
and my mum says that he is a semi cretin.
©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
For Francine Roberts contest "Humor Me"
The Football Major
By Elton Camp
Though the big oaf can kick a football so high,
Of skills for college work, he lacks a good supply
The old saying is true in his case without a doubt
“Behind the door when the brains were passed out.”
But there is a provision that gives him great elation
Because he can always major in physical education
He can learn all about the types of sports of today,
If he passes enough courses, he’ll be eligible to play
Will he ever be eligible to get his bachelor’s degree?
If there are compliant professors who to that will see
Then he may walk out the door, sheepskin in hand
So a job coaching football he will be able to land
Then a “Master of Education” from an inferior school
And as principal, the big oaf will finally come to rule
Though a coherent sentence he is so unable to write,
Others cover up and the coach will come out all right
Those far more competent than he, the coach can fire
And in their place, some of his sports buddies to hire
What message to the students does such as this send?
It’s not what you know, but who that matters, friend
When ten minus nine equals eight the baked bean has a chat to a nine foot goblin in an underpass who is carrying sixty-seven bowls of custard to make a very large tart for supper. An instigator is neither an alligator nor a flea. And a dome of teabags makes a very nice living embodiment of a ten trail avenue. It id understood that a physical education is a flat out high jumping curd in a flowery top. High kicking. High School. And a delivery of a smiley happy pizza who discusses existentialism with a pie of fruit. Sat side by side is not sat upside down. And to eat from a pail is to sing about rain whilst spinning an umbrella around and around. Oh look the cats are laughing at the snake who is journeying around a ceiling arch in a garage. Hahahaha. Pickling placing playing personifying peanuts. And a jam frowning. Eradicate no moving potatoes in a steak pastry ball. Hahaha and a big voice booming out from a one kilometre beak. Calibration calling. And a canopy of circular circumstances. No ha to that. So ho up the hill and make enquiries in a tail arch brush. Physicality of an elephant is rife in a head scarf and a dressed man. Six metre beard. And a waistline akin to a moon or a planted planet. Whirl. Xxxxx adjudicator adhere after all afternoons xxxxx talismanic teeth xxxxxx geometrically z
Teacher In a Box
Teacher:
Miss. Janean
Good Morning Miss. Janean
Stand and do the flag salute
Why are you all in Pj’s?
You can’t fool me I have a wide screen TV
Open your computers to Internet
Hayden! stay still or,
I will throw my mouse at you
Physical education
Open and close the lid to the computer 100 times
Click your mouse 15 times
Hayden! I told you to stop
We are in the middle of class
type 1,000 times I will behave in class
No copy and paste!!
I have my camera on you
Class dismissed
Except Hayden
You stay after zoom and
Clean your room
Have you ever wondered?
Being in an adult blunder
A reason for going to class
Besides the well-known intellectual pass
Is it to learn the alphabet?
Addition subtraction you may get
Going to the swing set for fun
After morning school work is done
Lessons get tougher
Recesses physical education play is rougher
Dissect a frog
Read the Odyssey Greek log
Experience another language like English Shakespeare
Experimenting wiping your first ‘in love’ tear
Relationships come along
Figuring out who is really in the wrong
Respecting alternative lives
Not giving a bother to the neighbors who are two husbands or wives
Going off to a higher level
Where some are angels others are devils
Sharing dorm rooms
Walking back from the library under the moon
Having a serious set back
And a fraternity support with a paddy whack
Sorority sisters are all right
Waiting for a passionate slobbery bite
Four years later you turn your tassel
Return to Mom and Dad’s castle
Food on the table
Free cable
First job
Is an easy lob
Getting a start
Pushing the mail cart
Reality has no happy hour
Invited to the executive lounge to be introduced to power
Boss gets nailed
You end up in jail
Who pays the bail?
Parents docking from a vacation sail
Life is cruel
Is the golden rule
Stay independent
Avoid resentment
Enjoy the short time here
By passing another six pack of Corona Beer
You had a mom and dad that put a fire in your heart...
They provided love and encouragement from the very start.
Randy and Sandy are part of the crew...
And they always applaud everything that you do.
You marched in the band in those high school days...
And as a Cardinal at State you learned the physical education ways.
Peoria is where the the dream began...
And you said to yourself,"If anyone can teach I know I can."
Chicago is where the training got intense...
You got everyone involved,and no none sat on the fence.
Your passion for teaching grew year after year...
And all of your accomplishments, that's one big reason were honoring you here.
You love to travel and you have a great eye to see..
But the full potential of each child is what you want to be.
There are Koala bears and country music too...
A couple of things that are uniquely you.
For Sharon and Lucky it was love at first sight...
And after a hard day, he makes everything right.
It's hard to capture a career that has accomplished so much...
And each child you taught received a special touch.
See the world and enjoy the change of pace...
Sharon,we're going to miss you because no one
will ever be able to take your place.
TK<
WD-40 resistant, cranky
mental gears no longer appraised,
honored, nor prized
as a precision crafted tool
never adequately utilized,
when eyes stared blankly
taking up space and
time (sigh hence) during
during twelve years
of public school
passively mute as a general rule
ambivalent, whether I sank or swam
during physical education
time in the pool
evincing being in
somnambulant state giving
top notch 40 ache curs and a mule
a run for his/her money,
plus also outwitting
any motley fool
nonetheless garnering huzzahs
if challenged to silent duel
despite implacable blackened
barbs didst unspool
assaulting me though
vicious and cruel
fast forward to
Matthew Scott Harris
at this present age
once feigned numbskull,
now deeply rutted,
pockmarked, cratered, asper
useful as fist size asteroid,
which post mortem will
not surprisingly, definitively,
and conclusively gauge
imagine dissecting my
fifty plus shades
of gray matter
revealing analogously glommed
together one severely
gunked up bacteriophage,
where once upon a time,
when a newborn babe
feeling warmth mother's chest,
she long since
passed away forced guest
to attend masquerade
hosted by grim reaper,
a most nefarious,
obnoxious, and pernicious pest
intricately, handsomely, genetically
her cremated remains
freed to the four corners
of the globe quest
inert particles integrated
within biosphere, she remains
perpetually in motion,
and never at rest
within infinite void
nonetheless...the spirit
of (the late) Harriet Harris
passed the electric
acid kool aid test,
and thus continues
to sprinkle the world
wide web with zest.