Best Funnyfootball Poems
The Football Major
By Elton Camp
Though the big oaf can kick a football so high,
Of skills for college work, he lacks a good supply
The old saying is true in his case without a doubt
“Behind the door when the brains were passed out.”
But there is a provision that gives him great elation
Because he can always major in physical education
He can learn all about the types of sports of today,
If he passes enough courses, he’ll be eligible to play
Will he ever be eligible to get his bachelor’s degree?
If there are compliant professors who to that will see
Then he may walk out the door, sheepskin in hand
So a job coaching football he will be able to land
Then a “Master of Education” from an inferior school
And as principal, the big oaf will finally come to rule
Though a coherent sentence he is so unable to write,
Others cover up and the coach will come out all right
Those far more competent than he, the coach can fire
And in their place, some of his sports buddies to hire
What message to the students does such as this send?
It’s not what you know, but who that matters, friend
With my recorder I pursued my quest
This assignment seemed like a courage test
That’s why my boss sent me
Knowing that fearless I’d be
Covering this race brought such happiness
Hundreds of hot air balloons in the sky
Conducted the interview one mile high
But now as I reflect
What I didn’t expect
Was the loud blast that made the balloon fly
I thought it would be quiet as we flew
Over Doak Stadium up in the blue
The radio report
Ended up running short
When the pilot spoke, the hot air did spew
Every thirty seconds or so -- a blast
Interview literally filled with gas
The edited version
From this fun excursion
Left our radio listeners aghast
But viewing Chief Osceola’s emblem
From high above the football stadium
A sight I’ll not forget
I have just one regret
Creating airwave pandemonium
* As a radio reporter I was assigned to cover the Tallahassee Annual Hot Air Balloon
Race. We flew over Florida State University’s football stadium and it was a great
view from the air. But I had to edit out each blast of air when producing the report
for Florida Public Radio. Talk about a choppy radio report. I should have
interviewed the pilot BEFORE we took off. Duh! Ignorance was my plea to the
news director -- I was later sentenced to ground duty.
July 20, 2011
Entry for Francine’s “Happiness is a Balloon” contest
Written by Carolyn Devonshire
Just like football I am penalized
My wife says for being off sides
I just wanna snuggle a little bit
But you know them football brides
She wears black and white pajamas to bed
With that stupid whistle around her wrist
She blows that thing whenever I snore
And man do I get pissed
I say,"What was that for, what did I do?"
She said, "Delay of sleep for snoring too loud"
She even plays a recording that she had made
That sounds like a cheering crowd
I even won a prize in a cereal box
And did a little dance in jubilation
Again she blows that stupid whistle
Unsportsman like conduct, excessive celebration
So I asked her one day, "What's this about,
are you ever gonna stop this at all?"
She said, "Honey I just can't help it, it's your shape,
Cause you look like a giant football"
The Sports Fanatic
By Elton Camp
No matter what’s going on or about to occur,
Bubba leaves no doubt it’s sports he does prefer
His desire to “follow the action” led him to get
An extravagant fifty-five-inch LED television set
He watches any available game both day and night
To dominant the set’s use he claims the sole right
Vital breaking news is being reported on CNN?
Too bad, the football game is just about to begin
Nobody in front of the screen is allowed to walk
And in the room, nobody is permitted even to talk
A strong tornado is bearing down on his town?
An emergency interruption and he begins to frown
The Weather Channel’s for that, he will angrily say
Why, that announcement made me miss the last play
Bubba is determined that he will fulfill his dream
And see every game of his favorite football team
If the money he can, in some way pull, together,
He’ll go in person no matter of distance or weather
He sits in the stands and loudly screams and cheers
While he smokes cigarettes and drinks many beers
For my part, I don’t see how such delight he finds
In watching some guys patting each other’s behinds
If sports for its existence came to be dependent on me
Then it is plumb out of luck that they’d come to be