Best Novocain Poems
Original limerick written by Jan Allison
A petite ballerina named Tina
Seemed serene but she couldn’t be meaner
When she got in the sack
She was on the attack
At the size and the shape of his ‘wiener’
Her suitors would then try to dodge her
After insults on their little todger
But listen up guys
I have a surprise
She’s transgender and she was once Rodger!
Continuation poem written by Sonny Roper
Tina wanted a special honeymoon night
She wanted everything to be just right
Into his drink she slipped two little blue pills
It was to enhance their midnight thrills
Into the bed she jumped with her stud
But the night suddenly turn into a dud
Fred was in the land of dreams! As a joke it seems
Someone had slipped Novocain into her Vaseline!
Original Limerick by Jan Allison - the story of Tina continued by Sonny Roper
25th March 2016
super boll
boll weevil twin brothers: one was great, one the lesser of two weevils
you killed my father, prepare to die
three-legged dog in a saloon: "looking for the man who shot my paw"
a news headline i'd like to see
buddhist avoids novocain wants to transcend dental medication
somewhere in the middle
she once told me i was average i said she was just being mean
that would be a real night-mare
he tries to not talk like a horse doesn't want to be a neigh sayer
what's a particle like you doing in a place like this?
neutron asks "how much for a beer?" the bartender says, "for you, no charge"
eleventh one's the charm?
i entered ten pun contests hoping one would win
no pun in ten did
Happy New Year to all... may your 2023 be filled with smiles
This is you...
You're causing me to bleed.
And you have no apologies
for which you inflict fear into.
Seeing what isn't here.
I'm begging you to leave.
Can't you see I'm on my knees?
I've tried and tried so many times.
But you're still here...
Making me bleed...
All over the linoleum...
Thank God it's easy to clean.
Take this pain away from me
'Cause this Novocain
doesn’t work worth a damn.
And I'm just wasting my time
on my suicide lullaby...
I walk towards the light
as your soul replaces mine.
I reach out to feel
but then it all disappears again.
Just another figment
of my wild imagination.
I guess I need those pills again.
It's time to fulfill my addiction.
Take this pain away from me
'Cause this Novocain
doesn’t work worth a damn.
And I'm just wasting my time
on my suicide lullaby...
I try to stop the voices
from telling me what to do
in every situation.
But they are persistent.
And they can't hear my screams...
They don't hear my screams anymore...
Take this pain away from me
'Cause this Novocain
doesn’t work worth a damn.
And I'm just wasting my time
on my suicide lullaby...
And I'm committed to this crime...
With my suicide lullaby...
A skeleton walks into a bar and says
“Gimme a beer and a mop”
Show me where Joseph Stalin is buried
And I'll show you a communist plot
My masseuse rubbed me the wrong way again
Fired her though she had good skills
A duck in a bar orders a couple of beers
Says, “Just put it on my bill”
About seven million people are overweight
These, of course, are round figures
Where would you find giant snails I ask
On the ends of a giant's fingers
Studied over four years to become a doctor
But I didn't have any patience
A Buddhist refused Novocain from his dentist
To transcend dental medication
Had a job working in an orange juice factory
Got canned 'cause I couldn't concentrate
Also worked for a pool maintenance company
Too draining so getting fired was my fate
Thought I'd try working as a tailor a while back
But the job wasn't suited for me
Can you please tell me the purpose of reindeer
It makes the grass grow, my sweetie
Enough is enough so until next time we meet
Thanks for your indulgence once more
I will definitely want your honest critique
But please be gentle, I implore
© Jack Ellison 2014
‘Cause, Priests and Prophets Must Pray for The Reign…
and for Pre and Post-Op-Apocalyptic–Novocain ! …
Yet… It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
On the Planet, however Polluted or Profane
It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
Wherever the Delusional -Dimensional Plane
It Doesn’t Matter, What Distress to You
Or Danger-Plot, Prison-Door or Deepest Pain
Or Present-Defeat, or Darkest-Hours-View
even Thru Dying-Breath, Devout Prayers Proclaim
to Be Delivered- New, True, and Pulled-Thru
to Claim The Prize of Life-Perpetually-Sustained
… For Particularly, By God’s Unpronounceable Power
Thru His Son’s Unparallel- Principal-Purchase… Dower
God’s Dependents and Dreamers Will Prosper-Gain
The Prophecy, The Promise, The Paradise-Preordained
The Perfect-Future and The Victory-Parade
… The Distant, Destiny of Eden – Never Been Doused Nor Degrade
Then… It Won’t Matter…So, Please Dismiss The Paltry-Strain
The Days of The Deformity and Damage-Train
Will Be In The Past … Departed-Detained
Disaster and Disloyal Will Lay In A Destroyed-Plain
Damned For All Of Time –Proliferate-Blamed
A Suppository-Prophylactic-Puddle-Shame
Patience-Persevering…Demands Punishment - Prediction-Sang…
… Final-Draft …Stop-The-Presses!... Poll-Loudly-Refrains
When You Really Discern and Pragmatically-Attain
The Divine God and His Son’s King- Domain
Publicize Their Progenitor and Predominant Names
and Preach and Deify Like-Doting-Platoon-Swains,
with Pedestal-Passion and ‘Plum-Plumb’, Persistence-Ingrained
For On Position-Comparison, We ‘All’ Pale-to- A-Feigned …
…Puppets and Peons and Dim-Witted-Parasitic-Great Danes
and Dopamine Defective, Demerol Addicted – Darwin-Poisoned-Sprains
Disoriented-Drivel, Droll-Drooling-Inane
or Just-Plain ol’ Dire-Derelicts-Insane
(and now… I have a P D Q,… for Me and You… Migraine)
Oh… May They Accept This Poor-Placard-Crane
Amen… Again… Amen
Disappointed Tina
Tina was mad,
thought she gotten a lad
that would fulfill her dreams
turning whispers into screams
First night in bed under the spread
there was nothing there to grab
That’s when mean Tina kicked Fred out of bed
By; Eve Roper & Sonny Roper 3/21/2016
Inspired by Jan Allison's poem "Terrifying Tina"
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/terrifying_tina_770135
TERRIFYING TINA
A petite ballerina named Tina
Seemed serene but she couldn’t be meaner
When she got in the sack
She was on the attack
At the size and the shape of his ‘wiener’
Her suitors would then try to dodge her
After insults on their little todger
But listen up guys
I have a surprise
She’s transgender and she was once Rodger!
20th March 2016 Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016
Continuation poem written by Sonny Roper
TERRIFYING TINA PART 2 - COLLABORATION WITH SONNY ROPER
Tina wanted a special honeymoon night
She wanted everything to be just right
Into his drink she slipped two little blue pills
It was to enhance their midnight thrills
Into the bed she jumped with her stud
But the night suddenly turn into a dud
Fred was in the land of dreams! As a joke it seems
Someone had slipped Novocain into her Vaseline!
Original Limerick by Jan Allison - the story of Tina continued by Sonny Roper
25th March 2016
Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/terrifying_tina_part_2___collaboration_with_sonny_roper_771773
Fast Lane and Novocain
My thump is sore pure and plain
For it and fast lane need Novocain
Found out without use of my thumb
Was hard to bat and beat a drum
Music playing greatness to sustain.
While at home wife was wearing the pants
On boil on my thumb, she used a lance
Said my brain sure seemed so small
And she will go ahead and do it all
From caring for computer to finance.
I finally found so much spiritual food
That me and my soul viewed and viewed
What now does God have in store for me
Ability to write as well as hear and see
Cats who in heaven meowed and meowed.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Anxiety
Sitting in the chair
Hope they work with care
Anything to numb the pain
Fear driving insane
Numbness
Novocain takes effect
From my fear it will protect
Now with relaxation
I feel no sensation
Comfort
They treat me so nice
Definitely worth the price
Excited to help my smile
Although it may take awhile
Impatient
Hours have gone by
I let out a big sigh
Will it ever end?
My mouth needs to mend
Relief
The dentist now complete
Amazed at their feat
Plans to finish are made
My insecurities start to fade.
(This is a fictional poem)
When I went to the dentist, I was not thrilled.
It scared me to death when he used his drill.
He went in my mouth and started drilling.
He forgot to use novocain so you can imagine the pain I was feeling.
I asked him to stop but he said no.
I pushed him with my foot and he went out the window.
He didn't hit the ground, he landed in some trash.
Maybe what I did was a little rash.
After getting out of the dumpster, he came back to his office and yelled.
His employees ran out because he smelled.
He popped me in my mouth with his fist.
He told me to get myself another dentist.
When I went to a new dentist, I got in a real mess.
As I came to, he was getting dressed.
The same thing happened to me that happened to Seinfeld.
You should've heard how much I cussed and yelled.
I took the dentist to court and I learned that he did the same thing to the judge
and to my attorney too.
The three of us took him outside and beat him black and blue.
It sure was fun to get revenge.
After that, he never practiced dentistry again.
She is tired of fighting, sick and tired of changes
Weary of the battles, the struggles and the challenges
She left so much, just to possess so little
Limping from holding on at every single angle
Faith came from the fight, now it is night
And she is exhausted, despite having a dim light
Holding on to her little faith for so very long
Clutching it tight, even singing it a song
Her faith cries out, her little faith screams out
Still young but giving everything out in a shout
But she is without concerned. Her pain is stronger
Holding on to her faith seems to make the pain linger
...So, she rocks her faith to sleep
She wants the pain to be numbed with aspirin
Knowing that there's no cure, but a brief separation
Like a bad toothache, she desires Novocain
Anything to relieve her from life's constant pain.
She now became apathetic. Her fire flickered out.
Unfulfilled promises and failed expectations about
How things will be better, how good life will be
But instead she is faced with constant trials and misery.
Wanting something so bad, but cannot get it.
Desiring a change, but it fails to manifest.
So the best thing to do when your heart is sore
From not getting what you want is not to want it anymore
...So, she rocks her faith to sleep
Suppressed her desires into the bed of her unconscious
Covering sheets of darkness over something so precious.
Her faith: covered in darkness, now out of sight.
Then she turned off all hope when she turned off the light.
Allowing her fears to surround her precious faith
That is under the sheet of darkness that resembles lace
Because she lived a life of promises, chasing a dream
But it was so troublesome that she wanted to scream.
Now walking in utter darkness, no hope or ambitions
Just one with her carnal desires and temptations.
Her faith, teary eyed and whimpering, at last closed its eye
And she closed the door of her heart, leaving it inside
And in there is where her faith still slumber
While she lives without a dream, failing to persevere.
Thought that life would be better, but instead
Is living a life similar to being brain dead
...Since, she rocked her faith to sleep
and Par-Policy: Dump Rotted Produce…
and Pitch-Pit-Grain- Pro-Ruse
It Was Due To Prior-Parent’s Vain-Disobey,
so They Diminished, That-Dare-Day…
The Delectable…
and Passed Up The Palatable –
Main… Held-Accountable
Course (so not hard !)
But They Failed to Avoid:
The Ditch, The Decline, The Devoid
They Deformed; Distorted…
and Perished, at Path of Disdain- Deported!
Prithee, Who Wants to See… A Dashed-to-Pieces Pottery?
Not even-Periphery-me!... It’s No Longer Picture-Pretty
Despite Protocol-Deficiency… ‘til I get a Decent Setting Plate
On Broken Dresden- my Pheasant-Dinner Won’t be Ate
And Now… Disorder of The Day…
is Devious, and Double-Dismay
… Disgrace, Depression…
and A Putrid-Depraved-Puke-Stain-Progression
Plunged into Disease and Death;
Some Plummet and Pose-Deranged-Stealth
Percolating Panic…
and Picking Up Pride-Plagues- Still-Pandemic
from-Cain’s Prozac-Paddock … Pathetic !
Though, All Are Not Dissidents-Decayed…
Deteriorated … or Dastardly-Dross-Sprayed
Applaud- When Prodigal-Lost is Found,
and Those ‘Punching-Back-At-Pangs-Bane’ Pound!
By Adhering to The Dedicated-Drive,
of The Deft-Guardian-Defender’s Eyes
Who Points Where Our Polished-Pebbles’ Sling,
Put-Practice-Ping-Ping-Aim (ing)
Dove(ing) Over to Dangle The Desist…
or Meet Thy Downfall Pretenders-Risk…
For We Pummel Problems…
and Dent and Pelt Puzzle-Plight-Chains (Pop ‘em!)
Definitive Deeds, Decorous…
Meant to Disable Dynamite Pipes-Porous
To Prevent Our Pulverized-Maim
and Proffer: A Predicament-Slain
Our Pilgrimages In Pursuit of Paragon-Virtue…
Must Make Distribution or Divesture:
the Property… of Pomposity
Pageantry… Profits and Desperate-Popularity
and don – Parsimony, and Penury,
Pariah, Pest-Control and Peculiarity
yet Pleasurably, we have heirloom-Pendants and Pence-a-Few …
and Pearl-Gates and Doubloons and Dew Drops Too
‘Cause, Priests and Prophets Must Pray for The Reign…
and for Pre and Post-Op-Apocalyptic–Novocain ! …
Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth in pain, even with Novocain
Or climbing a San Francisco hill in a Chevy Chevette
Or trying to fly a kite on a none windy day
Words I say, from my heart to yours, seldom come easy
I’m certain my brain is not on ‘lockdown’ or it would
have told me so. Or maybe it did, and I simply wasn’t listening
It appears that I was born in the quiet zone, but I’m trying to get out
I wish that I was more vocal because you are a lover of words
It bothers me greatly that my words don’t flow as freely as a river
Is there a blockage? Is there a dame holding back words I want to
deliver? Although I know the beauty and the power of the spoken word;
Still, I struggle. But today, I sense a few fitting words, coming from
my heart to yours.
Please forgive me when I seem cold and distant, like the North Pole
Please do not hold it against me when I’m like the birds of Fall,
anticipating wintry weather. May it never be said of me,
that I have flown South on you.
Surely, it is not the fault of one such as you, who is as steady as
the sun, rising out of the Eastern sky. Never should one be blamed
who is strong and sure, fearless and faithful, so kind and true.
O dear one, may you never cease to be this way.
May it be said by me today without further delay.
You and I, forever together, we shall stay.
O, my dear beloved wife, the point is this:
I am sorry for the times I seem far, foreign, and dry.
There is no excuse for one like me, who’s such a lucky guy.
For I am blessed with one as lovely as the setting sun in the Western sky
04252015PS Contest, A Difficult Topc For You, Lewis Raynes
Blade of a fan
Or a knife
Took some getting used to.
Pain of it all
Factual or perceived
Pain is pain
Love is love
Not one in the same
If they were
It would not feel this way.
Novocain that wound
Stifle that feel
Reinforce that steel
Light
Will eternally
Penetrate
Even if it is amongst the fake.
Let’s get lost tonight
Outta my head
Kill all the lights
So sick of it
It’s time for flight
Away off the ledge
To the edge
Below
Into the water
But can’t feel the
Cold
Cause it ate
To the core
Now I’m back
For more
Cause all I want
Is to end the sore
Like Novocain
No pain
No hurt
Gone like my soul
No more
Remorse
But I’ll hold my glass
To days long past
Where in my chest
I knew it won’(t) last
Now your subtleties
Aren’t just a game
And these memories
Are here to stay
I guess perhaps
I’m sick of wishin’
For yesterday
And reminiscin’
Do we not euthanize our terminally ill
because it is not ethical?..
..or do we not do it because of something MORE unethical still?
It costs more to keep a terminally ill patient alive.
It costs much less to euthanize.
The longer you keep alive the terminally ill
the more the medical community can charge on the bill.
Perhaps paranoia is paying a visit with me,
but I smell an ulterior motive in the medical community.
My friend dying from cancer was in chronic pain.
I begged the doctors to give him more morphine.
They refused saying that an increase would probably kill him.
"So what!" I screamed, "Haven't you noticed? He's Dying!
He's going to die any God damned way!
He doesn't have to die this God damned way!
Have some God damned mercy You God damned quacks!
He's in constant pain and he shouldn't have to die like that!"
I screamed the above however within me silently.
It was out of my hands short of the "killer" being me,
but Chris, if I could only do it all over again
I would have put an end to all of your suffering
even at the risk of going to prison.
It would be a small price to pay for my little brother friend.
I was confused at the time and wasn't clearly thinking
so I just played it safe and did absolutely nothing
other than stay with you until the final end
through 18 long hours of constant suffering.
It may sound horrible, but I found such joy and relief
when in death I finally saw you truly at peace.
Imagine your tooth being drilled without any Novocain.
Imagine that going on forever with no relief from this pain.
That's the kind of suffering I witnessed my friend sustain
and ever since then I haven't been the same.
Think of me what you will, but I love and support Dr Kevorkian.
This Is In Honor Of Him. A Very, Very Great Man.